punishment

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 19:17:25 EDT, "Beeswing"
wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun?

Well, she missed out on the field trip. I personally think she
was punished enough.

Making her be solemn and unhappy in my mind equates to pouring
salt into a wound. If she isn't allowed to have fun, what is she
doing all day? Sitting on the couch, staring into space?

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

x-no-archive:yes
"Beeswing" wrote:

My daughter is spending a good portion of her summer at the same
facility that serves as her before and after school care during the
schoolyear. Yesterday, she repeatedly refused to obey a teacher who told
her to get out of the wading pool. She was told that if she couldn't
listen in that environment, she couldn't be trusted on the next day's
fieldtrip and would not be allowed to go. She did lose the field trip
and ended up spending today at home.

I don't want to get into a discussion as whether or not the punishment
was in keeping with the offense (at this point, I believe that that's
irrelevant). What I'm bothered by was that my husband wanted to take our
daughter to a movie today as sort of a "consolation prize."

I think your dh is undermining the teacher's authority. Does he do
this with you? If not can he be explained to that's what he's doing?

My daughter asked me if she could go, and I told her no. I didn't want
her learning that if she disobeys her teacher, it's all right because
she can stay home with her dad and get to go out to a movie, which is
probably more fun than the field trip would have been. Then the issue
came up of whether or not she could go to the wading pool, instead. I
felt similarly (that she shouldn't be allowed to do it) but really had
no sense of conviction. Not knowing quite what to do, I've left it up to
her dad to talk with her and decide whether or not to take her.

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I don't think solemn and unhappy is required and I don't think it
would make her really feel the impact of her actions at this point.
IMHO the correction has to be immediate for it to be effective.

OTOH, she shouldn't get any special treats or fun outings either, and
I would vote no on the wading pool too - that was what she disobeyed
about, so she *especially* shouldn't get to do that.

Bored is OK.

grandma Rosalie

grandma Rosalie wrote:

Bored is OK.

Bored = Unhappy, in my book, and I'm sure it's true in hers, too. I didn't mean
to suggest that I'd want her to be made miserable.

beeswing

Beeswing wrote:
grandma Rosalie wrote:


Bored is OK.


Bored = Unhappy, in my book, and I'm sure it's true in hers, too. I didn't mean
to suggest that I'd want her to be made miserable.


I think learning to adapt to being bored, and finding
coping strategies, is an important skill. Life is not
always exciting.

This is veering off topic, but I don't understand the
need for, say, DVD players in a car so you can see
a movie while driving. If your kid is bored, so be
it. Let them learn to cope. What's the deal with
constant entertainment?

Scott DD 10 and DS 7

In article , "Beeswing" writes:


If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I'd really appreciate some perspective from other folks right now.


YMMV, as it probably depends a lot on the situation. If it was a trip she was
looking forward to, missing it might be punishment enough. If trips to the
wading pool are a pretty normal part of your routine, it seems ok. You might
pay particular attention to her instruction-following there, and remind her
that if she'd followed instructions before she could have gone on the trip.

FWIW, with what little you said it does sound like the punishment is more than
it should be. (But I don't know, of course, if this was a first event, how
the instructions were given, etc.)

-Marjorie

Beeswing wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I'd really appreciate some perspective from other folks right now.



Does she love this program so much that just missing a day is really
paying for her actions? Or is being at home better than going?

I may differ from other folks in this, but my attitude is that my
children will respect the adults they are with and obey their rules. I
wouldn't exactly put her in all day time out, but I sure wouldn't be
providing any fun activities.

Lesley

In article , Scott Lindstrom
writes:


This is veering off topic, but I don't understand the
need for, say, DVD players in a car so you can see
a movie while driving. If your kid is bored, so be
it. Let them learn to cope. What's the deal with
constant entertainment?

Hopefully, you can't actually see it while driving, but while riding there are
times they are helpful.

We mostly use ours when driving after dark, when reading and most of the other
car games don't work as well.

-Marjorie

(MarjiG) wrote in message ...
In article , Scott Lindstrom
writes:

This is veering off topic, but I don't understand the
need for, say, DVD players in a car so you can see
a movie while driving. If your kid is bored, so be
it. Let them learn to cope. What's the deal with
constant entertainment?


We mostly use ours when driving after dark, when reading and most of the other
car games don't work as well.

We use books on CD from the public library when we are on long road
trips. For our recent vacation, a bit over 3,500 miles in less than
three weeks, we went through about six books, including 20 hours of
Harry Potter 4.

Some of them were appropriate to the surroundings--we were listening
to MR. REVERE AND I as we drove through Lexington and Concord, MA.

We enjoy listening to books together and discussing them. And I like
the idea of teaching them to listen without a picture, which is
actually an oft-neglected skill in today's society.

All the rental cars we've had in the last few years have had a CD
player, so there was no cost to us.

Colleen Kay Porter
(who is ninth on the public library waiting list for the new Harry
Potter book on CD)

We bought our Montana van two years ago, and at the time, I thought
the VCR was a stupid feature and a waste of money (it was hubbies
idea). I've changed my mind entirely. We have three kids (now 12, 9
and 5) and we own a summer cottage that is a 3 1/2 drive (which
usually ends up being 4 1/2 with traffic, stops for food, fuel,
bathrooms etc.).

I used to hate the drive, since the kids would complain, fight, kick
the seat etc. Now, we hit the highway, pop in a tape and wow, complete
peace and quiet. The kids each have headphones, so we don't hear the
sound of the movie, and hubbie and I get to listen to nice music in
the front (stuff WE like to listen to, whether radio, CD or tape) and
actually TALK to each other, while the kids are glued to Toy Story or
Harry Potter. Tape runs out, they start nattering at each other again.

It has been a great thing for us on that boring drive to the lake. The
kids are happy and mom and dad are way less stressed, and the trip
goes much faster.

Mary G.

In article ,
==Daye== wrote:

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 19:17:25 EDT, "Beeswing"
wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun?

Well, she missed out on the field trip. I personally think she
was punished enough.

Making her be solemn and unhappy in my mind equates to pouring
salt into a wound. If she isn't allowed to have fun, what is she
doing all day? Sitting on the couch, staring into space?



If it were our house, special trips, play dates, TV and computer games
(any of which could well be more appealing than a field trip) would be
off limits for the day. She could entertain herself with reading,
playing the piano, playing with toys, goofing around outside, but would
be stuck going with me on any previously planned errands, no matter how
boring.

There shouldn't be any home dividend for getting into trouble at school
or daycare, IMO.