Teen pregnancy / Daniel

Hello again, I have been reading the thread about the young girl and the older
boy/man. As much as I do agree with much of what is said, I get this feeling I
want to add a couple things.I have been through this with my daughter from the
time she was 13 yrs old. The older boys....... she seemed to want to have their
attention.It was a living hell,trying to deal with my own personal issues , and
eventually maintaining a job that I needed to be at 50 hours a week including
the travel time!
Many a time I'd hunt her down and confront these boys and tell them back off or
charges will be filed. My daughter was even calling one of them "daddy". We
were doing therapy at the time for grief and mental health and behavioral
issues going on, so I brought this into the therapy sessions . She was very
"you can't tell me what to do" and the tears "Mommy I love him" "he makes me
feel special" Blah blah blah.You know maybe this is what she got out of
it...........but I never stopped trying to make her see what was wrong with
it.It was rough, I did strip her down to bed and a dresser, no friends in the
house ,she was not to leave the house ,no phone,and then I had to go to
work.............then my control ended and she did what ever she wanted.In time
this changed and partly out of need I had Mari move in with us(Sara was asked
how she felt about that idea).......I guess she didn't realise this became an
adult in the home when I was not home LOL! She hated us both for a while, but
today things are good. We luckily made it through that without a pregnancy. Yes
she is now 16 1/2 with an 11 wk. old baby, her boyfriend is also 16 and they
were seeing eachother for 8 months before the pregnancy. My sister had a baby
when she was 16 she grew up in a middle class home with a mother /father and 4
other siblings.......She had an excellant father figure, Dad was very perfect
in my eyes. Blaming teen pregnancy on absent fathers or the custodial
parent/gaurdians lack of parenting skills seems a bit harsh.Yes I know
statistics are what they are and yes many girls and boys come from broken homes
for what ever reason and seek out what is missing in this way, through the
attentions of the opposite/same sex.Sometimes kids just make bad choices on
their own and end up in "trouble" yes.............but ya know there *ARE* worse
things than teen pregnancy. I raised one daughter who grew up wonderfully, in
college, working, living on her own, She is even still a virgin at 22 ! Atta
girl !
She barely grew any of my greys..............and then there is my baby, at 16
has taken my sanity and I don't think I'll see it for a while yet ! That is
o.k. though , I have learned a lot from dealing with this type of child. We
have been through the drinking, promiscuois sex, taking pot, over the counter
meds to get stoned, piercing herself , it is hell trying to reel in a "wild
child" but it can be done and I guess what I am trying to say is to
Daniel...........don't give up, You are young yourself, This takes a whole
lotta patience ,love ,and understanding on your part. You need to be strong in
your decisions .Let the older guys know you mean business, realise she is going
to hate you for a time but in the end when the light clicks on for her and she
grows to trust you do care about her, things will get better. At one point with
my daughter who had some scrapes with the law during this time, was on legal
house arrest, the monitor, so the courts could help keep an eye on my kid while
I worked LOL! that is a joke....... she also ended up in juvenile detention for
leaving the house on the monitor. Locked up fpr 2 weeks and I cried every night
and day. I let the outside in to help me with her . It was so hard to admit I
had no control of her.I thought I would lose her to death or the state. Turns
out I was not doing anything wrong ,they didn't want her (the state) they just
helped me reel her in.If all else fails an immediate suggestion is birth
control, and the pill only works if she is taking it..........I learned a
lesson on how stupid I could be.Now I went with the depo shot with mine. Show
her some information on std's while you are at it.Not the pansy stuff....show
her the gross stuff ! Good luck. Bev