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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people



 
 
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  #11  
Old March 19th 04, 03:32 PM
lm
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
wrote:

Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
(EST-1) From: ('Kate)

snip
I meant to include in that last post that I do not think it is always

something
the parents have done wrong. I think sometimes **** just happens , I can not


believe I did something that caused my daughter to become pregnant at 16

years
old. I know I did not. So if I may ask the OP Why did you become pregnant so
young ?My daughter planned it, it had been an issue for a while for her and

I
guess I screwed up somewhere huh? Oh hell..........................I hate

this


Kate wrote:
Yeah... I know you hate it. It may not have been your "fault" and I
hate that word because it follows that there should be guilt and guilt
is not productive. Why your daughter did what she did is for her to
think about and the answer may be as simple as Gayle having died.

What happened already happened and feeling one way or the other is not
going to change it. But... being too helpful may make your daughter
have another and another until you're overwhelmed and withdraw your
help. She wants to raise that baby herself. I think you'd better let
her and support her by telling her to ask if she needs a hand.


Bev wrote:
Why don't ya just hit the nail on the head Kate , I have thought that it was
losing Gayle that fueled this decision she made. I tried so hard to do the
right things . I know I made mistakes that first year, I was drinking and she
was drinking and drugging and I denied it all and I don't know how we got
through that without her getting pregnant then , but we did. I met Mari and got
sober ,we dealt with things together. I could not come out of where I was, bad
bad things happened and I lost it. Ya know I am laying my throat out here in
this group and I am kinda anxious, past history says somebody has the
knife...........I'm just not gonna deal with that. So in a nutshell yes I am
to blame to a point. I did do the best I could under the circumstances. I know
I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I know Sara wants to raise Jaime on her own and I want her to be able to and I
know I have to let go. Why am I crying now? Guilt? You betcha ...........How do
we not do what we are doing ? I get up at 4 a.m. and if the baby gets up
between 4-5 I change her diaper and put on the music and she goes back to sleep
. I leave at 5 a.m. to work....Sara gets up at 6.a.m. goes out to the bus at
7a.m. Mari gets up between 4-5 has coffee with me goes back to sleep till the
baby gets up around 7-8 a.m. She does the day.... feedings, bath ,
entertainment which I hear is lots of fun
At 1 p.m. she packs up baby and drives to my work where we pass off baby from
one car to the other we smoke a cigarette outside my car talk about Jaimes'
day. How we are too old for this **** laugh and off to work she goes from 3 -11
p.m. then I am on my way home from work now baby on board. when I get home the
mommy and daddy are there a few minutes ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! before me .I pass
baby to parents and find the coffe pot . I get my time now do what I want ,
play with baby usually for about an hour. Talk to the teens listen to what
imature teen adventure they had for the day , fill em in on last bottle, last
diaper any special moments Mari passed on to me to pass on to them. I hear
maybe about a fight they had in school how Sara destroyed his 25.00 hat and he
went to the principal and she was told she had to pay for it so she told the
principal "Fine he will just get off easy one week and not have to pay for
diapers and wipes and that will pay for the hat" hehe I have yet to hear from
the principal? I figure after he swallowed his teeth he decided to let the new
parents work it out on their own. Other days the daddy teen is off to work
right after school till 6 p.m. then he is at the house till 10 p.m. ( the other
days he is here from 3-6 p.m. then goes to work till 10 then home to his
parents.I have baby duty from 10-11p.m where she usually falls out and looks
like such the little angel in her sleep and I go to bed, night night I'm late
tonight but that is o.k. today was lucky nap day LOL! I was off from work !
This is how Sara is continuing her education ...............I try to not
involve myself while they are here the mommy and daddy and she gets all uppity
with me when I say no to her for them to go out to burger king and leave the
baby with me or to hold her cause she has to get the socks and he is getting
her toys and I am like "What" ? "You are not taking that baby out in 20 degree
weather so you can both go get burger king one of you go, James since he is the
one with the license".
Jaime just had a bad cold not that long ago, a friends 3 month old infant has
been in intensive care for two weeks now fighting for life because of the rsv
virus, which I am told comes from an upper respiratory infection, and infects
the blood . Call me paranoid fine, but adults know or at least should know
better. Oh that is right they are teens! So who is looking out for the babies
best interests? There you go, Nanny bebe that is me....................I don't
know how to do it any differently. suggestions?


Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
wind. Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
King?

I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.

lm
Bev
'Kate








  #12  
Old March 19th 04, 04:42 PM
P.Fritz
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


"Vero" wrote in message

" She's more my friend than my mom. she's real cool."


Obviously part of the problem.





  #13  
Old March 19th 04, 04:55 PM
Vero
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Well everyone, yes I am still in school. I'm a junior and retrieving my credits at a continuation school. It's really easy so for my senior year I'll be back in regular high school. My mom wasn't a teen parent she just loves me alot because I'm the first born girl. She's more my friend than my mom. she's real cool. It's her birthday today the 19th. So it'll be fun.

  #14  
Old March 19th 04, 11:07 PM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate
Date: 3/18/2004 11:38 PM Eastern Standard Time


On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)


snipped stuff


So in a nutshell yes I am
to blame to a point. I did do the best I could under the circumstances. I

know
I never wanted to hurt anyone.


Yep. I know.


sigh

Feel better now? Cause you sound exhausted. I can't imagine that you
have enough time to spend with Mari let alone take ten minutes out for
yourself and if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to be
able to do anything for anyone.


I feel really numb, emotionally exhausted, fried and crispy, crunchy... I think
you know what I mean.

Spending time with Mari has been an interesting adventure We do make time
for eachother and the phone lines are always smoking . We go out to eat at
least once a week. She is off from work every Friday and Saturday , she works
a double every Sunday that sucks for sure I have every other Sat to spend
with her and I am home every other tues.and thurs. although we do have the baby
on those days till three. The baby goes to her fathers parents every other
weekend and the kids go out those weekends here and there for a few hours . So
alone time happens and we sleep, LOL! No just a joke! O.K. not funny we sleep
many times. So far we seem to have enough of each other to be content, well at
least she says she is content and happy and where she wants to be. I am still
learning to allow myself this that I feel. Next weekend we are going away
somewhere, ALONE to celebrate 2 years of together. No I do not take care of
myself......... I am not done punishing myself just yet. I know what you are
saying and I know you are right "maybe tomorrow" "yeah tomorrow"
...................

'Kate








  #15  
Old March 19th 04, 11:35 PM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people



Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate
Date: 3/18/2004 11:52 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 04:22:47 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)

Bev wrote:
actually she moved in with the 35 year old father of their first child

when
she was 16 , Her mother, my sister has been sick and terminal with AIDS

since
her daughter was seven or eight years old.The girl was raised mostly by my
parents not my sister and yeah dysfunctional that is my family how about

yours
? g I really try not to admit it LOL! last I looked the world was pretty
dysfunctional itself........we fit in.


Kate wrote:
My dysfunctional family includes a lot of people who never knew how to
communicate with each other. There are and were a lot of unnecessary
hard feelings. I hope not to pass that on to my children but I probably
am despite my intentions. If that's true, then my children, without
therapy, will probably have dysfunctional marriages wherein my
daughters will become doormats, gain 30 lbs, and be terribly unhappy and
my son will be oblivious to anything but his 6 pack of beer and remote
control when his wife walks out with their kids. If, by some stroke of
luck, I succeed and can teach them how to have a good marriage, then
I'll have beaten the odds and done for them what two generations of
family couldn't do for my siblings and me. Although how I'm going to do
that without a spouse is still a mystery.



Bev wrote:
They would probably figure out a blow up doll huh ? They don't talk much
...........
Wouldn't make a very good "functional" role model either. Hmmmmmmmmm g
I'm outta ideas. I know you will do the best you can to make a difference. Your
children are lucky to have you, you are a good mother, I can see that.
Bev


'Kate


  #16  
Old March 20th 04, 12:48 AM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: lm
Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT,
(Bebelestrnge



Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
wind.


Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I was
told it comes from a respiratory infection ?

Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
King?


They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
should not do these things occasionally?

Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?

I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than adult
parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
stress and need to unwind too I think.

I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.


,Major big ole sigh I do do all of that and where do you think I am up there
butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up with
much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour home
by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap Yes I am beginning to take more
breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.

lm
Bev
'Kate



  #17  
Old March 20th 04, 01:06 AM
lm
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

On 20 Mar 2004 00:48:36 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
wrote:


Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: lm

Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT,
(Bebelestrnge



Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
wind.


Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I was
told it comes from a respiratory infection ?


You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold.
I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the
cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it.

Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
King?


They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
should not do these things occasionally?


You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a
break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they
don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new
parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that.

Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?


No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
to be their first priority.

I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than adult
parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
stress and need to unwind too I think.

I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.


,Major big ole sigh I do do all of that and where do you think I am up there
butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up with
much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour home
by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap Yes I am beginning to take more
breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.


Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.

lm
  #18  
Old March 20th 04, 08:41 AM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: lm
Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT,
(Bebelestrnge



Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
wind.


Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I

was
told it comes from a respiratory infection ?


You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold.
I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the
cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it.


I guess we just disagree ........which is o.k.



Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
King?


They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
should not do these things occasionally?


You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a
break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they
don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new
parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that.


Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the time
they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my
daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of mother
father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents do not
get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to take
that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their relationship
as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they should be
) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he has
become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best way we
know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let them
do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend the
baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean
emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured
regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the ability to
do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be an
option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I do
is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act like
two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go get
the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the infant? I
could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" g


Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?


No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
to be their first priority.


Exactly what I am trying to point out to them !

I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than

adult
parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
stress and need to unwind too I think.

I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.


,Major big ole sigh I do do all of that and where do you think I am up

there
butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up

with
much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour

home
by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap Yes I am beginning to take more
breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.


Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.


LMAO ! Yes Thank you
Bev


lm








  #19  
Old March 20th 04, 09:18 AM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate
Date: 3/19/2004 8:37 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 23:07:35 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
No I do not take care of
myself......... I am not done punishing myself just yet. I know what you are
saying and I know you are right "maybe tomorrow" "yeah tomorrow"


Hate to state the obvious (and I'm glad you're making time for your
relationship) but...


Arghh the but !

you *have* to stop being mad at yourself.

yeah soon , It certainly is not doing me any good, It is hard though.........


You
forgive everyone else for everything but you cannot forgive yourself?


That is pretty f*ed up isn't it, comes from having a rotten mother that didn't
show me the normal love, never could be perfect enough to make her love me, I
tried so damn hard to be perfect for her. Wasn't good enough you
know............. I did have therapy for this ya know it kinda worked smile
I am what is left

Who made you so f8ing special, Bev, that you can't screw up and still
deserve the same basic things that other human beings need? Hmmmmm?


It is that I don't see myself at all special let alone f8ing special , Kate, I
have screwed up, and I do try to teach my kids that it is o.k. to screw up as
long as you learn from it and improve by it. My own advice does me no good. "I
shoulda this I shoulda that"
"I didn't this I didn't that" It is guilt I know what it is it is the one thing
that no matter how I look at myself after all that has happened I can't shake
it? I can't be sorry that is not good enough, I can't physically suffer enough
I am trying to find the feel better , to hope , to open up what I have closed
inside. I still have some really bad days. Heaven forbid I am happy, sometimes
I am simply fighting to not push it all away, cause ya know "I don't deserve
this"

I know I'm being hard on you but that's just tough.


Yeah you are being hard on me I don't expect anything less ......... I know.
Bev

'Kate










  #20  
Old March 20th 04, 09:34 AM
Bebelestrnge
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Posts: n/a
Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

ubject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate
Date: 3/19/2004 8:41 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 23:35:27 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)


They would probably figure out a blow up doll huh ? They don't talk much


That'd be my family. We talk around the issues we all recognised quite
nicely. It comes from having deep "family secrets" I suppose.

Wouldn't make a very good "functional" role model either. Hmmmmmmmmm g
I'm outta ideas. I know you will do the best you can to make a difference.

Your
children are lucky to have you, you are a good mother, I can see that.


Yeah, who knows? My oldest turned out fine but the family structure was
different then. We never know whether we did a good enough job until
they're out on their own a few decades adjusting to their own ever
changing life circumstances.


I know what you are saying...I see the same with my oldest Jess her dad and I
were together her first 6 years, I was a stay at home mom then (prisoner
actually) I wanted to work.He wanted control. Anyway, she has turned into a
mighty fine young woman with the drive to get where she is going. Sara had a
much rougher start, has dealt with much loss and suffering from her dad that
won't give her the time of day, my dads death , Gayles death, losing me there
for a while, she is trying and I know she struggles with her "inner demons"
"with the mental illness" label . I want only one thing for them and that is to
have love and happiness in their lives and you are right who knows?
Lets hope!
Bev
'Kate









 




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