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Mom needs help with 8 years old boy avoid being bully



 
 
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  #1  
Old July 16th 09, 02:32 PM posted to misc.kids
MotherOfTwoKids
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Mom needs help with 8 years old boy avoid being bully

Hi Parents:

It's not as bad as it sounds but I am trying to prevent that happens.
Let me describe a little bit about my son. He is 8 year old, and will be in
the 3rd grade next year.
He is a sweet little boy who is very gentle, kind and working hard. He
likes to make friends with everyone and like to play with all kids.
He loves dogs, cats and birds or any animals he met. However, he is a
little sensitive and can burst into tears very easily but his crying isn't
last long.
Like he just can't control the tears and get over with it quickly. He also
got offense very easily.
He isn't very good at sports of any kinds, but he likes to play. That is
the problem. Like when he playing softball, he misses hitting the ball so
many times, other kids laugh at him, then he got mad and burst into tears.
But, when it comes to practice, he doesn't want to. He just wants to play
for fun and have fun but not serious about anything. On the other hands, he
is very good at school. Excel in Math, writing, reading or any other
topics.

So, because of his characteristics, he easily becomes a target for other
kids to make fun of. They sometimes call him chicken when he doesn't want
to play something rough. Yesterday, he came home from the summer camp and
told me that he is being bullly 50 times (I'm not sure if that is the many
times he is being bully but that the number he told me.) Then later I asked
him if he is having fun at the summer camp, he said yes. Like sometimes I
asks him how is school, he answers it's great but I don't have any best
friend. Hearing he said that hurts me a lot.

Like I mentioned before, it's not getting serious yet. But I would like to
help my son to outgrow that "little sensitive" I mentioned above and would
like to see what I can help him to get along better with his friends.. Is
there anything I can do to help him?

Currently, he is taking Taekwondo (blue belt) and Violins class. We didn't
go to church so he didn't have other group activity besides school.

Thanks for reading.

Have a good day.


  #2  
Old July 17th 09, 11:16 PM posted to misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Mom needs help with 8 years old boy avoid being bully

MotherOfTwoKids wrote:

Like I mentioned before, it's not getting serious yet. But I would like to
help my son to outgrow that "little sensitive" I mentioned above and would
like to see what I can help him to get along better with his friends.. Is
there anything I can do to help him?


You can't change your child's personality, so I would
avoid anything trying to "toughen him up." If you try to do
that, it's unlikely to work and you'll just be telling him
that even you find him lacking. Instead, help him make friends.
Invite kids he'd like to get to know better over for playdates.
Volunteer in the classroom on occasion so you can meet other
parents and see which other kids might be good to invite. Check
out other activities that are more social and might afford him
opportunities to meet and get to know other kids. It doesn't
have to be all sports--what about drama clubs or scouting or
Lego club or robotics club or what have you?

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #3  
Old July 18th 09, 03:54 PM posted to misc.kids
enigma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 447
Default Mom needs help with 8 years old boy avoid being bully

Ericka Kammerer wrote in
:

MotherOfTwoKids wrote:

Like I mentioned before, it's not getting serious yet. But I
would like to help my son to outgrow that "little sensitive" I
mentioned above and would like to see what I can help him to
get along better with his friends.. Is there anything I can do
to help him?


You can't change your child's personality, so I would
avoid anything trying to "toughen him up." If you try to do
that, it's unlikely to work and you'll just be telling him
that even you find him lacking. Instead, help him make friends.
Invite kids he'd like to get to know better over for playdates.
Volunteer in the classroom on occasion so you can meet other
parents and see which other kids might be good to invite. Check
out other activities that are more social and might afford him
opportunities to meet and get to know other kids. It doesn't
have to be all sports--what about drama clubs or scouting or
Lego club or robotics club or what have you?


it could be the child has sensory or praxis issues as well. those
make it hard for a child to make friends because frequently they
don't understand the concept of playing.
trust me, living with a child who doesn't know how to play is NOT
fun.
lee
  #4  
Old July 22nd 09, 08:03 AM posted to misc.kids
Kat
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 177
Default Mom needs help with 8 years old boy avoid being bully


"MotherOfTwoKids" wrote in message
...
Hi Parents:

It's not as bad as it sounds but I am trying to prevent that happens.
Let me describe a little bit about my son. He is 8 year old, and will be
in the 3rd grade next year.
He is a sweet little boy who is very gentle, kind and working hard. He
likes to make friends with everyone and like to play with all kids.
He loves dogs, cats and birds or any animals he met. However, he is a
little sensitive and can burst into tears very easily but his crying isn't
last long.
Like he just can't control the tears and get over with it quickly. He
also got offense very easily.
He isn't very good at sports of any kinds, but he likes to play. That is
the problem. Like when he playing softball, he misses hitting the ball so
many times, other kids laugh at him, then he got mad and burst into tears.
But, when it comes to practice, he doesn't want to. He just wants to play
for fun and have fun but not serious about anything. On the other hands,
he is very good at school. Excel in Math, writing, reading or any other
topics.

So, because of his characteristics, he easily becomes a target for other
kids to make fun of. They sometimes call him chicken when he doesn't want
to play something rough. Yesterday, he came home from the summer camp and
told me that he is being bullly 50 times (I'm not sure if that is the many
times he is being bully but that the number he told me.) Then later I
asked him if he is having fun at the summer camp, he said yes. Like
sometimes I asks him how is school, he answers it's great but I don't have
any best friend. Hearing he said that hurts me a lot.

Like I mentioned before, it's not getting serious yet. But I would like
to help my son to outgrow that "little sensitive" I mentioned above and
would like to see what I can help him to get along better with his
friends.. Is there anything I can do to help him?

Currently, he is taking Taekwondo (blue belt) and Violins class. We
didn't go to church so he didn't have other group activity besides school.

Thanks for reading.

Have a good day.


I have an 8 year old son that will be in the 3d grade as well come
September. I have kind of the opposite issue with him as very recently I've
found out that *my* child is the bully - which, to me, is totally out of
character for him.
He does excellent in school. He reads and understands at a very high level.
He's highly intelligent. He loves sports (his favorite is football) and
loves to draw. He's artistic, friendly, and gets along with other kids
(normally) just fine. He IS a handful, however, and I know and see that. I
found out just before school ended for the summer that he's been picking on
another boy in the school. He makes fun of this kid - makes fun of his
hair, his shoes, the way he looks, etc. He's never had issues in school
before, other than the last month or so when this bullying issue was brought
to my attention from the school. I had no idea, and if I did, I would
definitely have curbed that behaviour.
Now, not long ago I picked up a few books from the Goodwill. One of them is
called "No More Misbehavin' - 38 Difficult Behaviours and how to Stop Them"
It's by Michele Borba, Ed.D.
It's basically a book that is 'failproof discipline for parents of kids from
3-12. Right now, I have 2 in that exact age group, with a third that will
fall into it in come October. There's a chapter on bullied AND bullying.
I'm not going to type out the whole chapter, but there's a box on the first
page of this category that says, "Behaviour tip: The best way to bully-proof
your kid is to help her develp a tough inner strength and strong assertive
skills so she'll be less likely to be victimized and can stand up for
herself." - basically, it's not saying to change your child or his
personality or who he is, but to help with his strengths.
It says about 4 steps to handle bullies...
1) Listen empathetically and gather facts. The rundown for that is to
basically listen to your child's side of the story. Let him tell you how he
sees it and feels. What is happening, how it's happening, when, how often,
where, etc., as well as what reaction at the time your child had. Keep a
record of it all, the book says, in case you need to meet with the school,
the bully and their parents or even law enforcement. Empathize with him and
take him seriously and let him know that chances are, he did nothing to
'deserve' being bullied. Don't blame or belittle his feelings (telling him
things like, "there's nothing to be afraid of" or telling him to 'toughen
up'.
2) Set a plan to ensure safety
*Stay near others (safety in numbers is the idea here) *Leave the scene (if
possible, just walk away from a bully without making eye contact or saying
anything and move towards an adult/teacher/group of kids/etc) *Plan
alternate routes (avoid the places that bullying might happen, if possible)
*Don't retaliate *Use good judgement *Tell an adult
3) Teach and then rehearse assertiveness. Find things he can do to stand up
for himself against any possible bully. Like talking firmly and that kind
of stuff.
4) Boost self confidence. It actually says learn martial arts for improving
self-confidence for some children. Also, help your child find a friend is
another one. Find something he enjoys doing and is good at... Some kind of
talent he might have to give him more confidence in himself or similar.

And so on and so on. I do not know if this would help or not. You
obviously know your own child best, but I have found that this No More
Misbehavin' is a pretty good book. I have found that, so far, it makes
sense for me and it has helped with my own DS. It's 38 top 'complaints'
parents have about their child's behaviour - everything from anger, anxiety,
biting and bossiness to teased, temper tantrums, whining and yelling. Your
problem could be a simple fix or there might be something more. I don't
know, obviously, but if you can find this book, maybe it might help or even
give you a few ideas to work with. With being bullied, there's also
chapters on lack of friends, shyness, teased, giving up easily... I don't
know if any of those are issues, but I just figured that some might go hand
in hand, but maybe not in your case. For me, about 15 of the chapters have
some relevance to DS alone, and about 6 or 7 of them are things I can relate
directly to 2 of my girls that are almost 4 and almost 3

I wish you the best of luck. As a parent of what I realize is a bully, I DO
empathize with you as a parent of a possibly bullied child. I do recommend
getting to the bottom of it - with your child as well as the bully if there
is one - as soon as you can and work on it. If there is a bully, I don't
think it hurts to try and work with the parents of the bully as well. For
my DS, I've been working on the bullying part with him and to my own
surprise, it does work - slowly but surely, however. Also, I would bring it
up with the parents if you do find out that someone is being a bully to your
son. Seeing as I have the bully, I was horrified to hear that my child is
being a bully and I did NOT want it to continue. I actually thanked the
school (and meant it) when they brought it to my attention and was actually
a little angry that it had apparently carried on for so long before someone
told me as I honestly did not have any clue and wouldn't have guessed it on
my own in a million years!


  #5  
Old July 28th 09, 07:58 PM posted to misc.kids
MotherOfTwoKids
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Mom needs help with 8 years old boy avoid being bully

Thanks for your reply. Very helpful info.
"Kat" wrote in message
...

"MotherOfTwoKids" wrote in message
...
Hi Parents:

It's not as bad as it sounds but I am trying to prevent that happens.
Let me describe a little bit about my son. He is 8 year old, and will be
in the 3rd grade next year.
He is a sweet little boy who is very gentle, kind and working hard. He
likes to make friends with everyone and like to play with all kids.
He loves dogs, cats and birds or any animals he met. However, he is a
little sensitive and can burst into tears very easily but his crying
isn't last long.
Like he just can't control the tears and get over with it quickly. He
also got offense very easily.
He isn't very good at sports of any kinds, but he likes to play. That is
the problem. Like when he playing softball, he misses hitting the ball
so many times, other kids laugh at him, then he got mad and burst into
tears. But, when it comes to practice, he doesn't want to. He just wants
to play for fun and have fun but not serious about anything. On the
other hands, he is very good at school. Excel in Math, writing, reading
or any other topics.

So, because of his characteristics, he easily becomes a target for other
kids to make fun of. They sometimes call him chicken when he doesn't
want to play something rough. Yesterday, he came home from the summer
camp and told me that he is being bullly 50 times (I'm not sure if that
is the many times he is being bully but that the number he told me.)
Then later I asked him if he is having fun at the summer camp, he said
yes. Like sometimes I asks him how is school, he answers it's great but
I don't have any best friend. Hearing he said that hurts me a lot.

Like I mentioned before, it's not getting serious yet. But I would like
to help my son to outgrow that "little sensitive" I mentioned above and
would like to see what I can help him to get along better with his
friends.. Is there anything I can do to help him?

Currently, he is taking Taekwondo (blue belt) and Violins class. We
didn't go to church so he didn't have other group activity besides
school.

Thanks for reading.

Have a good day.


I have an 8 year old son that will be in the 3d grade as well come
September. I have kind of the opposite issue with him as very recently
I've found out that *my* child is the bully - which, to me, is totally out
of character for him.
He does excellent in school. He reads and understands at a very high
level. He's highly intelligent. He loves sports (his favorite is
football) and loves to draw. He's artistic, friendly, and gets along with
other kids (normally) just fine. He IS a handful, however, and I know and
see that. I found out just before school ended for the summer that he's
been picking on another boy in the school. He makes fun of this kid -
makes fun of his hair, his shoes, the way he looks, etc. He's never had
issues in school before, other than the last month or so when this
bullying issue was brought to my attention from the school. I had no
idea, and if I did, I would definitely have curbed that behaviour.
Now, not long ago I picked up a few books from the Goodwill. One of them
is called "No More Misbehavin' - 38 Difficult Behaviours and how to Stop
Them" It's by Michele Borba, Ed.D.
It's basically a book that is 'failproof discipline for parents of kids
from 3-12. Right now, I have 2 in that exact age group, with a third that
will fall into it in come October. There's a chapter on bullied AND
bullying. I'm not going to type out the whole chapter, but there's a box
on the first page of this category that says, "Behaviour tip: The best way
to bully-proof your kid is to help her develp a tough inner strength and
strong assertive skills so she'll be less likely to be victimized and can
stand up for herself." - basically, it's not saying to change your child
or his personality or who he is, but to help with his strengths.
It says about 4 steps to handle bullies...
1) Listen empathetically and gather facts. The rundown for that is to
basically listen to your child's side of the story. Let him tell you how
he sees it and feels. What is happening, how it's happening, when, how
often, where, etc., as well as what reaction at the time your child had.
Keep a record of it all, the book says, in case you need to meet with the
school, the bully and their parents or even law enforcement. Empathize
with him and take him seriously and let him know that chances are, he did
nothing to 'deserve' being bullied. Don't blame or belittle his feelings
(telling him things like, "there's nothing to be afraid of" or telling him
to 'toughen up'.
2) Set a plan to ensure safety
*Stay near others (safety in numbers is the idea here) *Leave the scene
(if possible, just walk away from a bully without making eye contact or
saying anything and move towards an adult/teacher/group of kids/etc) *Plan
alternate routes (avoid the places that bullying might happen, if
possible) *Don't retaliate *Use good judgement *Tell an adult
3) Teach and then rehearse assertiveness. Find things he can do to stand
up for himself against any possible bully. Like talking firmly and that
kind of stuff.
4) Boost self confidence. It actually says learn martial arts for
improving self-confidence for some children. Also, help your child find a
friend is another one. Find something he enjoys doing and is good at...
Some kind of talent he might have to give him more confidence in himself
or similar.

And so on and so on. I do not know if this would help or not. You
obviously know your own child best, but I have found that this No More
Misbehavin' is a pretty good book. I have found that, so far, it makes
sense for me and it has helped with my own DS. It's 38 top 'complaints'
parents have about their child's behaviour - everything from anger,
anxiety, biting and bossiness to teased, temper tantrums, whining and
yelling. Your problem could be a simple fix or there might be something
more. I don't know, obviously, but if you can find this book, maybe it
might help or even give you a few ideas to work with. With being bullied,
there's also chapters on lack of friends, shyness, teased, giving up
easily... I don't know if any of those are issues, but I just figured that
some might go hand in hand, but maybe not in your case. For me, about 15
of the chapters have some relevance to DS alone, and about 6 or 7 of them
are things I can relate directly to 2 of my girls that are almost 4 and
almost 3

I wish you the best of luck. As a parent of what I realize is a bully, I
DO empathize with you as a parent of a possibly bullied child. I do
recommend getting to the bottom of it - with your child as well as the
bully if there is one - as soon as you can and work on it. If there is a
bully, I don't think it hurts to try and work with the parents of the
bully as well. For my DS, I've been working on the bullying part with him
and to my own surprise, it does work - slowly but surely, however. Also,
I would bring it up with the parents if you do find out that someone is
being a bully to your son. Seeing as I have the bully, I was horrified to
hear that my child is being a bully and I did NOT want it to continue. I
actually thanked the school (and meant it) when they brought it to my
attention and was actually a little angry that it had apparently carried
on for so long before someone told me as I honestly did not have any clue
and wouldn't have guessed it on my own in a million years!



 




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