Sending a child home . . .

My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father.
The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the
time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises.
CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no
bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we
took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is
going on).

They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest
one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked
me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They
live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live
with mom and go back at end of July.

Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have
to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the
sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're
not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from
what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was
the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her
she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for
kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end
of July?

Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions?

Thanks!

-- Val

Val wrote:

My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father.
The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the
time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises.
CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no
bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we
took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is
going on).

They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest
one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked
me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They
live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live
with mom and go back at end of July.

Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have
to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the
sister.

If you have any desire for OSD to come live with you full time, don't get
yourself in trouble by ignoring the court order.

Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're
not sending her back".

Sure you *can* do this but I don't think you should.

Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from
what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was
the case, she would lose her to us anyway.

Is it really that simple inTexas? I know here in Illinois the older child's
wishes are only one part of what is looked at for a change in custody.

If we called mom and told her
she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for
kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end
of July?

Will she? I have no idea. Can she? You bet she can get the authorities
invloved.


Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions?

Follow the legal steps. Don't break any laws or court ordered agreements. If
the child wants to live with you and her dad the first step would be to talk to
her BM about it and see how she deals with the idea.

How well is this child doing in general? Does she do well in school, has lots
of friends, is involved in activities? What kind of impact would her not being
there have on her younger sister?

Your situation is not the easiest as you live so far from the child's current
home and possibly other family members. Could you move back to Texas? You'd
probably stand a better chance of winning custody if you did.

Good Luck and I hope you have a good amount of money stashed away to cover a
full blown custody trial. If the BM fights this it could cost you upwards of
10K minimum.

Mrs Indyguy

Thanks!

-- Val

Contact the mother now and discuss it. Leave the kid out of it, do not use
as pawn. If mother won't agree, go to court as fast as you can, time is
running out and courts for this type of issue may take more than a YEAR OR
MORE depending on the depth of creativity of the opposing counsel to drag it
out.


"Val" wrote in message
.. .
My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father.
The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the
time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had
bruises.
CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no
bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink
we
took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is
going on).

They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the
oldest
one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even
asked
me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back.
(They
live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live
with mom and go back at end of July.

Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have
to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the
sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so
we're
not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would
(from
what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that
was
the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her
she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for
kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the
end
of July?

Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions?

Thanks!

-- Val

Hi Val:

The child has to go back even if she does not want to. Only way around this
is to reach agreement with the custodial mother which I would doubt she
would agree. The next step would be the court litigation issue where you
have to prove a substantive change of living conditions and the best
interest of the child.

a) A physical beating of the child further supported by the report from the
Shrink does qualify for this scenario. Also, I would be very careful about
the Shrink's visit if this was done without the knowledge of the custodial
parent. How and when this was done has a true potential of backfiring on you
if this was not done in an ethical manner.

Even if you loose the motion you have sent a very clear message to the
opposing party. Keep your ##$%$# hands of the daughter and they will think
twice about the physical violence. You may loose the first battle. However,
you have initiated the first stepping stone to obtaining custody if this
behavior continues with the little girl. If the event is repeated a second
time or third time your probability increases for reversal of custody.

You may have to girate this 3 to 4 times if the abusive behavior continues.
Certainly looks like an uphill battle ........doesn't it?

P.S. For what is worth I don't think the event can be overlooked. If you
don't take action you may have to explain to the little girl when she is
older why you did not help when assistance was requested. Also, abusive
behavior is cyclical in nature. The abuser cannot help themselves but to the
repeat the event. From one perspective I don't feel you have much of a
choice in the matter but to act.

Best of luck to you


"Val" wrote in message
.. .
My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father.
The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the
time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had
bruises.
CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no
bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink
we
took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is
going on).

They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the
oldest
one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even
asked
me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back.
(They
live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live
with mom and go back at end of July.

Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have
to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the
sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so
we're
not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would
(from
what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that
was
the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her
she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for
kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the
end
of July?

Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions?

Thanks!

-- Val

"Derek Franco" wrote in message
news
Hi Val:

The child has to go back even if she does not want to. Only way around
this
is to reach agreement with the custodial mother which I would doubt she
would agree. The next step would be the court litigation issue where you
have to prove a substantive change of living conditions and the best
interest of the child.
==
Val, Don't be discouraged by this. While the above is true for younger
children,
it is not for pre-teens/teens. In most states, her preference will be
seriously considered.
==
==

a) A physical beating of the child further supported by the report from
the
Shrink does qualify for this scenario. Also, I would be very careful about
the Shrink's visit if this was done without the knowledge of the custodial
parent. How and when this was done has a true potential of backfiring on
you
if this was not done in an ethical manner.

Even if you loose the motion you have sent a very clear message to the
opposing party. Keep your ##$%$# hands of the daughter and they will
think
twice about the physical violence. You may loose the first battle.
However,
you have initiated the first stepping stone to obtaining custody if this
behavior continues with the little girl. If the event is repeated a second
time or third time your probability increases for reversal of custody.

You may have to girate this 3 to 4 times if the abusive behavior
continues.
Certainly looks like an uphill battle ........doesn't it?

P.S. For what is worth I don't think the event can be overlooked. If you
don't take action you may have to explain to the little girl when she is
older why you did not help when assistance was requested. Also, abusive
behavior is cyclical in nature. The abuser cannot help themselves but to
the
repeat the event. From one perspective I don't feel you have much of a
choice in the matter but to act.

Best of luck to you


"Val" wrote in message
.. .
My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and
step-father.
The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the
time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had
bruises.
CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no
bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she.
(Shrink
we
took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is
going on).

They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the
oldest
one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even
asked
me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back.
(They
live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live
with mom and go back at end of July.

Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we
have
to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the
sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so
we're
not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would
(from
what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that
was
the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told
her
she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for
kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the
end
of July?

Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions?

Thanks!

-- Val