yet more on the complaints procedure

As it was suggested I went for another session with the Birth Afterthoughts
counsellor, the big advantage of this is that you get to see your notes. So
I was able to see for myself that the response letter was lieing rather than
there being a failure to communicate, SPD was mentioned in my notes so many
times I lost count, so saying SPD wasn't confirmed is laughable.

The other good thing which came from it was that the counsellor suggested
that instead of going straight to a huge face to face meeting, that we
arranged a meeting just with the liason people to go through our concerns
first and that she would come with us to that, I could have hugged her!

Another interesting thing I saw was the record in the notes of the first VE
in labour, it says it was at my request and then goes on to say that I was
continually yelling at her to get her hand out. Which sounds very much like
it wasn't at my request, I had barely even consented and it was the one time
I actually felt violated.

So all in all a good session, but as it was the first time DH had actually
seen my notes it brought up all sorts of fresh things for him, which was
kind of good as it now means he is really on the same level as me.

The interesting thing is that since it happened, he has tended to rant
specifically about me not been given a c-section, whereas for me that is a
small thing in a whole catalogue of much clearer errors, I grilled him on
why he does this, when prior to the birth he said nothing. He says he just
accepted what the doctors said, funny thing is that with other palavas we've
had you'd think that he'd have got the fact that you have to use your own
brain as well! He does seem to have a very naive way of taking everything at
face value, for example last Monday my GP told me there was really no other
painkillers he could give me, therefore DH thought that I shouldn't even let
him know what kind of pain I was in later in the week (I'd partially
dislocated my hip, so there was an "issue"), but I did and he has sorted my
pain relief out. I just hope he never has any complex issues as I think I'll
end up having to be there all the time with doctors and what not, or maybe
when it's his own body he'll start realising that the doctor isn't always
right.

Anne

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
As it was suggested I went for another session with the Birth
Afterthoughts counsellor, the big advantage of this is that you get to see
your notes. So I was able to see for myself that the response letter was
lieing rather than there being a failure to communicate, SPD was mentioned
in my notes so many times I lost count, so saying SPD wasn't confirmed is
laughable.

The other good thing which came from it was that the counsellor suggested
that instead of going straight to a huge face to face meeting, that we
arranged a meeting just with the liason people to go through our concerns
first and that she would come with us to that, I could have hugged her!

Another interesting thing I saw was the record in the notes of the first
VE in labour, it says it was at my request and then goes on to say that I
was continually yelling at her to get her hand out. Which sounds very much
like it wasn't at my request, I had barely even consented and it was the
one time I actually felt violated.

(((Anne)))
Good on you for sticking with it, it takes a lot of courage but you're the
right person to draw attention to where they went wrong.

So all in all a good session, but as it was the first time DH had actually
seen my notes it brought up all sorts of fresh things for him, which was
kind of good as it now means he is really on the same level as me.

The interesting thing is that since it happened, he has tended to rant
specifically about me not been given a c-section, whereas for me that is a
small thing in a whole catalogue of much clearer errors, I grilled him on
why he does this, when prior to the birth he said nothing. He says he just
accepted what the doctors said, funny thing is that with other palavas
we've had you'd think that he'd have got the fact that you have to use
your own brain as well! He does seem to have a very naive way of taking
everything at face value, for example last Monday my GP told me there was
really no other painkillers he could give me, therefore DH thought that I
shouldn't even let him know what kind of pain I was in later in the week
(I'd partially dislocated my hip, so there was an "issue"), but I did and
he has sorted my pain relief out. I just hope he never has any complex
issues as I think I'll end up having to be there all the time with doctors
and what not, or maybe when it's his own body he'll start realising that
the doctor isn't always right.

That sounds pretty typical. I'm glad he's supporting you now, even if he
doesn't truly understand.


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
As it was suggested I went for another session with the Birth
Afterthoughts
counsellor, the big advantage of this is that you get to see your notes.
So
I was able to see for myself that the response letter was lieing rather
than
there being a failure to communicate, SPD was mentioned in my notes so
many
times I lost count, so saying SPD wasn't confirmed is laughable.

The other good thing which came from it was that the counsellor suggested
that instead of going straight to a huge face to face meeting, that we
arranged a meeting just with the liason people to go through our concerns
first and that she would come with us to that, I could have hugged her!

Another interesting thing I saw was the record in the notes of the first
VE
in labour, it says it was at my request and then goes on to say that I was
continually yelling at her to get her hand out. Which sounds very much
like
it wasn't at my request, I had barely even consented and it was the one
time
I actually felt violated.

So all in all a good session, but as it was the first time DH had actually
seen my notes it brought up all sorts of fresh things for him, which was
kind of good as it now means he is really on the same level as me.

The interesting thing is that since it happened, he has tended to rant
specifically about me not been given a c-section, whereas for me that is a
small thing in a whole catalogue of much clearer errors, I grilled him on
why he does this, when prior to the birth he said nothing. He says he just
accepted what the doctors said, funny thing is that with other palavas
we've
had you'd think that he'd have got the fact that you have to use your own
brain as well! He does seem to have a very naive way of taking everything
at
face value, for example last Monday my GP told me there was really no
other
painkillers he could give me, therefore DH thought that I shouldn't even
let
him know what kind of pain I was in later in the week (I'd partially
dislocated my hip, so there was an "issue"), but I did and he has sorted
my
pain relief out. I just hope he never has any complex issues as I think
I'll
end up having to be there all the time with doctors and what not, or maybe
when it's his own body he'll start realising that the doctor isn't always
right.

Anne

Hi Anne

I'm sorry to hear this is being such a nightmare for you (and your family).
I'm glad though that your DH has finally been able to get caught up with all
the details, and that your doctor has sorted you out with better pain
relief. It's hard to get people to understand that the doctors aren't always
right.

I hope the next meeting goes as well for you... it sounds like the
counsellor is on the ball.

Good luck!

Lucy
--

Due with a little girl 15.06.06
http://lucys-pregnancy.tripod.com/