Stranger Anxiety

My wife has been breastfeeding our beautiful daughter (Mikayla) for 3 months
and everytime anybody else picks her up and starts carrying her she starts
to cry. We were wondering if this is because she is so attached to
breastfeeding and if we should start weaning her off a littlebit, has anyone
had similiar problems?
Thanks

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla

"Ralph Flikweert" wrote in message
able.rogers.com...
My wife has been breastfeeding our beautiful daughter (Mikayla) for 3
months
and everytime anybody else picks her up and starts carrying her she starts
to cry. We were wondering if this is because she is so attached to
breastfeeding and if we should start weaning her off a littlebit, has
anyone
had similiar problems?
Thanks

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla

I think it's perfectly natural reaction - let her get used to strangers
slowly. Don't wean her - what should you wean her to? If you start giving
her formula you are telling your wife's body to make less milk and you might
end up weaning altogether.

Apart from that: There's another dad in this group with a daughter named
Micaela - he's Richard Alpert.

Tine, Denmark

"Ralph Flikweert" wrote in message
able.rogers.com...
My wife has been breastfeeding our beautiful daughter (Mikayla) for 3
months
and everytime anybody else picks her up and starts carrying her she starts
to cry. We were wondering if this is because she is so attached to
breastfeeding and if we should start weaning her off a littlebit, has
anyone
had similiar problems?
Thanks

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla


Dear Ralph,

I wouldn't see this as a problem -- more of as a stage. Real stranger
anxiety is going to come later. To make a point -- if at 8 months she
screams when you leave her with a sitter, does that mean you should make
sure to give her less love and affection when you are able to be with her?

Breastfeeding is about nutrition and meeting a child's emotional need for
comfort on Mom's body. Mom is not interchangeable with dad or anyone else
in a baby's physiology and psychology. If Mom really needs a break from
Baby (a wise woman last week reminded me that how you parent is mostly about
your own survival), that is fine and Baby will have to cope and Baby's
alternate caregivers should continue to offer love and comfort in Mom's
absence.

If your wife needs a break, she can try pumping some bottles to be given to
the baby in her absence (to nap, shop, walk, see a movie, etc.) That might
help. But it also slightly disrupts the feedback between mom's and baby's
bodies so while it's not a huge deal it's not totally benign either. The
benefits have to outweigh the small cost.

If you're suggesting part time formula, I don't have any personal experience
with this but have heard very bad things about this in terms of it being
damaging to the baby's gut to combi feed and also how it disrupts mom's
supply leading to more formula leading to ... well you know.

Exclusive breastfeeding until food is introduced and then continued
breastfeeding along with food for a long time after that seems to be
associated with optimal health for baby and mom. Whether that's going to
actually be true for your family can't be predicted, but that's the belief
system of most of us on this group.


-- Dagny

Thanks for the replies so far, I love being a first time dad, looks like we
will continue breast feeding and just deal with the behaviour. We have no
problem with it, it's the grand parents who are developing complexes and
saying we should consider weaning already.
Is feeding rice cereal out of a bottle bad? and why? just curious...

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla, Toronto, Canada

"Dagny" wrote in message
hlink.net...

"Ralph Flikweert" wrote in message
able.rogers.com...
My wife has been breastfeeding our beautiful daughter (Mikayla) for 3
months
and everytime anybody else picks her up and starts carrying her she
starts
to cry. We were wondering if this is because she is so attached to
breastfeeding and if we should start weaning her off a littlebit, has
anyone
had similiar problems?
Thanks

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla


Dear Ralph,

I wouldn't see this as a problem -- more of as a stage. Real stranger
anxiety is going to come later. To make a point -- if at 8 months she
screams when you leave her with a sitter, does that mean you should make
sure to give her less love and affection when you are able to be with her?

Breastfeeding is about nutrition and meeting a child's emotional need for
comfort on Mom's body. Mom is not interchangeable with dad or anyone else
in a baby's physiology and psychology. If Mom really needs a break from
Baby (a wise woman last week reminded me that how you parent is mostly
about
your own survival), that is fine and Baby will have to cope and Baby's
alternate caregivers should continue to offer love and comfort in Mom's
absence.

If your wife needs a break, she can try pumping some bottles to be given
to
the baby in her absence (to nap, shop, walk, see a movie, etc.) That
might
help. But it also slightly disrupts the feedback between mom's and baby's
bodies so while it's not a huge deal it's not totally benign either. The
benefits have to outweigh the small cost.

If you're suggesting part time formula, I don't have any personal
experience
with this but have heard very bad things about this in terms of it being
damaging to the baby's gut to combi feed and also how it disrupts mom's
supply leading to more formula leading to ... well you know.

Exclusive breastfeeding until food is introduced and then continued
breastfeeding along with food for a long time after that seems to be
associated with optimal health for baby and mom. Whether that's going to
actually be true for your family can't be predicted, but that's the belief
system of most of us on this group.


-- Dagny

"Ralph Flikweert" wrote in message
gers.com...
Thanks for the replies so far, I love being a first time dad, looks like
we
will continue breast feeding and just deal with the behaviour. We have no
problem with it, it's the grand parents who are developing complexes and
saying we should consider weaning already.
Is feeding rice cereal out of a bottle bad? and why? just curious...

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla, Toronto, Canada


Yes it is bad, because at best, it substitutes in baby's diet a bunch of
empty calories in the place of breast milk, which is perfect nutrition and
immunological support.

Other people have found that telling the grandparents "Mikayla's doctor said
...." can be very helpful in these situations. Even if the doctor hasn't
actually said anything. Eventually they will be bragging about how healthy
and smart their grandchild is because she is exclusively breastfed.

HTH,
Dagny

Ralph Flikweert wrote:

My wife has been breastfeeding our beautiful daughter (Mikayla) for 3 months
and everytime anybody else picks her up and starts carrying her she starts
to cry. We were wondering if this is because she is so attached to
breastfeeding and if we should start weaning her off a littlebit, has anyone
had similiar problems?

This has nothing to do with breastfeeding, but
with developmental maturity. Stranger anxiety
indicates that her memory is developing enough
to know who you are because she sees you all
the time and to know that she doesn't see other
people and she doesn't know them. It's really a
good sign.

Tell the grandparents that this is just a stage.
DO NOT wean for this reason! All the grandparents
here understand this and they just deal with it.

-- Anita --

"Ralph Flikweert" skrev i en meddelelse
gers.com...
Thanks for the replies so far, I love being a first time dad, looks like
we
will continue breast feeding and just deal with the behaviour. We have no
problem with it, it's the grand parents who are developing complexes and
saying we should consider weaning already.
Is feeding rice cereal out of a bottle bad? and why? just curious...

Please don't listen to the grandparents - the advice of grandparents have
disrupted more nursing relationsships than you can imagine.

Do as you are doing now - ask questions here.

The baby should have breastmilk and *nothing* else for *at least* 5-6
months.

Tine, Denmark

Ralph Flikweert writes:

: Is feeding rice cereal out of a bottle bad? and why? just curious...

In a word yes! Feeding anything by any means before 6 months
other than breastmilk is a bad idea. Why would you want to
do this?

Studies have shown that babies who have foods other than
breastmilk introduced before 6 months have more allergies
and some other problems.

Good luck,
Larry

Thanks everyone for the tremendous responses, my wife really likes what all
you replied and we plan on using this more often as it doesn't make you feel
as bad about taking advice or not. Everyone thinks they are right is the
problem with family members and it is very nerve-racking. Wish we found this
sooner, we had sooo many questions, thank you for making us feel welcome.

Ralph, Michelle and Mikayla, Toronto, Canada

"Richard" wrote in message
...
Ralph Flikweert wrote:
: My wife has been breastfeeding our beautiful daughter (Mikayla) for 3
months
: and everytime anybody else picks her up and starts carrying her she
starts
: to cry. We were wondering if this is because she is so attached to
: breastfeeding and if we should start weaning her off a littlebit, has
anyone
: had similiar problems?
: Thanks

Hi, Ralph. It's good to see other dads here. Welcome! You made a good
step
asking here. You'll find this group a great source of useful information.

As others have said, there is no relationship between breastfeeding and
stranger anxiety. DON'T stop (or even slow) breastfeeding Mikayla.
Breastmilk
is the very best source of nutrition for her now and for the visible
future.

Can you slowly introduce her to strangers? Have someone sit with you
while
you (or mom) hold her, then let someone new hold her in your presence. Be
sure that she can see you and see that you are comfortable and happy
(Mikayla
will pick up your mood) while someone else is holding her. Try easing
into
exposing her to strangers. Let her know that you know it's okay.

And a very nice name, indeed, Mikayla!

Richard
Micaela's dad

Dagny wrote:
Other people have found that telling the grandparents "Mikayla's
doctor said ..." can be very helpful in these situations. Even if
the doctor hasn't actually said anything. Eventually they will be
bragging about how healthy and smart their grandchild is because she
is exclusively breastfed.


That approach has worked for me, too. My mother keeps insisting that cereal
is fine at this point (DS is only 11 weeks), especially since it would "help
him sleep through the night".
I did forward her several links to sites refuting such advice, but also told
her flat out that his ped suggested otherwise (when he hadn't discussed it
at all with me yet). Worked like a charm.


--
Deirdre, in the company of Baby Beastie