Need a couple of ideas and resources

On Sat, 18 Sep 2004 17:53:40 -0600, "slykitten"
wrote:


Right now, we're not too sure what the diagnosis on this kiddo is.... we had
one therapist do an eval that said he had bipolar NOS and ADHD and we had
other therapists (at the hospital) simply say that he has mood disorder....
no one can agree on anything.... One therapist said that it sounded like I
needed to get a neurological consult to rule out possible seizure disorder!
OY! But then.... that's not unreasonable and it's something I tried to do
but my insurance won't cover it.... gotta love insurance companies!

Ouch. That's nasty. I just can't imagine how hard the American
healthcare system makes things for you guys. From my little bit of
knowledge, I can tell you that bipolar is one of the mood disorders,
so those two are just one broad and one more specific of the same kind
of problem. And certainly kids, especially boys, who end up having
mood disorders spend time with ADHD as a diagnosis fairly commonly
first.

That neurological consult sure sounds like a good idea. I wish I could
help.

Cele

Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: oaway (Joelle)
Date: 9/18/2004 9:45 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

I remember being told to give the baby up for adoption, and that I was wrong
to
be helping my daughter raise the baby?

Why don't you go google the whole thread again. Maybe you'll be able to hear
better what people were telling you.

O.K. I find time hard to come by lately, I am better off dropping the defense
and trying to listen harder........

not sure what you mean about Victim stories ?

You are a victim. Nothing is your fault. You aren't responsbile for
anything
bad that's happened to you. Nothing anybody suggests will work because the
whole world is against you. Anybody who doesn't tell you what you want to
hear
is abusing you.

eeeekkkk !!!!!!! Not me ?
seriously..... I do not want to be seen as a "Victim" I made huge mistakes that
caused some of what we are going through. It has taken a lot of hard work for
me to change. I have picked my battles with my daughter and indeed am
responsible for some of this.I was listening, I did step back and look at this
and saw that I needed to back off and when I left the kids to deal with thier
child all hell broke lose. The responsibility became a fight between them and
they are no longer together.
I'm tired, I am worn out, emotionally spiritually and physically falling
apart.What can I do when nothing I do helps anymore?
Bev

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "slykitten" ms
Date: 9/18/2004 7:59 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

I don't believe I was replying to Joelle because her advice was sound and I
don't believe that she'd bash my beliefs religiously as marriage is a
personal choice, etc....

however, I do believe it was a reply from that
Bebelstrange person because this person has had a history of replying
nastily to me in the past. That's ok though too.

O.K. now I am confused ? Hello Slykitten, I would be "That Bebelestrnge person"
you are reffering to here........My name is Bev.
I kind of am wondering what you mean by saying I have a history of replying to
you nastily in the past ? Would ya mind refreshing my memory because I think
you are wrong about that????? I got involved in this thread because I felt
Joelle was not respecting you when you called your Sig. other your sons Step
Dad, I know I backed you here in this thread and I do not recall ever
responding to you any other time.
Bev

I do hope I hadn't lashed
at Joelle and please keep in mind that when I made some of my initial
replies, I was only out of the hospital not more than a day or two and still
feeling the effects of being really sick. I've had the chance to since read
through and I'm amazed really that I'm not alone!

"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message
...
Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "CME"
Date: 9/17/2004 6:28 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id: 0yJ2d.20303$yW6.5300@clgrps12


"Karen O'Mara" wrote in message
. com...
oaway (Joelle) wrote in message
...
I'll say some prayers for your grandchild tonight. God knows she
needs
them.

well that's a prayer she could do without.

Karen

I see you see through her cloak and spot the dagger Thanks Karen


Joelle can pray for anyone she likes and frankly, I don't see how a
prayer
for a small child is something that anyone can do without.

While you're at it Joelle could you say one for me and my children?
Having
someone else think about us never hurts.

Christine

Christine,
The point I am making or trying to make you seem to be missing. Joelle
is not
offering me sincere prayers for my grandchild. She is saying my
granddaughter
needs her prayers to save my grandchild from me, as if she is so great
and
powerful ugh..... She is being sarcastic with that remark ,as she has
since I
first posted here. She decided I was 1) a bad mother, 2) a bad
grandmother, 3)
an idiot, etc. and solely because she on her high pedestal, chooses to
condemn
me for the way I live, and the mistakes I made in the first year of my
grieving
the loss of my lifes partner to death. At that same time my youngest
daughters
mental illness was triggered also by her grief and loss. I held on to
that kid
despite my own short comings Some people are not as strong as others when
grief
is involved . we made it through all that and I am grateful I found that
strength for my family. I do not and did not ask for the "poor you"
support , I
was honest to who I am and was slammed for the truth . I was slammed for
our
own beliefs about our family not seeing Adoption as an option for US . I
AM
HUMAN and have made mistakes , bad choices, and have paid that price in
life. I
have that forgiveness, and who the hell is she or anyone else to condemn
me .
we've crawled our way back through counsiling, therapy , and natural
healing,
as I know others have. I do not claim to be any more special than anyone
else.
Good therapists save lives and families and mine is a family that fell and
stood back up and healed. I have not destroyed my children or my
grandchildren,
and her jabs at how she will pray for us is indeed a malicious and cruel
attack. Follow as you feel you must. I got involved because I saw her do
the
same to Sly, it does not take a freekin rocket scientist to see through
her .
She is so obvious. Other than that I think she is capable of good advice
and if
she could control her personal feelings and judgements and accept that
people
have different lifestyles and that does not mean they are ****ing up thier
kids
because of that, then maybe she would stop having to pray for all of us
sinners
You misunderstand me, this is a love hate thing here for me, there is
something about a person that uses spiritual goodness in an evil way that
concerns me .
Bev

You still use alot of words for what I STILL see to be a "woe is me"
syndrome.

Christine

"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 18:42:07 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message
...
ubject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "slykitten" ms
Date: 9/16/2004 10:57 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

do you have any clue about anything??? he IS my son's STEP DAD!!!!
he's
the
ONLY DAD my son has EVER known! He became DAD when my son was 15
months
old
and he accepted US. Yes, he IS STEP DAD.

--
No Sly she does not have a clue... I do though , I understand 100%. My
daughters had a step mom, from the time the oldest was 5 1/2 and the
youngest
she was 6 months old, would we have married over 20 years ago probably,
but we
were denied that right. What do I feel about the paperwork now F%$# it,
means
nothing what we had was more than any piece of paper could give us. Our
vows
were etched within our hearts . Stay strong let it roll off it doesn't
matter
if there are people so shallow that they don't get it. Take care
Bev

Are you on medication because I think you missed a dose.

Oy. Lots of people are on medication. I'm on medication. Tell her to
get stuffed if that's in your heart, but please don't use medication
as an insult, k?


No because I seriously think she's either not on the right meds. Perhaps
this is her natural personality but I see her as an "over-reactive drama
queen" with a major case of "I'm a victim" mixed with "the world is against
me" syndrome (not a professional diagnosis mind you but hits the nail on the
head regardless). I've been depressed on and off for a number of years and
this woman has issues medication doesn't seem to be helping. Sure my
comments may be harsh lately, but I really have no tolerance lately for
drama.

You see what you
want to see, but I'm telling you, your judgement is clouded by your
personal
vendetta against Joelle. But then again, why am I wasting my breath when
I'm supposed to be holding it. Good luck to you in life, I sincerely
think
you'll need it.

Christine

Lotta pain all 'round, I'd say. People lash out when they're hurting.
At least, I do....

Hey Christine, did we get any further on the group meet this summer?
Got any thoughts on the where of it? Paul and I seem to be up for
it.....

Cele

Well considering I'm only a car ride away to Vancouver, I don't see an issue
of not being able to make it with enough planning on my part.

Christine

On Sun, 19 Sep 2004 04:18:33 GMT, "CME"
wrote:

Are you on medication because I think you missed a dose.

Oy. Lots of people are on medication. I'm on medication. Tell her to
get stuffed if that's in your heart, but please don't use medication
as an insult, k?


No because I seriously think she's either not on the right meds. Perhaps
this is her natural personality but I see her as an "over-reactive drama
queen" with a major case of "I'm a victim" mixed with "the world is against
me" syndrome (not a professional diagnosis mind you but hits the nail on the
head regardless). I've been depressed on and off for a number of years and
this woman has issues medication doesn't seem to be helping. Sure my
comments may be harsh lately, but I really have no tolerance lately for
drama.

Well, I'm not seeing what some others of you are seeing. I'm seeing
someone who's been through a rough time, made some mistakes, stood by
her kids and hurting some. But regardless of anyone's opinion of Bev,
I get uncomfortable when people use the whole meds thing as a way to
put someone down, because I see it as contributing to the whole
societal censure and judgmental attitudes towards any kind of mental
illness.

Hey Christine, did we get any further on the group meet this summer?
Got any thoughts on the where of it? Paul and I seem to be up for
it.....

Cele

Well considering I'm only a car ride away to Vancouver, I don't see an issue
of not being able to make it with enough planning on my part.

Works for me! Now that school's back in I'm swamped all the time, but
come summer, I'll have to come see you even if we don't get the group
meet going. But a group meet would be even better.


Cele

Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "CME"
Date: 9/19/2004 12:18 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id: tM73d.25351$yW6.7452@clgrps12

No because I seriously think she's either not on the right meds. Perhaps
this is her natural personality but I see her as an "over-reactive drama
queen" with a major case of "I'm a victim" mixed with "the world is against
me" syndrome (not a professional diagnosis mind you but hits the nail on the
head regardless). I've been depressed on and off for a number of years and
this woman has issues medication doesn't seem to be helping. Sure my
comments may be harsh lately, but I really have no tolerance lately for
drama.


Christine, Who knows ? I mean, I don't.
I am under a lot of stress right now, I do not expect everyone to understand
what this has been like for my family. I do not see our lifes issues being any
worse than others, I know everyone has there own crosses to bear. I am reaching
out , I am obviously going about it the wrong way for some to understand me. It
does hurt when I have done the best that I can with all I have been handed ( by
my own mistakes or not) I accept that , but I can't give in to it. I learn and
I go on as many of us have. and sometimes it 'IS' O.K. to sing "You and me
against the world" to your children, if you know what I mean. I hope that you
do Bev

"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message
...
Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "CME"
Date: 9/19/2004 12:18 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id: tM73d.25351$yW6.7452@clgrps12

No because I seriously think she's either not on the right meds. Perhaps
this is her natural personality but I see her as an "over-reactive drama
queen" with a major case of "I'm a victim" mixed with "the world is
against
me" syndrome (not a professional diagnosis mind you but hits the nail on
the
head regardless). I've been depressed on and off for a number of years
and
this woman has issues medication doesn't seem to be helping. Sure my
comments may be harsh lately, but I really have no tolerance lately for
drama.


Christine, Who knows ? I mean, I don't.
I am under a lot of stress right now, I do not expect everyone to
understand
what this has been like for my family. I do not see our lifes issues being
any
worse than others, I know everyone has there own crosses to bear. I am
reaching
out , I am obviously going about it the wrong way for some to understand
me. It
does hurt when I have done the best that I can with all I have been handed
( by
my own mistakes or not) I accept that , but I can't give in to it. I
learn and
I go on as many of us have. and sometimes it 'IS' O.K. to sing "You and me
against the world" to your children, if you know what I mean. I hope that
you
do Bev

Everyone has been under alot of stress at one or more point in their lives,
what you don't seem to get is how you seem to thrive on the drama. I'm of
the belief that the world isn't against us, it's our own choices that
determine how that world unwraps. So instead of looking outside yourself
and playing the victim, which you also seem to revel in, get over yourself
and move on.

Christine

I'm tired, I am worn out, emotionally spiritually and physically falling
apart.What can I do when nothing I do helps anymore?
Bev

Then do nothing. If your daughter is determined to be a mother and the father
is determined to NOT be a father...... there is nothing you can do.

I suggested the adoption route BECAUSE of your daughter's mental illness, your
other daughter's issues, and the chaos already around that you described.....

Adoption may not have been the popular choice, but for an immature, mentally
ill teen, it may have been the best choice.

However, that's not likely to happen now I think sigh.

I'm a firm believer in tough love..... it's necessary with some children (my
own included). Doesn't mean they are abandoned and isolated, just means they
assume responsibility for the decisions they make and the parents reject
enabling.

Just my 2 cents.........
Christine

On 19 Sep 2004 12:20:03 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

What can I do when nothing I do helps anymore?

Keep going.

So true.....

Cele