a little advice needed

This is really rare but i am a divorced mother who pays child support. I
currently pay 600.00 for my two boys. Back last year in july my ex husband
put a temporary restraining order on me because i wanted to move an hour away
and he thought i was gonna take the kids with me and not bring them back.
Which was never mentioned or anything. Plus an argument between my brother
and father happened while my children were there the last day i seen them. i
havent seen them at all in six months and he threatens me with if hes not
getting a child support check i cant talk to them and i can only talk to them
two nights a week before seven. here lately he has been getting child support
but not letting me talk to them at all (he wont answer his phone). he
threatens me by saying he will take me back to court since i am four thousand
dollars behind in child support. Anyone have any advice on this at all.

"kennyfan06" u40691@uwe wrote in message news:7e4eb52717064@uwe...
This is really rare but i am a divorced mother who pays child support. I
currently pay 600.00 for my two boys. Back last year in july my ex husband
put a temporary restraining order on me because i wanted to move an hour
away
and he thought i was gonna take the kids with me and not bring them back.
Which was never mentioned or anything. Plus an argument between my brother
and father happened while my children were there the last day i seen them.
i
havent seen them at all in six months and he threatens me with if hes not
getting a child support check i cant talk to them and i can only talk to
them
two nights a week before seven. here lately he has been getting child
support
but not letting me talk to them at all (he wont answer his phone). he
threatens me by saying he will take me back to court since i am four
thousand
dollars behind in child support. Anyone have any advice on this at all.
====
File a petition to enforce visitation. No atty. needed. Child support is a
different matter unconnected
to visitation. He cannot withhold visitation due to unpaid support. Has the
restraining order been lifted?

no. he wont lift it. he says it cant be unless i take it back to court .

Gini wrote:
This is really rare but i am a divorced mother who pays child support. I
currently pay 600.00 for my two boys. Back last year in july my ex husband
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
thousand
dollars behind in child support. Anyone have any advice on this at all.
====
File a petition to enforce visitation. No atty. needed. Child support is a
different matter unconnected
to visitation. He cannot withhold visitation due to unpaid support. Has the
restraining order been lifted?

--
steph

the restraining order was for me wanting to move and he thought i was taking
them with me and not bringing them back. the restraining order has nothing to
do with the child support. but he is not letting me talk to them cause we
have had some "Myspace wars " going on. just childish stuff

Gini wrote:
This is really rare but i am a divorced mother who pays child support. I
currently pay 600.00 for my two boys. Back last year in july my ex husband
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
thousand
dollars behind in child support. Anyone have any advice on this at all.
====
File a petition to enforce visitation. No atty. needed. Child support is a
different matter unconnected
to visitation. He cannot withhold visitation due to unpaid support. Has the
restraining order been lifted?

--
steph

"kennyfan06" u40691@uwe wrote in message news:7e4eb52717064@uwe...
This is really rare but i am a divorced mother who pays child support. I
currently pay 600.00 for my two boys. Back last year in july my ex husband
put a temporary restraining order on me because i wanted to move an hour
away
and he thought i was gonna take the kids with me and not bring them back.
Which was never mentioned or anything. Plus an argument between my brother
and father happened while my children were there the last day i seen them.
i
havent seen them at all in six months and he threatens me with if hes not
getting a child support check i cant talk to them and i can only talk to
them
two nights a week before seven. here lately he has been getting child
support
but not letting me talk to them at all (he wont answer his phone). he
threatens me by saying he will take me back to court since i am four
thousand
dollars behind in child support. Anyone have any advice on this at all.

Like Gini said - CS payments and visitation are legally unrelated. What
that means is your contact with the children is not dependent on whether or
not you pay CS on time.

Your divorce decree should spell out the terms of visitation (some states
call it access). If the terms are not being followed you can suggest to
your ex-husband your option to file a Motion For Contempt of Court to force
your right to visitation. I would keep that legal option very low key by
saying you want to work it out between the two of you as adults and not have
to get the court involved with a contempt proceeding.

If your decree has more generic visitation language (something like
reasonable and seasonal visitation) you can get what each court calls their
"standard visitation order". Most of them are very structured and detailed
so they are not flexible enough to meet the realities of parenting. But
they do lay out a schedule for every other weekend, alternating holidays,
birthdays, summer vacations, etc.

Many states are adopting legislation to allow the parents to develop and
agree on what are called Parenting Plans. They are usually put together
through a court related mediation facilitator and approved by the judge.
They are modeled after the specific lifestyles of the parents and children
and go so far as to detail if changes need to be made to the schedule, how
the parents will communicate and be given compensatory time for any
adjustments.

"kennyfan06" u40691@uwe wrote in message news:7e4fa866b9fa9@uwe...
the restraining order was for me wanting to move and he thought i was
taking
them with me and not bringing them back. the restraining order has nothing
to
do with the child support. but he is not letting me talk to them cause we
have had some "Myspace wars " going on. just childish stuff

This doesn't sound quite right. Judges will sign just about anything when
it comes to RO's and they sign them ex parte so you have to ask for a
hearing to give your side of the story. But an RO should not be used to
modify the visitation terms in a divorce decree. And you have a
Constitutional right to live wherever you want.

Re your other comment - He can have the RO rescinded by telling the court it
is no longer needed. In any event, RO's have expiration dates, but they can
be re-upped.

My personal opinion of RO's is they are attempts to control the other party.
They do not protect anyone from anything. They are just pieces of paper
that make people feel powerful. As an example - my ex knew I was taking our
children on a vacation trip to an adjoining state to see my realtives. She
got an RO telling me I could not take the children out of state. I got it
rescinded, but the issue was she was just being nasty about a lot of things
to give me a hard time.

thanks for all the comments. but we do have a parenting plan and a schedule
of every other weekend and holidays. but the judge signed this RO and i
havent been able to see them at all in six months because of it. his mom and
wife now both work at our courthouse. his mom has been there for 20 years as
a clerk and his wife a few years now. she is in the juvenile department of
the courthouse. i live in Tennessee.
Bob Whiteside wrote:
This is really rare but i am a divorced mother who pays child support. I
currently pay 600.00 for my two boys. Back last year in july my ex husband
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
thousand
dollars behind in child support. Anyone have any advice on this at all.

Like Gini said - CS payments and visitation are legally unrelated. What
that means is your contact with the children is not dependent on whether or
not you pay CS on time.

Your divorce decree should spell out the terms of visitation (some states
call it access). If the terms are not being followed you can suggest to
your ex-husband your option to file a Motion For Contempt of Court to force
your right to visitation. I would keep that legal option very low key by
saying you want to work it out between the two of you as adults and not have
to get the court involved with a contempt proceeding.

If your decree has more generic visitation language (something like
reasonable and seasonal visitation) you can get what each court calls their
"standard visitation order". Most of them are very structured and detailed
so they are not flexible enough to meet the realities of parenting. But
they do lay out a schedule for every other weekend, alternating holidays,
birthdays, summer vacations, etc.

Many states are adopting legislation to allow the parents to develop and
agree on what are called Parenting Plans. They are usually put together
through a court related mediation facilitator and approved by the judge.
They are modeled after the specific lifestyles of the parents and children
and go so far as to detail if changes need to be made to the schedule, how
the parents will communicate and be given compensatory time for any
adjustments.

--
steph

he wont lift the restraining order i have tried to ask him too. he told me i
have to take him back to court first.

Bob Whiteside wrote:
the restraining order was for me wanting to move and he thought i was
taking
them with me and not bringing them back. the restraining order has nothing
to
do with the child support. but he is not letting me talk to them cause we
have had some "Myspace wars " going on. just childish stuff

This doesn't sound quite right. Judges will sign just about anything when
it comes to RO's and they sign them ex parte so you have to ask for a
hearing to give your side of the story. But an RO should not be used to
modify the visitation terms in a divorce decree. And you have a
Constitutional right to live wherever you want.

Re your other comment - He can have the RO rescinded by telling the court it
is no longer needed. In any event, RO's have expiration dates, but they can
be re-upped.

My personal opinion of RO's is they are attempts to control the other party.
They do not protect anyone from anything. They are just pieces of paper
that make people feel powerful. As an example - my ex knew I was taking our
children on a vacation trip to an adjoining state to see my realtives. She
got an RO telling me I could not take the children out of state. I got it
rescinded, but the issue was she was just being nasty about a lot of things
to give me a hard time.

--
steph

"kennyfan06" u40691@uwe wrote in message news:7e50d9f50de0e@uwe...
thanks for all the comments. but we do have a parenting plan and a
schedule
of every other weekend and holidays. but the judge signed this RO and i
havent been able to see them at all in six months because of it. his mom
and
wife now both work at our courthouse. his mom has been there for 20 years
as
a clerk and his wife a few years now. she is in the juvenile department of
the courthouse. i live in Tennessee.

So if you have a parenting plan in place that covers your visitation rights,
there must be some valid reason the court is not willing to enforce the
existing order. What are you restrained from doing?

"kennyfan06" u40691@uwe wrote in message news:7e50dd8195759@uwe...
he wont lift the restraining order i have tried to ask him too. he told me
i
have to take him back to court first.
===
Why haven't you done that?
====

Bob Whiteside wrote:
the restraining order was for me wanting to move and he thought i was
taking
them with me and not bringing them back. the restraining order has
nothing
to
do with the child support. but he is not letting me talk to them cause
we
have had some "Myspace wars " going on. just childish stuff

This doesn't sound quite right. Judges will sign just about anything when
it comes to RO's and they sign them ex parte so you have to ask for a
hearing to give your side of the story. But an RO should not be used to
modify the visitation terms in a divorce decree. And you have a
Constitutional right to live wherever you want.

Re your other comment - He can have the RO rescinded by telling the court
it
is no longer needed. In any event, RO's have expiration dates, but they
can
be re-upped.

My personal opinion of RO's is they are attempts to control the other
party.
They do not protect anyone from anything. They are just pieces of paper
that make people feel powerful. As an example - my ex knew I was taking
our
children on a vacation trip to an adjoining state to see my realtives.
She
got an RO telling me I could not take the children out of state. I got it
rescinded, but the issue was she was just being nasty about a lot of
things
to give me a hard time.

--
steph