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#31
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Shared Custody?
"dmr"wrote "Gini" wrote: "dmr" wrote .................. Ok If "A" says to "B" do this to avoid that. "B" accepts the idea and do this to avoid that Then I write a post saying that "B" did this to avoid that following the advice of "A" IS THAT GUESSING??????????????????????? == OK, how's this-- Bottom line is that the entire matter is none of your business? So when I answer a post sent by someone else is also none of my business. This is a forum where people should be free to express themselves about different issues related child-support. You're trying to stop me from giving my thoughts because according to you is none of my business? So, we can only expose personal issues here? Did someone hire you to discourage people from participating in this forum? Because I don't accept to be censored, ok? I rather reade someone saying he doesn't agree with my point of view than someone suggesting I should not even have one. == Really? That's what I suggested?? I suggested that it's (the motivation of the NCP) is none of your business. That's *my* opinion. Do you think I should be sensored because my opinion is different from yours? No one suggested sensorship. Sheesh! |
#32
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Shared Custody?
On May 15, 11:47 am, "Gini" wrote:
"dmr"wrote "Gini" wrote: "dmr" wrote .................. Ok If "A" says to "B" do this to avoid that. "B" accepts the idea and do this to avoid that Then I write a post saying that "B" did this to avoid that following the advice of "A" IS THAT GUESSING??????????????????????? == OK, how's this-- Bottom line is that the entire matter is none of your business? So when I answer a post sent by someone else is also none of my business. This is a forum where people should be free to express themselves about different issues related child-support. You're trying to stop me from giving my thoughts because according to you is none of my business? So, we can only expose personal issues here? Did someone hire you to discourage people from participating in this forum? Because I don't accept to be censored, ok? I rather reade someone saying he doesn't agree with my point of view than someone suggesting I should not even have one. == Really? That's what I suggested?? I suggested that it's (the motivation of the NCP) is none of your business. That's *my* opinion. Do you think I should be sensored because my opinion is different from yours? No one suggested sensorship. Sheesh! Honestly, I came here to exchange with other parents. I wanted to know their point of view and test mine. I did not expect to have to deal with people like you. It's already hard enough to be a single parent and I don't need this. So, keep annoying people as much as you want, since that is your idea of freedom of speech. I' m out of this group. |
#33
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Shared Custody?
"dmr" wrote .................... Honestly, I came here to exchange with other parents. I wanted to know their point of view and test mine. == You got that and didn't like it. == I did not expect to have to deal with people like you. It's already hard enough to be a single parent and I don't need this. So, keep annoying people as much as you want, since that is your idea of freedom of speech. I' m out of this group. == What did you expect when you came in here condemning a dad's motivations while giving mom a free pass? Dads matter here. If you can't deal with that, you're better off gone. |
#34
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Shared Custody?
"dmr" wrote in message oups.com... On May 15, 2:28 am, "teachrmama" wrote: "dmr" wrote in message ups.com... On May 15, 12:38 am, "teachrmama" wrote: "dmr" wrote in message roups.com... On May 14, 11:40 pm, "teachrmama" wrote: "dmr" wrote in message roups.com... On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote: dmr wrote: Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices! We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments. But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any money at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out of his pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving on CS, right? Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring for the children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother may have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids full-time. I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth from men to women wants to admit to that. - Ron ^*^ He would be expending as much money if instead of having his girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a daycare. As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries. I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea of someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money. I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot see myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with the kids. It has nothing to do with the money. How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad and girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did you get this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know that the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked for shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do you know that this is true?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Listen, I know these people and I can ensure you money was the primary motive for the shared custody. However, after reading some replies to my initial post I realize it's maybe not as bad as I thought after all. Like John Meyer wrote: "...if somebody THINKS that just by doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of hurt. " You're not saying that you want him to be "in a world of hurt," are you? That would certainly cast some doubt on your motivations for posting this story. You say you know these people. Do you have a particular reason for disliking this man?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Please, don't try to guess hidden motivations on people's postings. If I need a psychologist I will find one myself, capito? You seem to be guessing at HIS motivations, and stating them as fact. What's with that? - Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Ok If "A" says to "B" do this to avoid that. "B" accepts the idea and do this to avoid that Then I write a post saying that "B" did this to avoid that following the advice of "A" IS THAT GUESSING??????????????????????? YES!! It IS guessing! Perhaps dad wanted more time with the kid anyway, but knew NOTHING about shared parenting. Perhaps when girlfriend said "My ex an I have a shared parenting plan. It saves him a bundle on child support, and we both get time with the kids," he said "Wow. Shared parenting. Tell me about it." And she did. And she also said "And you'd save money, because you wouldn't have to pay for child care. I could watch the kid." And he said "Wow! Sounds like a win-win situation. I'll try it." And the judge agreed. You can't say that just because A suggested to B that he'd save money, that is his sole motivation. Unless he came to you in person and said "I'm going for shared parenting JUST to save money." Did he? |
#35
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Shared Custody?
"teachrmama" wrote ............. YES!! It IS guessing! Perhaps dad wanted more time with the kid anyway, but knew NOTHING about shared parenting. Perhaps when girlfriend said "My ex an I have a shared parenting plan. It saves him a bundle on child support, and we both get time with the kids," he said "Wow. Shared parenting. Tell me about it." And she did. And she also said "And you'd save money, because you wouldn't have to pay for child care. I could watch the kid." And he said "Wow! Sounds like a win-win situation. I'll try it." And the judge agreed. You can't say that just because A suggested to B that he'd save money, that is his sole motivation. Unless he came to you in person and said "I'm going for shared parenting JUST to save money." Did he? === Might as well save your breath. He took his ball and went home--Said we didn't play nice. |
#36
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Shared Custody?
"Gini" wrote in message news:h0w2i.7112$vu2.3195@trndny01... "teachrmama" wrote ............ YES!! It IS guessing! Perhaps dad wanted more time with the kid anyway, but knew NOTHING about shared parenting. Perhaps when girlfriend said "My ex an I have a shared parenting plan. It saves him a bundle on child support, and we both get time with the kids," he said "Wow. Shared parenting. Tell me about it." And she did. And she also said "And you'd save money, because you wouldn't have to pay for child care. I could watch the kid." And he said "Wow! Sounds like a win-win situation. I'll try it." And the judge agreed. You can't say that just because A suggested to B that he'd save money, that is his sole motivation. Unless he came to you in person and said "I'm going for shared parenting JUST to save money." Did he? === Might as well save your breath. He took his ball and went home--Said we didn't play nice. Another one who wants everyone to agree with him, it seems. Has he never made a decision based on a number of factors, rather than just one factor? Is that why he insists that the guy in his story wanted shared custody ONLY to save money? Oh, well No great loss, if all he is going to do is ask our opinions, then rail on us when we don't give back HIS opinion as our own. |
#37
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Shared Custody?
On May 14, 4:45 am, dmr wrote:
I don't know how it works in the US, but here in Canada (Quebec to be more specific) some parents had found a way to save money on child support that I believe is unfair for the children. This is a true story: A man separated from his wife. They have 2 young children of 8 and 4 yrs old. The guy is General Manager at a Sherwin-Williams chemical coatings store and makes a pretty good salary. He has little time to spend with the children but giving full custody to the mother means he will have to pay full child support (Something like $1200.00 USD per month). So, his new girlfriend who's also separated and has shared custody, give him the idea: - Apply for shared custody and convince your ex-wife that it's the best things for the kids. Don't worries, if you don't have time to take care of them just leave them with me. The man managed to get the shared custody, and so reduce considerably the amount of child support he was going to pay to the mother. Find the error! It's been my experience that there are a lot of divorced fathers looking primarily babysitter girlfriends. And divorced moms looking for wallet boyfriends. I'm not too into the leave the kids with the girlfriend/boyfriend routine and that includes shack-ups. If you have visitation, then u should spend your time with your kid, not run off to be with your buddies. Money issues aside, it's not fair to the kid. |
#38
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Shared Custody?
"dmr" wrote in message oups.com... On May 14, 12:08 pm, magnumpi83 wrote: On May 14, 11:32 am, "DB" wrote: "dmr" wrote in The man managed to get the shared custody, and so reduce considerably the amount of child support he was going to pay to the mother. Find the error! I see an error when a father to save money, deprive his own children to see their mother. So is it the money or time you are concerned about? IS really the money that bothers you! You see the problem with the father to save money deprives his own children to see their mother? Well what about the father? Is it all right with the mother depriving THEIR children from seeing their father? How do you know the father is saving money? Maybe he's spending it directly on the children instead of giving it to the mom to spend on the children. I think if you take out the outside factors (meaning the ex's boyfriends and/or girlfriends and money), isn't it the best for the children to see their father and mother equally? What they do here in the states is they take the total income by both parents and determine what percent each parent contributes. Then they take the percentage overnights the children stay at each parents home.From their they determine how much support is awarded based on the standard of living the children are used to before the divorce. So obviously if he makes more money that the mom he will pay her some support but not as much because he is now spending it on the children instead. I think the philosophy were the children should live with the mom full time and let the dad pay her support is outdated and sometimes it turns out the dad is a better parent than the mom. I think the best for the children is a 50/50 split especially if there's not a lot of distance between them. I did now start this post with the purpose to criticize fathers who obtain shared custody of the children. I am a father myself! I also know that shared custody doesn't mean we have to be always next to the children when we have them. If you read my post again, you will understand that in this particular case, a woman suggest to the guy to request shared custody in order to save money. Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices! We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments. Why not? The primary goal of women rejecting shared custody is to INCREASE (maximize) "child support" payments. The primary goal should be our will to fully participate in our children care and education. |
#39
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Shared Custody?
"Chris" wrote .............................. We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments. Why not? The primary goal of women rejecting shared custody is to INCREASE (maximize) "child support" payments. == He already rejected that response. He didn't like it. He thinks every NCPs motives must be analyzed and found to be acceptable before custody is shared. CPs motives don't factor in. |
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