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Feeling Guilty...



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 29th 06, 04:26 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 690
Default Feeling Guilty...

About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?
I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I
don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do.
Might not be true, but that's how I feel.
I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but
I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a
couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and
chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie
me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken
for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and
diet.

I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for
groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will
pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I
can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy
the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer
rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard,
though.

I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and
yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom
and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to
sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1
disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if
I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other
utilities.

Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them?

I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and
go through them and think about them.
The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell
phone, car insurance.
My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the
insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to
make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's
currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call
display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and
only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is.
Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell
phone...)
I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started
this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract
until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP
and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my
contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower
grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per
month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my
account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill,
I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay
that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge
lump sum to pay off or be disconnected.
For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract,
I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for
whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for
however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for
both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all?
The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more
a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am
calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to
downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate
to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic
cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a
priviledge.

I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for
one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I
need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my
route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth,
here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and
use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard
time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails
and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough
trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull!

I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi
addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a
huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat
(even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a
month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and
have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating
out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn,
though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a
crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas
present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just
finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby
blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas
present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much
money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I
still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways...

Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting
yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of
pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any
ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said Wednesday is
good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also
know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want
to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared,
maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this
mess with me on Wednesday...


  #2  
Old August 29th 06, 04:23 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Feeling Guilty...


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:%[email protected]
About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?



Sorry to say I didn't read your entire post..... got stuff to do right now.

BUT.....

its normal to sacrifice for the children. Why would you feel guilty? Unless
you are 90 lbs.... you do what parents do.

Bills? You pay what you can.... priority them!

Cable?? What the hell do you have cable for?? If you can't pay rent, you
should disconnect the cable. Even if its basic.... that is $10 - 15 a month
towards things you need.

Seems you made many bad decisions.... locking into many contracts. You can
contact the companies and see what they will do but most will say, tough
****. You may be able to find someone to take over your cell phone contract.

Isn't your rent subsidized? So that should already be pretty cheap.

You need to work. Now. Go get a job. Get the kids into a daycare program, I
am sure they have programs that will pay for day care for you.

I wish you much luck. All you can do at this point is learn your lessons.
Many of us been there too.


  #3  
Old August 29th 06, 07:19 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 690
Default Feeling Guilty...


"Tiffany" wrote in message
news:[email protected]

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:%[email protected]
About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?



Sorry to say I didn't read your entire post..... got stuff to do right
now.

BUT.....

its normal to sacrifice for the children. Why would you feel guilty?
Unless you are 90 lbs.... you do what parents do.


I also take into consideration that I need to eat something fairly normal as
far as a diet goes. Normally, I don't mind eating whatever, but while
pregnant, I find that I actually *need* to eat, more than I want to. I'm
going to see if I can google some fairly easy, cheap, healthy meals during
pregnancy. That thought did just come to mind. There has to be something.

Bills? You pay what you can.... priority them!


THIS is what I know I will need my mom's help on the most. Not help with
her giving me money, but her help with breaking down bills and budgeting the
money I do have.

Cable?? What the hell do you have cable for?? If you can't pay rent, you
should disconnect the cable. Even if its basic.... that is $10 - 15 a
month towards things you need.


Rent is paid, insurance is paid, and that's set to come out of my account
every month on a set date. Right now, well, at the next billing period, the
cable is gone. I just don't like the pro-rated idea, as the way it will
turn out, I will basically have to pay the same amount as a full month -
they say they need about a week to do any changes, which will leave a whole
savings of nothing really, as next billing period for me starts right after.

Seems you made many bad decisions.... locking into many contracts. You can
contact the companies and see what they will do but most will say, tough
****. You may be able to find someone to take over your cell phone
contract.


As far as the power goes, I had no choice but to go with a contract. I need
power anyways. I casually asked around to see if I could find anyone
willing or wanting to take over the cell phone contract. At that point, I
couldn't find anyone interested, but didn't actually search seriously. It
doesn't seem like many people who want cell phones are without a phone.
Seems everyone has one already or they refuse to have a cell phone and do
not want one. Maybe I can offer a real good deal with my contract to
someone - take the contract for free and I'll give you, um... some nice
house plants!
If I could even pass off just one phone of the 2 on contract, it would help
quite a bit. I'm debating on cutting the home phone line (no contract there
or any disconnection fees/penalties) and just keeping the cell phone, but
I'm not sure if I like the idea of really no phone during the day (as the
cell is used rarely during the day due to X amount of 'free' minutes)
Something like giving the contract to someone else is something I had been
looking into. I will start looking, a lot more seriously this time, though,
and see if there's someone who wants a contract that isn't a full term.

Isn't your rent subsidized? So that should already be pretty cheap.


Yes, it is.

You need to work. Now. Go get a job. Get the kids into a daycare program,
I am sure they have programs that will pay for day care for you.


B starts school right away here, so he's gone for the morning M-F. A can go
in daycare, and there's subsidized daycare available. That means 1 full
time and 1 part time (afternoon) daycare spots I would need, both would
definitely be subsidized. No one will give me a job for a month or two. 32
weeks pregnant and looking for some type - any type - of job doesn't go over
very well. I already have plans for September '07 to go back to school full
time (2 year program). At that point, B will be in school full time, A will
be 2 and this next one will be 11 months. I have contacted this daycare 2
blocks away from home that says they offer childcare from 0-12 years of age.
I have asked to be put on the waiting list to have 2 baby full time spots
and 1 6 year old part time (after school) spot available for that September.
I *could* see about starting school when this baby is 6 months old (that's
considered 0 years old, the youngest ANY daycare will take an infant, but
most are 1 year of age as standard mat leave is 1 year) Starting school
when this one is 6 months means in like April-ish, which is when school
winds down and ends. Starting in September makes the most sense, and it
gives me time to look into school loans or whatever is out there as an
option, as well as getting everything together, doing as much research as
possible.

I wish you much luck. All you can do at this point is learn your lessons.
Many of us been there too.


Yes, that's why I asked. I know there's people here who have, at one point,
been in a similar situation. I've been calling around, and my mom has been
as well to help me out as she seems to have better access to what kind of
resources are out there, and seeing what I can take and use to my advantage.
One thing in the immediate future I am looking at is this support program
for low income families. They offer support to families as far as life
goes - budgeting and stretching a dollar, time management, generally learned
parenting and life skills. The intake lady I need to talk to is out of the
office until September 5th. There's nothing I can do about that but wait
until she's back.


  #4  
Old August 30th 06, 12:24 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 690
Default Feeling Guilty...


"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:26:51 GMT, "xkatx" the following
was posted in blue dry erase marker:

About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?
I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that
I
don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I
do.
Might not be true, but that's how I feel.
I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever,
but
I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a
couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and
chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to
tie
me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken
for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal
and
diet.

I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot
for
groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I
will
pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things
I
can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than
buy
the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer
rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard,
though.

I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue,
and
yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom
and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house,
to
sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1
disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like
if
I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the
other
utilities.

Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them?


Aside from having enough money to pay them? Yeah, call all the bill
senders and explain that you've just separated, you're pregnant, and
you're in need of help. See if they can extend your due dates or spread
payments over time.


You mean pay a bit above and beyond for a bill? What I mean is see if maybe
Power Company will accept a payment plan of maybe an extra $20 on top of
whatever the monthly bill may be? (eg: Power is $50 this month, pay $70 to
them, next month bill is $60, pay $80 to them? - for example)

If you have luxury bills like a cell phone and
cable, get them disconnected. If you can get dial up instead, use dial
up. Find the cheapest in your area.


The cell phone is a contract. I have to find a way out of the contract or
pawn the remaining contract (for 2 phones) off on someone else. Cable is
scheduled to be knocked off for my next billing period. I do not like
pro-rated rates, and with the time they need to disconnect (or so they say)
it ends up being a few days before my new billing period anyways. It's the
Internet that we have the regular high speed ADSL - on contract. I am going
to call in and see if I can possibly live out the rest of my contract (or
for as long as I need to, anyways) on something cheaper - like their dial up
service. In this area, there's not much for options on stuff like that.

Cut your insurance to just liability
for now.


Always have had only PLPD - minimum required for putting a car on the road.

Check with the power company to see if you can negotiate a
cheaper rate or find a new power company with a cheaper KWH rate and
then call your current company ... see if they can beat it.


Ah. Never thought of that. I got myself locked into a contract with the
new power company back in November or so. They were far cheaper than what
we were with, and with the contract, rates are locked at that amount and
won't go up (then you get to the end of the contract and it goes way up lol)
There's 2 power companies to choose from - AFAIK. We're on one and switched
to that one from the other, with higher rates. Maybe I can negotiate for a
cheaper rate, though!

If you
switch phone service, they will often have special deals for 6 months or
so. Maybe by then, you'll be back on your feat or your ex will be able
to help.


The only other phone company around is through the cable company. New(er)
service and by far less reliable than the actual phone company. That's what
I hear from others who switched anyways. The cable company's phone service
is also WAY more expensive. It's a set rate and comes with ALL the bells
and whistles for that extra cost - currently pay about $25 for the phone -
the cable company is, I think, something like $50 or $55 because it comes
standard with free long distance (I do not call long distance or have any
reason for this, even currently have a block on all long distance/charge
phone numbers on my phone) call display, voice mail, call waiting, bla bla
bla. I really have no use for any of those for the extra money it is. I
also kinda like the phone number I have and have had since day 1. It's
almost like a piece of me would be gone if I lost that phone number LOL j/k

I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit
and
go through them and think about them.
The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell
phone, car insurance.
My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the
insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to
make it legal on the road.


ok.. .then check around for cheaper companies anyway.


Maybe something will be new since around March when I insured this car.
Maybe someone might try and offer a better deal if I'm serious about
switching?

I also do need the home phone, and it's
currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call
display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and
only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is.


Why?


For which part?
With children and babies, I feel that a phone is a necessity in the case of
emergency, not a luxury.
With call display, I have had some issues with people calling as well as
telemarketers harrassing me, not to mention there's a bill collection place
on my case because they say that I was paid vacation pay 2 times from my
last job - a year and a half ago. I've sent them documents and papers to
show I was not over paid, and they call all hours. I log when they call and
if it continues the way it is, I plan to make a complaint.
Also, the power, well, you need power. I'd be evicted if the power was not
on here, as you need to have power in order to stay a tenant.

Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell
phone...)
I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That
started
this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet
contract
until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the
ISP
and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my
contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower
grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per
month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my
account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same
bill,
I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay
that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge
lump sum to pay off or be disconnected.


Find an area that they do not cover and tell them that's where you're
moving. They will tell you, "We don't currently cover that area." It's
not your fault that they don't cover that area. You will probably not
have to pay out the contract that you're willing to keep... it's their
problem that they don't cover that area.


Internet and phone are the same company, comes on the same bill each month.
It's then down to phone or no phone if I say we're moving and moving to an
area they might not cover for Internet. They'd also disconnect the phone,
and the other phone company is, by far, more expensive for what I need,
unless I could come up with something like I'm moving to this area, I am
leaving the phone as I'm allowing a friend to rent here after I move and
they have their own ISP? Hm... Maybe that doesn't make sense...

For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the
contract,
I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for
whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for
however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month
for
both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at
all?


Same as above - find out their coverage area. Tell them you're moving to
an area they don't currently cover. If they ask for an address, you
don't have one yet as you've only just obtained the job and will be in a
hotel for a short time while apartment hunting. Tell them to send the
final bill to your mother and it will be paid. You can work that "paid"
part out later.


Ah theys *seem* to cover EVERYWHERE... Even in Las Vegas, I had coverage.
No coverage on the airplane, though LOL
Unless I'm moving out of the country or something... If calling and saying
I'm moving to something like, I don't know, England, is that very
far-fetched and obnoxious? I might then still be responsible to live out my
contract (pay them lots to back out of the contract early) or be expected to
find someone to take over the remaining contract...
I think I will call and see. A friend's girlfriend said a little while back
that if you call a company and say you still want their service but want a
cheaper rate, they'll suggest knocking off features - no voice mail, no free
evening/weekend minutes, etc., and if you say something like you use the
phone for business and require these features or options, they have ways to
knock your bill down even more without losing any features. Not sure how
true this is (this woman is fairly obnoxious and childish at times) but...
Maybe that's one thing I will ask about.

The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1
more
a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I
am
calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to
downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I
hesitate
to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic
cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as
a
priviledge.

I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments,
for
one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I
need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my
route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth,
here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try
and
use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard
time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley
trails
and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough
trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull!

I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi
addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is
a
huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat
(even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a
month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal
and
have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating
out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of
yarn,
though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a
crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas
present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just
finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby
blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas
present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much
money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I
still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways...

Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting
yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead
of
pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong?
Any
ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said Wednesday is
good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I
also
know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want
to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared,
maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this
mess with me on Wednesday...


1) if you don't eat well, then your unborn child will suffer the loss.
Your body will take the nutrients.


I know. Just what I don't need is to be a lump laying in a bed or on bed
rest because of being unhealthy... Or end up with something like a C-section
real early because of problems and having to deal with the kids plus trying
to manage a hospital with an extreme preemie baby or something... Oh, yea,
as nice as it sounds, bed rest is out lol

2) you need help from the ex, your family, and social services. You need
to contact churches to see who can help.


The ex is out. I'll let that part go with the flow and let family
maintenance do what they do better than I could ever do. I'm not going to
try and beg and negotiate with him anymore. I do know that all he wants and
needs is his time. TBH, I know that with time, it won't be this big
headache. That's the future, which I am not going to look into (that area,
anyways) as it's the present I want to deal with now. Not what can, may,
possibly, perhaps happen down the road in a month, 6 months, a year, 10
years, whatever.
I asked my mom. She definitely has the best for resources like this that I
more than likely need. Family also seems more willing and able to help now
than they were a few months ago. I also am in contact with SS. I get the
feeling that the worker I have is newer and isn't as familiar with
everything available. Or maybe she's just lazy. I did ask about extras -
clothing, food, money from any other source. She said that in September,
she can and will issue me extra money - a baby allowance thing that is a one
time thing. I think she said it's an extra $250 for baby needs. I also
asked about clothing for me, as obviously what I was wearing last year does
not fit, and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Also asked about clothing
allowances for school for B. Again, no word yet, I will call her tomorrow
morning.

Time to beg, borrow, and beg.

Sorry hon... that's the best I have.

'K


No, and that's fine. It's far better than what I currently have to go with!


  #5  
Old August 30th 06, 12:43 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Feeling Guilty...


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:6z%[email protected]

"Tiffany" wrote in message
news:[email protected]

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:%[email protected]
About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?





snipped


Things may be very different there then here so not sure what all we suggest
applies. Kate of course has good ideas.

I for one, forgot that you were pregnant so make sure to eat healthy.

There are programs for prego women here.... called WIC or something. Gives
vouchers for milk, cheese, ect.

Electric companies have programs to help low income families... check with
them. (I assume when you say POWER you are talking your electric)

Contract issues..... what kate suggested might work depending. I have heard
ppl try anything and everything to get out of a cell phone contract with no
luck. But the internet contract... ask about a suspension... tell em why.


  #6  
Old August 30th 06, 02:40 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Moon Shyne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 427
Default Feeling Guilty...


"xkatx" wrote in message
news[email protected]

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:26:51 GMT, "xkatx" the following
was posted in blue dry erase marker:

snip


You mean pay a bit above and beyond for a bill? What I mean is see if
maybe Power Company will accept a payment plan of maybe an extra $20 on
top of whatever the monthly bill may be? (eg: Power is $50 this month,
pay $70 to them, next month bill is $60, pay $80 to them? - for example)


snip

The cell phone is a contract. I have to find a way out of the contract or
pawn the remaining contract (for 2 phones) off on someone else. Cable is
scheduled to be knocked off for my next billing period. I do not like
pro-rated rates, and with the time they need to disconnect (or so they
say) it ends up being a few days before my new billing period anyways.
It's the Internet that we have the regular high speed ADSL - on contract.
I am going to call in and see if I can possibly live out the rest of my
contract (or for as long as I need to, anyways) on something cheaper -
like their dial up service. In this area, there's not much for options on
stuff like that.

snip


Always have had only PLPD - minimum required for putting a car on the
road.

snip

Ah. Never thought of that. I got myself locked into a contract with the
new power company back in November or so. They were far cheaper than what
we were with, and with the contract, rates are locked at that amount and
won't go up (then you get to the end of the contract and it goes way up
lol)
There's 2 power companies to choose from - AFAIK. We're on one and
switched to that one from the other, with higher rates. Maybe I can
negotiate for a cheaper rate, though!

snip

The only other phone company around is through the cable company. New(er)
service and by far less reliable than the actual phone company. That's
what I hear from others who switched anyways. The cable company's phone
service is also WAY more expensive. It's a set rate and comes with ALL
the bells and whistles for that extra cost - currently pay about $25 for
the phone - the cable company is, I think, something like $50 or $55
because it comes standard with free long distance (I do not call long
distance or have any reason for this, even currently have a block on all
long distance/charge phone numbers on my phone) call display, voice mail,
call waiting, bla bla bla. I really have no use for any of those for the
extra money it is. I also kinda like the phone number I have and have had
since day 1. It's almost like a piece of me would be gone if I lost that
phone number LOL j/k


snip


Maybe something will be new since around March when I insured this car.
Maybe someone might try and offer a better deal if I'm serious about
switching?


snip


For which part?
With children and babies, I feel that a phone is a necessity in the case
of emergency, not a luxury.
With call display, I have had some issues with people calling as well as
telemarketers harrassing me, not to mention there's a bill collection
place on my case because they say that I was paid vacation pay 2 times
from my last job - a year and a half ago. I've sent them documents and
papers to show I was not over paid, and they call all hours. I log when
they call and if it continues the way it is, I plan to make a complaint.
Also, the power, well, you need power. I'd be evicted if the power was
not on here, as you need to have power in order to stay a tenant.


snip


Internet and phone are the same company, comes on the same bill each
month. It's then down to phone or no phone if I say we're moving and
moving to an area they might not cover for Internet. They'd also
disconnect the phone, and the other phone company is, by far, more
expensive for what I need, unless I could come up with something like I'm
moving to this area, I am leaving the phone as I'm allowing a friend to
rent here after I move and they have their own ISP? Hm... Maybe that
doesn't make sense...


snip

Ah theys *seem* to cover EVERYWHERE... Even in Las Vegas, I had coverage.
No coverage on the airplane, though LOL
Unless I'm moving out of the country or something... If calling and saying
I'm moving to something like, I don't know, England, is that very
far-fetched and obnoxious? I might then still be responsible to live out
my contract (pay them lots to back out of the contract early) or be
expected to find someone to take over the remaining contract...
I think I will call and see. A friend's girlfriend said a little while
back that if you call a company and say you still want their service but
want a cheaper rate, they'll suggest knocking off features - no voice
mail, no free evening/weekend minutes, etc., and if you say something like
you use the phone for business and require these features or options, they
have ways to knock your bill down even more without losing any features.
Not sure how true this is (this woman is fairly obnoxious and childish at
times) but... Maybe that's one thing I will ask about.


snip

I know. Just what I don't need is to be a lump laying in a bed or on bed
rest because of being unhealthy... Or end up with something like a
C-section real early because of problems and having to deal with the kids
plus trying to manage a hospital with an extreme preemie baby or
something... Oh, yea, as nice as it sounds, bed rest is out lol


snip

The ex is out. I'll let that part go with the flow and let family
maintenance do what they do better than I could ever do. I'm not going to
try and beg and negotiate with him anymore. I do know that all he wants
and needs is his time. TBH, I know that with time, it won't be this big
headache. That's the future, which I am not going to look into (that
area, anyways) as it's the present I want to deal with now. Not what can,
may, possibly, perhaps happen down the road in a month, 6 months, a year,
10 years, whatever.
I asked my mom. She definitely has the best for resources like this that
I more than likely need. Family also seems more willing and able to help
now than they were a few months ago. I also am in contact with SS. I get
the feeling that the worker I have is newer and isn't as familiar with
everything available. Or maybe she's just lazy. I did ask about extras -
clothing, food, money from any other source. She said that in September,
she can and will issue me extra money - a baby allowance thing that is a
one time thing. I think she said it's an extra $250 for baby needs. I
also asked about clothing for me, as obviously what I was wearing last
year does not fit, and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Also asked about
clothing allowances for school for B. Again, no word yet, I will call her
tomorrow morning.


snip


No, and that's fine. It's far better than what I currently have to go
with!


Kat - your best bet is to buckle down and do the things that a responsible
adult would do. I read your answers, and this reads like a game...

"Why don't you..................."
..
"Yes, but ..........................."

You have a ton of reasons for NOT doing what needs to be done.

Time to put on your big girl panties, kiddo, and start being the adult in
your house.






  #7  
Old August 31st 06, 06:08 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Bev
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 196
Default Feeling Guilty...


xkatx wrote:
About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?
I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I
don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do.
Might not be true, but that's how I feel.
I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but
I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a
couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and
chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie
me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken
for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and
diet.


Kat is there a program where you live called WIC ? (Women Infants and
Children)
In Pa there is this program which my daughter/we have used to help
supply formula ,baby foods ,milk, cereal ,juice ,eggs cheese and
peanut butter .

you can look into that for you and the children.

I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for
groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will
pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I
can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy
the cheap stuff)


looking for sales would be a given no matter what your situation is
right?
Maybe you should go without the ketchup and mayo then ....Ya know I and
many others have been where you are at times and even over the past 5-6
years I had found myself and younger daughter homeless after Gayle
died. We lost everything and I mean everything kiddo. We learned
quickly to be grateful for the "Cheap stuff"

and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer
rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard,
though.


There is nothing wrong with sale meat that is frozen , just remember to
cook it the day you defrost it.

I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and
yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom
and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to
sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1
disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if
I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other
utilities.

Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them?


Others have offered you the same advice I would on this. We fell behind
on our electric last year and I called the elec co and we worked out an
arrangement like the one I saw someone suggest to you here.We pay the
current and a small amount (we pay 15.00) on the past due amount each
month , thius will secure your elec. Try and do the same with the
others.




I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and
go through them and think about them.
The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell
phone, car insurance.
My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the
insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to
make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's
currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call
display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and
only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is.
Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell
phone...)
I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started
this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract
until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP
and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my
contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower
grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per
month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my
account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill,
I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay
that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge
lump sum to pay off or be disconnected.
For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract,
I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for
whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for
however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for
both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all?
The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more
a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am
calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to
downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate
to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic
cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a
priviledge.


ugh......My granddaughter did not suffer any at all when we shut off
our cable to allow us to catch up with the bill. We played DVDand VCR
tapes of disney flicks for TV time. When my unemployment ran dry we
knew we had to make adjustments and this is one of the things we did to
aviod having items shut off on us we took the bull by the horns and
called and shut them off, whatever it was that was not a necessity.

Do not look at this as a pemanent problem it is not , right now you
have to sacrifice to survive. Once you have the baby and can work out
child care and get a job things will still be tough but you will be in
charge and in control of where and how you spend the money and slowly
with discipline you will make it. You NEED the bare necessities right
now, a roof over your heads ,food , elec. water. Focus on this. The
contracts will have to wait. At least if you are able to pay on the
contract early termination once it is paid off you will not have that
unecessary debt every month taking away from the basic needs .If you
cant pay them right now OH WELL! The sooner you cancel this stuff the
sooner the overdue amount will stop building higher and higher. Yes it
makes a world of sense to cancel the things that are not needed to
survive ASAP!


I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for
one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I
need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my
route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth,
here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and
use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard
time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails
and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough
trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull!


Yes I agree except for the trailer ! Girl how pregnant are you ? NO
trailer pulling O.K. ?!?!?!?!?!

I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi
addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a
huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day.


Ummmm....O.K. Now you make me mad like my daughter made me mad!
Your baby does not thrive very well on Junk. Soda is Junk indeed , you
should be drinking juices and milk and water. I really hope there is a
program out there that can help you eat right for both yourand your
unborn babies heatlh.


Also, extras like going out to eat
(even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a
month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and
have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating
out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn,
though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a
crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas
present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just
finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby
blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas
present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much
money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I
still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways...


If you cant afford to feed yourself or children you do not spend money
on yarn period. You feel guilty dont do it your intuition is usually
right .

Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting
yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of
pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any
ideas or tips for these kinds of situations?


I think you really know the answers to these Kat..........You need to
watch the sodium intake ...soups are loaded with sodium ...you need to
eat healthy .


My mom has said Wednesday is
good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also
know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want
to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared,
maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this
mess with me on Wednesday...


Kat people make mistakes you made a mistake trusting Norm. If you can
and I think from what I have read before about your relationship with
your parents you can, then ask for help from them ,buckle down ,respect
what they do for you and do not make them regret helping you. I realise
I am a little late in my response and I hope things are working out.
What decisions have you made about all this so far?
Bev

  #8  
Old September 7th 06, 01:51 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Kim
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 24
Default Feeling Guilty...


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:%[email protected]
About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
food?


Yes completely normal...

I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that
I don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I
do.


Calcium tablets work... That's what I did...

Might not be true, but that's how I feel.
I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever,
but I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in
a couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and
chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to
tie me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough
chicken for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced
meal and diet.


Nothing wrong with that nor anything abnormal about that at all...

I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot
for groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items
I will pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2
things I can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go
without than buy the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss
it in the freezer rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I
still find it hard, though.


That's the only way to shop... I'm with you on the miracle whip tho LOL

I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue,
and yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my
mom and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her
house, to sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1
disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like
if I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the
other utilities.


Hmmmmm take your bills into the nearest welfare office... I know they will
assist you with utilities... You don't need your mom to fix you... YOU need
to fix you... That includes your bills...


Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them?


Yup for now pay the necessary ones... Call up the collectors and arrange a
payment schedule with them... Put a little on each bill if possible...
Keep the roof over your head and the utilities food in your tummies and
limit everything else... Get your bottom into the nearest welfare office for
help if you don't have enough for the necessary bills


I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit
and go through them and think about them.
The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell
phone, car insurance.
My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the
insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to
make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's
currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call
display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and
only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is.
Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell
phone...)
I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet.

That started
this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet
contract until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about
calling the ISP and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still
live out my contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed
ADSL to a lower grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume
are cheaper per month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a
$250 charge on my account, and because the Internet and phone are the same
company, same bill, I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone
line if I don't pay that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to
manage than a huge lump sum to pay off or be disconnected.
For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the
contract, I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone
for whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones)
for however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a
month for both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any
sense at all?
The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1
more a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra
channels.) I am calling the cable company just before the end of the
billing period to downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly
cheap. I hesitate to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few
kids' channels on basic cable that B watches, and the TV is something that
I limit and use more as a priviledge.

I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments,
for one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride.
If I need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do
plan my route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back
and forth, here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible,
and I try and use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I
do have a hard time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the
river valley trails and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his
bike, and I had enough trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids
to pull!

I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi
addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is
a huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat
(even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a
month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal
and have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of
eating out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls
of yarn, though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the
size of a crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a
Christmas present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the
one I just finished for this baby to have a matching (different color,
though) baby blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for
B's Christmas present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent
not that much money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with
my time. I still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways...

Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting
yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead
of pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong?
Any ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said
Wednesday is good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then
some... I also know anything she says will probably be true and right, but
I kind of want to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a
bit prepared, maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes
through all this mess with me on Wednesday...



  #9  
Old February 22nd 08, 05:02 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
John Dredla
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Feeling Guilty...

its the only way...

On Wed, 30 Aug 2006 01:40:20 GMT, "Moon Shyne"
wrote:
.....
You have a ton of reasons for NOT doing what needs to be done.

Time to put on your big girl panties, kiddo, and start being the adult in
your house.

  #10  
Old March 14th 11, 07:33 AM
mort03crow mort03crow is offline
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Posts: 7
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