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http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep
This is sad. Really, really sad. I'd vent but I'm tired. |
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was all, like:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep This is sad. Really, really sad. I'd vent but I'm tired. Indeed. I'll vent for you...This is something about which I've been preoccupied lately--I worry more and more that Sprogly is getting too little sleep for a not-yet-7-month-old. The problem is that I'm working full-time, we have a long commute, and Sprogly doesn't nap well at daycare. We're only actually at home for about 11 hours out of the day on the weekdays, and though I get us ready for bed as quickly as I can when I get home from work, he tends to get around 9.5 hours at night. Evenings are rough, because he really, really wants to go to bed, but won't go down to sleep without me. My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped about as thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his development. I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the situation, and the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business. But that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father contributes very little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner. It's hard to see a way out without making a huge and risky change...but I'm seriously considering moving to the west coast so I'll at least have some family around to lend support. |
#4
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zeldabee wrote:
Indeed. I'll vent for you...This is something about which I've been preoccupied lately--I worry more and more that Sprogly is getting too little sleep for a not-yet-7-month-old. The problem is that I'm working full-time, we have a long commute, and Sprogly doesn't nap well at daycare. That's understandable about the daycare. So much stimulation there that it's hard for them to unwind. My best friend takes his 5 month old home and he falls asleep the 2nd the care door opens up and the area is quite. We're only actually at home for about 11 hours out of the day on the weekdays, and though I get us ready for bed as quickly as I can when I get home from work, he tends to get around 9.5 hours at night. Evenings are Do you work 7 days a week? Our son didn't sleep well at all between 4-8 months and it took us a lot of reading to figure out a plan for us. Most important steps we took we -establish a good night time routine -learn to put him down partially awake and fall asleep on his own If a family bed isn't working out for you (it sounds like it isn't) then give it up. Really, it didn't work for us but it does work for other people. I know my sister has had a lot of success with it. I'd some research into helping your child learn to sleep better. Do some google searches on the misc.kids.* newsgroups and you'll have a starting point. What fixed some problems for us: - he doesn't like open spaces, we use an Amby Baby sleeper (http://www.ambybaby.com) - he has reflux, we give him prevacid The big winner is being able to put them down and have them fall asleep somewhat awake. This is hard to do and you may endure some crying but once they learn it's ok to fall asleep on their own everything improves. I know it's bleak. Our son is sleeping better now and he's nearly a year old than he was at 6 months. He's taking 45-120minute naps twice a day and sleeping about 10-13hrs a night. It all varies and he still doesn't sleep thru the night but we don't really care too much about that. Good luck. Just don't give up and do a lot of reading. You will find something that works for you. |
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#6
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"zeldabee" wrote in message ... was all, like: zeldabee wrote: Indeed. I'll vent for you...This is something about which I've been preoccupied lately--I worry more and more that Sprogly is getting too little sleep for a not-yet-7-month-old. The problem is that I'm working full-time, we have a long commute, and Sprogly doesn't nap well at daycare. That's understandable about the daycare. So much stimulation there that it's hard for them to unwind. My best friend takes his 5 month old home and he falls asleep the 2nd the care door opens up and the area is quite. When Sprogly was less mobile, Daycare Lady used to put him down in her bedroom, and he'd sleep for 3-4 hours, but that won't work now. He won't sleep in a crib or playard. We're only actually at home for about 11 hours out of the day on the weekdays, and though I get us ready for bed as quickly as I can when I get home from work, he tends to get around 9.5 hours at night. Evenings are Do you work 7 days a week? No. He naps pretty well on the weekends, and sleeps much later in the morning. On weekdays I've got to get him up at 6:30 to get him ready to go. It's as you said, as far as napping at daycare--too much stimulation. Our son didn't sleep well at all between 4-8 months and it took us a lot of reading to figure out a plan for us. Most important steps we took we -establish a good night time routine -learn to put him down partially awake and fall asleep on his own He sleeps well. It's just a question of there not being enough hours in the day, once I factor in commuting. It takes maybe 25 minutes max for him to get to sleep once we go to bed, and then he nurses a few times at night, but doesn't fully wake up to do so. The only time he's been wakeful at night was when he had a cold. As I said, on the weekends, he sleeps several hours longer in the mornings, and I believe he'd sleep a full 12 hours at night every night if I could only let him. I do think I should work on getting him to sleep on his own (he will sleep by himself on weekends for naps, but not at night), but my day is too long to give him the uninterrupted sleep he needs no matter how I slice it. If a family bed isn't working out for you (it sounds like it isn't) then give it up. Really, it didn't work for us but it does work for other people. I know my sister has had a lot of success with it. I think it's working *very* well, actually. I think it would be worse for him if he were in a crib. snip suggestions Good luck. Just don't give up and do a lot of reading. You will find something that works for you. Alas, I think it's going to involve more than reading. The whole structure of my life right now doesn't allow him to sleep as much as he should. I can't afford to live closer to work. It's unlikely that I could find an equivalent job closer to home. I can't afford a nanny or babysitter to stay home with him. I'm thinking along the lines of trying to get typesetting/book formatting jobs that I can do at home (the big question being whether I can get enough work to pay the bills that way), and hire a babysitter part time, draft Bloke as babysitter part time...but that's tossing away the bird in hand, IYSWIM, and I don't have much margin for error. I'm also thinking I may have to move someplace where the cost of living is lower than it is here in NYC (leaning toward Oregon, where I have family)...and it's hard to try to line that up when I have so little spare time. Honestly, i think its probably time for a lifestyle change and a move to a slower place and pace. It gets harder as they get older and I really believe that for his sake you probably need more familial support. I dont mean that in a negative way. My sister was once working 3 part time jobs and in school, her kids lived on the go. they were always on the move. It was VERY hard on them. Sometimes, if you can do so and survive, you just have to pare backa s much as possible. Good luck to you,. I really know how hard your situation is. |
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"zeldabee" wrote in message .. .
was all, like: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep This is sad. Really, really sad. I'd vent but I'm tired. I agree that it isn't good, but I'm not getting "really, really sad" from it. What about it makes you feel so strongly? (I mean this question; I'm not being at all flip.) My own kids all just squeak into their recommended ranges. As far as my 15-month-old, I really cannot blame myself or "the culture" for it. She gets no caffeine (well, actually, she may get a bit from the breastmilk but she shows no difference in sleep pattern on days when I drink coffee after rather than during her morning feed), and I do make a big effort, most days, to get her down for a decent nap. And bedtime seems to be at the right time for her. What can I do if she wakes up after only 90 minutes from a nap? I suppose I should be putting my older kids (5 and 9) to bed 30 to 45 mins earlier, but they don't go to bed late due to TV or caffeine or general neglect. It's usually a bedtime book that keeps them up. Not that that's OK, but it isn't "sad" either, IMO. As for my own sleep deprivation -- OK, that is sad. Gotta get more disciplined about my own evening reading (addicted to newsgroups and political analysis on the web). [snip] We're only actually at home for about 11 hours out of the day on the weekdays, and though I get us ready for bed as quickly as I can when I get home from work, he tends to get around 9.5 hours at night. Evenings are rough, because he really, really wants to go to bed, but won't go down to sleep without me. My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped about as thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his development. Wow, I really feel for you. What on earth time do you guys get home?! What would happen if you lay down with him when he's ready for bed, with the intention of getting back up again after he's asleep? Would you just fall into a deep sleep yourself? With my 2nd, for a while, I was putting her to sleep by laying down with her but I needed to get back up to work (I work from home, mostly evenings). I will admit that it was torture. I was sleep-deprived myself, so I invariably dropped into a deep sleep along with her (often before her), and I had to have my DH wake me up, forcibly if necessary. Eventually, I couldn't take those waking-back-ups, so I did get her to go to sleep without me. I used to nurse her sitting up in a chair (so I wouldn't fall too far asleep) for what seemed like ages, till she was in a DEEP sleep, and then put her down and go work. Not exactly fun, but not sheer torture, and it got her the sleep she needed. Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but then get up before him to get your stuff done? I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the situation, and the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business. But that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father contributes very little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner. What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work long hours at your job? Do you commute far? Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the kids a better schedule.) How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare? Could anything be changed at daycare to help your baby get better sleep there? It's hard to see a way out without making a huge and risky change...but I'm seriously considering moving to the west coast so I'll at least have some family around to lend support. Would they be a big help? If so, and if you could get a good job out there, then that might be a great option. I can't imagine my life without my mother -- and I've got a live-in husband! But what about the baby's dad? |
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Nevermind was all, like:
"zeldabee" wrote... was all, like: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep [...] [snip] [...] My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped about as thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his development. Wow, I really feel for you. What on earth time do you guys get home?! About 7:30-8:00pm. To bed at 8:30-9:00, he's asleep about a half hour later. I usually read for a little while myself before I sleep, with a little nightlight--it's become part of our night-time ritual. What would happen if you lay down with him when he's ready for bed, with the intention of getting back up again after he's asleep? Would you just fall into a deep sleep yourself? I've tried, and I don't want to get back up, and he wakes up if I leave anyway. Besides, he'd end up getting to sleep a half hour earlier, and I'd still have to shower and eat...then, probably, have to get him *back* down to sleep again. So I think it would be a hassle for not much if any gain. [...] Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but then get up before him to get your stuff done? This is basically what I do anyway--I get up at 5:15 am to pump, eat, make lunch, wash bottles for daycare, do the catbox, etc. Get him up at 6:30 to change him and dress him, then leave at 6:50. (As it is he sometimes wakes when I get up.) I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the situation, and the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business. But that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father contributes very little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner. What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work long hours at your job? Do you commute far? I basically work 9-5, but I do pump, which adds maybe a half hour to my work day right now, since I have to make up the time it takes to pump. Yes, the commute is long-ish. That's what makes the biggest difference. Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the kids a better schedule.) No, my job is service-oriented (graphics service bureau). I can't do any of my job from home. My skill-set is such that I could do a similar type of work at home, but I don't know whether I could make a living at it or not, and I'd still have to make some arrangement for childcare. How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare? Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Could anything be changed at daycare to help your baby get better sleep there? I think if she could get him to sleep in the playpen, she could put him in the bedroom, and maybe he'd be able to sleep more that way. But I'm under the impression that she's tried this. She's had some success in getting him to sleep in a stroller, pushing it toward a corner. I think sometimes she's lucky and gets both toddlers and Sprogly to sleep all at the same time. But obviously that can't be counted on, and my hat is off to her for managing to do it at all. It's hard to see a way out without making a huge and risky change...but I'm seriously considering moving to the west coast so I'll at least have some family around to lend support. Would they be a big help? If so, and if you could get a good job out there, then that might be a great option. I can't imagine my life without my mother -- and I've got a live-in husband! But what about the baby's dad? They're all clamoring for me to move out, and I'd imagine they'd be some help. More help than I have now, anyway. I doubt Bloke would move out there if I did, but he might. I'm hesitant to move away from Sprogly's father...but as it stands now, we're barely a couple, and he's a financial liability. That sounds really cold, and at the same time, I do get some help from him in small ways (I'm talking 10 minutes at a time here and there), and if I lived alone with Sprogly, I wouldn't even have that. I've known since I discovered that I was pregnant with him, that I'd likely end up a single mom, but the reality of that is a little scary. |
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zeldabee wrote:
Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Hi Zeldabee, I don't know you well, so I hope you don't mind my jumping in on this point (I guess it is usenet, afterall). What does Bloke do all day? Can you put it to him as something that's valuable for Sprogly, not a request from you? If he's not busy but still unwilling to do pickup every day after understanding that it's important for the baby, I wonder about his mental health... -- Emily mom to Toby 5/1/02 Scheherazade, stillborn at 20 weeks, 3/2/04 |
#10
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"zeldabee" wrote in message .. .
Nevermind was all, like: "zeldabee" wrote... was all, like: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep [...] [snip] [...] My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped about as thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his development. Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but then get up before him to get your stuff done? This is basically what I do anyway--I get up at 5:15 am to pump, eat, make lunch, wash bottles for daycare, do the catbox, etc. Get him up at 6:30 to change him and dress him, then leave at 6:50. (As it is he sometimes wakes when I get up.) I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the situation, and the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business. But that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father contributes very little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner. What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work long hours at your job? Do you commute far? I basically work 9-5, but I do pump, which adds maybe a half hour to my work day right now, since I have to make up the time it takes to pump. Yes, the commute is long-ish. That's what makes the biggest difference. Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the kids a better schedule.) No, my job is service-oriented (graphics service bureau). I can't do any of my job from home. My skill-set is such that I could do a similar type of work at home, but I don't know whether I could make a living at it or not, and I'd still have to make some arrangement for childcare. How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare? Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Pulling teeth? I say, *knock* 'em out! (metaphorically) Is Bloke a scary guy? If not, then I cannot imagine letting him get away with not being a major help. (And if he is a scary guy, you need to leave.) You need major help, and the child's father is apparently available. Does he give a **** that, in your opinion, the baby's development may be compromised by your schedule? He can make the difference. What's he doing during the day?! Is he available (and I do mean available, not "interested in") to either drop the baby off or pick him up from daycare? If so, have him do so. Maybe he could pick the baby up from daycare and drive him around to get an hour's nap (if the baby'd sleep in the car)? That would make his bedtime pretty OK, I think. He could also drop the baby off, so the baby could sleep in. Or one of those two? They're all clamoring for me to move out, and I'd imagine they'd be some help. More help than I have now, anyway. I doubt Bloke would move out there if I did, but he might. I'm hesitant to move away from Sprogly's father...but as it stands now, we're barely a couple, and he's a financial liability. That sounds really cold, and at the same time, I do get some help from him in small ways (I'm talking 10 minutes at a time here and there), and if I lived alone with Sprogly, I wouldn't even have that. I've known since I discovered that I was pregnant with him, that I'd likely end up a single mom, but the reality of that is a little scary. You must be a far better women that I am. I would be a walking piece of molten rage if my kid's father had to be cajoled into picking him up from daycare once per week and could only help out in 10-minute slots while I worked my ass off and pumped and did the catbox and etc etc etc. Is there no way to light a fire under his ass?! |
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