Co-sleeping=more night wakings???

I would love some feedback.

We have co-slept with both of our two kids. Though, these days DH
sleeps with the 4 year old and I sleep with the baby in another room.
Constant colds and sleep issues have set this up for the last couple
of weeks so that we just don't sleep well all in the same room.

If you had told me 4 years ago that my ds would still be sleeping with
us I would have passed out. When he was a tiny infant I was constantly
asking more experienced mothers "When?" When will he not need to be
held so much? When will he stop nursing every hour? When will he sleep
through the night? I wised up a bit and read a few Dr. Sears books and
just plowed ahead with what was working for us.

With DS #2 I thought right from the start, this one is going to sleep
better. He is much more mellow than the first and slept good 4 hour
stretches in the early weeks. Now at 6 months he wakes 3 times a night
(on a good night) and nurses quite well during those wakings. I am a
full-time working mom and I figure he is reverse cycling a bit because
he has never been a big fan on the bottle.

While this is OK with me I wonder is it the nature of my children or
my methods that leave me having not slept through the night MYSELF for
four years. DS #1 woke once a night until he was over three and he
stopped only because we welcomed him back into our bed when I was
pregnant with number 2 so DH could watch him and I could sleep better.
(Funny how the boy was back in our bed when DH took over the night
times. DH was critical of the co-sleeping when I was the only one
waking. LOL)

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

J

Jrogold wrote:
do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

I think at the very least they wake their parents more. Caterpillar has
been a really good sleeper the last couple of days, where really good
means "sleeps at 10pm, nurses at 11pm, 4am, 6am, and 7am." She's also
started putting herself to sleep at night (she stops nursing, and just
flails around getting comfortable, and eventually sleeps either on her
own or with someone holding or patting her), and I think if she were a
crib baby and not reverse-cycling because she doesn't like the bottle,
she'd be sleeping through or close to it.

Phoebe

"Jrogold" wrote in message
om...
I would love some feedback.

We have co-slept with both of our two kids. Though, these days DH
sleeps with the 4 year old and I sleep with the baby in another room.
Constant colds and sleep issues have set this up for the last couple
of weeks so that we just don't sleep well all in the same room.

If you had told me 4 years ago that my ds would still be sleeping with
us I would have passed out. When he was a tiny infant I was constantly
asking more experienced mothers "When?" When will he not need to be
held so much? When will he stop nursing every hour? When will he sleep
through the night? I wised up a bit and read a few Dr. Sears books and
just plowed ahead with what was working for us.

With DS #2 I thought right from the start, this one is going to sleep
better. He is much more mellow than the first and slept good 4 hour
stretches in the early weeks. Now at 6 months he wakes 3 times a night
(on a good night) and nurses quite well during those wakings. I am a
full-time working mom and I figure he is reverse cycling a bit because
he has never been a big fan on the bottle.

While this is OK with me I wonder is it the nature of my children or
my methods that leave me having not slept through the night MYSELF for
four years. DS #1 woke once a night until he was over three and he
stopped only because we welcomed him back into our bed when I was
pregnant with number 2 so DH could watch him and I could sleep better.
(Funny how the boy was back in our bed when DH took over the night
times. DH was critical of the co-sleeping when I was the only one
waking. LOL)

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

J

I've never had non co-sleeping kids, so I wouldnt know. But I suspect waking
up a few times to nurse
would make waking more frequent in cosleepers. I put my baby to sleep around
9 pm, but I dont consider that her
bedtime. If I did, I would say she wakes at 11,3 and 6 am to eat. But I
consider her 830 -9pmsleeping to be a nap.
FWIW,mine does most of her eating from 3-6 am.

"Phoebe & Allyson" wrote in message
...
Jrogold wrote:
do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

I think at the very least they wake their parents more. Caterpillar has
been a really good sleeper the last couple of days, where really good
means "sleeps at 10pm, nurses at 11pm, 4am, 6am, and 7am."

Thats almost the same schedule as mine. She goes to sleep around 9 pm, then
up again at 11
down again till about 3, nurses then sleep. She wakes again at about 5 or 6
and nurses on the hour till about 9
when the other kids are off to school and I put her back to sleep.

She's also
started putting herself to sleep at night (she stops nursing, and just
flails around getting comfortable, and eventually sleeps either on her
own or with someone holding or patting her), and I think if she were a
crib baby and not reverse-cycling because she doesn't like the bottle,
she'd be sleeping through or close to it.


I think mine is reverse-cycling just because its easier on me. She eats like
a maniac from about 3 am to 9 am, then during
the day we do errands, clean etc and have short quick nursing sessions.
She also will fall asleep on her own now.

Jrogold wrote:

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

First let me just say my #1 sounds just like yours and my #2 sounds just
like yours too :-)

I think co-sleeping *increases the likelihood* that a baby will nurse more
frequently during the night and/or for a longer time. IRL there are all
kinds of outcomes though.

I think co-sleeping greatly increases the likelihood that a child will be
much older before spending the entire night in their own rooms, in their own
beds, without a parent. There are of course plenty of exceptions out there
:-)

#1 needed to be held all the time from the get go and reverse cycled so he
was a lost cause ;-) In my heart I really believe that if I would have
committed to crib sleeping with #2 he would have slept through and quit
night nursing (or at least been down to a couple times) before 12mo. I
didn't do that of course ;-)

Now...#1 will be 5 next month. In the last three months he has started to
lay down and fall asleep while I was in the next room and he'll spend the
whole night in his bed about 15% of the time, the rest of the time he'll
come in with me after 5-6 hrs. I sit with #2 until he falls asleep. He
spends 3-4 hrs in his bed and then comes into bed with me.

Getting them both to stay in their own beds would probably be possible but
not easy on them. I have given nudges here and there to get to this point
but I'm not bothered by the current set up so I'm just going to let them
grow out of it from here.
--
Nikki (with an epic length response, lol)
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

We do not cosleep. Pillbug started out in a
bassinet next to our bed, then moved to his
crib at about 3-1/2 months. For a LONG time,
he was waking up every 1-1/2- 2 hours to
nurse (10-minute sessions, go right back to
sleep after).

Then, we figured out his dairy-induced
eczema, and he started sleeping a bit longer.
A couple weeks later, he stabilized at about
every 2 hours.

Now, we do solids twice a day, sometimes
3 times. He has been pretty stable at waking
up every 3 hours to nurse, going right back
to sleep afterwards.

So, I don't think it makes a difference whether
you cosleep or not... At the 9-month WBV
yesterday, the ped. said that I'm sort of "stuck"
with this schedule until we wean, that for some
babies, breastmilk will digest that fast and they
get hungry, or it's a comfort thing. So, I've
resigned myself to waking up every 3 hours
until at least Pillbug's 1st birthday...

-- Anita --


Jrogold wrote:

I would love some feedback.

We have co-slept with both of our two kids. Though, these days DH
sleeps with the 4 year old and I sleep with the baby in another room.
Constant colds and sleep issues have set this up for the last couple
of weeks so that we just don't sleep well all in the same room.

If you had told me 4 years ago that my ds would still be sleeping with
us I would have passed out. When he was a tiny infant I was constantly
asking more experienced mothers "When?" When will he not need to be
held so much? When will he stop nursing every hour? When will he sleep
through the night? I wised up a bit and read a few Dr. Sears books and
just plowed ahead with what was working for us.

With DS #2 I thought right from the start, this one is going to sleep
better. He is much more mellow than the first and slept good 4 hour
stretches in the early weeks. Now at 6 months he wakes 3 times a night
(on a good night) and nurses quite well during those wakings. I am a
full-time working mom and I figure he is reverse cycling a bit because
he has never been a big fan on the bottle.

While this is OK with me I wonder is it the nature of my children or
my methods that leave me having not slept through the night MYSELF for
four years. DS #1 woke once a night until he was over three and he
stopped only because we welcomed him back into our bed when I was
pregnant with number 2 so DH could watch him and I could sleep better.
(Funny how the boy was back in our bed when DH took over the night
times. DH was critical of the co-sleeping when I was the only one
waking. LOL)

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

J

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?


It appears that on average they do. However, it's not at all clear which way
the cause and effect relationship runs, if in fact there is a cause and effect
relationship between co-sleeping and night waking! Since in our culture
co-sleeping is not considered the norm, I believe that it's usually the kids
who continue to wake at night past infancy who wind up co-sleeping (because the
parents find they get more sleep if they just bring the kid into their bed),
not that the kids whose parents choose to co-sleep longer wind up waking more
often at night.

And co-sleeping = night waking is not true for all kids either. My son has
always slept through the night when he co-sleeps from bedtime, and woken in the
night when he starts out in his own crib or bed.

Is it the nature of your children or your methods? Both. Could either or both
of your children be "taught" to sleep through the night without waking you?
Maybe. Even probably. That's the methods part. But whether it would be easy
or difficult to do so, and what medical and emotional impact it would have on
them (and thus on you!), is dependent upon their temperament -- something over
which you have no control. Some kids just sleep alone more easily than others.
Heck, some adults prefer to sleep alone while others prefer to sleep cuddled
up with another person! I expect that, as with most things, both nature and
nurture play a part in which preference any individual has.

Holly
Mom to Camden, 3yo
EDD #2 6/8/04

Jrogold wrote:

I would love some feedback.

We have co-slept with both of our two kids. Though, these days DH
sleeps with the 4 year old and I sleep with the baby in another room.
Constant colds and sleep issues have set this up for the last couple
of weeks so that we just don't sleep well all in the same room.

If you had told me 4 years ago that my ds would still be sleeping with
us I would have passed out. When he was a tiny infant I was constantly
asking more experienced mothers "When?" When will he not need to be
held so much? When will he stop nursing every hour? When will he sleep
through the night? I wised up a bit and read a few Dr. Sears books and
just plowed ahead with what was working for us.

With DS #2 I thought right from the start, this one is going to sleep
better. He is much more mellow than the first and slept good 4 hour
stretches in the early weeks. Now at 6 months he wakes 3 times a night
(on a good night) and nurses quite well during those wakings. I am a
full-time working mom and I figure he is reverse cycling a bit because
he has never been a big fan on the bottle.

While this is OK with me I wonder is it the nature of my children or
my methods that leave me having not slept through the night MYSELF for
four years. DS #1 woke once a night until he was over three and he
stopped only because we welcomed him back into our bed when I was
pregnant with number 2 so DH could watch him and I could sleep better.
(Funny how the boy was back in our bed when DH took over the night
times. DH was critical of the co-sleeping when I was the only one
waking. LOL)

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?


I don't know if co-sleeping children wake more during the night, but in
our case, I know that *I* wake up more often. And most of those times,
the baby is asleep - but then, *my* awakenings wake him up (and of
course, vice versa).

DH and I actually switched children (we have a similar sleep situation).
DH sleeps with the baby and I sleep with 6-year-old DD. Why? It took
me longer to get the baby back to sleep by nursing than DH, who pats the
baby for 5-15 seconds and then the baby falls asleep.

Jeanne

"Jrogold" wrote in message
om...
I would love some feedback.

We have co-slept with both of our two kids. Though, these days DH
sleeps with the 4 year old and I sleep with the baby in another room.
Constant colds and sleep issues have set this up for the last couple
of weeks so that we just don't sleep well all in the same room.

If you had told me 4 years ago that my ds would still be sleeping with
us I would have passed out. When he was a tiny infant I was constantly
asking more experienced mothers "When?" When will he not need to be
held so much? When will he stop nursing every hour? When will he sleep
through the night? I wised up a bit and read a few Dr. Sears books and
just plowed ahead with what was working for us.

With DS #2 I thought right from the start, this one is going to sleep
better. He is much more mellow than the first and slept good 4 hour
stretches in the early weeks. Now at 6 months he wakes 3 times a night
(on a good night) and nurses quite well during those wakings. I am a
full-time working mom and I figure he is reverse cycling a bit because
he has never been a big fan on the bottle.

While this is OK with me I wonder is it the nature of my children or
my methods that leave me having not slept through the night MYSELF for
four years. DS #1 woke once a night until he was over three and he
stopped only because we welcomed him back into our bed when I was
pregnant with number 2 so DH could watch him and I could sleep better.
(Funny how the boy was back in our bed when DH took over the night
times. DH was critical of the co-sleeping when I was the only one
waking. LOL)

So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

J

It took 5.5 years for ds1 to sleep well, alone and in his own bed - I too
would have fallen over if I had known that at the beginning. Now though, he
is fantastic unless there is some problem (like a cold) which is fair
enough. Having said that, I still think it is easier to co-sleep than deal
with constant wakings. We did the transition by having a double bed in his
room and slept with him there so he could fell comfortable in his own room
(rather than ours) and at some point, he just started being ok by himself
and not asking for company. We are doing the same with ds2 but as a really
dedicated nurser (he is just over 2yo), I dont see that he will be sleeping
through any time soon. Last night, dh went into him at 1:30, stayed with
him for about 3 hours and dealt with a couple of stirrings, came back to me
at 5:00. I got up to ds2 at 6:00 and nursed him and he is having a bit more
of a snooze. For us, that is a really good night. I do think that often
co-sleeping children do wake more but for us, it was the frequent waking
that made us turn to co-sleeping not the other way around. It does get
better eventually.

cheers
Leah

Jrogold wrote:
four years. DS #1 woke once a night until he was over three and he
stopped only because we welcomed him back into our bed when I was
pregnant with number 2 so DH could watch him and I could sleep better.
(Funny how the boy was back in our bed when DH took over the night
times. DH was critical of the co-sleeping when I was the only one
waking. LOL)
So do you think co-sleeping children wake more?

It's a scientifically proven fact that sleeping next to someone will
provide your body with stimulus and you'll sleep less. This applies
to adults and children.

So if you managed to teach your child good sleep associations at a younger
age then they would sleep thru the night and probably be very well rested
and pleasant during the day (assuming everything else is going well).

Some kids do have problems and I'm not advocating Ferber/CIO or any other
methods.

Whatever approach you take it's hard to find the facts about sleep. Everyone
goes to the extremes which is really sad and unfair to the baby.

I find that a lot of co-sleepers wrongly assume their babies are just poor
sleepers, perpetually sick, just a fussy kid etc..etc.. and their children
end up getting short changed on sleep. I see them developing such strong
sleep associations that they can't even nap during the day unless mommy
is there and she can't always be there.

The other extreme is the nutjobs who think that at 8 weeks it's ok to let your
baby cry for hours and whimper till they pass out. I met a couple in the
park the other day who let their baby cry for 2hrs and she was just 2 weeks
old.