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#1
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Toddler biting
Sigh... There's an epidemic of biting at Kivi's daycare. Calvin has
been biting lately, next thing we know, we get a report that Kivi was bitten by Mia. Mia and Kivi were sitting together, and Mia just leans down and bites Kivi on the arm, apparently for no reason. Then today, Kivi bit two kids at daycare, one on the arm, the other on the chin. Unlike Mia, Kivi's bites were due to frustration - she's got a personal space issue, and gets touchy if the other kids get too close when she's in a bad mood. Besides Kivi's incidents,there were two other biting incidents not involving Kivi. One kid learns from another, and now we have a bunch of shark-babies. The kids are all 18-monthts to 3 years of age, with Kivi being one of the older ones at 32 months. None of the bites broke skin - evidently when Kivi was bitten it left bite marks, and when Kivi bit, it left a slightly red mark. Sigh... Now, how do we handle this? Kivi hasn't ever bitten us. We told her that biting is not acceptable, that she should say sorry, and that she shouldn't hurt people. And being bitten herself first didn't cause her to not do it (so much for "teaching what it feels like"- rather it taught her TO do it. How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset and started crying. Cathy Weeks Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01 |
#2
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"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message om... How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset and started crying. Since you aren't there and the teachers are, I'd let the teachers do the teaching. I'm sure they have plenty of experience dealing with biting toddlers. Toddlers don't have much of a long term memory at that age. To be lecturing them on what happened earlier in the day would probably do no good. |
#3
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"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message om... Sigh... There's an epidemic of biting at Kivi's daycare. Calvin has been biting lately, next thing we know, we get a report that Kivi was bitten by Mia. Mia and Kivi were sitting together, and Mia just leans down and bites Kivi on the arm, apparently for no reason. Then today, Kivi bit two kids at daycare, one on the arm, the other on the chin. Unlike Mia, Kivi's bites were due to frustration - she's got a personal space issue, and gets touchy if the other kids get too close when she's in a bad mood. Besides Kivi's incidents,there were two other biting incidents not involving Kivi. One kid learns from another, and now we have a bunch of shark-babies. The kids are all 18-monthts to 3 years of age, with Kivi being one of the older ones at 32 months. None of the bites broke skin - evidently when Kivi was bitten it left bite marks, and when Kivi bit, it left a slightly red mark. Sigh... Now, how do we handle this? Kivi hasn't ever bitten us. We told her that biting is not acceptable, that she should say sorry, and that she shouldn't hurt people. And being bitten herself first didn't cause her to not do it (so much for "teaching what it feels like"- rather it taught her TO do it. How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset and started crying. Our little Olivia aka Hannibal Lector (21 months) has/is been going through an on again/off again biting phase for the past 7 months. She's been sent home from daycare a handful of times. Biting three times in a day is usually a phone call from the daycare providers to come pick up DD unless they felt one or more times was provoked somehow. Remember, at this age, with limited verbal skills they react by acting out whether it's hiting, biting, screaming or the like. Someone is in my space, took a toy away, pushed me, etc. is provocation for a bite in my DD eyes. There is limited, if any, thought given before biting. The Director of the daycare facility where we bring our kiddies actually took a *Biting Class*. LOL. Biting on the arms and legs is possesssion related, the neck and face area is affection related and biting on the back or torso is aggression. DS went through a biting phase too, although IIRC it was only a 2-5 month phase. Ahhh. What to do? They all outgrown it. I've found that a gentle daily reminder to *not bite our friends* and *only hugs & kisses* has worked a bit, in addition to rewarding the goods days when no biting has occurred. Kivi will outgrow it. I wouldn't fret much. They all are on the giving or receiving end as biting is such a common thing in toddlerhood. Shannon |
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Now, how do we handle this? Kivi hasn't ever bitten us. We told her that biting is not acceptable, that she should say sorry, and that she shouldn't hurt people. And being bitten herself first didn't cause her to not do it (so much for "teaching what it feels like"- rather it taught her TO do it. How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset and started crying. Drives me crazy when kids pick up a behavior at school, it becomes a problem at school (but never at home) and suddenly the teachers are putting it back on the parent. For example, one little girl who was potty trained at age 2-ish suddenly started wetting her pants in 1st grade, and only first grade. Teacher blames the mom, who says, "Well, she never, ever has done that at home, why don't you find out what's going on?" Turns out the little girl was asking to go, and was not allowed to go the first time she asked, so she stopped asking. The teacher was instructed by the parents to allow the child to use the bathroom whenever she asked, and poof, the problem went away. The first time I picked my daughter up (then 3) at a "regular" day care center, they "gushed" about what beautiful manners she had, saying please and thank you all the time. I should have taken it as a warning that it surprised them, because her manners deteriorated rapidly in the time she was there. I ended up pulling her out for other reasons, but it took months to get her back on track with good manners she'd used instinctively and without coercion from the time she started talking... one of our first talking games was the "please and thank-you" game, where I'd say "please may I have the toy" and she'd put it my hand, and I'd say, delighted, "Oh, thank you!" Then she'd hold out her hand and say "Peese" and I'd put the toy in her hand and she'd say "Gack Goo". I think Thank You was her first two-word sentence, and she was probably between 15 and 18 months old when we played that game. It was a fun way to teach manners, and made her much nicer to be around... but re-teaching it at age 3 as something I had to "insist" on was MUCH less pleasant. Kind of like the parent who came over to my house raging about how my daughter lashed out at her little boy--turned out that although her little boy was only 4, he had a 5 year old brother and a 10 year old uncle, and they mobbed her and threatened to hit her in the head with a rock. This is a girl who *adores* playing with younger children, is sweet, gentle and careful with them even when I'm not around (by report from other parents who've seen it), who I've almost never seen lash out physically at anyone. She'd waved her notebook at him and hit him lightly with it to get away, after repeatedly telling them to get off of her. I told her, "Honey, I don't approve of violence, but if you're feeling threatened like that and someone is trying to hurt you, it's okay with me if you do what you need to do. I'd rather you didn't hit anyone, but if you have to hit, hit. Then come tell me, immediately." When kids behave in uncharacteristic ways, I try to find out *why*. The answer is usually pretty interesting. Jenrose |
#5
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How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home?
You don't, the teachers should. At the daycare they used to tell the kids "we bite food, not our friends". Or "use your words not your teeth" How do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? I don't see what you can do cos she's not doing it with you. I would just remind her as I dropped her off at the daycare, "remember, use your words today" or something to that affect. The only time I remember biting is when Charlotte was in daycare, and boy, were they strict on it. Kids got kicked out. -- Sophie mom of 4 |
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