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"CME" wrote in message
news:FdPlc.257$uN4.143@clgrps12...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
I never thought I would be so happy to be home. We made it through the
wake
and funeral. As soon as we walked into the funeral home, Sage was
greeted
with love and tears. She was able to grieve and cry and get hugs and
cry.
Then this morning, it was all over again. I will never understand all
the
ceremonial stuff that Catholics do. No offense intended. It was to much
though. I was so appreciative of all the love that is given to S and me.
Her
especially. I couldn't tell the family enough how much thanks they
deserve
for loving her and excepting her. She was able to speak with D, who is
her
father's girlfriend and current carrier of the soon to be
half-brother/sister. Me and her also had the chance to talk about her
continue contact with S that I said is great and some other personal
things.
Sage was great though. I think she handled herself very well. I had to
back
off at times, many times actually, and let them be there for her. I felt
sort of like I didn't belong at times but just chocked it down and sat
and
waited for her to need me. I never sat doing nothing for so long in my
life.

I think S has gotten a positive view on her father and why he wasn't
around
much from his girlfriend. I don't agree with most of what she told S, I
still believe if he wanted to be a Daddy he would have. Excuses are crap
and
he has tons of them. In my head I was screaming..... HE WASN'T A GOOD
FATHER.... HE WAS NOOOO FATHER but what good would it do, except for me
to
vent. While at the wake, as I was sitting, I was thinking..... Why am I
not
crying like everyone else? I must be heartless. I can't get over the
wrongs.
I want to punch him in the head and ask him how the hell he can do this
to
S
and now I really do have to be a single mom. After all the crap, he is
going
to cut out in death. F------ loser. This morning though, it got the best
of
me and I cried with S and his mother. I adore his mother, I think of her
as
my second mom and she thinks of me as a daughter. Her grief saddened me,
S's
grief saddened me.... I don't think I was crying for her father though.

I guess my feelings might change, probably not though. I will vent where
appropriate and keep the positive attitude with my daughter.

Thanks again everyone. I will continue to re-read posts that will help
later
in dealing with S as she grieves. Don't sweat the arguing..... those who
know me know if I had the energy, I would be arguing too.

Hugs to all!

Tiffany


I'm so sorry you've both had to go through this Tiff. I have so many
thoughts and feelings on this issue that I can't even put them into words
really. I look at the situation with my children and it's quite different
from yours, but I'm struck with the thought that it's a bitter end, but at
least there is no more wondering, waiting, and wishing. I wonder at times
if my boys are hurt that they don't know their father, and they'll grow up
with what ifs. This might sound cold, and will probably come out wrong,
but
at least with death, there is no more guessing. It's so unfortunate
though,
that he wasn't a 'good' father because this doesn't apply to those fathers
that were/are there for their children, but to the ones that should have
been something while they were alive.

Christine

"CME" wrote in message
news:FdPlc.257$uN4.143@clgrps12...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
I never thought I would be so happy to be home. We made it through the
wake
and funeral. As soon as we walked into the funeral home, Sage was
greeted
with love and tears. She was able to grieve and cry and get hugs and
cry.
Then this morning, it was all over again. I will never understand all
the
ceremonial stuff that Catholics do. No offense intended. It was to much
though. I was so appreciative of all the love that is given to S and me.
Her
especially. I couldn't tell the family enough how much thanks they
deserve
for loving her and excepting her. She was able to speak with D, who is
her
father's girlfriend and current carrier of the soon to be
half-brother/sister. Me and her also had the chance to talk about her
continue contact with S that I said is great and some other personal
things.
Sage was great though. I think she handled herself very well. I had to
back
off at times, many times actually, and let them be there for her. I felt
sort of like I didn't belong at times but just chocked it down and sat
and
waited for her to need me. I never sat doing nothing for so long in my
life.

I think S has gotten a positive view on her father and why he wasn't
around
much from his girlfriend. I don't agree with most of what she told S, I
still believe if he wanted to be a Daddy he would have. Excuses are crap
and
he has tons of them. In my head I was screaming..... HE WASN'T A GOOD
FATHER.... HE WAS NOOOO FATHER but what good would it do, except for me
to
vent. While at the wake, as I was sitting, I was thinking..... Why am I
not
crying like everyone else? I must be heartless. I can't get over the
wrongs.
I want to punch him in the head and ask him how the hell he can do this
to
S
and now I really do have to be a single mom. After all the crap, he is
going
to cut out in death. F------ loser. This morning though, it got the best
of
me and I cried with S and his mother. I adore his mother, I think of her
as
my second mom and she thinks of me as a daughter. Her grief saddened me,
S's
grief saddened me.... I don't think I was crying for her father though.

I guess my feelings might change, probably not though. I will vent where
appropriate and keep the positive attitude with my daughter.

Thanks again everyone. I will continue to re-read posts that will help
later
in dealing with S as she grieves. Don't sweat the arguing..... those who
know me know if I had the energy, I would be arguing too.

Hugs to all!

Tiffany


I'm so sorry you've both had to go through this Tiff. I have so many
thoughts and feelings on this issue that I can't even put them into words
really. I look at the situation with my children and it's quite different
from yours, but I'm struck with the thought that it's a bitter end, but at
least there is no more wondering, waiting, and wishing. I wonder at times
if my boys are hurt that they don't know their father, and they'll grow up
with what ifs. This might sound cold, and will probably come out wrong,
but
at least with death, there is no more guessing. It's so unfortunate
though,
that he wasn't a 'good' father because this doesn't apply to those fathers
that were/are there for their children, but to the ones that should have
been something while they were alive.

Christine


Damn, I hit the send button and sent a reply that I didn't answer. Oops.

I think the timing is perfect. He made recent contact with her, claimed to
be doing good and working on getting into college, ect. So she is left with
that as the final act. His final act was he was talking to her, getting his
**** together. That is all she needs to know. That will make a world of
difference in the years to come. Its crazy that his girlfriend is pregnant
though. S is kinda excited about it and I am like whatever. I told her its
not because its his baby, I am just not a 'get excited about babies' person.
lol

You worry about sounding cold when I wanted to punch a corpse? lol

T

On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:51:08 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote:


More bad news today..... my Grandfather had a stroke. Doesn't look like a
real bad one though. I will find out more tomorrow.

I'm sorry, Tiffany. I hope he's ok.

lm