Schools out

Paul Griffiths wrote in message ...

"Cele" wrote in message

Not here. Another week to go.

Not here either. Another five to go if I've worked it out correctly.


Last week here in Ireland. A nine week break this year but I only get two
this time.

Dennis

Laura wrote in message


snipped

Things are still really difficult for the boys with their
father and unfortunately therapy hasn't done a whole lot of good --
it's helped them in some ways but they're really too fearful to speak
freely with the therapist about the big things, so we're all kind of
stuck.

How do you know this? Do they volounteer this info. or do you question them
afterwards? I would think that if the boys know they will be scrutinized by
you after the therapist then they are far less likely to "open up" as it may
mean telling you something they think you may not want to hear.

If we do move, I think it might help things, as they won't have
alternate weekends with their father, which seem to be stressful for
everyone involved (which means they catch hell),

Why should it be stressfull for you? Step back a little.

but when they do see
him it will be for longer periods (holiday weekends, school breaks) so
maybe they can get to know each other better.


Could work out better. DON'T PHONE every five minutes, in fact don't phone
at all.

Ugh. Since he won't talk to me at all, won't even accept things in
writing (no e-mail contact, no faxes from me or my attorney...), it
will probably end up being up to a judge what visitation will be,
which is really sad.


His choice.

I did get to babbling, didn't I? Oh well, I've been carrying this
stuff around a while.


Hope you were not looking for sympathy ;-)

Dennis

"Dennis Here" youreply wrote in message ...
Laura wrote in message


snipped

Things are still really difficult for the boys with their
father and unfortunately therapy hasn't done a whole lot of good --
it's helped them in some ways but they're really too fearful to speak
freely with the therapist about the big things, so we're all kind of
stuck.

How do you know this? Do they volounteer this info.

Yep.

or do you question them
afterwards?

Nope.

I would think that if the boys know they will be scrutinized by
you after the therapist then they are far less likely to "open up" as it may
mean telling you something they think you may not want to hear.

No kidding, Dennis. That's why they talk to me about these things,
because they know I listen without judgment. They're afraid to talk to
the therapist because it opens them up to interrogation from their
father and stepmother. Like I said though, they have benefited some
from the therapy, I just had hoped it would really give them an outlet
besides me, and each other. They rely on each other a lot, which is
good, they're good friends. They've also developed a close
relationship with their stepfather, whom they see as separate from the
conflict altogether. So they're doing very well, considering what they
go through.


If we do move, I think it might help things, as they won't have
alternate weekends with their father, which seem to be stressful for
everyone involved (which means they catch hell),

Why should it be stressfull for you? Step back a little.

I've been working on that. It's hard though. I know how they're
treated there and it is difficult for me to know they're suffering and
not be able to protect them. I know I can't protect them from the big,
bad world, but from their father... it's been pretty hard.


but when they do see
him it will be for longer periods (holiday weekends, school breaks) so
maybe they can get to know each other better.


Could work out better. DON'T PHONE every five minutes, in fact don't phone
at all.

Thanks, but I'll pass on that advice. When they're gone for the
weekend, I rarely call, but if they're gone longer than that I want to
talk to them and they want to talk to me.

Ugh. Since he won't talk to me at all, won't even accept things in
writing (no e-mail contact, no faxes from me or my attorney...), it
will probably end up being up to a judge what visitation will be,
which is really sad.


His choice.

That's easy for you to say, since you have full legal custody of
Freddie. Sharing custody with someone who refuses to communicate with
you is pretty difficult logistically, not to mention emotionally and
financially and every other -ly. At any rate, it should be resolved
pretty soon.

I did get to babbling, didn't I? Oh well, I've been carrying this
stuff around a while.


Hope you were not looking for sympathy ;-)

From you? Nah, just posting an update. I must say, though, that I
think this job of yours is taking too much of your attention. Usually
your assumptions are closer to the mark. Think you can find time to
post more, maybe get back into practice? :-)

lm

Laura wrote in message

"Dennis wrote in message

How do you know this? Do they volunteer this inf..

Yep.

or do you question them
afterwards?

Nope.

I would think that if the boys know they will be scrutinized by
you after the therapist then they are far less likely to "open up" as it
may
mean telling you something they think you may not want to hear.

No kidding, Dennis. That's why they talk to me about these things,
because they know I listen without judgment. They're afraid to talk to
the therapist because it opens them up to interrogation from their
father and stepmother. Like I said though, they have benefited some
from the therapy, I just had hoped it would really give them an outlet
besides me, and each other. They rely on each other a lot, which is
good, they're good friends. They've also developed a close
relationship with their stepfather, whom they see as separate from the
conflict altogether. So they're doing very well, considering what they
go through.

but when they do see
him it will be for longer periods (holiday weekends, school breaks) so
maybe they can get to know each other better.


Could work out better. DON'T PHONE every five minutes, in fact don't
phone
at all.

Thanks, but I'll pass on that advice. When they're gone for the
weekend, I rarely call, but if they're gone longer than that I want to
talk to them and they want to talk to me.

Hope you were not looking for sympathy ;-)

From you? Nah, just posting an update. I must say, though, that I
think this job of yours is taking too much of your attention. Usually
your assumptions are closer to the mark. Think you can find time to
post more, maybe get back into practice? :-)


I wasn't too far off the mark, I just chose the wrong parent when I assumed
someone was grilling the children.
I am delighted that Bruce (sorry, forgotton again!) is filling a gap for the
boys and they are able to talk freely to him. You have picked a great guy.
I will agree to differ on the phoning issue though I must admit to wanting
to phone Freddie on the rare occasions he is away for a week. Last new year
he phoned me though.
I too wish I had more time for posting, sorry if my finger was off the pulse
this time.

dennis