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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)



 
 
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  #21  
Old May 19th 04, 09:34 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed

zolw wrote:

Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?


Does he measure your fundal height? Take your blood
pressure? Check your urine? I would expect those things.
A third trimester u/s is absolutely not necessary and has
not been shown to improve outcomes. Frankly, there really
isn't much that needs doing. Doing too much often backfires
and get you into unnecessary interventions, which carry risks
of their own.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #22  
Old May 19th 04, 09:43 PM
Circe
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

Welches wrote:
I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here


I always say babies are much easier to take care of on the inside
that outside--infinitely portable, automatically fed, no diapers
to change, no crying to soothe. But I never regretted having them
once they were here, although there were a few times when I wished
I could stuff them back in for a couple of hours g!

And I say "better out than in" grin

Heh, well, on the whole, I'd say I prefer out, especially now that the
oldest is 52" tall and weighs about 75 lbs. (Imagine having *that* on the
inside!)

But it
will make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break.


Maybe yes, maybe no. Immediately postpartum, you're even more
likely to be a hormonal mess and you'll probably have a good deal
of uninterrupted sleep to get through. Plus, if you've got a good
imagination for all the things that could go wrong when she's with
you 24/7 and you always feel her, I expect your imagination will
work just as well for all the things that could happen when she's
*not* with you all the time. This phase *does* pass, but the first
few weeks (up to 6) can definitely be "baby boot camp" and you may
not feel a strong sense of regaining control and proportion for a
little while after the birth. The reason I tell you this isn't to
scare you or dissuade you from wanted to have your baby, but
merely to give you some perspective so you don't feel like there's
something wrong with you if you *don't* feel much calmer right
away.

But you can check baby's breathing-even wake them up (I've done it)
once they're out.


Yes, but I found in the first few days of having my first, I was checking
him almost obsessively and freaking out when it didn't look like his chest
was moving. He also went into hospital for a sepsis work up at 9do due to a
brief fever, and let me tell ya, there's nothing like having your newborn
taken for spinal tap to freak out a first-time, still-hormonal mother!
Everything did turn out fine and I did eventually calm down, but it didn't
happen overnight. That's all I was trying to convey!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #23  
Old May 19th 04, 09:44 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

zolw wrote:

Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a nervous
break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the most
paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my baby & I
am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason. Maybe that's why
I am having all these problems with my doctor.


Or it could be that his manner just isn't a good
match for you. You might need someone who is more hands
on, more touchy-feely. It's fine to recognize that you
need that emotional support. Just don't equate additional
medical testing with emotional support. The kind of
anxiety you are feeling cannot be alleviated by more
testing. It's a bottomless pit. Additional and
unnecessary testing is likely to *raise* your level
of anxiety, not lessen it.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself & now I
am always out of my control. I just want my little girl out there. I
want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You know, she's in
there & I have no idea if she is alright.


Assuming you are not dealing with something like
depression or an anxiety disorder of some sort, take steps
to get control. Meditate. Breathe. Learn to tune in to
your own intuition. Your baby is experiencing your
anxiety. All the neurotransmitters that signal your
emotions flood your baby as well as yourself. She can
also see and hear and feel at this point, so she can
learn to associate your feelings (that she is experiencing
in a very visceral way) with the things she hears. Make
a conscious effort to spend time each day focusing inward.
Imagine bathing your baby in love and peace and contentment.
Tune in and "listen" to your baby and your own intuition.
Talk to your baby, or sing to her, or read to her.
If you take just fifteen minutes a few times a day to do
this, you will find that you start to relax more and more.
This is a wonderful gift you can give your baby. She
will *feel* it.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #24  
Old May 19th 04, 09:49 PM
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

zolw wrote:

I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he
just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my
hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on
things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is
going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me.


It sounds more and more like he is just a bad match
for you. You really might consider changing caregivers (or
at least hiring a doula), even at this late date. If he's
not providing enough support now, how will you feel during
labor when everything is so heightened? It doesn't sound
to me like there's anything *wrong* with what he's doing.
Many women would be just fine with someone who gave brief
answers to their specific questions. It's just not working
for you, which isn't good or bad, it's just how it is.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #25  
Old May 19th 04, 09:56 PM
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

zolw wrote:

Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my
expectations are way too high. I just can't get over my sister's loss. I
know I am not the same person & most probably will not be like her, but
it frightens me.


Of course it does--it would for anyone. There just
isn't much that could be done about it. I think the best
thing you can do is try to keep it in perspective. Late
term unexplained losses like that are blessedly rare. Your
odds of getting in a car accident on the way to your prenatal
appointments is probably higher than the risk of losing
your baby this late. It's not that it doesn't happen. I'm
just saying that you probably take risks that big or
bigger every day without letting them paralyze you. And
believe me, if you feel this way pregnant, I hate to tell
you that parenting is even worse. Once they're out, there's
*so* much that could happen to them! And every year they
gain more independence and spend more of their lives outside
of your control. It's frightening if you dwell on it, but
learning to deal with it is so very important to the mental
health of your family and your child's development. I'm
not saying it's easy--goodness knows there are times I
lay awake at night with visions of all the bad things
that could happen running through my head. I just have
to firmly tune them out and get on with the business of
living.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #26  
Old May 19th 04, 10:01 PM
Nan
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:23:24 GMT, zolw wrote:

I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he
just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my
hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on
things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is
going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me.

I wanted to share with him how I feel about the attention I am not
getting & I wanted him to understand that I do trust him medically (not
100% anymore, but he doesn't need to know that), but every time I am
about to open my mouth, I get emotional & feel that if I talk I will cry
or something of the sort. My hsuband is not much help, cause he won't
talk. He just sits there & lets me do all the talking.

Just tell me that I am paranoid (if you think I am) Maybe that will
set me straight.


No, I don't think you're paranoid :-)
But, if you aren't getting your emotional needs met by this doctor,
you could consider switching to a midwife, or another doctor that is
recommended to you.
I also stayed with my GP, but had to see the other 3 doctors in the
practice, on a rotating basis. I certainly had my favorite, and he
wasn't my GP!

Nan


  #27  
Old May 19th 04, 10:09 PM
zolw
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)

yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency. Apparently
her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does not get
contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have already told
my doctor about that (the first few appointments I tried to give him as
much family history as possible. I have an aunt who would miscarriage
every single pregnancy at 6 months. Never had a child. My mom menopaused
at the age of 38. So, I thought all that may be real important for him
to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.

I probably should mention it to him once more.
Welches wrote:

zolw wrote in message
news:B6Pqc.78557$536.12951811@attbi_s03...

Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my
expectations are way too high. I just can't get over my sister's loss. I
know I am not the same person & most probably will not be like her, but
it frightens me.


Not a fruit cake :-). It's going to cause you some worries after your
sister, but to be fair the chance of that happening to you is low. (It's
probably pretty low of it happening to her again) Have you mentioned that to
him? Maybe if you want to reassure yourself then getting your own doppler to
hear the heart beat? I'm sure you can find a medical supplier to sell one.
If you're anything like me (a worrier) then you'd have another ultrasound
then a week later be wishing for another to check all was still okay, and
then a week later... If you can feel them moving then they're okay. Do you
know why your sister had the loss? If you think she can cope talking about
it, maybe she will be able to tell you, if you don't know.
Debbie




  #28  
Old May 19th 04, 10:28 PM
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

Mona,
I think you have unrealistic expectations. You are pregnant, not sick. You
are a healthy woman, pretty much carrying a healthy child. You've done the
AFP, the level II u/s, your doctor can see by the size of your belly that
your child is most likely right on target, size wise. The normal pregnant
woman doesn't have another u/s after the 20 week one. Your appointments are
typical -- they weigh you, take your pee, listen to the heartbeat, ask if
you have any questions or issues, and send you home. That's what happens at
most prenatal appointments. They are monitoring your pregnancy, not
managing it.

Now, I'm sure your doctor knows his stuff, but I've also had doctors not
read or peruse my chart before I come in to see them, and it makes me crazy.
Take two minutes and glance at my chart before you come into the room.
That's all I ask. I've left doctors for that reason, to find someone with a
better beside manner. I don't think it's reasonable, especially during
pregnancy, when you are in on a monthly basis. Doi!
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6


"zolw" wrote in message
news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04



  #29  
Old May 19th 04, 11:43 PM
Donna Metler
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)


"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
ink.net...
Mona,
I think you have unrealistic expectations. You are pregnant, not sick.

You
are a healthy woman, pretty much carrying a healthy child. You've done

the
AFP, the level II u/s, your doctor can see by the size of your belly that
your child is most likely right on target, size wise. The normal pregnant
woman doesn't have another u/s after the 20 week one. Your appointments

are
typical -- they weigh you, take your pee, listen to the heartbeat, ask if
you have any questions or issues, and send you home. That's what happens

at
most prenatal appointments. They are monitoring your pregnancy, not
managing it.

Now, I'm sure your doctor knows his stuff, but I've also had doctors not
read or peruse my chart before I come in to see them, and it makes me

crazy.
Take two minutes and glance at my chart before you come into the room.
That's all I ask. I've left doctors for that reason, to find someone with

a
better beside manner. I don't think it's reasonable, especially during
pregnancy, when you are in on a monthly basis. Doi!
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6


"zolw" wrote in message
news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the

time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04


I don't know if he'd do it, but you might want to try to get a referral to a
high risk OB. While you're not high risk, you do have concerns and worries,
and in my experience, the docs which specialize in high risk are much more
willing to address those.

Several pregnancy after a loss books refer to any pregnancy after a loss,
especially one with no predictability, as "High concern"-and point out that
those require extra management just like a high-risk pregnancy does, not for
the mother and baby's physical health, but because of the mother's emotional
health. With your sister having experienced a very late loss, you're
experiencing the same concerns and fears. And having someone to address
those, even only once, may be worth the money.

You may be able to call a high-risk center and pay out of pocket for an
ultrasound and consultation-but it may be quite expensive.





  #30  
Old May 19th 04, 11:55 PM
Angela Schepers
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Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)





My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy.

quick urine test
blood pressure
fundal height
heart beat
position of baby


My appointments were like this except I had an ultrasound at 22 weeks
and none thereafter. The position of the baby wasn't checked regularly
until I was around 32 weeks.




 




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