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#81
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Catherine Woodgold wrote: "cjra" ) writes: if their names are not on the invitation, they *are* explicitly excluded. I disagree. In some cultures, not having their names on the invitation may implicitly exclude them, but not explicitly. Ok, implicitly then. If someone's name is not on an invitation, they are not invited. It's not appropriate to put 'no kids' on an invitation (tho it is commonly done). In which cultures is it the norm to assume someone is invited even if not on an invitation? |
#82
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Cheri Stryker wrote: Leslie wrote: I'm glad you've found a way to make it work! Just a point of etiquette--the ONLY people invited to the wedding are those whose names are on the invitation. Therefore, if only your name and that of your husband were on the invitation, then only the two of you were invited. Leslie Hunh. No one told me that when I was getting married. Good thing I put "and family" on all of them..... That simply says anyone in the family is invited - how they determine which family members that means is left open. Officially that's not proper US etiquette, and it can pose a problem if it's interpreted to mean 10 distant cousins you've never even heard of. That said, we also wrote 'and family' because it made the most sense for those whom we were inviting. (we had some relatives my husband hadn't seen in 10+ years, and I swear, a couple he'd never even met!) -- Cheri Stryker mom to DS1 - 7 yrs, and DS2 - 3.5 months Check out my new breastfeeding T-shirts on CafePress! http://www.cafepress.com/dancingbones |
#83
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
I believe the OP of this sub-thread said that she wouldn't stay close to
friends who did not *like* children, not those who did not *have* children. that's exactly right! I have friends without children, but I don't think I know anyone who doesn't like children. If I did, I wonder if we could have a friendship? Being a mom is a huge part of my identity, and I don't know if we could relate to each other. absolutely, in fact my closest friends remain people without children, and weren't even people who were particularly into children, at least not young children, but when it is a child of a close friend for them it seems things changed, it was similar to how you might feel if you had a niece or nephew.ne Cheers Anne |
#84
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
My dp's sister doesn't like children but she is very fond of William
and is one of his 4 non-god parents. She is always interested in how he is getting on and is really pleased when he grins at her lamby noises. We always got on really well and whilst at first I was quite miffed that she wasn't as keen to coo over William when he was born as everyone else was, it hasn't affected our friendship in the least. We were friends for 8 years before he was born so I couldn't imagine chucking that away because she doesn't like children. If she made it a problem then it might be different but we are both adult enough to accept we have made different choices in life and to respect each others feeling on kids. doesn't like children in what way? in that she doesn't want her own? she likes William by the sounds of things. I definitely had a mixture, with some friends barely able to keep away, desperate to see the new one, others much more casual. There are different levels of not likeing children, I have a friend who is dead against having her own, yet loves to help out with Sunday School. Then there are people who don't like children and who just could not meet you with them present, that is when it would be really hard to substain a friendship Anne |
#85
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
The way it was sounding, it seemed that what Anne was trying to say was
that just because this couple didn't want the OP's baby at the wedding, that must mean they weren't really her friends. I don't know whether that was really how it was meant, but it seemed well over the top to conclude that purely from the couple wanting their wedding to be child-free. no that wasn't what it meant at all, what I meant was that a true friend would understand why you couldn't come, which would either mean they changed there decision about the invite, they may just plain have not understood what it meant to be a breastfeeding mum, or they would regretfully explain there decision and express there sorrow the new parents would not be there, but also there understanding as to why that was so. There is usually some room for manouvere with wedding invites, we had to make some changes. Naturally we invited cousins, it turned out than one of my cousins had a serious girlfriend we weren't aware of, should he have kept quiet and not mentioned it? I don't think so, I'm glad that Rachel was there, even if it was the first time I met her, but they were engaged shortly afterwards and are now married. Similarly we invited a friend who is disabled, his condition varies and at the time of the invite we'd not expected him to need assistance, he delayed in replying not knowing what to do, thankfully we realised and extended the invite, they responded with a very generous gift. Which is better, to respond formally and politely in the negative, or to have a friendly chat, expecting nothing, but at least keeping communication channels open? Anne |
#86
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Ok, implicitly then. If someone's name is not on an invitation, they
are not invited. It's not appropriate to put 'no kids' on an invitation (tho it is commonly done). In which cultures is it the norm to assume someone is invited even if not on an invitation? Cypriot, it is assumed everyone is invited, particularly in village situations, you would be unlikely to receive an invite, but it would be rude not to either go or send apologies! Anne |
#87
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
According to the etiquette books, you are not supposed to bring your present to the wedding. You are supposed to have it shipped to the couple's house or bride's mother's house that way the bride and groom don't have to worry about transporting the gifts. When you are at the reception, you give cards to the best man or parents, but not to the couple directly. You may find it cynical, but it's the proper way to do it, according to the etiquette gurus. absolutely, but it's often difficult to do in the more spread out and travelling world we live in. To do it that way would often have cost me as much if not more than the gift, to either travel or pay postage! Anne |
#88
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
What's not good etiquette in the UK? Responding to an invitation? I don't get it. People who don't come to the wedding send a card to be read at the reception? I've never heard of that. Shouldn't you let them know in advance? you'd turn down the invite first obviously! I think traditionally it would be a telegram one would send, I believe you can still send them at great expense! Anne |
#89
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
cjra wrote: Catherine Woodgold wrote: "cjra" ) writes: if their names are not on the invitation, they *are* explicitly excluded. I disagree. In some cultures, not having their names on the invitation may implicitly exclude them, but not explicitly. Ok, implicitly then. If someone's name is not on an invitation, they are not invited. It's not appropriate to put 'no kids' on an invitation (tho it is commonly done). In which cultures is it the norm to assume someone is invited even if not on an invitation? Hmmm. On the invitation, our last name was misspelled badly enough to be nearly unrecognizable. Does that mean we're not invited either? Anyhow, due to lots of pressure from Mom and other family members, plus the fact that I do want to see my family that I haven't seen in a long time and introduce them to my baby, we're going. They've arranged to have a sitter on site, so DS will be maybe two minutes away. We won't stay long anyhow, just for the dinner probably. KD |
#90
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Anne Rogers wrote:
no that wasn't what it meant at all, what I meant was that a true friend would understand why you couldn't come, which would either mean they changed there decision about the invite, they may just plain have not understood what it meant to be a breastfeeding mum, or they would regretfully explain there decision and express there sorrow the new parents would not be there, but also there understanding as to why that was so. OK, with this I agree. [...] Which is better, to respond formally and politely in the negative, or to have a friendly chat, expecting nothing, but at least keeping communication channels open? As I said, I think what's best is to write a friendly note expressing sincere regret and just explaining (without further details) that you can't be away from the baby for that long. That way, the couple know what the problem is and can change their minds if they want to, but they aren't put under pressure to do so (ringing them to tell them how little trouble the baby would be if they changed their minds and invited her may be meant as a friendly chat, but it does still put them under at least some pressure). All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
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