Living in KAOS..how to get back

I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!
Things now are at their worst...at least I hope they won't get any
worse. My husband, has ADD, and when things start to get crazy around
the house, he is a total crazy person himself. A freak actually.
Anyone who lives with a spouse with ADD would understand the
difficulties of clutter and the stress or being disorganized. For him
to not know where his socks are....well let's just say it's a major
melt down for him. I have learned that having a clean, clutter free
house is not just for him, but for all of us.But, I do see that he is
much more able to cope when he is not stepping around and over things.
And right now, that's what we are doing.
To make a very long story short...he is living at his parents
house,,there were other things that had him go there, and we have,
thankfully, worked them out...but as for the state of the house?? He
just can't come into it...I am trying so hard to get things under
control, that I am slowly losing hope of getting it done..I want him
here..but still I am having a hard time getting all the stuff out of
here.
Where do I start?? I want my husband to come home, and to have a
comfortable place for us all to lay our heads and give a sigh of
relief, that we have a calm, clean...not perfect, just livable home to
call our own.
Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really can't see
you!

wrote in
oups.com:

I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children,
ranging in age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did
you get all that? We have two sets of twins. Now, we do
have teenagers, and they help a great deal. But right now,
we are in a huge mess.
Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really
can't see you!

chore lists.
sit down with the 3 oldest & work it out either as what they
choose (as long as everyone chooses fairly) or as a rotating
schedule so no one gets stuck cleaning the toilets or doing
dishes forever. give the 4 & 3 year old chores too. they can
dust, set the table, clear dishes, match & fold socks, wash
windows, etc.
make real consequences for NOT doing the chores & stick to
them (no car privileges or no extra curricular activities,
whatever works with your kids).
make it a point with the little kids that their toys get
picked up & put away when they aren't playing with them or
before bedtime (personally, i only allow one thing at a time
to be out. if you have Legos & want the Playmobil, put the
Legos away... but i only have one kid)
i don't know that i can offer much help with the calm part
though. i had a friend when i was a kid who was the 3rd of 9
kids. the house was really tidy (their chores included washing
all the walls every month!), but it was still rather chaotic
just because 9 kids & their friends in a 3 bedroom ranch is
going to be busy...
lee

On Apr 3, 2:25 pm, enigma wrote:
wrote groups.com:

I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children,
ranging in age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did
you get all that? We have two sets of twins. Now, we do
have teenagers, and they help a great deal. But right now,
we are in a huge mess.
Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really
can't see you!

chore lists.
sit down with the 3 oldest & work it out either as what they
choose (as long as everyone chooses fairly) or as a rotating
schedule so no one gets stuck cleaning the toilets or doing
dishes forever. give the 4 & 3 year old chores too. they can
dust, set the table, clear dishes, match & fold socks, wash
windows, etc.
make real consequences for NOT doing the chores & stick to
them (no car privileges or no extra curricular activities,
whatever works with your kids).
make it a point with the little kids that their toys get
picked up & put away when they aren't playing with them or
before bedtime (personally, i only allow one thing at a time
to be out. if you have Legos & want the Playmobil, put the
Legos away... but i only have one kid)
i don't know that i can offer much help with the calm part
though. i had a friend when i was a kid who was the 3rd of 9
kids. the house was really tidy (their chores included washing
all the walls every month!), but it was still rather chaotic
just because 9 kids & their friends in a 3 bedroom ranch is
going to be busy...
lee

thanks...we are doing the chore lists..and the older ones do keep at
them..I just find that they lack the zeal when I am not here..and
sometimes that can be often....
Thanks again,..we will keep at it

In article .com,
wrote:
I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!
[snip more details of story]
Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really can't see
you!

Can you afford to have someone come in to help clean or tidy? It sounds
like keeping a tidy house needs to be a very high priority for your
family so even if it means scrimping and saving elsewhere I would
seriously look at getting cleaning help.

Carol

wrote in
oups.com:

thanks...we are doing the chore lists..and the older ones
do keep at them..I just find that they lack the zeal when I
am not here..and sometimes that can be often....
Thanks again,..we will keep at it

that's where consequences come in.
my friend's mom was really active outside the home, with
everything from garden club to antiquing (i think she was just
escaping the noise, really g) but the kids all knew what
they had to do & they did it, sometimes roping us outsiders in
to help...
lee

On Apr 3, 4:46 pm, () wrote:
In article .com, wrote:
I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!

[snip more details of story]Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really can't see
you!

Can you afford to have someone come in to help clean or tidy? It sounds
like keeping a tidy house needs to be a very high priority for your
family so even if it means scrimping and saving elsewhere I would
seriously look at getting cleaning help.

Carol

For sure that is a great idea....it's a constant battle here for
balance..especially for my husband..who does also need to be a bit
understanding too,,,,it's tough. I am going to see about someone
coming a couple days a week..to help with the laundry,,.,and to just
be another pair of hands with the babies and toddler....I think we
could swing some funds that way.

wrote in message
oups.com...
I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!

I have 11mo old twins too Would it help to designate one day every
couple of weeks where the priority is to manage the clutter. Daily chores
etc. happen regularly but that one day there is no outside obligations etc.
The family works together to make sure the house gets back to square one.
On that day you could rotate the responsibilities or assign each older child
a younger sibling to be in charge of so you could have the whole day to do
it. Sometimes I can get more done in 2-3 hours by myself if I don't have to
stop to cook or take care of babies then the family can get done in a week
if I can just get to it. As long as the kids have daily chores I don't
think it would hurt to just get this piece done as efficiently as possible.
We have fewer people and I get stressed if the house gets out of control
too. It is hard to keep up.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

www.flylady.net

She can be a bit OTT but for the most part she has some really good
information that the whole family can use.


wrote in message
oups.com...
I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!
Things now are at their worst...at least I hope they won't get any
worse. My husband, has ADD, and when things start to get crazy around
the house, he is a total crazy person himself. A freak actually.
Anyone who lives with a spouse with ADD would understand the
difficulties of clutter and the stress or being disorganized. For him
to not know where his socks are....well let's just say it's a major
melt down for him. I have learned that having a clean, clutter free
house is not just for him, but for all of us.But, I do see that he is
much more able to cope when he is not stepping around and over things.
And right now, that's what we are doing.
To make a very long story short...he is living at his parents
house,,there were other things that had him go there, and we have,
thankfully, worked them out...but as for the state of the house?? He
just can't come into it...I am trying so hard to get things under
control, that I am slowly losing hope of getting it done..I want him
here..but still I am having a hard time getting all the stuff out of
here.
Where do I start?? I want my husband to come home, and to have a
comfortable place for us all to lay our heads and give a sigh of
relief, that we have a calm, clean...not perfect, just livable home to
call our own.
Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really can't see
you!

On Apr 3, 9:34 pm, "Nikki" wrote:
wrote in message

oups.com...

I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!

I have 11mo old twins too Would it help to designate one day every
couple of weeks where the priority is to manage the clutter. Daily chores
etc. happen regularly but that one day there is no outside obligations etc.
The family works together to make sure the house gets back to square one.
On that day you could rotate the responsibilities or assign each older child
a younger sibling to be in charge of so you could have the whole day to do
it. Sometimes I can get more done in 2-3 hours by myself if I don't have to
stop to cook or take care of babies then the family can get done in a week
if I can just get to it. As long as the kids have daily chores I don't
think it would hurt to just get this piece done as efficiently as possible.
We have fewer people and I get stressed if the house gets out of control
too. It is hard to keep up.

--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

You have a reminded me of how we used to get things done...we really
do have to have some kind of plan...an expected plan....for instance,
on Wed...we do a bathroom sweep..quick once over..that did work,...why
did we stop?? probably because my kids still wait to be told to do
things,.,.and frankly time is always moving so fast here....I can;t
always remind..but I am going to go back and re-start that again..this
time we do have to try to have some stricter consequences.
Thanks..so far you have been the most helpful!! Twins are great all
they not..I am having so much fun with them..and for our older twins,
it's fun for them too now to see how they were. Be Blessed

On Apr 3, 11:55 pm, "Knit Chic" wrote:
www.flylady.net

She can be a bit OTT but for the most part she has some really good
information that the whole family can use.

wrote in message

oups.com...

I am the mother of 7...that's right we have seven children, ranging in
age from 17, 15, 15, 4, 3, 11mths, 11mths..Did you get all that? We
have two sets of twins. Now, we do have teenagers, and they help a
great deal. But right now, we are in a huge mess. It seems we go for a
while, and we are all able to keep our stuff away, and manage to pick
things up. But as soon as I start to get busy outside the house, and
my time is elsewhere,everything goes down the drain...and in a big
way!!
Things now are at their worst...at least I hope they won't get any
worse. My husband, has ADD, and when things start to get crazy around
the house, he is a total crazy person himself. A freak actually.
Anyone who lives with a spouse with ADD would understand the
difficulties of clutter and the stress or being disorganized. For him
to not know where his socks are....well let's just say it's a major
melt down for him. I have learned that having a clean, clutter free
house is not just for him, but for all of us.But, I do see that he is
much more able to cope when he is not stepping around and over things.
And right now, that's what we are doing.
To make a very long story short...he is living at his parents
house,,there were other things that had him go there, and we have,
thankfully, worked them out...but as for the state of the house?? He
just can't come into it...I am trying so hard to get things under
control, that I am slowly losing hope of getting it done..I want him
here..but still I am having a hard time getting all the stuff out of
here.
Where do I start?? I want my husband to come home, and to have a
comfortable place for us all to lay our heads and give a sigh of
relief, that we have a calm, clean...not perfect, just livable home to
call our own.
Anyone out there in my boat.....it's so messy here I really can't see
you!

I have tried the flylady...good ideas but the emails drove me
crazy....actually had me thinking that I am the one in the house with
ADD and my husband just takes the meds to endure me!! We have been at
each other all day....he is still not living here...I think he wants
to..but just can't....it's so complicated, makes my head hurt! If you
are a praying woman...would you try that for us?? Thanks
Be Blessed