Night weaning - 2yo?

Anyone have any advice? I'm at my wits end.

I messed up. My son has always fallen asleep nursing, and we still
cosleep. Unfortunately, he has a BAD case of baby bottle tooth and is
about to lose one tooth and at least one other is beginning to decay.
My poor pretty baby with such an ugly mouth... I feel horribly guilty
about it.

Anyway, we don't really nurse on a schedule and I'm not really ready
to wean yet, just from the night feedings. He's a VERY strong-willed
child though, and is at that "tantrum" age where he'll scream and cry
and throw fits if he doesn't get his way. I don't really want to let
him cry it out over giving up nursing, but I'm not sure what else to
do.

I'm also a softie of a Mom! LOL... He's say "milk, Pleeeease!" and
it just breaks my heart, so I keep giving in to him. I really know we
need to give up this night milk for the sake of his teeth, though...
so any tips would be GREAT!

Thanks folks!

Hi -

There are several things you can try. ALL of them will require firmness
on your part, but that's part of parenting. Just remember, if he starts
to cry or have tantrums, that you don't let him run in the street, you
don't let him hit other kids, and you don't let him have milk at night.

Since he's already two, you have SOME slight chance of being able to
reason with him. So talk with him about teeth and plaque. (In our
house we brush away the "plaque monsters".) Talk about how you brush
his teeth to keep them healthy, about how the plaque monsters eat his
teeth so you brush them away, talk about how some foods are foods that
plaque monsters like a LOT ... and then explain that plaque monsters
don't drink milk in the daytime, but LOVE milk at night.

Then get a sippy cup or bottle, whichever he'll take, and fill it with
water. Make SURE he eats a lot in the evening (and tell him that he's
got to eat enough to get him through to breakfast). Then tell him if he
gets thirsty during the night he can have water.

If the problem is just the nursing-before-bed issue, then discussing it,
planning it and working it out with him for a few days, with a special
day when he stops nursing to sleep, will probably work well. You might
also reward him with a bedtime toy that he can hug while he drinks his
water, or something like that. REPLACE the nursing session with
something different that he'll like. (THe toy, an extra story,
whatever.) It may still take a few nights of you being VERY firm and
letting him cry, etc. before he gets it.

If you also have him waking during the night to nurse, you might have
a longer stretch of crying and tantrums. BUt since this is a serious
health issue (you should apologize for the genes you passed on to him
:-) then you need to be firm.

Good luck. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

PS -- You're SURE it's the night nursing that's an issue, not food
selection during the day?

I've got no advice I'm afraid - I'm sorry to hear about your baby's teeth. :
(

I didn't know that this could happen - surely it must be fairly common with
babies who are breastfeeding all night? I've not heard it mentioned here
before. I'd be interested in what other posters say.

Good luck,
ROSIE
mum to Ella, nearly 16 months

"Manna" wrote in message
om...
Anyone have any advice? I'm at my wits end.

I messed up. My son has always fallen asleep nursing, and we still
cosleep. Unfortunately, he has a BAD case of baby bottle tooth and is
about to lose one tooth and at least one other is beginning to decay.
My poor pretty baby with such an ugly mouth... I feel horribly guilty
about it.

Anyway, we don't really nurse on a schedule and I'm not really ready
to wean yet, just from the night feedings. He's a VERY strong-willed
child though, and is at that "tantrum" age where he'll scream and cry
and throw fits if he doesn't get his way. I don't really want to let
him cry it out over giving up nursing, but I'm not sure what else to
do.

I'm also a softie of a Mom! LOL... He's say "milk, Pleeeease!" and
it just breaks my heart, so I keep giving in to him. I really know we
need to give up this night milk for the sake of his teeth, though...
so any tips would be GREAT!

Thanks folks!

Hmm. At 2, you can reason with them - sort of. How about offering a
compromise - you let him nurse at night, but he has to submit to having his
teeth brushed afterward. It means no more nursing to sleep, but does not
eliminate a nursing before bed. Maybe?

-Shannon

"Manna" wrote in message
om...
Anyone have any advice? I'm at my wits end.

I messed up. My son has always fallen asleep nursing, and we still
cosleep. Unfortunately, he has a BAD case of baby bottle tooth and is
about to lose one tooth and at least one other is beginning to decay.
My poor pretty baby with such an ugly mouth... I feel horribly guilty
about it.

Anyway, we don't really nurse on a schedule and I'm not really ready
to wean yet, just from the night feedings. He's a VERY strong-willed
child though, and is at that "tantrum" age where he'll scream and cry
and throw fits if he doesn't get his way. I don't really want to let
him cry it out over giving up nursing, but I'm not sure what else to
do.

I'm also a softie of a Mom! LOL... He's say "milk, Pleeeease!" and
it just breaks my heart, so I keep giving in to him. I really know we
need to give up this night milk for the sake of his teeth, though...
so any tips would be GREAT!

Thanks folks!

In article ,
(Manna) wrote:

I'm also a softie of a Mom! LOL... He's say "milk, Pleeeease!" and
it just breaks my heart, so I keep giving in to him. I really know we
need to give up this night milk for the sake of his teeth, though...
so any tips would be GREAT!

Thanks folks!

I'm not going to respond to the particular decision, instead I'm going
to respond to the "softie Mom."

You know the answer. Be firm. Be firm. Keep being firm. If you decide
that something is the right decision, be firm. Don't let pleading break
your heart. It's not heart-breaking, it's your son expressing a *want*
in a way that usually works for him. You've taught him that if he
wheedles, cries, or tantrums he will get his way.

I have learned from painful experience that if I give in one time, the
next time he'll beg, plead, cry twice as long. So while it's hard to be
firm, it is *so* much harder not to be. Keep that in mind, and be firm.

It's not cry it out. It's "no, you may not have something that I've
decided you can't have." If you make the decision, "No," it has to stay
"No." Otherwise you're teaching him that, if Mommy says no, then I can
cry and plead and still get my way. If you become firm, realize that
it'll get *worse* at first, since he'll think that if he cries and
pleads long enough, it'll work like it used to. So you might have a
really rough night or two or three. But be firm. If you really stick to
it, he will learn that no means no, and it will be so much easier.
Remind yourself that it's for his own good to learn that no means no. It
is, you know.

This morning my 2.5yo asked me if he could watch a video. I said "no, we
have to leave soon." He pleaded "please, please, please." I said, "I
said no. Why don't you look at [favorite book] while I get ready." And
he did!

The diversion offer is very useful, btw. Maybe in your case, it's "no
honey, we don't nurse at night any more. Would you like me to []" - rock
you, sing to you, play some music, give you some water to drink, give
you a favorite animal or blanket to snuggle, or whatever it is you are
willing to do.

Enlist your husband if possible. Mine is way more firm than I am - I had
to learn it the hard way. Plus daddies don't have milk, so they have to
find other ways of comforting.

- Lynn

Manna wrote:
I don't really want to let him cry it out over giving up nursing, but
I'm not sure what else to do.

My sympathies. I started to night-wean at 18 months because of weight
issues. It was heart-breaking, but I think you just need to focus on
the long-term benefits rather than the short-term crying. It was a long
process for us, but maybe there are some ideas here you can use.

First, I didn't stop nursing him to sleep. I first eliminated the middle
of the night sessions. He did cry and thrash and beg. I made sure I
was always dressed in PJs where I could tuck the shirt in and not provide
any kind of access for him. I still held him to comfort him, and we
tried to find other ways to soothe him back to sleep. Since he was
learning his shapes then, I offered to rub his back in circles or squares.
This did not solve his problem at first, but after a few days he would
express a preference. "Circles!" "Now squares!" I think it helped give
him something else to focus on as he fell to sleep.

Next, we stopped nursing to sleep at night. This was perhaps the most
difficult part and took the longest to resolve. We rock to sleep while I
tell him stories that we make up every day. Usually, they all start the
same way ("Once upon a time there was a little boy named ... and he lived
in a house with a mommy, daddy and a dog named Wiley. One day when B woke
up he ...) Often, it's just a recap of our day with special attention paid
to something new he learned, a lesson I want to reinforce (no hitting), or
a special place/person we visited. Again, it distracted him, and since
he was draped over my shoulder, he wasn't in a position or place he
associated with nursing.

I can't tell you that night-weaning ended the night waking. Even at
2.75yo, he's still very dependent on our night-time ritual. (Which means I
am still the only one who puts him to bed). I don't know if you've
considered letting the dad take on part of the bed-time duties or even if
that's an option in your home, but some have reported success with that.

I think you just have to brace for a few tears as you both make the
adjustment. Good luck!

--
JM

"Manna" wrote in message
om...
Anyone have any advice? I'm at my wits end.

I messed up. My son has always fallen asleep nursing, and we still
cosleep. Unfortunately, he has a BAD case of baby bottle tooth and is
about to lose one tooth and at least one other is beginning to decay.
My poor pretty baby with such an ugly mouth... I feel horribly guilty
about it.


http://www.mothering.com/10-0-0/html...cavities.shtml

From that article, it sounds like you need to just work out a way to up his
immune system, get him some more vitamin D, etc.

I would be inclined to do that first myself if Meg develops caries, rather
than go straight to night weaning. BM has antibiotic properties, after all,
we put it on wounds and skin problems.

-- Dagny

"Rosie" wrote in message
...
I've got no advice I'm afraid - I'm sorry to hear about your baby's teeth.
:
(

I didn't know that this could happen - surely it must be fairly common
with
babies who are breastfeeding all night? I've not heard it mentioned here
before. I'd be interested in what other posters say.



Its not night nursing, its babies who keep the nipple in their mouth ALL
night. Having a few nursing sessions is ok, its when kid with teeth do that
nipple hanging in their mouth, letting a slow trickle of milk flow
continually thing, that its a problem. The saliva doesnt have the chance to
rinse away the milk from the teeth. I weaned my daughter totally when I
noticed her front teeth looking a little funny. Actually, she didnt mind at
all. I just was holding her one day and she was just lolling about on my
lap, sucking here and there every few seconds. I unlatched her, let her keep
sleeping and never offered the breast again. She never asked either. A child
who can be content with nursing in spurts, but unlatching in between,
shouldnt have dental problems. Its when they hang on for extended periods
that its an issue.

I really know we
need to give up this night milk for the sake of his teeth, though...
so any tips would be GREAT!

The book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley has a very
detailed plan for teaching your child to go to sleep without nursing
or using a pacifier. It takes several days, but uses very effective
operant conditioning techniques to "re-train" your child with little
to no emotional trauma.

Another suggestion would be to brush your child's teeth more
frequently (after all meals and snacks-- at least 5 times a day) and
to use a toothpaste containing xylitol. Xylitol is a sugar that
occurs naturally in certain berries and in the bark of birch trees.
Unlike most sugars, xylitol can actually prevent tooth decay (it's
also linked with reduced rates of ear infections). For more
information on the science behind this, see http://www.xylitol.org/

I use an infant-safe tooth gel with xylitol for brushing my daughter's
teeth. I get it at http://www.sprydental.com/ I have no link with
the company other than being a customer.

--
kirsti

"Rosie" wrote in message ...
I've got no advice I'm afraid - I'm sorry to hear about your baby's teeth. :
(

I didn't know that this could happen - surely it must be fairly common with
babies who are breastfeeding all night? I've not heard it mentioned here
before. I'd be interested in what other posters say.

Good luck,
ROSIE
mum to Ella, nearly 16 months

Me too! I have heard of this but it's the first time I've seen
parents discussing it. My husband and I BOTH have horrible teeth and
my ds is nursing throughout the night. I guess I'd better do
something... The dr. wrote an Rx for vitamins with flouride (because
we live in a rural area where our house is served by a private well.
She didn't mention the teeth problem though). However, I have not
gotten the Rx filled yet. (bad mom)
HW