If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
DD (14 months) is a terrible sleeper. Only recently have I managed to
help her to start taking a fairly decent nap. However, our real problems are at night. The only thing that is consistent with her nighttime sleep is inconsistency. I know, that is the nature of the beast. For instance, one night she may sleep from 8p to 5a (heaven!), the next night, she may be up every 2 hours (may as well have a newborn) and the next night, she will sleep 8p to midnight, have a quick feed and back to sleep until 7a. Most nights, however, she is up at least 2-3 times. We are trying desperately to night wean. So, DH steps in and gets her when she wakes. The problem is she will not let him comfort her, or put her to sleep (this wasn't always a problem, in the past, there have been many nights where she let him). Last night was particularly bad. After an hour of her screaming while he was trying everything, bottle of water, patting, rocking, walking, I caved and nursed her to sleep. I have looked at NCSS, and for various reasons, the methods just don't work. I have two other children who need to sleep, too, and so does mommy :-P Sorry if this seems choppy, we are trying to get out the door, but I needed to get this on here to please, please, please get some suggestions. TIA, Jodie |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
Jodie writes:
: We are trying desperately to night wean. So, DH steps in and gets her : when she wakes. The problem is she will not let him comfort her, or put : her to sleep (this wasn't always a problem, in the past, there have been : many nights where she let him). Last night was particularly bad. After : an hour of her screaming while he was trying everything, bottle of : water, patting, rocking, walking, I caved and nursed her to sleep. You mean totally? Why so, and why "desperately"? Maybe the best thing would be to try and establish a routine where she goes a good 4 hours after going to bed, then nurses only 1 to 3 times during the night. I think you should also plan on going to bed shortly after your daughter so that you can get a adequate amount of sleep. In any case, good luck, Larry |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
Larry wrote:
You mean totally? I mean totally night wean. Her current nursing schedule is : nurse upon waking, nurse to sleep for nap, (sometimes) nurse when wake up from nap and nurse to sleep at night (in addition to the usual night nursings). Why so, and why "desperately"? Perhaps "desperately" wasn't a good choice of word. I guess because she has had nights when she will sleep very well, although few and far between it seems. I think her problem is putting herself back to sleep when she has wakeful periods in her sleep cycle, instead of always depending on nursing to go back to sleep. Or letting DH help her (which, as I said, she won't) Maybe the best thing would be to try and establish a routine where she goes a good 4 hours after going to bed, then nurses only 1 to 3 times during the night. Good idea. But how do I go about establishing that? Her usual bedtime is 8:00 - 8:30. What do I do if she wakes up at, say, 10:00? She won't let DH settle her, and she certainly won't have any of me trying to pat, rock, sshhhh when I've got the "goods". I think you should also plan on going to bed shortly after your daughter so that you can get a adequate amount of sleep. Oh, I know I really shouldn't complain about my sleep. The main point of my post is to get ideas as to how to get her to either, a) accept soothing from someone other than me a.k.a. nursing, or b) learn to fall asleep without nursing (which I guess would go hand in hand). Besides, I have two other kids who need me, as well. In any case, good luck, Larry Thanks, Larry Jodie |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
"Jodie" wrote in message
... I think her problem is putting herself back to sleep when she has wakeful periods in her sleep cycle, instead of always depending on nursing to go back to sleep. You have hit the nail on the head right here. All people have wakeful periods during sleep. That is never going to go away, so the only answer is for her to learn to fall back to sleep by herself when they occur. That means without any kind of eating, drinking, rocking, walking, patting, etc., etc. I know it's got a bad rap here but the book by Ferber adresses all your questions exactly. I know you are worried about keeping your other kids up and that was a concern for me too. But it turned out not to be a problem and using that method has saved my life. I'm hardly exaggerating there, because I could well have caused a car accident with how tired I was before implementing this. I started it 20 days ago. It took only one night for me to see a very dramatic improvement. It may take longer for you at 14 months than for me, doing it at 6 months, but once it works it would be so worth it. Your other kids will survive a few nights of interrupted sleep. The book also gave me a much better understanding of the physiology of normal sleep and that helps me know how to respond appropriately when he wakes up at night. Now, I do nurse him twice a night still, because I do believe he still needs that nourishment, but now instead of being up half the night he goes right back to bed. He is so much better off, being able to sleep well and getting all the sleep he needs, than he was before. He immediately started taking much longer naps during the day. I'm sure he was at least as sleep deprived as I was, based on how much more he sleeps now. I regard allowing him the opportunity to learn how to sleep well as meeting one of his most basic physical needs, not depriving him of emotional needs in any way. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 6 months |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
.. Now, I do nurse him twice a night still, because I
do believe he still needs that nourishment, but now instead of being up half the night he goes right back to bed. He is so much better off, being able to sleep well and getting all the sleep he needs, than he was before. He immediately started taking much longer naps during the day. I'm sure he was at least as sleep deprived as I was, based on how much more he sleeps now. I regard allowing him the opportunity to learn how to sleep well as meeting one of his most basic physical needs, not depriving him of emotional needs in any way. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 6 months I wanted to ask you and since you mentioned it, I thought I'd just ask in this thread. You said he still gets up twice to eat, that's basically what Xan does too, and we're trying to break him of that. I guess like the OP says, night wean him. I swear he's waking out of habit not hunger, what are your cues like with Jaden? I ask because Xander will eat for about 5 minutes and be back to sleep. It's great that he does it so fast but kind of annoying too, that he only wakes for that long if you kwim? Like he's not really hungry but when he's really awake, he can't go back to sleep without nursing. And he will have nights where he will get up once to eat (he goes to bed at 7 and gets up around 5:30-6am) and then we have nights where he will get up 3 or 4 times a night. Typically it's around midnight and 3:30 though. If you were me, would you do the ferber method with him or just keep doing what we're doing? Im not sure what to do at this point. Thanks And good luck to the OP Kari Kari |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
Regarding falling asleep without nursing: We started brushing their teeth
at about 2 yo. We had a simple rule that you could nurse at bedtime and then after your teeth were brushed not until you woke again in the middle of the night. Regarding waking 2 hours after going to sleep, that just came with the territory, but it did not really happen to often. Ours did not stop night nursing until they were 3 or 4. It was the LAST nursing sessions they gave up (well, other than bedtime and waking). Larry Jodie writes: : Larry wrote: :You mean totally? : I mean totally night wean. Her current nursing schedule is : nurse : upon waking, nurse to sleep for nap, (sometimes) nurse when wake up from : nap and nurse to sleep at night (in addition to the usual night : nursings). :Why so, and why "desperately"? : Perhaps "desperately" wasn't a good choice of word. I guess because she : has had nights when she will sleep very well, although few and far : between it seems. I think her problem is putting herself back to sleep : when she has wakeful periods in her sleep cycle, instead of always : depending on nursing to go back to sleep. Or letting DH help her : (which, as I said, she won't) :Maybe the best thing would be to try and :establish a routine where she goes a good 4 :hours after going to bed, then nurses only 1 to :3 times during the night. : Good idea. But how do I go about establishing that? Her usual bedtime : is 8:00 - 8:30. What do I do if she wakes up at, say, 10:00? She won't : let DH settle her, and she certainly won't have any of me trying to pat, : rock, sshhhh when I've got the "goods". :I think you should also plan on going to bed :shortly after your daughter so that you can get :a adequate amount of sleep. : Oh, I know I really shouldn't complain about my sleep. The main point : of my post is to get ideas as to how to get her to either, a) accept : soothing from someone other than me a.k.a. nursing, or b) learn to fall : asleep without nursing (which I guess would go hand in hand). : Besides, I have two other kids who need me, as well. :In any case, good luck, :Larry : Thanks, Larry : Jodie |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
Cheryl wrote:
snip very helpful personal experience I know it's got a bad rap here but the book by Ferber adresses all your questions exactly. I've been thinking about looking into that book, actually. I never had this issue with my other two. They both "slept thru the night" at 8 weeks and were putting themselves to sleep at 4 months. sigh They weren't bf, either, so, unfortunately, the tendency is to blame the bf, which is not where I want to go. But when you're frustrated, you want to blame something, ya know? Anyway, thanks, Cheryl. And here's hoping your good sleep continues Jodie |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
|
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
"Kari" wrote in message
... You said he still gets up twice to eat, that's basically what Xan does too, and we're trying to break him of that. I guess like the OP says, night wean him. I swear he's waking out of habit not hunger, what are your cues like with Jaden? I ask because Xander will eat for about 5 minutes and be back to sleep. It's great that he does it so fast but kind of annoying too, that he only wakes for that long if you kwim? Like he's not really hungry but when he's really awake, he can't go back to sleep without nursing. And he will have nights where he will get up once to eat (he goes to bed at 7 and gets up around 5:30-6am) and then we have nights where he will get up 3 or 4 times a night. Typically it's around midnight and 3:30 though. If you were me, would you do the ferber method with him or just keep doing what we're doing? Im not sure what to do at this point. What Ferber suggests for the issue of night feeding is two-part. The first part is to progressively increase the amount of time between feedings. The first night, do not nurse if it has been less than two hours since the last feeding. Then 2.5 hours the next night, 3 hours the third night, etc., increasing by half hour each night The second part is, at the feeding you want to eliminate first, reduce the length of that feeding by one minute at a time. You can do it as gradually as you want, from one minute per night to one minute every 3-4 nights. Doing this is what got Jaden to sleeping a 6 hour stretch at night. He gets up every 3 hours after that, just nurses for about 10 minutes at most, and goes right back to sleep. He sleeps from 7:30 pm to between 6:00-7:30 am. Since that happened, he has started nursing at *least* every 2 hours, all day. He is eating as much as he can during the day and I know that he does settle himself when he wakes at other times (e.g. I usually hear him rustle about at 10:00 pm but he doesn't cry) so I believe that when he does want to eat at night he really needs to, so I feed him. The night before I bought Ferber's book, Jaden was up precisely every 2 hours, and was awake for 30-90 minutes each time. Within three nights we got to what I decribed above. It is bliss for me just getting this far, so I'm not even trying to push it right now and definitely not until he's through this bout of teething. (He got 3 teeth in the past 11 days, and is working on 3 more.) I know he can settle himself under normal conditions but during teething - for *6* teeth! - (*and* a cold, last week) seemed to be expecting a little too much. Now I have been warned that Ferber worked for someone else at first, but after allowing nursing at night again due to such circumstances, the night wakings continued and Ferber's method did not work the second time. I hope I'm not heading down that path but I know I am on thin ice already. Two of the past 5 nights he has gotten up an extra time. So consistency is crucial. But, I'm infinitely better off right now having had three weeks of better sleep anyway, so I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The earliest Ferber recommends using his method is 5-6 months, BTW. Not sure if that answers your questions but feel free to ask more. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 6 months |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Help with sleep
.. The earliest Ferber recommends using his method
is 5-6 months, BTW. Not sure if that answers your questions but feel free to ask more. Wow, that was really helpful thank you. I really dont want to let him cry for any long period of time and the only way I will is if I know he's full, dry and comfortable. I do let him fuss at naptimes and he's gotten much better at taking naps for me but he still gets up 2-3 times a night. He will be 6 mos on the 1st so he's just starting on solids and he's starting to teethe so I hear ya on that avenue. Im not sure if it's the best time to be working on his sleep patterns but Im afraid if I dont, then he'll still be up 2-3 times a night when he's 2 years old! I cannot even imagine....Im exhausted as it is! Thanks again, Cheryl. Kari |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
9 month old sleep issues | Lora R | General | 13 | July 21st 04 03:53 PM |
If only sleep were carrots... | Phoebe & Allyson | Breastfeeding | 23 | January 30th 04 05:05 PM |
Rant: the attachment parenting explosion | [email protected] | General | 9 | January 10th 04 04:11 AM |
Vent--Comfort Sucking & Sleep Issues | Kathy | Breastfeeding | 19 | October 29th 03 05:37 AM |