"Time Wasting Rules" - from Real Simple Magazine - NOT GOOD!

"Phoebe & Allyson" wrote in message
...
just me wrote:

"Clisby Williams" wrote in message
...

I test INTJ. It absolutely fits.

Banty

I test INTJ also.


That's three of us.


Make it 4. Although I can be an ENTJ if I try really,
really hard. Since I haven't needed to be one in awhile, I
remember how much work it is, but not that I enjoy it.

Phoebe *introvert by temperament, extrovert by sheer force
of will*

Make it 5, can come out ENTJ if I try, but not really me.
Marc

dragonlady wrote in message ...
In article ,
"just me" wrote:

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
I'm about to take the Myers-Briggs for the first time (I've actively
avoided it) and am reasonably certain that I'll turn up an "E"; I
wonder if anyone has ever looked at this particular aspect of
personality type and parenting styles? I wonder if E's, for example,
are more likely to breast feed, or use attachment parenting?



Do I hear a thesis cooking?

-Aula


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I googled just for the heck of it; there are quite a few hits on
parenting and MBTI, but most of it is positive (ie, how to parent) and
based on an understanding of the CHILD'S MBTS, with a few positive
articles about how to understand the mix of "types" in your house and
work with them.

I'd love to read a normative study on how the parent's MBTI (especially
on the E-I spectrum) affects parenting styles, especially as it relates
to breast feeding, co-sleeping, and attachment parenting! I'm not a
social scientist, so I have no desire to do it -- but if anybody wants
to create such a study and publish it, I'd be delighted to read it!

I'm an INFP. I see your point about "I"'s and attachment parenting,
but in my case, I never felt that being with DS was draining by
comparison to grown up people. It hardly felt like he was a separate
person when he was a baby. I'm not a "typical" (whatever that is,
LOL) AP practitioner, but did what I could. DS was almost always in
arms and I bf'ed to 22m. I was afraid to co-sleep, but often did and
still do (he is almost 3). OTOH, sometimes I *would* really like to
go to the bathroom by myself!

Being a "P" is not very useful for a work-out-of-the-house mom, but I
can't change what I am! I've found the description of INFP to be
pretty accurate for me, but I wonder if it's like reading my
horoscope?

Take care,
Lisa

Clisby Williams wrote in message
Anyhow, you
answer a bunch of questions and are assessed on these characteristics:

I/E introverted/extroverted
N/S intuitive/sensing
T/F thinking/feeling
J/P judging/perceiving

I do needlework, but it has been years since I have had the time. I am very
much an introvert and have to have my alone time. I don't know about where I
would fall with the rest. Do you happen to know the website it is, so I can
see just where I fall?
--
Sue
mom to three girls

In article ,
Clisby Williams wrote:

I/E introverted/extroverted
N/S intuitive/sensing
T/F thinking/feeling
J/P judging/perceiving

I took it at work once - I can't remember if it was a team-building
exercise or something
else. There are web-based tests, too - I took one of those once and
also came out
as INTJ.

However, you didn't say what kind of needlework you do.

I am an ENTP and avoid needlework! Am I still allowed here?

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"...children should continue to be breastfed... for up to two years of age
or beyond." -- Innocenti Declaration, Florence, 1 August 1990

On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 14:38:24 GMT, "just me"
wrote:

I have come to think that children have their temperaments and DS' is very
social. So, we make our sacrifices to ensure that he has opportunities to
play and interact with kids regularly just like some parents make sacrifices
in the sleep or financial depts., among others. I have no doubt, however,
that DS will grow up quite comfortable with being alone and spending long
periods of time alone doing whatever as well, because he has been exposed to
it as the parental life style of choice. That may be a leg up on some other
kids out there, who knows.


Interesting topic. I'm dealing with this very issue with my 13
1/2-year-old. My husband and I are both middle-of-the-road - quite
social but also fine with spending time at home.

My son, however, is quite painfully shy. He seems to make friends just
fine at school, but very seldom will invite anyone to come here or get
an invitation to go to someone else's house. He's played on sports
teams all his life and is a great team motivator, leader, and
competitor, but never takes the relationships with his teammates into
friendships off the field. He has one best buddy that he's known since
preschool, but that's really the only close friendship he has.

He's smart, funny, nice-looking and socially appropriate - so I don't
think he's being rejected by his peers, but he's very reserved in his
interactions with other kids and I suspect (from what I've seen) that
he comes across 'stand-offish' - like if another kid talks to him
he'll answer them politely enough but then not pursue the conversation
or make the effort to speak to that person again.

I've tried to point out what he's doing, but it's a tough thing for
him to understand, and he does feel sad that he doesn't have more
social interaction. His younger brother, whom he has relied upon for
friendship all his life, is 11 and starting to spend more time with
his friends, leaving my older one to spend more and more time alone.

This summer, when he's not been in camp, he's just been hanging around
the house playing video games, reading and watching TV by himself. I
started encouraging him to ask one friend from his junior high music
class to come over this week and he told me, "kids don't hang out
together like that." I said, "Yes, they do, but you don't see it
because you're not doing it." Last night, when I pushed him about
extending the invitation, he got really angry at me and finally broke
down crying: "I don't know why I can't do it! What's wrong with me?!"

Poor guy. :-( My heart was breaking for him. I don't know at this
point whether to completely back off and just let him be a "hermit" or
keep encouraging him to put himself out on the line a little bit. Not
having been a shy kid, I don't understand the mindset - is it fear of
rejection that keeps shy kids from taking the initiative to make a
friend?

I'd appreciate any help/thoughts/feedback.

Karen


--
The Orange Cat: Calendar, advice & tips for busy families in the San Gabriel Valley
www.theorangecat.org

In article ,
Karen wrote:


This summer, when he's not been in camp, he's just been hanging around
the house playing video games, reading and watching TV by himself. I
started encouraging him to ask one friend from his junior high music
class to come over this week and he told me, "kids don't hang out
together like that." I said, "Yes, they do, but you don't see it
because you're not doing it." Last night, when I pushed him about
extending the invitation, he got really angry at me and finally broke
down crying: "I don't know why I can't do it! What's wrong with me?!"

Poor guy. :-( My heart was breaking for him. I don't know at this
point whether to completely back off and just let him be a "hermit" or
keep encouraging him to put himself out on the line a little bit. Not
having been a shy kid, I don't understand the mindset - is it fear of
rejection that keeps shy kids from taking the initiative to make a
friend?

I'd appreciate any help/thoughts/feedback.


You may be giving him the message that there is something WRONG with
enjoying his own company; if he doesn't seem unhappy, there may not be
a real problem.

This conversation started as a discussion about the Myers-Briggs types.
The difference between Extroverts and Introverts on that scale has
nothing to do with shyness -- it has to do with what it is you do to
energize yourself. Do you enjoy spending time with lots of people,
being at parties, do you find yourself wanting to talk to others to sort
stuff out? --you could even be very shy and have a hard time meeting
people, but if you are energized by that sort of contact, you are an
extrovert on that scale. On the other hand, if you enjoy spending time
alone, if sitting by yourself, or possibly with one close friend, you
are an introvert. Even if you are GOOD at meeting people and have lots
of friends, if your idea of how to recharge your batteries is to spend
time by yourself, you are an introvert on that scale. (It's far more
complex than that, and my own understanding is limited, but that's close
enough for this discussion.)

It sounds like your son may be an introvert -- being raised by an
extrovert.

I've been thinking about that this week, and am wondering if those of us
in THAT position -- E's raising I's -- aren't actually more in danger of
doing our children a disservice than the other way around. My oldest
is pretty much in the middle on that scale, and I think I didn't give
her enough space to just be by herself. I wonder if I didn't push her
into trying to "make friends" when, in fact, she'd have been happier
with more time alone and a few close friends. My son, on the other
hand, is a strong E who is shy and not always socially appropriate -- I
think I haven't helped him out much, either, as I think I'd assumed he
LIKED being by himself when, in fact, he needs more time with groups of
people.

When we use words like "hermit" or "recluse" or even "shy", I think we
give our kids the impression that there IS something wrong with a person
who just likes being alone.

I guess the question becomes, is your son unhappy because he WANTS to
spend more time around other people his age, but doesn't know how to do
it? Or is he unhappy because he's been convinced that he SHOULD want to
spend more time around other people his own age? At this point, teasing
out the difference may be extremely difficult!

Good luck with this; I think parent/child differences of this sort may
be more prevelant than any of us like to think about -- and that we all
deal with "problems" that are not real problems, but just differences of
style.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
dragonlady says...

In article ,
Karen wrote:


This summer, when he's not been in camp, he's just been hanging around
the house playing video games, reading and watching TV by himself. I
started encouraging him to ask one friend from his junior high music
class to come over this week and he told me, "kids don't hang out
together like that." I said, "Yes, they do, but you don't see it
because you're not doing it." Last night, when I pushed him about
extending the invitation, he got really angry at me and finally broke
down crying: "I don't know why I can't do it! What's wrong with me?!"

Poor guy. :-( My heart was breaking for him. I don't know at this
point whether to completely back off and just let him be a "hermit" or
keep encouraging him to put himself out on the line a little bit. Not
having been a shy kid, I don't understand the mindset - is it fear of
rejection that keeps shy kids from taking the initiative to make a
friend?

I'd appreciate any help/thoughts/feedback.


You may be giving him the message that there is something WRONG with
enjoying his own company; if he doesn't seem unhappy, there may not be
a real problem.

Yep - she needs to consider if he's *truly* unhappy alone, or is just responding
to the expectation that he *should* be unhappy if he's not hanging with friends.
He may be unhappy that he can't live, um, around to others' expectations.

::snip good stuff::


It sounds like your son may be an introvert -- being raised by an
extrovert.

I've been thinking about that this week, and am wondering if those of us
in THAT position -- E's raising I's -- aren't actually more in danger of
doing our children a disservice than the other way around. My oldest
is pretty much in the middle on that scale, and I think I didn't give
her enough space to just be by herself. I wonder if I didn't push her
into trying to "make friends" when, in fact, she'd have been happier
with more time alone and a few close friends. My son, on the other
hand, is a strong E who is shy and not always socially appropriate -- I
think I haven't helped him out much, either, as I think I'd assumed he
LIKED being by himself when, in fact, he needs more time with groups of
people.

When we use words like "hermit" or "recluse" or even "shy", I think we
give our kids the impression that there IS something wrong with a person
who just likes being alone.

The one I always got was "come out of (my) shell"..


I guess the question becomes, is your son unhappy because he WANTS to
spend more time around other people his age, but doesn't know how to do
it? Or is he unhappy because he's been convinced that he SHOULD want to
spend more time around other people his own age? At this point, teasing
out the difference may be extremely difficult!

Exactly!


Good luck with this; I think parent/child differences of this sort may
be more prevelant than any of us like to think about -- and that we all
deal with "problems" that are not real problems, but just differences of
style.

Spot on advice.

Another thing extroverted parents of introverted kids need to watch out for
other than pathologizing their child's temprament - expecting the child to
provide interactive personal company for themselves more than the child
comfortably can.

Banty

G'day

Chookie wrote:

In article ,
Clisby Williams wrote:

I/E introverted/extroverted
N/S intuitive/sensing
T/F thinking/feeling
J/P judging/perceiving


I am an ENTP and avoid needlework! Am I still allowed here?

Hey I'm ENTP too. Funny!

DrRuth

is there a web page to take this "test" at? how do you find out what you
are? I knew years ago, but it's been so long I've forgotten...
Edith
nak

"Ruth Shear" wrote in message
news
G'day

Chookie wrote:

In article ,
Clisby Williams wrote:

I/E introverted/extroverted
N/S intuitive/sensing
T/F thinking/feeling
J/P judging/perceiving


I am an ENTP and avoid needlework! Am I still allowed here?

Hey I'm ENTP too. Funny!

DrRuth

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 16:52:10 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:

It sounds like your son may be an introvert -- being raised by an
extrovert.

Interestingly enough, when I took the test in college - ahem, 20 years
agog - I was an Introvert (though close to borderline). After
choosing a career where I basically HAD to become comfortable
interacting with people constantly I tested again a few years ago and
found I was now an Extrovert, although also fairly close to the
middle.

So - I guess that shows that people can change, at least a little,
through circumstances and maturing!



I've been thinking about that this week, and am wondering if those of us
in THAT position -- E's raising I's -- aren't actually more in danger of
doing our children a disservice than the other way around. My oldest
is pretty much in the middle on that scale, and I think I didn't give
her enough space to just be by herself. I wonder if I didn't push her
into trying to "make friends" when, in fact, she'd have been happier
with more time alone and a few close friends. My son, on the other
hand, is a strong E who is shy and not always socially appropriate -- I
think I haven't helped him out much, either, as I think I'd assumed he
LIKED being by himself when, in fact, he needs more time with groups of
people.

When we use words like "hermit" or "recluse" or even "shy", I think we
give our kids the impression that there IS something wrong with a person
who just likes being alone.

That's true, and you make some really good point. Thanks.

I guess it's programmed in us to feel badly when we see our kids
spending a lot of time alone. Maybe it's because people who tend to do
those things like "going postal" are invariably described as "loners"
and people "who keep to themselves" - it gives the impression that
isolation is dangerous behavior.

I do think that making friends and learning to be at least basically
comfortable in groups is important, however. But maybe he gets plenty
of that at school and during his downtime being alone is just fine
with him. I know I still am very happy being alone myself, though I
also enjoy socializing.



I guess the question becomes, is your son unhappy because he WANTS to
spend more time around other people his age, but doesn't know how to do
it? Or is he unhappy because he's been convinced that he SHOULD want to
spend more time around other people his own age? At this point, teasing
out the difference may be extremely difficult!


Yes, it's very difficult. He's fine when his brother is home to keep
him company. And he's fine amusing himself for a certain amount of
time, but he gets bored and lonely eventually.


Good luck with this; I think parent/child differences of this sort may
be more prevalent than any of us like to think about -- and that we all
deal with "problems" that are not real problems, but just differences of
style.


Very true. I definitely don't want to make him feel like a pariah - I
think I'll back off for now. He will be busy at baseball camp for the
next couple of weeks. Thanks for your thoughts!

Karen

--
The Orange Cat: Calendar, advice & tips for busy families in the San Gabriel Valley
www.theorangecat.org