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teenager breaking curfew



 
 
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  #21  
Old March 10th 08, 01:13 AM posted to misc.kids
Chris
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Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew






Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old
enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to
understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other
members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of
learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending
the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was
an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at
Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left
for dead in a ditch.


Are you talking about 3 a.m. as in waking people up, or 3 a.m. as in people
worrying? �Simple care addresses the first concern, a cell phone and a set of
rules about putting in calls addresses the second. �Neither needs a curfew.


Ah, right. The car pulling into the driveway, slamming car doors, car
alarm settings, creaky stairs, etc. won't wake anyone up ever? Some
people are light sleepers or have a hard time getting back to sleep
with either approach, especially when they hear someone sneaking
through their house. They are more than likely to wake and see that
these noises are occurring at the set curfew time and be able to be
relaxed and nonjarred enough to fall back asleep however. It is my
opinion that if a parent has a problem with any of these things, then
they have the right to continue to enforce reasonable curfews.
Obviously we disagree.

  #22  
Old March 10th 08, 01:16 AM posted to misc.kids
Chris
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Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 7:15�pm, Jeff wrote:
Banty wrote:
In article , Michelle J. Haines says...
Banty wrote:
I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a joint
custody arrangement. �Do you?
In some states the age of majority is not until 19, so if he lives in
one of those, then the girl isn't an adult and they probably do still
have custody. �Take it down a notch there, Banty.


Let's notch down together then, Michelle. �I was *asking*. �See - -


? �-- that's a question mark


Banty


In most states, if a child has graduated high school or has had a baby,
the child is legally an adult.

In any event, one of the things we don't know is the emotional maturity
of the teenager. One can be legally an adult, but not emotionally ready.
� There may be emotional maturity level here, too, although not
necessarily with the teen.

Jeff


I agree. In our state, you are a legal adult at the age of 17,
regardless as to circumstances. The laws are designed to not make it
easy for a 17-year-old to have a go at it on their own however. For
example, a 17-year-old can enter into a contract, such as in buying a
car or renting an apartment, but unless they can prove they are
emancipated, there is another law protecting them from having to be
held liable for repayment of a loan; therefore, not many places will
agree to doing business of this sort with a 17-year-old. Same for
working hours, etc. It basically gives the mom and dad a little
leverage for enticing the child to remain under their "rule" until
they are more easily able to acquire what it is they need outside of
"home."
  #23  
Old March 10th 08, 01:23 AM posted to misc.kids
Chris
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Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 8:13Â*pm, Chris wrote:
Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old
enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to
understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other
members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of
learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending
the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was
an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at
Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left
for dead in a ditch.


Are you talking about 3 a.m. as in waking people up, or 3 a.m. as in people
worrying? �Simple care addresses the first concern, a cell phone and a set of
rules about putting in calls addresses the second. �Neither needs a curfew.


Ah, right. The car pulling into the driveway, slamming car doors, car
alarm settings, creaky stairs, etc. won't wake anyone up ever? Some
people are light sleepers or have a hard time getting back to sleep
with either approach, especially when they hear someone sneaking
through their house. They are more than likely to wake and see that
these noises are occurring at the set curfew time and be able to be
relaxed and nonjarred enough to fall back asleep however. It is my
opinion that if a parent has a problem with any of these things, then
they have the right to continue to enforce reasonable curfews.
Obviously we disagree.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


My college-aged BIL needed a place to live so he could follow his
girlfriend around -- guess what -- we had rules, and they included not
coming in at all hours of the night out of respect for us and our
sleeping children, among others. You don't necessarily have the right
to do as you please under someone else's roof, period, whether it be
mom and dad's, Aunt Jane's, or your brother's/sister's. Different
people are going to have differing tolerance levels, period, on many
different issues. My guess is that if she knew she deserved a longer
curfew, while Dad is not against one, she would be asking to move in
with Dad (a whole 'nother can of worms however involved with this sort
of switch too).
  #24  
Old March 10th 08, 01:33 AM posted to misc.kids
Nan
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Posts: 346
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Sun, 09 Mar 2008 18:51:33 GMT, Jeff
wrote:


As an aside, I wish to add: I do think that it helps kids if the rules
are pretty consistent from house to house. For example, similar bed
times and similar consequences for hitting siblings. I said as an aside,
because in most cases, the rules are consistent enough.

I do also wish to add that it is appropriate for some punishments to
carry over to other houses. For example, if a child knew that if he
didn't get that report he had 3 weeks to finish done on time, then he
would not be allowed to watch TV, then that punishment should carry from
one house to the other. Of course, the key here is communication between
the parents.

Jeff


Yes, I agree that rules *should* be consistent between houses.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way!

In your example I can see it making sense that *some* consequences can
carry over. In my example I was thinking of the time my son rode his
bicycle outside his boundary. He was restricted for several days but
when he went to his dad's for the weekend I didn't expect his dad to
keep him restricted at his house.

Nan

  #25  
Old March 10th 08, 01:43 AM posted to misc.kids
deja.blues
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Posts: 242
Default teenager breaking curfew


"Michelle J. Haines" wrote in message
...
Banty wrote:

I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a
joint
custody arrangement. Do you?


In some states the age of majority is not until 19, so if he lives in one
of those, then the girl isn't an adult and they probably do still have
custody. Take it down a notch there, Banty.


The OP is from Canada.


  #26  
Old March 10th 08, 01:58 AM posted to misc.kids
Rosalie B.
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Posts: 984
Default teenager breaking curfew

Banty wrote:

In article ,
Chris says...

On Mar 9, 10:53=EF=BF=BDam, Tony wrote:
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Which of you has more problems isn't relevant. It is pretty common
for girls to get along better with their dads than with their moms.

Advice?


Is it possible that she broke curfew BECAUSE she just turned 18? Maybe
she thought it was time for her not to have one anymore. She should
have talked to her mom about it though. Your wife has a choice now of
kicking your daughter out if she doesn't abide by the rules, or not.
\
Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old
enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to
understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other
members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of
learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending
the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was
an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at
Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left
for dead in a ditch.


Are you talking about 3 a.m. as in waking people up, or 3 a.m. as in people
worrying? Simple care addresses the first concern, a cell phone and a set of
rules about putting in calls addresses the second. Neither needs a curfew.


When my son was 18 (and he was still in high school then), I used to
worry whenever I heard sirens if he wasn't home yet. It wouldn't have
occurred to me to punish him or to set a curfew.

At my house, 100% freedom to do as I pleased only
came when I got my first apartment at almost 19.


Heck, the only time I ever felt the freedom to do as I pleased was when I lived
alone ;-) Which isn't now. Of course there needs to be respect for the
household and one has to work around others' needs.

Still doesn't need a curfew.


When I was living at home as an adult, my mom and I discussed the
rules and agreed on them. When my children or grandchildren visit, we
talk about the schedule among other things.

If one of the parties worries then some account needs to be taken of
that but it does NOT have to mean that there is a curfew or that the
worried about person doesn't have some autonomy. It can be as simple
as saying that you will leave a text message if you are going to be
out late or spend the night. So that the worried person can see what
is happening and be reassured without being able to complain about it.


  #27  
Old March 10th 08, 04:32 AM posted to misc.kids
deja.blues
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 242
Default teenager breaking curfew


"Tony" wrote in message
...
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place.


What is this "punishment", exactly? I'm curious how you'd punish an
18-year-old.
What a terrible idea and word, "punishment" - it chafed me to even type it.


  #28  
Old March 10th 08, 01:55 PM posted to misc.kids
Beliavsky
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Posts: 453
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 11:32*pm, "deja.blues" wrote:
"Tony" wrote in message

...

G'morning.


I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place.


What is this "punishment", exactly? *I'm curious how you'd punish an
18-year-old.
What a terrible idea and word, "punishment" - it chafed me to even type it..


An obvious punishment for not coming home on time on one Friday night
would be prohibition on any social outings for say a week, just as one
would punish unsafe driving by taking away the car keys for some
period of time. If the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as
incentive to become financially independent and move out.
  #29  
Old March 10th 08, 02:53 PM posted to misc.kids
enigma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 447
Default teenager breaking curfew

Beliavsky wrote in

ps.com:

On Mar 9, 11:32*pm, "deja.blues"
wrote:
"Tony" wrote in message


egroups.com...

G'morning.


I just joined this group looking for some advice. My
ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter
who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall,
she broke curfew at my place & I punished her
accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My
ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I
'match' the same punishment at my place.


What is this "punishment", exactly? *I'm curious how you'd
punish an 18-year-old.
What a terrible idea and word, "punishment" - it chafed me
to even type it.


An obvious punishment for not coming home on time on one
Friday night would be prohibition on any social outings for
say a week, just as one would punish unsafe driving by
taking away the car keys for some period of time. If the
rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to
become financially independent and move out.


assuming the 18 year old was interested in "social outings",
i suppose.
what if she has a job? how do you ground her?
lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.
  #30  
Old March 10th 08, 03:34 PM posted to misc.kids
Beliavsky
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 453
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 10, 9:53*am, enigma wrote:
Beliavsky wrote
ps.com:


snip

What is this "punishment", exactly? *I'm curious how you'd
punish an 18-year-old.
What a terrible idea and word, "punishment" - it chafed me
to even type it.


An obvious punishment for not coming home on time on one
Friday night would be prohibition on any social outings for
say a week, just as one would punish unsafe driving by
taking away the car keys for some period of time. If the
rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to
become financially independent and move out.


*assuming the 18 year old was interested in "social outings",
i suppose.
what if she has a job? how do you ground her?


I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at
3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she
would be expected to come home directly after work during the
"grounding" period.
 




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