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#31
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teenager breaking curfew
In article ,
Beliavsky says... On Mar 10, 9:53=A0am, enigma wrote: Beliavsky wrote innews:b40935f6-6381-4623-a306-8d8708c= ps.com: snip What is this "punishment", exactly? =A0I'm curious how you'd punish an 18-year-old. What a terrible idea and word, "punishment" - it chafed me to even type it. An obvious punishment for not coming home on time on one Friday night would be prohibition on any social outings for say a week, just as one would punish unsafe driving by taking away the car keys for some period of time. If the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become financially independent and move out. =A0assuming the 18 year old was interested in "social outings", i suppose. what if she has a job? how do you ground her? I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at 3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she would be expected to come home directly after work during the "grounding" period. And if she doesn't? *Then* what. I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for someone as old as 18? One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I guess they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated the worry - but cell phones exist. Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that? Banty |
#32
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 10, 10:39*am, Banty wrote:
snip what if she has a job? how do you ground her? I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at 3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she would be expected to come home directly after work during the "grounding" period. And if she doesn't? **Then* what. She can live somewhere else. As I wrote in reply to deja.blues, "if the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become financially independent and move out." I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for someone as old as 18? *One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I guess they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated the worry - but cell phones exist. Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that? To put it bluntly, there are still some parents in the U.S., and big majorities in many countries around the world, who discourage their children from having sex before they are married, and curfews are one of the tools they use. No, if my 18yo son goes out at 7pm and returns at midnight on a Friday, I don't know what he has been doing for those hours. But especially with two younger children in the house, his staying overnight or the whole weekend at his girlfriend's house would not be acceptable to me if wanted to still live at home. He'd have to move out. My wife and I had a civil marriage about two weeks before the Hindu ceremony, and her mother insisted that we not live together until the religious ceremony. My wife, who was 28, did not complain -- those are the rules of her religion, and she would not want to defy her mother or lie to her. In countries where parents are more meddlesome, as you might term it, including the U.S. within the lifetime of at least some of the posters here, there tend to be a smaller fraction of illegitimate offspring and attendant problems, such as daughters with no-good boyfriends moving back in with their parents after having a child. |
#33
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 9, 2:42*pm, Nan wrote:
On Sun, 9 Mar 2008 08:50:36 -0700 (PDT), Tony wrote: Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. Well, count me in the camp that think an 18 year old may still need curfew during certain times. *School nights, for instance. And here I thought that I was the only one. With the grade *cut-off* having been moved to early September in much of the US (DNK re Canada), and an increasing number of kids being red-shirted, its not unusual to turn 18 early in the senior year of high school. Besides, while some kids at that age may be sufficiently mature to avoid the necessity of a curfew, others are not. What about honoring rules in both homes? *I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. This I agree with. *When my son was younger he'd receive whatever consequences I set up if he broke my rules while he was with me. *When he'd go to his dad's house for the weekend, I didn't expect his dad to carry the consequences over to his home... it didn't make any sense. I'm not divorced, but I would think that it would be a good idea for the parents to have the same or similar punishments for the same infringements. I also think that in most cases, it would be best if punishments follow through at both homes. Let's say that Teenager was caught with drugs, or driving with an intoxicated friend. Parent 1 imposes restrictions as a result -- Teenager may not go in a car with Drunk Friend; Teenager is restricted from certain activities. It doesn't make sense for Parent 2 to say *well, that happened with Parent 1; I'm not going to impose those restrictions.* That may not be easy to do in a divorce situation, though. Barbara |
#34
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teenager breaking curfew
KarenElizabeth wrote:
On Mar 9, 2:42 pm, Nan wrote: On Sun, 9 Mar 2008 08:50:36 -0700 (PDT), Tony wrote: Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. Well, count me in the camp that think an 18 year old may still need curfew during certain times. School nights, for instance. And here I thought that I was the only one. With the grade *cut-off* having been moved to early September in much of the US (DNK re Canada), and an increasing number of kids being red-shirted, its not unusual to turn 18 early in the senior year of high school. Besides, while some kids at that age may be sufficiently mature to avoid the necessity of a curfew, others are not. What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. This I agree with. When my son was younger he'd receive whatever consequences I set up if he broke my rules while he was with me. When he'd go to his dad's house for the weekend, I didn't expect his dad to carry the consequences over to his home... it didn't make any sense. I'm not divorced, but I would think that it would be a good idea for the parents to have the same or similar punishments for the same infringements. I also think that in most cases, it would be best if punishments follow through at both homes. Let's say that Teenager was caught with drugs, or driving with an intoxicated friend. Parent 1 imposes restrictions as a result -- Teenager may not go in a car with Drunk Friend; Teenager is restricted from certain activities. It doesn't make sense for Parent 2 to say *well, that happened with Parent 1; I'm not going to impose those restrictions.* That may not be easy to do in a divorce situation, though. Barbara And some kids who are older (even into the 20s) still require a curfew. It also depends on the circumstance, like what the person does for a living (goes to school, works late to pay for school, works the late shift) and where people live. If you have to drive to get around, an earlier curfew or rules about who is allowed in the car may be appropriate where as if gets around under the ground (i.e., subways) or by walking, a later curfew may be in order. In addition, if they're up late watching TV with friends in the same apartment building or up the street, a later or no curfew might be in order vs. having to drive a 1/2 hour in the middle of the night to get home. In addition, before one gets a full license, one often has restrictions, like no driving between 11 pm and 5 am, for teens less than 18 in PA. Finally, if the kid is a member of the volunteer ambulance or fire squad, then a modified curfew is in order as well. Jeff |
#35
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mon, 10 Mar 2008 10:51:51 -0700 (PDT), KarenElizabeth
wrote: On Mar 9, 2:42*pm, Nan wrote: On Sun, 9 Mar 2008 08:50:36 -0700 (PDT), Tony wrote: Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. Well, count me in the camp that think an 18 year old may still need curfew during certain times. *School nights, for instance. And here I thought that I was the only one. With the grade *cut-off* having been moved to early September in much of the US (DNK re Canada), and an increasing number of kids being red-shirted, its not unusual to turn 18 early in the senior year of high school. Besides, while some kids at that age may be sufficiently mature to avoid the necessity of a curfew, others are not. Yes. I wasn't red-shirted but I did turn 18 towards the latter part of my senior year and I would have been surprised to have curfew suddenly dropped. I don't get the whole "at 18 they shouldn't have a curfew" thought process as a generalization. Now, I have to admit that my mom did attempt to enforce a curfew for me on weekends when I was 19. I was attending college during the week (renting a room as a boarder near the college) and staying at home on weekends as I held an extra weekend job. After my staying out all night several times she figured the curfew was a wasted effort. Nan |
#36
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teenager breaking curfew
Beliavsky wrote in
oups.com: In countries where parents are more meddlesome, as you might term it, including the U.S. within the lifetime of at least some of the posters here, there tend to be a smaller fraction of illegitimate offspring and attendant problems, such as daughters with no-good boyfriends moving back in with their parents after having a child. which countries would those be? and where are you getting your "facts" about premarital sex among teens in the US? lee -- Last night while sitting in my chair I pinged a host that wasn't there It wasn't there again today The host resolved to NSA. |
#37
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 10, 7:39�am, Banty wrote:
Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that? Banty It would never have occurred to me that you would *not* have a curfew for a high school student. What's the big deal here? --Helen |
#38
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teenager breaking curfew
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#39
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teenager breaking curfew
Beliavsky wrote:
On Mar 10, 10:39 am, Banty wrote: snip what if she has a job? how do you ground her? I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at 3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she would be expected to come home directly after work during the "grounding" period. And if she doesn't? *Then* what. She can live somewhere else. As I wrote in reply to deja.blues, "if the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become financially independent and move out." I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for someone as old as 18? One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I guess they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated the worry - but cell phones exist. Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that? To put it bluntly, there are still some parents in the U.S., and big majorities in many countries around the world, who discourage their children from having sex before they are married, and curfews are one of the tools they use. 180 yos who are inclined to have sex despite their parents' convictions cannot figure out to do that before 11:00pm? |
#40
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teenager breaking curfew
"Beliavsky" wrote in message ... On Mar 10, 10:39 am, Banty wrote: snip what if she has a job? how do you ground her? I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at 3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she would be expected to come home directly after work during the "grounding" period. And if she doesn't? *Then* what. She can live somewhere else. As I wrote in reply to deja.blues, "if the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become financially independent and move out." I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for someone as old as 18? One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I guess they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated the worry - but cell phones exist. Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that? To put it bluntly, there are still some parents in the U.S., and big majorities in many countries around the world, who discourage their children from having sex before they are married, and curfews are one of the tools they use. Um...you can get pregnant any time of the day. If a kid is going to have sex, they'll find a way. |
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