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#1
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Bedtime drama
On Sun, 03 Aug 2003 19:08:39 GMT, "Babs" wrote:
But... bedtime is becoming more and more of a drama lately. We have a bedtime routine I started the day we got home after he was born, and although it has changed a bit over time, it was never changed drastically and certainly not in these last weeks. Remember that as children grow a change of routine may be appropriate. Some things to look at: Is he either overtired or not so tired when you begin putting him to bed? Does he react with kicking when you attempt to change his diaper during the day? Can you distract him while you are changing him with a special toy he has at no other time or try singing to him while you change him? Does he wake at night after he finally does go to sleep? That said, your routine isn't bad, but he may be ready for a bit of a change. Does he have a favorite story? When is his bathtime? Baths usually calmed my kids down at this age, so we had the bath and diaper change shortly before bed, then read a story in bed before putting them to sleep. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. Outer Limits |
#2
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Bedtime drama
x-no-archive:yes "Babs" wrote:
Hi all, DS is almost 17 months, grows and develops well, is happy and cheerfull most of the time, healthy, sleeps well, eats everything I put in front of him, so we're really counting our blessings. But... bedtime is becoming more and more of a drama lately. We have a bedtime routine I started the day we got home after he was born, and although it has changed a bit over time, it was never changed drastically and certainly not in these last weeks. Possibly what has changed is that the days are longer now, so his brain isn't signaled to him that it is time for bed because it is still light out. When it's time for bed, I never pick him up suddenly, I always talk to him about it being time for bed and maybe he should go say goodnight to daddy first. Ofcourse he doesn't, so either daddy goes to him, picks him up and wishes him goodnight, or I pick him up or take his hand and walk with him to daddy to say goodnight. Then I pick him up and take him upstairs, sometimes I let him climb the stairs by himself (he's very good at that, and I'm always right behind him with both hands free to assist him). When we get to his room I start changing his diaper, and that's when the crying, the kicking, and lately the screaming starts. He really throws a tantrum, and I find it more and more difficult to deal with that. I do keep calm, talk to him quietly, while I try to change his diaper. Because of the kicking changing the diaper is a real challenge! After the diaper is changed and he's in his PJ's (or just a onesie with the heatwave we now have here), I hold him while walking to his crib, telling him I This sounds as though you are apologizing to him for putting him to bed. This may give him the idea that he can get out of it by not doing it - like he doesn't have to give his daddy a hug goodnight - since he doesn't, daddy does it for him. This is a frustrating age and they can understand more than they can express themselves, but I would do it more briefly and not go on and on about it over and over again. understand he doesn't want to go to sleep yet because there still is so much playing to do and so much to see and explore but that the playing and seeing and exploring is much more fun when he's had a good night's sleep. I wipe his tears away, give him a cuddle and a kiss (or 2, or 3) and put him in his crib. He has some stuffed animals in his crib, 2 are his favorites, he's fumbling with either one of them all the time, and I give him those. He puts his thumb in his mouth, and THAT's when the screaming stops.... For a minute...All this time he's screaming and kicking like hell. I'd change his diaper downstairs on the floor, and then go upstairs and do the night-time routine. Then I put on the CD with soothing music that I've always put on since he was born (and boy oh boy, I dare not forget that CD, then there's really hell to pay!), switch on the nightlight, turn off one of the two lamps that were on, walk back to his crib, kiss him goodnight, and whoop there it is....Screaming like he's being molested. I stroke his head and his tummy once, say night-night once more, turn off the other light that was still on, and leave the room. He will continue screaming for about 10 minutes and then falls asleep. There has never been any occasion where he's been crying or ill or needed our attention for whatever other reason that we haven't given him that attention he needed. In his room is a wireless infrared camera, the monitor is in our computerroom and also plugged in to our tv in the living room. So whenever he makes a sound, we can see what's going on and react to that. What am I to do? At first I thought that it would pass if I just kept being consistent, acknowledging his feelings about not wanting to go to bed but Consistency is fine, but I think (just my prejudice) that you are making too much of acknowledging of his feelings. still be firm: bedtime is bedtime. But somehow it's only getting worse. I'm no tiny woman (1,74 m. / 70 kgs), but there are moments I fear DS will fall of the changingtable because of the kicking and squirming he does, and I can't "restrain" him. DH has the same problem with DS. I would love to read your insights, tips and advice on how to handle this! TIA! Babs Proud momma to Nick (03/05/2002) grandma Rosalie |
#3
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Bedtime drama
"Babs" wrote in message . .. Hi all, DS is almost 17 months, grows and develops well, is happy and cheerfull most of the time, healthy, sleeps well, eats everything I put in front of him, so we're really counting our blessings. But... bedtime is becoming more and more of a drama lately. We have a bedtime routine I started the day we got home after he was born, and although it has changed a bit over time, it was never changed drastically and certainly not in these last weeks. When it's time for bed, I never pick him up suddenly, I always talk to him about it being time for bed and maybe he should go say goodnight to daddy first. Ofcourse he doesn't, so either daddy goes to him, picks him up and wishes him goodnight, or I pick him up or take his hand and walk with him to daddy to say goodnight. Then I pick him up and take him upstairs, sometimes I let him climb the stairs by himself (he's very good at that, and I'm always right behind him with both hands free to assist him). When we get to his room I start changing his diaper, and that's when the crying, the kicking, and lately the screaming starts. He really throws a tantrum, and I find it more and more difficult to deal with that. I do keep calm, talk to him quietly, while I try to change his diaper. Because of the kicking changing the diaper is a real challenge! After the diaper is changed and he's in his PJ's (or just a onesie with the heatwave we now have here), I hold him while walking to his crib, telling him I understand he doesn't want to go to sleep yet because there still is so much playing to do and so much to see and explore but that the playing and seeing and exploring is much more fun when he's had a good night's sleep. I wipe his tears away, give him a cuddle and a kiss (or 2, or 3) and put him in his crib. He has some stuffed animals in his crib, 2 are his favorites, he's fumbling with either one of them all the time, and I give him those. He puts his thumb in his mouth, and THAT's when the screaming stops.... For a minute...All this time he's screaming and kicking like hell. Then I put on the CD with soothing music that I've always put on since he was born (and boy oh boy, I dare not forget that CD, then there's really hell to pay!), switch on the nightlight, turn off one of the two lamps that were on, walk back to his crib, kiss him goodnight, and whoop there it is....Screaming like he's being molested. I stroke his head and his tummy once, say night-night once more, turn off the other light that was still on, and leave the room. He will continue screaming for about 10 minutes and then falls asleep. There has never been any occasion where he's been crying or ill or needed our attention for whatever other reason that we haven't given him that attention he needed. In his room is a wireless infrared camera, the monitor is in our computerroom and also plugged in to our tv in the living room. So whenever he makes a sound, we can see what's going on and react to that. What am I to do? At first I thought that it would pass if I just kept being consistent, acknowledging his feelings about not wanting to go to bed but still be firm: bedtime is bedtime. But somehow it's only getting worse. I'm no tiny woman (1,74 m. / 70 kgs), but there are moments I fear DS will fall of the changingtable because of the kicking and squirming he does, and I can't "restrain" him. DH has the same problem with DS. I would love to read your insights, tips and advice on how to handle this! TIA! Babs Proud momma to Nick (03/05/2002) -- Got the swing, got the sway, got my straw in lemonade http://www.babsje.nl Perhaps try changing his nappy and putting him into his PJs a bit earlier then have a cuddle/story/drink of milk etc... so if he gets cranky when he gets changed he calms down againg before bed. We have alsways had a bath before bed too and that seems to relax him. The explaining about how he will have more energy for play tommorow might go over his head a bit at his age. I tell my son 22 months that it's night time and little boys sleep at night time and play when it's daytime. He's gone from taking no notice to saying "okay, night night" and then going off to sleep. Last but not least you have to be a great actor! If you seem nervous around bedtime he will pick it up. I used to be a nervous wreck, would he go down, or wouldn't he! these days I put on my most confident and relaxed attitude and I tell him what's happening not the other way around. He now goes down without a problem, it's just a matter of time. Good Luck Judy |
#4
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Bedtime drama
How long has this been going on? My son, who whad been an excellent
sleeper, started kicking up a HUGE fuss at bedtime whe he was 2. After a couple of nights of being confused about it and trying various means to get him to quiet down, I went back to following our usual routine and then simply leaving him to his shrieking, like you are doing, and telling him, every 5 minutes through his closed bedroom door, that I loved him but it was time to sleep and I'd see him in the morning. It only lasted a couple more days. You may find this also passes quickly since you are consistently not giving in. Ten minutes ain't bad -- my son was shrieking for about an hour. However, if this has been persisting for a little while, you may want to consider, as Toto said, whether he might need an earlier bedtime or whether he might need a change in routine. Maybe you could front-load the routine a bit. Maybe do his last diaper change downstairs before you even mention bedtime and then get everything (e.g., the lights and the music) ready before you put him in his crib and say goodnight and leave. However, even though he is so young, if you make any changes in the routine, I'd probably tell him you're going to ahead of time and remind him as you do it the first few nights. Tell him it's to help him go to sleep better, without the yelling. Keep us posted! "Babs" wrote in message ... Hi all, DS is almost 17 months, grows and develops well, is happy and cheerfull most of the time, healthy, sleeps well, eats everything I put in front of him, so we're really counting our blessings. But... bedtime is becoming more and more of a drama lately. We have a bedtime routine I started the day we got home after he was born, and although it has changed a bit over time, it was never changed drastically and certainly not in these last weeks. When it's time for bed, I never pick him up suddenly, I always talk to him about it being time for bed and maybe he should go say goodnight to daddy first. Ofcourse he doesn't, so either daddy goes to him, picks him up and wishes him goodnight, or I pick him up or take his hand and walk with him to daddy to say goodnight. Then I pick him up and take him upstairs, sometimes I let him climb the stairs by himself (he's very good at that, and I'm always right behind him with both hands free to assist him). When we get to his room I start changing his diaper, and that's when the crying, the kicking, and lately the screaming starts. He really throws a tantrum, and I find it more and more difficult to deal with that. I do keep calm, talk to him quietly, while I try to change his diaper. Because of the kicking changing the diaper is a real challenge! After the diaper is changed and he's in his PJ's (or just a onesie with the heatwave we now have here), I hold him while walking to his crib, telling him I understand he doesn't want to go to sleep yet because there still is so much playing to do and so much to see and explore but that the playing and seeing and exploring is much more fun when he's had a good night's sleep. I wipe his tears away, give him a cuddle and a kiss (or 2, or 3) and put him in his crib. He has some stuffed animals in his crib, 2 are his favorites, he's fumbling with either one of them all the time, and I give him those. He puts his thumb in his mouth, and THAT's when the screaming stops.... For a minute...All this time he's screaming and kicking like hell. Then I put on the CD with soothing music that I've always put on since he was born (and boy oh boy, I dare not forget that CD, then there's really hell to pay!), switch on the nightlight, turn off one of the two lamps that were on, walk back to his crib, kiss him goodnight, and whoop there it is....Screaming like he's being molested. I stroke his head and his tummy once, say night-night once more, turn off the other light that was still on, and leave the room. He will continue screaming for about 10 minutes and then falls asleep. There has never been any occasion where he's been crying or ill or needed our attention for whatever other reason that we haven't given him that attention he needed. In his room is a wireless infrared camera, the monitor is in our computerroom and also plugged in to our tv in the living room. So whenever he makes a sound, we can see what's going on and react to that. What am I to do? At first I thought that it would pass if I just kept being consistent, acknowledging his feelings about not wanting to go to bed but still be firm: bedtime is bedtime. But somehow it's only getting worse. I'm no tiny woman (1,74 m. / 70 kgs), but there are moments I fear DS will fall of the changingtable because of the kicking and squirming he does, and I can't "restrain" him. DH has the same problem with DS. I would love to read your insights, tips and advice on how to handle this! TIA! Babs Proud momma to Nick (03/05/2002) |
#5
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Bedtime drama
Babs wrote:
Hi all, DS is almost 17 months, grows and develops well, is happy and cheerfull most of the time, healthy, sleeps well, eats everything I put in front of him, so we're really counting our blessings. But... bedtime is becoming more and more of a drama lately. It was around 16 months that changing diapers became a trial for me. I would suggest seperating the changing diaper/pj part from the night time routine part. Do it earlier. I'd also do it on the bed or floor. A bath might work but a bath winds my boys up so I do it earlier as well. I wouldn't go on about him not wanting to go to sleep. I'm more inclined to say that when we are sleepy we rest and then feel better. Resting is the most enjoyable thing to do when we are tired etc. I used to try and talk about all the wonderful things of the day, or things they might think about while resting but once both of my boys could talk they told me to stop doing that ;-). Anything to put a positive spin on the whole sleep thing. -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
#6
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Bedtime drama
Hi all,
Thank you for your tips and advice! It's been going on for about a month now, so I figured this wasn't going to go away easily or that he'd just stop making it such a drama. These last days have been a bit different, there's a heatwave in The Netherlands, and that effects all of us. Luckily DS is a good sleeper once he's settled in and calmed down, and he drinks his juice, milk and water well, so he seems to be the least effected by the heat. But.. I've tried some of the tips you gave, and they seem to work! *knockonwood* I started with just saying it was time to sleep because he was tired and that he could play some more tomorrow. I am changing his diapers in the livingroom more, but not regularly. When it's time for bed, I take DS upstairs to change his diaper or give him his bath and when he's all set for bed we go downstairs to have another drink (juice or milk). After that I take him upstairs and put him to bed. He's still screaming and fussing while I'm changing his diapers, and makes it clear he does NOT want to be in bed when I put him in, but when I take him downstairs for a drink he calmes immediately and that gives me (and him) time to catch my breath and relax. Naptime is completely different though! He had been fussy around naptime as well as bedtime, but today my jaw dropped to the floor! I gave him his afternoon bottle of milk (for some reason he drinks everything out of a sippycup or a plastic cup but plainly refuses to drink his milk from anything else but a bottle!) and told him that when he'd finished his bottle I would take him upstairs for his nap. He almost finished his bottle, took the bottle to the kitchen, handed it to daddy, walked back towards the stairs and kept waiting until I opened the gate for him so he could go upstairs for his nap! I put him in his bed, and allthough he was babbling for almost half an hour after that, he did not start screaming or crying, and right now he's sound asleep! Let's hope this is the beginning of the end for the bedtime drama Babs proud mama to Nick (03/05/2002) -- Got the swing, got the sway, got my straw in lemonade http://www.babsje.nl |
#7
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Bedtime drama
Hi all,
Thank you for your tips and advice! It's been going on for about a month now, so I figured this wasn't going to go away easily or that he'd just stop making it such a drama. These last days have been a bit different, there's a heatwave in The Netherlands, and that effects all of us. Luckily DS is a good sleeper once he's settled in and calmed down, and he drinks his juice, milk and water well, so he seems to be the least effected by the heat. But.. I've tried some of the tips you gave, and they seem to work! *knockonwood* I started with just saying it was time to sleep because he was tired and that he could play some more tomorrow. I am changing his diapers in the livingroom more, but not regularly. When it's time for bed, I take DS upstairs to change his diaper or give him his bath and when he's all set for bed we go downstairs to have another drink (juice or milk). After that I take him upstairs and put him to bed. He's still screaming and fussing while I'm changing his diapers, and makes it clear he does NOT want to be in bed when I put him in, but when I take him downstairs for a drink he calmes immediately and that gives me (and him) time to catch my breath and relax. Naptime is completely different though! He had been fussy around naptime as well as bedtime, but today my jaw dropped to the floor! I gave him his afternoon bottle of milk (for some reason he drinks everything out of a sippycup or a plastic cup but plainly refuses to drink his milk from anything else but a bottle!) and told him that when he'd finished his bottle I would take him upstairs for his nap. He almost finished his bottle, took the bottle to the kitchen, handed it to daddy, walked back towards the stairs and kept waiting until I opened the gate for him so he could go upstairs for his nap! I put him in his bed, and allthough he was babbling for almost half an hour after that, he did not start screaming or crying, and right now he's sound asleep! Let's hope this is the beginning of the end for the bedtime drama Babs proud mama to Nick (03/05/2002) -- Got the swing, got the sway, got my straw in lemonade http://www.babsje.nl |
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