Review: The Whole Ten Yards (*)

THE WHOLE TEN YARDS
A film review by Steve Rhodes

Copyright 2004 Steve Rhodes

RATING (0 TO ****): *


The convoluted THE WHOLE TEN YARDS presumes that viewers will remember its
lame prequel, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS, a movie most of us have happily
forgotten. This sequel, as is normally the case, manages to be much worse
than the original. About a bunch of inept hit men and women and the
gangsters who hire them, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS is an embarrassment to its
talented cast. A slapstick gun comedy, it has few laughs and even fewer
imaginative moments. It is directed broadly and badly by Howard Deutch, who
is responsible for such slapdash sequels as THE ODD COUPLE II and GRUMPIER
OLD MEN.



Bruce Willis plays Jimmy 'The Tulip' Tudeski, a hit man who has turned into
an obsessively domestic househusband who dresses in what might charitably be
called an androgynously pathetic wardrobe. In the opening, his hit woman
wife, Jill St. Claire (Amanda Peet), has returned from a hard day at work.
She hasn't been able to kill anyone lately because they keep having
accidents just before she can shoot them. Jimmy, after showing her the hit
men mobile he has made to hang above their baby's crib, suggests a solution
to her depression. They can go find some innocent tourist and kill him.
She becomes more relaxed after this suggestion to sooth her nerves. Nothing
like a little murder quickie to calm a jittery hit woman.



Meanwhile back at the office, the dentist office, that is, Dr. Nicholas 'Oz'
Oseransky (Matthew Perry) is worried that the bad guys led by Lazlo Gogolak
(Kevin Pollak, giving the worst performance in a movie full of them), will
be gunning for him. The doctor's wife Cynthia Oseransky (Natasha
Henstridge), who has a few secrets, tries to reassure him that everything
will be okay.



I could go into the little Buttercup Scout who is almost shot delivering
cookies to Oz and some other distastefully other unfunny parts of the
picture, but I'll just conclude, instead, by suggesting you save your money
for something better. And this week, with the hilarious and sweet THE GIRL
NEXT DOOR opening opposite this turkey, there is at least one alternative
new film that is terrific.



THE WHOLE TEN YARDS runs a long 1:37. It is rated PG-13 for "sexual
content, some violence and language" and would be acceptable for kids around
12 and up.



The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the
Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC and the Century theaters.



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