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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
In article gers.com,
Marie wrote: My twin boys are 3.5 mos old, about 6 wks corrected. They are beginning to sleep 5 hrs at night *once* we get them to sleep, but getting them to sleep is a challenge. They both want to be held while falling asleep, until they are *completely* asleep. If they are even just dozing when we put them down in their crib, they wake up howling and screaming and we have to begin the entire settling down/falling asleep process all over again. This is a pain as one of them, who tends towards colic, can sometimes take upwards of two hours to fall asleep :-( The other one averages about 30-40 mins for the process. I know they are too young for Ferber, but I would *really* like to teach them how to fall asleep in their cribs--it seems like an important lifeskill. Besides, they knew how to do it once, I think: they spent the first 5.5 wks of their life in the hospital and the nurses certainly didn't hold them all the time. Even when I was there during the day they would be out of their cots for feeding and then placed back in, even if they were awake. My twins were home from the hospital about 8 weeks when I read Weissbluth's book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Great book! Although it recommended that the baby (or babies) be 4 months of age, or 4 months adjusted, I tried his techniques at 2 months adjusted (they were 4 months real age). Be sure to check out the sections on twins, if you read it. Basically, put them both down to sleep at the same time (3 naps per day, plus night-time sleep). Get them both up at the same time. After making sure that a crying child isn't hungry/wet/cold/hot etc., try letting the child cry for a bit. My kids at that age would often cry for 15 or 20 minutes before sleeping. A few nights the crying lasted close to an hour, and then I'd go in and see what I could do about it. BTW, if you *do* go in to investigate, no talking, no singing, no playing -- I made that mistake a couple of times (singing), and it always had the result of one of my little ones waking me up every night thereafter for some songs....until I would ignore her for a week or so; then she'd give up. BTW, it's not just at night--during the day they insist on being held as well. What do you mean by "insist"? Do they cry when you put them down? For how long? Can you stand it for up to an hour? Then give it a try. (If you can't stand the crying, I have no advice to give you....) Are they sharing a crib? If so, it might help to separate them. If not, It might help to put them together. Mine shared a crib only for naps, and only for about six months. I also instituted a definite bedtime routine, although I don't know how early that made an impression. We'd sit and read together (from the first day they came home) and have bottles, then I'd put them in their cribs. Do you have a routine that might help to signal to your boys that it's bedtime? When/how can I start teaching them to relax themselves to sleep on their own? As I said, I started about 2 months early, at 2 months adjusted, and it worked. Based on that, you could start trying pretty soon. It may not work with your kids quite that early, though... Don't worry: it gets easier. (I can hear my girls right now who are supposed to be napping, standing in their cribs and making each other laugh.....beats crying:-) Best wishes, and CONGARATULATIONS on your twins!!! - marty (mom to Alex & Andie, 2.5) |
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
On Mon, 04 Aug 2003 20:42:35 GMT, "Shirley M...have a goodaa \\;-\)"
wrote: They do eventually sleep through the night, get potty trained on time (depending upon whose timetable you use for that too) and give up bottles. You won't have college students asking for bottles, looking for diaper changes and waking up every two hours to be sung to. All this hurry, hurry, hurry stuff makes me nuts. Shirley, that was stated beautifully! Thank you! I don't have multiples. I don't know what that is like, but I rocked my DD to sleep way past the 1 year mark. At 2, we snuggle to sleep. She gets into bed with me. I watch TV or read, and she falls asleep on her own beside me. We co-sleep at the moment. She has a big girl bed on order, so I expect that the bedtime routine will change soon. I loved rocking my child to sleep, and when people would tell me she was too old, my response was, "She likes it. I like it. I think we will continue for a while." I certainly don't expect to be snuggling or rocking her to sleep when she goes to college. -- Daye Momma to Jayan EDD 11 Jan 2004 |
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
"Shirley M...have a goodaa \;-)" wrote in message news:%yzXa.66381$YN5.49888@sccrnsc01... Oh my, letting a newborn cry doesn't sound like a very comfortable thing for the baby. As far as learning good sleep habits it comes with time. I absolutely hate to hear about parents that think one has to "get off on the right foot" right from the get go. You certainly will do what you must do but according to Ferber he doesn't recommend the crying out method until after 6 months where upon babies understand that just because you aren't within viewing you still do exist. Until that time, when you disappear they think they have been abandonee. Again, do what you want, but I found that my twins settled down just fine being held and catered to well into the last part of the first year. They do eventually sleep through the night, get potty trained on time (depending upon whose timetable you use for that too) and give up bottles. You won't have college students asking for bottles, looking for diaper changes and waking up every two hours to be sung to. All this hurry, hurry, hurry stuff makes me nuts. What are we hurrying them to do? Grow up? They will do that very soon. It's amazing to think that my twins will be going into 3rd grade and they came home just yesterday. This of course is just my opinion! You are so right. It really bothers me when parents try to make their kids grow up so fast. They'll do everything they need to eventually and it won't harm them at all to do it later. In fact, the relaxed approach may even work more quickly. Case in point: my friend was letting her child cry to sleep as an infant. At age 30 months, she still cried to sleep, sometimes for 45 minutes. Didn't do a darned bit of good, the method never worked to teach her anything but cry to sleep. DS was always rocked or nursed to sleep until he was 21 months. He now easily goes to sleep at the age of 2. I just put him to bed, read a story and say goodnight. He puts himself to sleep. I'm not saying my method works for everyone, I'm saying everyone will get to the same point eventually, even my friend's child. It will take longer with some methods than others, but what's the rush? |
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
"Daye" wrote in message ... On Mon, 04 Aug 2003 18:35:53 GMT, (Marty Billingsley) wrote: My kids at that age would often cry for 15 or 20 minutes before sleeping. A few nights the crying lasted close to an hour, and then I'd go in and see what I could do about it. Let me get this straight: you let 4 month old babies cry for an hour before you checked on them or tried to comfort them?????? That's what she said. It really bothers me to hear that, but I know of people who do that. My coworker advised her daughter not to pick up her child when he cried or he would always want to be picked up. The poor kid cried for an hour. He was about four months. |
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
FWIW my dad always told me stories about how he would drive me around in his
brand new 1952 Studebaker (sp?) car because I would not sleep and he would be in his PJ's driving around the country side waiting until I was asleep. I can tell you that not only was I a great sleeper as a kid, I can zzzz with the best of them. Their coddling did not affect me to have negative sleep habits as a child nor as an adult. Shirley "toypup" wrote in message et... "Daye" wrote in message ... On Mon, 04 Aug 2003 18:35:53 GMT, (Marty Billingsley) wrote: My kids at that age would often cry for 15 or 20 minutes before sleeping. A few nights the crying lasted close to an hour, and then I'd go in and see what I could do about it. Let me get this straight: you let 4 month old babies cry for an hour before you checked on them or tried to comfort them?????? That's what she said. It really bothers me to hear that, but I know of people who do that. My coworker advised her daughter not to pick up her child when he cried or he would always want to be picked up. The poor kid cried for an hour. He was about four months. |
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
toypup wrote:
You are so right. It really bothers me when parents try to make their kids grow up so fast. They'll do everything they need to eventually and it won't harm them at all to do it later. In fact, the relaxed approach may even work more quickly. Case in point: my friend was letting her child cry to sleep as an infant. At age 30 months, she still cried to sleep, sometimes for 45 minutes. Didn't do a darned bit of good, the method never worked to teach her anything but cry to sleep. DS was always rocked or nursed to sleep until he was 21 months. He now easily goes to sleep at the age of 2. I just put him to bed, read a story and say goodnight. He puts himself to sleep. I'm not saying my method works for everyone, I'm saying everyone will get to the same point eventually, even my friend's child. It will take longer with some methods than others, but what's the rush? I agree, but with caveats ;-) I'm not a fan of pushing children to grow up too quickly. On the other hand, I think there are areas in which we short change them by catering to them too long--almost as if we've got things backwards. We want them to go to sleep without help, get by without any comfort objects, and cope with all kinds of more grown-up situations. On the other hand, we don't expect them (when they're a bit older than babies, obviously) to take responsibility for their things, help out around the house, or be a functional member of the family. I think sometimes it all boils down to we want things to be easy. We don't want to deal with the demands either of their needs or of teaching them when it's so much easier to do things ourselves. And we get confused and try to make them grow up in ways that aren't that important and leave them childish in areas that *are* more important. I certainly fall prey to laziness myself, so I have sympathy for it, but I think one has to resist. I also think, when it comes to sleeping issues, that it's a bit of a tightrope to walk if you don't do well co-sleeping. On the one hand, if you leave a baby to cry I think you destroy trust and it leads to more crying and it delays the day when the child will go to sleep on his or her own peacefully. On the other hand, I think you do build patterns of behavior that encourage babies in one direction or another. If you *always* have the same sleep routine and it *always* involves somehow parenting the child to sleep, I think it will be longer before they do it on their own as well. I always shoot for a middle road, where I occasionally put the baby down awake but drowsy, but if it doesn't work, I always go get the baby. In fact, even with Genevieve only a month old ("only"?! how did she get to be that old already!) at night she nurses in the dark. So when she's done, I just put her in her cradle and I don't really know if she's awake or asleep when I do it. Most of the time she's out. Sometimes she fusses after I put her down and then I pick her up again. I do much the same during the day. If I think she's sleepy but she's not out and I need to do something, I'll put her down. If it doesn't work, I'll pick her up ;-) For us, anyway, that seems to work well. Best wishes, Ericka |
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teaching good sleep habits (xpost)
On Mon, 04 Aug 2003 21:44:00 -0500, Nan wrote:
Oh, you put my thoughts right in there. I always figure my 3.5 yo won't be sleeping with me when she is 18, so I'll enjoy it now :-) This reminds me of a funny story. DD likes to go to the bathroom with me and always has. I asked my MIL if they ever grow out of that. She turned to my DH (her son) and asked, "Hey, wanna go to the bathroom with me??" gg -- Daye Momma to Jayan EDD 11 Jan 2004 |
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