Bullies: A schoolyard scourge and how to counter it

Bullies: A schoolyard scourge and how to counter it
By Melissa Dahl -- Bee Staff Writer
Published 2:15 am PDT Saturday, August 27, 2005
Story appeared in Scene section, Page K1

It's easy to forget how hard it is to be 13, and Jim Shoemake found
that he had done just that as he started his first year at Sylvan
Middle School in Citrus Heights last fall.

"I was really astounded with how ... cruel kids can be to one another,
and some of them didn't even realize it," said Shoemake, who is
principal at Sylvan after switching to the middle school last year
after working in high schools.

Shoemake said his school started a "major push" in its
bully-prevention programs last year, and by the spring semester he
noticed a changing attitude.

A similar attitude adjustment might benefit the rest of the country:
According to the National Youth and Violence Prevention Resource
Center, almost 30 percent of students in the United States have either
been bullied or been bullies.

As schools begin a new year, experts offer advice for children and
their parents.

What kids can do
1. Know your rights.

Find out your school's policy on bullying and harassment and know
exactly what constitutes bullying. "A lot of people think of bullying
as beating people up ... but a lot of bullying now is verbal," said
Courtney Macavinta, co-author of "Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting
Respect and Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed."

2. Stand up for yourself.

Before calling in the authorities, try solving it yourself by talking
it out. "They don't have to put it in an adult way, they can put it in
their own way," Macavinta said. It may be scary, but it often works.

3. Document each incident.

If the problem persists, take down the four W's: who, what, where and
when. This will serve as evidence for the next step. "After
documenting, we really do encourage teens to report it," Macavinta
said.

4. Tell someone.

As is the case with many forms of abuse, kids often keep the bullying
a secret. "The fear is, 'If I tell someone, it's just going to get
worse,' " Principal Jim Shoemake said. "Ninety-nine percent of the
problems disappear when we get involved." Silence benefits only the
bully, agrees author Derek Randel, who wrote the e-book "The Shameful
Epidemic."

5. Build strong friendships.

Sticking with a group can provide protection, support and a sense of
belonging. "Some kids that are teased long to be a part of the group
that's teasing them," said Bob Brady, a psychologist and author of
"Youth Risk and Resilience Inventory." Instead, Brady suggests, they
should be seeking supportive friendships.

Facts about bullies
• Thirteen percent of students in grades six through 10 have bullied
others, 11 percent have been targeted by bullies, and 6 percent have
both bullied and been bullied themselves.

• Boys are more likely to be involved in physical aggression, such as
hitting or pushing. Girls usually engage in more subtle and indirect
forms of bullying, such as gossip and rumors.

• Male bullies target both boys and girls, but female bullies usually
pick on other girls.

• Bullies tend to be confident, have high self-esteem and make friends
easily.

• Children who are targeted by bullies usually are anxious, insecure
and cautious. They often have low self-esteem and rarely defend
themselves.

• One study found that 60 percent of bullies in grades eight and nine
had at least one criminal conviction by age 24.

• When a school makes a commitment to end bullying, it can be reduced
by as much as 50 percent.

• An extremely permissive or excessively harsh style of parenting can
cause a child to be a bully.

Source: National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center,
www.safeyouth.org

Steps parents can take
1. Teach your child self-respect: Tell her to carry herself
confidently - instruct her to walk with her shoulders back, her head
held high. "The weaker you feel about yourself, the more vulnerable
you're going to be to (bullying)," said Courtney Macavinta, author of
"Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect and Dealing When Your Line
Is Crossed." Enroll your child in a self-defense or martial arts
course, suggests Derek Randel, author of "The Shameful Epidemic."

2. Grow a funny bone: A safe, nonconfrontational way to solve a
bullying problem is to employ a sense of humor. Help your child think
of one-liners to use when he's being teased. It could be something as
simple as, "Thanks for sharing," and walking away, Randel said.

3. Listen up: Ask your child questions, and listen carefully to the
answers. Never ignore or belittle a child's report of bullying.
Experts agree that one of the biggest problems in this issue is that
after finally working up the nerve to tell their parents the problem,
children's complaints are often ignored.

4. Remember, the bully's just a kid, too: Keep in mind that both
children in this situation need help. "A lot of (parents) want blood
right away ... and that's so unhelpful," said Jim Shoemake, principal
of Sylvan Middle School in Citrus Heights. "The kid that's doing the
teasing needs just as much attention."

5. Get involved at the school: Look for ways to participate in the
school's bullying prevention program, which can help change students'
attitudes toward bullying. "Some of these kids that were our biggest
bullies are now the biggest advocates for anti-bullying," Shoemake
said of the impact the bullying-prevention program "Be Bold" has made
at Sylvan. If your child doesn't attend a school with such a program,
ask the administration or school district to get one started.

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"In a world where more than 10 million americans live with cancer -- we believe unity is strength, knowledge is power, and attitude is everything!"
-- Livestrong, by Lance Armstrong