Deadbeats

"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
That's a very unkind thing to say, Pammie. It is not necessarily
mismanagement of money that keep a married couple from putting their kids
through college. Some people are actually living from paycheck to
paycheck
with no way of putting any money aside. These parents are not forced by
the
government to put their kids through college. But a divorced/never
married
dad might be forced to take out loans up the wazoo just to sent his child
to
college and pay on those loans the rest of his life. *That* is the
unfairness AZ is talking about.

Are you saying that, at this point in time, even though you are only
receiving $100 per month from you child's father in CS, you are able to
put
money away for college?

--------------

I thought it was more unfair for AZ so say that my kid shouldn't go to
college just because married people can't send their kid to college.

I think she was probably saying that it is unfair that one set of dads is
*forced* to provide a college education, while another set of dads is
not--and probably just because of the differences in political clout wielded
by each group. I'm pretty sure she was not saying that your daughter should
not go to college.

I didn't write the laws. If they want the dad to help pay for college then
I
am all for it. I can't tell them to change their law to give the dad a
break.

This still sounds like revenge to me--"I'm going to take advantage of the
laws, unfair or not--just to hurt him as badly as he hurt me!"

It's not my fault that people with 2 incomes can't manage their money. I
have seen how married people live in today's world. Your money is your
money, my money is my money. I see this all the time here. If you live
like that, it's no way you can get ahead. You can't live like roomates.

Do you think that all married couples live that way? Are you looking for
ways to distance yourself from marriage? You should live where I teach. 80%
of the children attending the school are children of the working poor. They
aren't misspending. They just don't earn enough to live any differently.
Perhaps you need to get a broader perspective of the world out there--it
isn't all that easy to categorize.


I do have a saving for my child, but the $100 a month is just going
towards the household. When he starts paying the full amount then I will
start back putting into her savings.

I have no problem with you having a savings account for your daughter. What
people have been trying to say is that CS is computed to be used for the
child's expenses month to month. But nobody is saying "don't have any sort
of savings." We all need to have at least some money set aside! It would
be nice anyway.


You know if I was a mean person I
could modify and raise his amount, but I am being nice. I didn't set the
current amount the court did. He should have had his butt in court to
defend himself. That was his choice not to show. He never even responded
to paternity papers. The court decided that the kid was his because he
didn't respond. Well now that he is over $12,000 behind on my case and
$11,000 behind on his other case he needs to get a second job.

Now that horrifies me. Was he notified personally by the court? Did he
know about the court date? Here where I live there was a terrible problem
for a long time with men being "notified" by having their names published in
the personals section of the local paper. If they didn't show up, they were
named as father and could not dispute it. There are men paying child
support who never even met the mother of the child--but they were "notified"
in the paper because their name was the same--and they never even knew about
it until their wages started being garnished! Can you imagine the awfulness
of that!!

"Phil #3" wrote in message
ink.net...

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
link.net...

"Phil #3" wrote in message
link.net...

"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message

lkaboutparenting.com...
Okay Phil #3 I can see why you would be upset. That is totally
wrong
how
she is using her Child Support money. She is a leech. I think
she
can
live off $400 a month or less. It's not like she is has
responsibilities.
She is living large at your expensive. That's not good. Have
you
tried
to modify? I am just curious if you can have your support
lowered.

Pammie1

When it mattered most, I could not afford to even take off of work
long
enough for a hearing, much less hire an attorney or even research it
myself.
Now I'm down to less than a year so it would likely cost me as much
or
more
than I could save, not to mention I am temporarily stationed 1000
miles
from
the state of origin.
Besides, I've learned to live without it, soon we'll see if SHE can

Phil #3
------------
I don't think she would be able to survive without that extra income
coming in. That would be interesting to see. Less than a year to
go...wow your time will be up before you know it. Are you planning
a
big
get away when that time comes?

Pammie1


I don't know what I'll do. It will be like getting a big raise,
though.
Phil #3

I sent my ex an Excel spreadsheet detailing all of the payments for CS,
alimony, attorney fees, and other expenses I was required to pay broken
down
by year.

I thought she would thank me for being so generous and taking care of my
responsibilities. And tell me she couldn't have been the CP without my
financial contributions and relate how much she appreciated my
willingness
to be so liberal in helping out with extra visitations. /s/

As usual her response was she never got that much money. But she got
the
point - it was a major amount she no longer would get.


Funny you should mention that. I have an Excel spreadsheet showing the C$
payments, when due, when paid, of course the amount and total paid. Mine
counts down the number of payments left, how many months (or fractions
thereof) remaining. I never thought of sending it to her but I think I
will

Thanks for the idea.
I also have a countdown clock showing the exact years, months, weeks,
days,
hours, minutes and seconds left before Independence Day
When I installed it, I had several years left. Slowly, I have watched the
years tick by; it seemed like it would be forever when I started counting
in
1995.

Just an FYI - Don't count portions of months. The last CS payment accrues
on the first day of the month and is due by the end of the last day of the
month. Even if your child is no longer eligible for CS on the 2nd day of
the final month in the order you will still owe for the full month. Pay for
the last month in full and smile knowing it is the last payment. And be
sure to check what is required in the local court's rules to fully satisfy
the CS judgment and close the money judgment file forever.

In article outparenting.com,
Pammie1 says...

.................................
-------------------
DUMMY the subject was CHILD SUPPORT not KIDS. It's not my fault that he
has so many (support orders). Do I have to spell everything out for you.
If you would follow the subject matter you would understand my point.
====
I have followed the subject matter and I do understand your point. I simply
disagree with you. Disagreement does not equal lack of understanding.
====
I
admit I made some bad choices. I have said this over and over. You just
was not reading all my responses.
====
I read them. You just seem to be having a hard time comprehending that I don't
pity you. I'm sure you expect and receive a lot of pity for chosing a loser man
to have a child with and for not wanting to better yourself for your child's
sake. Those are choices you made. I don't pity you for the consequences of those
choices.
====
I did choose a loser. Notice how many
men are loser?
====
Not really. I kinda try to avoid that crowd, particularly when it comes to
babymaking time.
====
I made one mistake I don't plan to make another one. This
is my last time saying this, I am providing for my household. I don't
care if I had a million dollars sitting in my bank account, I would still
file for support. It's both parties responsibility to take care of their
kid. I am doing my part. So you need to get your facts straight. I am
sick and tired of hearing you worthless people in the world protect these
old dead beat dads.
====
I thought you said he was paying and that if a dad is paying "something," he
doesn't meet your definition of "deadbeat."
====
In case you didn't know, it's hard being a single
parent.
====
Oh puleeze! I was a single parent and full time student--graduated with honors
--double major of history and pre-law--Easy? Hardly! And, I worked painting
houses in my "free" time. I collected no child support and I can assure you that
I didn't spend my time obsessing on what my ex "owed" our kids. Spare me the
whining about how "hard" it is being a single parent! I've had a hell of a lot
bigger challenges than that to face. Life is hard--You pull yourself up by your
bootstraps and do what you have to do in the best interest of the kids. You
brought this entire matter on yourself and your daughter. Yeah, I've read what
you've posted and it's all been how much of a victim you are of this man and I'm
not buying it.
====
The amount of money that he has to pay does not even begin to
touch the work single moms put into playing the mom and dad role.
====
So now you wish to get paid to do the things mothers do? You are no more a
mother than any other mother, married or single. How much do you think my
husband should pay me to get the kids up for school--How about the laundry? What
should he pay me for that? Oh, and the bus stop--I take them there every school
day--That must be worth something.
====
I am my
own person. I don't go around doing what you and Tracy do.
====
Obviously. But, it isn't just Tracy and I. Actually, many women have risen to
the task of single parenting with great dignity and without child support.
Imagine that.
====
My kid's dad
need to get a second job it's not like his extra time is being spent with
his kid. I have ONE job and I will only have ONE job. Raising a kid on
your own is like having another full time job.
====
Well, some are more capable than others, I guess.
====
I don't feel sorry for any
dead beat. I really don't give a darn how upset you get at hearing that.
If you don't want him to pay then you pay me $600 a month. If you have a
problem with that then shut your mouth.
====
I have a problem with that and will speak my mind as I please. Maybe Usenet is
"too hard" for you too?
====
I am enforcing child support not
matter what anyone does or say.
====
Hasn't anyone ever taught you how to chose your battles?
====
====


Pammie1

It could, and likely would, be challenged in court, and thus require the
CP to contribute to a college education if it is required of the NCP. I
didn't win custody of my kids, back when it was almost unheard of, by
allowing biased laws to fly in my face unopposed.
I'm all for a college education, but if you can't afford it, you can't
afford it. I served my time in service and earned my education. No one paid
for it. I continued by taking out student loans. Again, no one paid for it
but me.
My kids grew up knowing full well that if they were going to college, it
would be on their funds, and any contribution by myself or their mother
would be completely voluntary or not at all.


"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
That's a very unkind thing to say, Pammie. It is not necessarily
mismanagement of money that keep a married couple from putting their kids
through college. Some people are actually living from paycheck to
paycheck
with no way of putting any money aside. These parents are not forced by
the
government to put their kids through college. But a divorced/never
married
dad might be forced to take out loans up the wazoo just to sent his child
to
college and pay on those loans the rest of his life. *That* is the
unfairness AZ is talking about.

Are you saying that, at this point in time, even though you are only
receiving $100 per month from you child's father in CS, you are able to
put
money away for college?

--------------

I thought it was more unfair for AZ so say that my kid shouldn't go to
college just because married people can't send their kid to college. I
didn't write the laws. If they want the dad to help pay for college then I
am all for it. I can't tell them to change their law to give the dad a
break.
It's not my fault that people with 2 incomes can't manage their money. I
have seen how married people live in today's world. Your money is your
money, my money is my money. I see this all the time here. If you live
like that, it's no way you can get ahead. You can't live like roomates.

I do have a saving for my child, but the $100 a month is just going
towards the household. When he starts paying the full amount then I will
start back putting into her savings. You know if I was a mean person I
could modify and raise his amount, but I am being nice. I didn't set the
current amount the court did. He should have had his butt in court to
defend himself. That was his choice not to show. He never even responded
to paternity papers. The court decided that the kid was his because he
didn't respond. Well now that he is over $12,000 behind on my case and
$11,000 behind on his other case he needs to get a second job.

Pammie1

In article outparenting.com,
Pammie1 says...

That's a very unkind thing to say, Pammie. It is not necessarily
mismanagement of money that keep a married couple from putting their kids
through college. Some people are actually living from paycheck to
paycheck
with no way of putting any money aside. These parents are not forced by
the
government to put their kids through college. But a divorced/never
married
dad might be forced to take out loans up the wazoo just to sent his child
to
college and pay on those loans the rest of his life. *That* is the
unfairness AZ is talking about.

Are you saying that, at this point in time, even though you are only
receiving $100 per month from you child's father in CS, you are able to
put
money away for college?

--------------

I thought it was more unfair for AZ so say that my kid shouldn't go to
college just because married people can't send their kid to college.
======
That's not what she said.
======
I
didn't write the laws. If they want the dad to help pay for college then I
am all for it. I can't tell them to change their law to give the dad a
break.
It's not my fault that people with 2 incomes can't manage their money.
=====
How did you get this conclusion from what was said?
=====
I
have seen how married people live in today's world. Your money is your
money, my money is my money. I see this all the time here. If you live
like that, it's no way you can get ahead. You can't live like roomates.

I do have a saving for my child, but the $100 a month is just going
towards the household. When he starts paying the full amount then I will
start back putting into her savings. You know if I was a mean person I
could modify and raise his amount, but I am being nice. I didn't set the
current amount the court did. He should have had his butt in court to
defend himself. That was his choice not to show. He never even responded
to paternity papers. The court decided that the kid was his because he
didn't respond. Well now that he is over $12,000 behind on my case and
$11,000 behind on his other case he needs to get a second job.
=====
So you aren't even sure this is his kid?
=====
=====

Pammie1

This isn't saying that in your previous posts. It was implied you were
banking the CS for college, at the very least, that is how it read.

"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
No, no one will put the moommy in jail if she doesn't spend the money the
way it's supposed to be spent. They won't even do it if she doesn't
spend
a
dime on the kid because their is no accountability!
--------------
Regardless it's the kids money now or
later.
--------------
It's supposed to be for the kids expenses now. Even the gov can't see
into
the future. Suppose your kid decides not to go to college or dies? How
is
that the kids money then?
------------------
So get the thorns out of you butt and get over it.
----------------
Kiss my rumpled, red ass and be damned.
----------------
I don't think
that's misusing the money at all. I am not blowing it on some sorry
man,
or the casino.
--------------
Technically is no different than blowing it at the casino.
-------------
The money is going into her saving for her future.
------------
And if she has no future?
-----------
Why are you wanting to deprive a kid from getting a college education
just
because they came from a single parent household?
-----------------
I couldn't care less. But the point is that college is not something
that
should be ordered by the court, forcing the dad to pay for it. And cs is
not meant to be spent on saving for the future.
-----------------
Wow cares about that.
An education is important period. If a married couple can't put their
kid
through college then that's their mismanagement of money.
------------------
It's more like lack of money. Most college kids go to school using
scholarships, student loans and working their way through school. If the
parents are able to help financially great. But for the court to order a
man to pay and if he is unable to, jail him is unfair at the least.
-------------------
I am going to
do it as a single parent. I am not going to let anyone discourage me
from
it.
--------------
Great! I'm sure that will make things a lot easier on your kid.
-----------
I don't care where the funds come from.
----------
Of course you don't because it's not your money. You are stealing from
your
kid for some possibly unrealisable disant goal. If you want to save
money
for the kids future, use your own money.

~AZ~

----------

Okay AZ since you are not getting it. Let's just put it in terms you may
understand. CS money goes towards basic needs, my own money goes towards
savings account. Now how in the world can you tell the diffence? Does
child support money have the letters "CS" on the bills? The money goes
into my account,ONE account. I then transfer money to my kid account.
It's no form asking me if this is CS money or my personal money. You
don't have a case. You can't prove who's money is going into the savings.
Whye try to separate the monies? So if I decide to put money away for
college that my prerogative.
Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, but I am not going around thinking
"okay I am going to die tomorrow so I don't have to put any savings away."
Only an idiot would have such negative thoughts. I don't know, if she
doesn't decide to go to college in the future, we will just have to cross
that bridge when we get there, but for now the plan stands. I don't want
18 years to pass and she decide to go to college and I don't have any
money. I refuse to use student loans. That's a rip-off in itself. 20
years later you are still paying on student loans. That's just crazy.
You can keep your own advice.

Pammie1

In article outparenting.com,
Pammie1 says...

No, no one will put the moommy in jail if she doesn't spend the money the
way it's supposed to be spent. They won't even do it if she doesn't
spend
a
dime on the kid because their is no accountability!
--------------
Regardless it's the kids money now or
later.
--------------
It's supposed to be for the kids expenses now. Even the gov can't see
into
the future. Suppose your kid decides not to go to college or dies? How
is
that the kids money then?
------------------
So get the thorns out of you butt and get over it.
----------------
Kiss my rumpled, red ass and be damned.
----------------
I don't think
that's misusing the money at all. I am not blowing it on some sorry
man,
or the casino.
--------------
Technically is no different than blowing it at the casino.
-------------
The money is going into her saving for her future.
------------
And if she has no future?
-----------
Why are you wanting to deprive a kid from getting a college education
just
because they came from a single parent household?
-----------------
I couldn't care less. But the point is that college is not something
that
should be ordered by the court, forcing the dad to pay for it. And cs is
not meant to be spent on saving for the future.
-----------------
Wow cares about that.
An education is important period. If a married couple can't put their
kid
through college then that's their mismanagement of money.
------------------
It's more like lack of money. Most college kids go to school using
scholarships, student loans and working their way through school. If the
parents are able to help financially great. But for the court to order a
man to pay and if he is unable to, jail him is unfair at the least.
-------------------
I am going to
do it as a single parent. I am not going to let anyone discourage me
from
it.
--------------
Great! I'm sure that will make things a lot easier on your kid.
-----------
I don't care where the funds come from.
----------
Of course you don't because it's not your money. You are stealing from
your
kid for some possibly unrealisable disant goal. If you want to save
money
for the kids future, use your own money.

~AZ~

----------

Okay AZ since you are not getting it. Let's just put it in terms you may
understand.
====
Gosh--Why are you so insistent that if anyone disagrees with you, it's because
they don't understand? Ya know, I haven't seen a whole lot of deep thinking come
out of you.
OK, let's try this--(to make things a little easier for *you*):

WE GET IT! WE DON"T AGREE WITH YOU!

How's that?
====
====

"Gini" wrote in message
...
In article
outparenting.com,
Pammie1 says...

No, no one will put the moommy in jail if she doesn't spend the money the
way it's supposed to be spent. They won't even do it if she doesn't
spend
a
dime on the kid because their is no accountability!
--------------
Regardless it's the kids money now or
later.
--------------
It's supposed to be for the kids expenses now. Even the gov can't see
into
the future. Suppose your kid decides not to go to college or dies? How
is
that the kids money then?
------------------
So get the thorns out of you butt and get over it.
----------------
Kiss my rumpled, red ass and be damned.
----------------
I don't think
that's misusing the money at all. I am not blowing it on some sorry
man,
or the casino.
--------------
Technically is no different than blowing it at the casino.
-------------
The money is going into her saving for her future.
------------
And if she has no future?
-----------
Why are you wanting to deprive a kid from getting a college education
just
because they came from a single parent household?
-----------------
I couldn't care less. But the point is that college is not something
that
should be ordered by the court, forcing the dad to pay for it. And cs is
not meant to be spent on saving for the future.
-----------------
Wow cares about that.
An education is important period. If a married couple can't put their
kid
through college then that's their mismanagement of money.
------------------
It's more like lack of money. Most college kids go to school using
scholarships, student loans and working their way through school. If the
parents are able to help financially great. But for the court to order a
man to pay and if he is unable to, jail him is unfair at the least.
-------------------
I am going to
do it as a single parent. I am not going to let anyone discourage me
from
it.
--------------
Great! I'm sure that will make things a lot easier on your kid.
-----------
I don't care where the funds come from.
----------
Of course you don't because it's not your money. You are stealing from
your
kid for some possibly unrealisable disant goal. If you want to save
money
for the kids future, use your own money.

~AZ~

----------

Okay AZ since you are not getting it. Let's just put it in terms you may
understand.
====
Gosh--Why are you so insistent that if anyone disagrees with you, it's
because
they don't understand? Ya know, I haven't seen a whole lot of deep
thinking come
out of you.
OK, let's try this--(to make things a little easier for *you*):

WE GET IT! WE DON"T AGREE WITH YOU!

How's that?
-------------------
Oh gad!! Gini I now have cherry kool aid all over my monitor!!! You crack
me up!!!

~AZ~

====
====

As if you want to be paid to parent your own children. I've heard that
said
here many times.
Didn't you expect you'd be putting in the work whether you stayed
together
or not? I know, I know, you didn't expect to do both jobs but what if
you'd
stayed together and he worked hard, became a wonderful dad and got
injured
on the job to the point he became paralyzed or comatose? What then?

Phil #3
------------

I am saying that taking care of a kid on your own will have you tired like
you are working 2 jobs. It takes a lot of energy to clean, play, and
teach little kids.

Being that this is my first and only kid, I had no idea parenting took so
much work. It's easy to look at someone else with a kid. It doesn't seem
that hard. The reality is that it's very hard work. I didn't expect to
be doing this all alone. It's a big difference knowing that you were
dumped with a kid and the father doesn't want to have anything to do with
the kid as oppose to him getting hurt on the job. I don't know it's like
I have to put a lot of time and energy into staying on top of the child
support case. The cs office will not stay on top of my case so I have to
make calls, write letters, attend court. I am sure if the dad was injured
there would be some type of disability check coming in to help support the
household.

Now I have been told that taking care of a healthy man is hard work. I
have heard women say they have to clean behind men, cook for them (you
can't just make hot dogs like you can for kids). Men want a full course
meal. ha ha

Pammie1

I don't feel sorry for true deadbeats, who walk out on their children and
never look back. There are, as mentioned earlier, some truly pathetic
people out there. I do, however, sympathize with those who are labeled
deadbeats because they are unable to jump through the hoops that the CSE
has
decided they "must" be able to jump through because "it's in the
guidelines."

If you don't want him to pay then you pay me $600 a month. If you have
a
problem with that then shut your mouth. I am enforcing child support
not
matter what anyone does or say.

And that is your choice, Pammie. But you sound so very angry. And
carrying
anger around with you is like carrying a rattlesnake in you purse--if it
ever gets out, it is just as likely to bite you as the one you're mad at.
----

Teachrmama, I am not angry about being in the situation I am in. I own my
own home a lot of married couples are renting. I am able to pay my bills
on time. I have a lot of food in the kitchen. I have a beautiful child
whom I love a lot. I have no reason to be angry about my situation. I
can say the only thing that gets under my skin a little is knowing that
her dad doesn't want to have anything to do with her. He will not spend
time with her. It's just hard for me to imagine someone cutting off their
own kid. Other than that, I am always happy, smiling, having fun, joking.
When people speak to me they don't see me as an angry person because I am
not. As a matter of fact my boss on the job came up to me and asked me
why am I always smiling. I just told her that I am a happy person. All
the married ladies I work with come to work in a bad mood. I don't let
them ruin my day.

Pammie1