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Offering choices to multiples
Hi --
I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices? When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always a split decision. Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do much choosing. Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom. Thanks, - marty (mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls) |
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Offering choices to multiples
"Marty Billingsley" wrote in message ... Hi -- I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices? When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always a split decision. Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do much choosing. Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom. One kid makes those choices on odd days, the other kid gets to make choices on even days. I'd say that's fair. |
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Offering choices to multiples
"toypup" wrote in message news:Wfghc.357$gO3.31510@attbi_s51... One kid makes those choices on odd days, the other kid gets to make choices on even days. I'd say that's fair. That's kind of what I do. My kids are 5, 4, and 2. They take turns choosing. If she chose a video last time, he gets to next time, etc... |
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Offering choices to multiples
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Offering choices to multiples
Hi Marty,
I don't have twins, but my kids are so close in age that it seems that they are triplets at times. Really what should be done is to alternate who gets to make the decision and take turns. Also, another thing we do (and this may sound hokey to some of you), but we place the decision in a hat and whatever is picked out, gets done, eaten or watched or whatever the decision needs to be made is made up in a fair way. And sometimes, I make the decision. -- Sue (mom to three girls) I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World... Marty Billingsley wrote in message ... Hi -- I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices? When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always a split decision. Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do much choosing. Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom. Thanks, - marty (mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls) |
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Offering choices to multiples
In article Wfghc.357$gO3.31510@attbi_s51,
toypup wrote: "Marty Billingsley" wrote in message ... Hi -- I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices? When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always a split decision. Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do much choosing. Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom. One kid makes those choices on odd days, the other kid gets to make choices on even days. I'd say that's fair. I'd agree....if they had the concept of days. They are one month past their third birthday. Anything in the past happened "yesterday", anything we're going to do later will happen "tomorrow". If I announced "today is Andie's turn to make choices", Alex would dissolve in tears -- and vice versa. Taking turns will work later on. My kids aren't yet good at delayed gratification...... - marty (mom to andie & alex, 3-year-old girls) |
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Offering choices to multiples
Marty Billingsley wrote:
I'd agree....if they had the concept of days. They are one month past their third birthday. Anything in the past happened "yesterday", anything we're going to do later will happen "tomorrow". If I announced "today is Andie's turn to make choices", Alex would dissolve in tears -- and vice versa. Taking turns will work later on. My kids aren't yet good at delayed gratification...... Try taking the turns at shorter intervals, as Sophie suggested. Andie gets to decide the first time there's a choice, Alex gets to decide the second, etc. At the age of 3, they really ought to be able to grasp the concept pretty readily. -- Be well, Barbara (Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [2] mom) All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#8
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Offering choices to multiples
Marty Billingsley wrote:
Hi -- I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices? When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always a split decision. Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do much choosing. Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom. Choices are overrated. It makes sense to let them chooose when they really can choose. When you need them to both choose the same thing (like where to go next), that's not about making choices, that's about negotiating/compromise. Different skills. Work specifically on negotiating and compromise and taking turns when you have teachable moments for those. When you can't deal with a split decision, don't offer the choice ;-) They can learn to make choices in many other areas. My two boys do the same thing (they're not twins--I think this is just a regular old sibling issue more than a multiples issue). Eventually they will learn. They've got great choice-making skills. What they don't have are negotiating/ compromising skills, but they'll learn those eventually. Splitting them up would, in my mind, be crazy even if you could do it (unless we're talking the odd special occasion). Best wishes, Ericka |
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Offering choices to multiples
Odds and evens. Saved my life about a million times over. Assign one as an
odd, the other as an even. Because your kids are too young to use a calendar, color all the odd days one color, the evens the other color. Assign them a color. Then, on the odd day, the odd kid can make the choice. On the even day, the even kid makes the choice. My twins are almost 12 and we STILL used odds and evens. Now they look at the calendar the second they wake up, because they want to know who has the power plays that day. Marjorie "Marty Billingsley" wrote in message ... Hi -- I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices? When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always a split decision. Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do much choosing. Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom. Thanks, - marty (mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls) |
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Offering choices to multiples
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