John`s temper 14 yr old boy

Sorry about not giving details on John. My name is Becka. I am
leaglly
blinde. I found your group in hopes someone can give me advice on how
to handle John.
John has alway had a bad temper. I was always able to keep in check.
When John had one of is temper attacks I call them I would say in a
soft tone John you need to go to your quite space and I need to go
into mine. I also have a horrriable temper. The whole family does. We
have all learned to conrol it. When John feels that can control his
temper he would come to me and we would talk what made you mad, how
can we work together so it will not happened. John and I do alot of
talking,
Now he is almost 15 and I can not keep him in check. We have rules in
this house. We make sure we stick these rules. But John feels he does
not have to go by the rules at the house and at school.
Yesterday when I wrote just got off the phone with the school John
was
in a fight and suspendd this is not the frist time.
Last week was just horriable the boys (3) were on spring break. Like
I said we have rules. I do not care how long you stay up but you have
to be up and dress before 11am. I told the boys I am not having them
sleep all day because they was up all night.
Back to Spring break I woke the boys up.The 2 olsest woke up fine but
John was in one of his moods. When John is in one of his moods
Husband
and I work together. We tell him in a kind voice Hey John Boy time to
get up. We do that 3 times them we go just a little more hey John Boy
time to get up and take his blakets off and put them on the floor. It
take about 30 to 45 mins but he up.
Spring break I did not have anyone so I did everything on my own like
I was taught. And it totally backed fired in my face. He was so mean
and hateful. he grabbed his older brothers swords that his bother
collects off the wall and started to threaten me. It scare the older
boys but they are scare of John. I took the sword but I did not know
that is a 3 piece set. Next 2 days this waking up him up was getting
worst to the point I did not know what to do So I called my Paster
from church to help me. She took John for a few hours.I called his
Bio. Father and told I can not handle John anymore So I think the
best
thing for everyone in this house is to send him back to his father.
But until then what do I do? Everyone feels like they are walking on
eggshells. I hate feeling this way.
My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.
Thank you for listening
Becka

wrote:
Sorry about not giving details on John. My name is Becka. I am
leaglly
blinde. I found your group in hopes someone can give me advice on how
to handle John.
John has alway had a bad temper. I was always able to keep in check.
When John had one of is temper attacks I call them I would say in a
soft tone John you need to go to your quite space and I need to go
into mine. I also have a horrriable temper. The whole family does. We
have all learned to conrol it. When John feels that can control his
temper he would come to me and we would talk what made you mad, how
can we work together so it will not happened. John and I do alot of
talking,
Now he is almost 15 and I can not keep him in check. We have rules in
this house. We make sure we stick these rules. But John feels he does
not have to go by the rules at the house and at school.
Yesterday when I wrote just got off the phone with the school John
was
in a fight and suspendd this is not the frist time.
Last week was just horriable the boys (3) were on spring break. Like
I said we have rules. I do not care how long you stay up but you have
to be up and dress before 11am. I told the boys I am not having them
sleep all day because they was up all night.
Back to Spring break I woke the boys up.The 2 olsest woke up fine but
John was in one of his moods. When John is in one of his moods
Husband
and I work together. We tell him in a kind voice Hey John Boy time to
get up. We do that 3 times them we go just a little more hey John Boy
time to get up and take his blakets off and put them on the floor. It
take about 30 to 45 mins but he up.
Spring break I did not have anyone so I did everything on my own like
I was taught. And it totally backed fired in my face. He was so mean
and hateful. he grabbed his older brothers swords that his bother
collects off the wall and started to threaten me. It scare the older
boys but they are scare of John. I took the sword but I did not know
that is a 3 piece set. Next 2 days this waking up him up was getting
worst to the point I did not know what to do So I called my Paster
from church to help me. She took John for a few hours.I called his
Bio. Father and told I can not handle John anymore So I think the
best
thing for everyone in this house is to send him back to his father.
But until then what do I do? Everyone feels like they are walking on
eggshells. I hate feeling this way.
My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.
Thank you for listening
Becka

Threatening you with a weapon is pretty serious.

11am is very reasonable.

I would not lose hope with John, but he does pretty disturbed.
Being a Teenager is very hard and he does seem to have issues.

One thing that I would like to know is how he feels about what he has
done now. If he has no remorse then things a bad.

Professional help is needed - somebody he would talk to.

My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.

Has John hit you before? If there is a repeat of this the Police will
have to be involved and he will have to live somewhere else.

Good luck.

wrote in message
ups.com...
When John had one of is temper attacks I call them I would say in a
soft tone John you need to go to your quite space and I need to go
into mine. I also have a horrriable temper. The whole family does.
We
have all learned to conrol it.

I'm assuming that while you have learned to control it some, there are
probably still outbursts? I'm not trying to be accusatory, only
noting that it's nearly impossible for people to change their basic
nature, and if you are feeling very stressed, then it would be
completely understandable if you were to lose your temper now and
again.

Last week was just horriable the boys (3) were on spring break. Like
I said we have rules. I do not care how long you stay up but you
have
to be up and dress before 11am. I told the boys I am not having them
sleep all day because they was up all night.
Back to Spring break I woke the boys up.The 2 olsest woke up fine
but
John was in one of his moods.

Okay, so this worked for the other boys, but not for John. Do you see
though, how you set him up for failure? Being given license to stay
up all night, he probably did. And each day, he got progressively
more behind on sleep. By the third day, his brain probably wasn't
even functioning properly. It's your right to have a set wake-up time
even on break, but it sounds like he needs some guidance as to what
that translates to for a bedtime.

and I work together. We tell him in a kind voice Hey John Boy time
to
get up. We do that 3 times them we go just a little more hey John
Boy
time to get up and take his blakets off and put them on the floor.
It
take about 30 to 45 mins but he up.

This sounds like something to work on. My son gets up to his alarm
with no problems, but my daughter would turn hers off and go back to
bed, even if the alarm was across the room. So I call her to get her
up. We had to have a few talks about it -- about how I needed to have
her out of bed or actually speaking to me, because if she just grunted
she was probably still in bed and going to go back to sleep. It took
some work, but now I almost never have to call her more than once, and
while she might stomp out of bed, she is no longer stomping by the
time she comes downstairs. For your son -- maybe an alarm clock with
a big snooze button and a tiny off button?

Spring break I did not have anyone so I did everything on my own
like
I was taught. And it totally backed fired in my face. He was so mean
and hateful. he grabbed his older brothers swords that his bother
collects off the wall and started to threaten me. It scare the older
boys but they are scare of John. I took the sword but I did not know
that is a 3 piece set. Next 2 days this waking up him up was getting
worst to the point I did not know what to do So I called my Paster
from church to help me. She took John for a few hours.I called his
Bio. Father and told I can not handle John anymore So I think the
best
thing for everyone in this house is to send him back to his father.

It sounds like it's best for John too. I feel for you, really. And
for your husband and the other kids. But I also feel for John. How
it must feel to be him. I hope he and his dad have a better
relationship? If not...well, I hope you aren't just washing your
hands of him.

But until then what do I do? Everyone feels like they are walking on
eggshells. I hate feeling this way.
My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.

I gave you my suggestions in response to your first post. Did you not
see them?

Bizby

"Rob" wrote in message
...
wrote:
Sorry about not giving details on John. My name is Becka. I am
leaglly
blinde. I found your group in hopes someone can give me advice on how
to handle John.
John has alway had a bad temper. I was always able to keep in check.
When John had one of is temper attacks I call them I would say in a
soft tone John you need to go to your quite space and I need to go
into mine. I also have a horrriable temper. The whole family does. We
have all learned to conrol it. When John feels that can control his
temper he would come to me and we would talk what made you mad, how
can we work together so it will not happened. John and I do alot of
talking,
Now he is almost 15 and I can not keep him in check. We have rules in
this house. We make sure we stick these rules. But John feels he does
not have to go by the rules at the house and at school.
Yesterday when I wrote just got off the phone with the school John
was
in a fight and suspendd this is not the frist time.
Last week was just horriable the boys (3) were on spring break. Like
I said we have rules. I do not care how long you stay up but you have
to be up and dress before 11am. I told the boys I am not having them
sleep all day because they was up all night.
Back to Spring break I woke the boys up.The 2 olsest woke up fine but
John was in one of his moods. When John is in one of his moods
Husband
and I work together. We tell him in a kind voice Hey John Boy time to
get up. We do that 3 times them we go just a little more hey John Boy
time to get up and take his blakets off and put them on the floor. It
take about 30 to 45 mins but he up.
Spring break I did not have anyone so I did everything on my own like
I was taught. And it totally backed fired in my face. He was so mean
and hateful. he grabbed his older brothers swords that his bother
collects off the wall and started to threaten me. It scare the older
boys but they are scare of John. I took the sword but I did not know
that is a 3 piece set. Next 2 days this waking up him up was getting
worst to the point I did not know what to do So I called my Paster
from church to help me. She took John for a few hours.I called his
Bio. Father and told I can not handle John anymore So I think the
best
thing for everyone in this house is to send him back to his father.
But until then what do I do? Everyone feels like they are walking on
eggshells. I hate feeling this way.
My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.
Thank you for listening
Becka

Threatening you with a weapon is pretty serious.

11am is very reasonable.

I would not lose hope with John, but he does pretty disturbed.
Being a Teenager is very hard and he does seem to have issues.

One thing that I would like to know is how he feels about what he has done
now. If he has no remorse then things a bad.

Professional help is needed - somebody he would talk to.

I think Rob is right on this one.

You really need to get professional help.

There are things going on with his father, your husband and at school. You
really need to sort it all out.

Jeff
My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.

Has John hit you before? If there is a repeat of this the Police will
have to be involved and he will have to live somewhere else.

Good luck.

In article . com,
says...

Sorry about not giving details on John. My name is Becka. I am
leaglly
blinde. I found your group in hopes someone can give me advice on how
to handle John.
John has alway had a bad temper. I was always able to keep in check.
When John had one of is temper attacks I call them I would say in a
soft tone John you need to go to your quite space and I need to go
into mine. I also have a horrriable temper. The whole family does. We
have all learned to conrol it. When John feels that can control his
temper he would come to me and we would talk what made you mad, how
can we work together so it will not happened. John and I do alot of
talking,
Now he is almost 15 and I can not keep him in check. We have rules in
this house. We make sure we stick these rules. But John feels he does
not have to go by the rules at the house and at school.
Yesterday when I wrote just got off the phone with the school John
was
in a fight and suspendd this is not the frist time.
Last week was just horriable the boys (3) were on spring break. Like
I said we have rules. I do not care how long you stay up but you have
to be up and dress before 11am. I told the boys I am not having them
sleep all day because they was up all night.
Back to Spring break I woke the boys up.The 2 olsest woke up fine but
John was in one of his moods. When John is in one of his moods
Husband
and I work together. We tell him in a kind voice Hey John Boy time to
get up. We do that 3 times them we go just a little more hey John Boy
time to get up and take his blakets off and put them on the floor. It
take about 30 to 45 mins but he up.
Spring break I did not have anyone so I did everything on my own like
I was taught.

Did not have anyone? But you had him? Taught by whom? Taught what? This is
really unclear.

And it totally backed fired in my face. He was so mean
and hateful. he grabbed his older brothers swords that his bother
collects off the wall and started to threaten me. It scare the older
boys but they are scare of John. I took the sword but I did not know
that is a 3 piece set. Next 2 days this waking up him up was getting
worst to the point I did not know what to do So I called my Paster
from church to help me. She took John for a few hours.I called his
Bio. Father and told I can not handle John anymore So I think the
best
thing for everyone in this house is to send him back to his father.
But until then what do I do? Everyone feels like they are walking on
eggshells. I hate feeling this way.
My husband and I all together have 7 children. I have to think about
the other children also and I know in a few weeks or month John will
hit me.
Thank you for listening
Becka


OK - this is a little more information. But, other than that the rest of the
family has a problem with temper too, there isn't much about the whole setup and
atmosphere in your family. For example - you have seven children, all with you
if you are seaparated from your husband (you mention having his father 'take
him')??

We may be able to give suggestions as to specific 'fixes' that may apply to your
son, but truly, there is no "not anger" switch to be found on a 14 year old boy.
I strongly suspect this has a lot to do with the family dynamic and stresses in
the family as a whole. Which is why counselling is really your best next step.
Even if your 14 year old son doesn't go, a counsellor and you and (hopefully)
his father can really get into the whole situation. And there will be time set
aside for you to answer questions and get all the information out in
conversations with the counsellor. That's necessary because frankly you're
having problems presenting the information in a cogent way here.

Going to counselling doesn't mean anyone is crazy or has failed. It's that it's
a really good way to have a professional, objective person trained in these kind
of problems take a good look at the whole picture, and recommend (usually)
behavioral and relational changes for you to work on. There probably there will
also be practical measures that an objective counsellor would notice that you
need to take - for instance, a family with anger issues probably doesn't need a
sword collection in the house. And, instead of being the repository for the "I
can't handle him" cases, the father needs to be more involved with raising all
of the kids. There needs to be an adult involved who does realize, for example,
there are three swords and not just one.

Banty