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#21
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What to do about crying
Banty wrote:
It's just that said restaurant doesn't have to be the one which has 30 minute typical serving times, or is next to the parking lot where a clown scared the 4 year old at a carnival two months prior, or whatever the hassle was in this case. That's the accommodation and flexibility I'm talking about. *Plus*, not reinforcing the behavior and appropriately counteracting it as you say. The point I'm trying to get across to the OP is that, at four, it's a developmental *and* discipline matter that takes place concurrently, and doesn't get fixed instantly by application of a magic discipline method necessarily. Oh, I gotcha. Yes, absolutely, it's not fair to put children in situations they really aren't able to handle and then expect them to behave. Sometimes you just have to wait until they're ready. Preparation and practice helps a lot, but some behaviors just won't come until they come. Best wishes, Ericka |
#22
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What to do about crying
Excellent suggestions one and all! Thanks so much for bringing me up
to speed and jogging my memories of child behavior. I began to forward each tip as it's been received and I think that y'all are possibly overestimating the timeframe as far as how long it takes to see results. After bringing your advice into play just in a day or so, I can see a glimmer of improvement! They came over and upon being told that they had missed the 7pm showing of Brother Bear, they would go on home and go the next night the little one threw herself on the floor face down not crying, but for all appearances getting ready to tune up big time. We all looked at each other and said nothing as we all thought, Here we go.. let the hysterics begin...but there was no verbal indication that we had noticed she was on the carpet. Her mom picked her up and said come on let's get ready to go home to bed, thus maintaining the prescribed direction of discipline. Once picked up the little one looked so serious and said, "I wasn't crying, I was praying that we don't miss Brother Bear again tomorrow."! How super is that!? While expecting some backsliding and missteps along the way, there is hope. I think the mother remaining calm and not beginning an argument with her as she had been doing in the very recent past kept the situation from escalating into a full blown hissy. This is a great group with lots of knowledge. Thanks and I'll be back! |
#23
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What to do about crying
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#24
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What to do about crying
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message ... Ignoramus12517 wrote: Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want to eat. She throws a big tantrum. What can you do except leave? Not much. Leaving, however, is highly effective, particularly if leaving doesn't get her what she wants (e.g., if she's screaming to leave the restaurant because she wants to go to a different restaurant, you don't leave the restaurant to go to the one she wants to go to!). You can also leave her with a babysitter the next time you go out to dinner. Best wishes, Ericka I agree. If you are not prepared to leave, then you really are not prepared to go in the first place. |
#25
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What to do about crying
In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote: Ignoramus12517 wrote: Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want to eat. She throws a big tantrum. What can you do except leave? Not much. Leaving, however, is highly effective, particularly if leaving doesn't get her what she wants The problem is how to avoid reinforcing the tantrum when leaving *was* what the child wanted. Assuming you need to leave for the benefit of others present, it's hard to avoid rewarding the tantrum when the tantrum's purpose was due to the child wanting to leave in the first place. --Robyn |
#26
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What to do about crying
Robyn Kozierok wrote:
In article , Ericka Kammerer wrote: Leaving, however, is highly effective, particularly if leaving doesn't get her what she wants The problem is how to avoid reinforcing the tantrum when leaving *was* what the child wanted. Assuming you need to leave for the benefit of others present, it's hard to avoid rewarding the tantrum when the tantrum's purpose was due to the child wanting to leave in the first place. We've usually found ways to deal with that problem, depending on the situation. Maybe we go home and it's a quick PBJ dinner and straight to bed. Maybe the next time the child wants to do something, Mommy and Daddy won't do it because they don't feel like it (turnabout's fair play, but only with older kids who are able to get it, and only if the timing works out--wait too long and you're just being ****y). The key is to find out what's driving the fuss. If the problem is that the child is overtired and not up to restaurant behavior, that's an entirely different situation from a kid who's throwing a hissy fit because you're at Taco Bell instead of McDonald's (or Bella Cucina instead of Chez Louis). A child who's too tired needs to go home and get to bed, not as punishment but because he's tired (and shame on the parents for creating a situation in which the child is doomed to failure, though once they're older they need to learn to behave in spite of things like being a bit tired). A child who's manipulating you is looking to get *something*, so you have to ask yourself what that something is. Maybe the something is legitimate. Maybe the poor kid's been dragged from pillar to post all day long and just wants a quiet dinner. If that's the case, the problem is not the request to leave the restaurant, but the manner in which the request was made (and the day's schedule, which should be noted as inappropriate for the future). That's different from pitching a fit because the restaurant just isn't the current fave. Anyway, once you know what the child *wants* and *why*, you can generally come up with an appropriate response that sends the appropriate message. Best wishes, Ericka |
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