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#1
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sad about nanny
Oh Anita it must be hard. My munchie man is 11 weeks old, and leaving him
would be hard for me if I had to. I think you are very brave, but it's great that you are doing this for you and your baby. If you think about the situation you have an advantage, the time that you do spend will be very high quality time. I am at home right now with my 5 kids, and am contemplating starting up my photography business again part time, as I realise the need I have to be me, and to do something other than being a mommy. I read somewhere that some moms live for their children (me), and if you drew a grid with 9 boxes for what you do in your life what would be in the boxes? Well I had my children in one box, and my husband in another, but had no hobbies, no time for friends, no job no nothing that was just for me. I had 2 boxes filled and 7 empty, so now i'm making changes. Yes the nanny is sharing the good times with Pillbug, she is feeding him his bottle but you are the one who nurses him at night, and he will always know your special smell. The nanny isn't a second mom, he only has one mommy and that's you. Could you not go back to work on a part time basis initially? That way you could have time at work and at home with Pillbug. You will miss him, but you are doing your best for him, and if anything your bond will grow stronger. All the best, -- Andrea mom of 5 - latest addition Kamron David 11 weeks old weighing 15 pounds 10 ozs. Fave quote "Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children" from the film "The Crow". "Irrational Number" wrote in message ... So, we hired a nanny and today is her first day. Since I don't know for sure how much milk Pillbug is taking in a day, I'm pumping all day and she's feeding Pillbug with the bottle. By the end of this week, I should know how much I need to pump at work. All this is fine and good... BUT, I'm feeling very sad. The nanny is very good... she's the one picking up Pillbug when he cries; she's the one feeding him when he's hungry; she's the one changing him when he poops... I'm here in my room feeling sad. She's taking over my job... Which is what I intended in the first place, since I'm going back to work in 3 weeks... (Finally, after 6 months bed rest plus 3 months leave!) I'm looking forward to going back to work, but I'm sad that I'm no longer going to do my _primary_ job in the daytime... I'm kind of hoping Pillbug doesn't sleep through the night for awhile just so I get that time with him... (I may regret saying this. ) -- Anita -- Mommy to Pillbug, 10 weeks -- SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS. |
#2
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sad about nanny
(sigh) Thanks, Andrea, for your supportive
words... I'm telling myself that the time I have with Pillbug will now be quality time, and I do believe that... I just can't get rid of that little voice that says he's going to like the nanny more than me in a few weeks... I know, it's silly. I do feel a bit better right now. I went and put Pillbug in his swing and played some piano for him (which I do almost daily), so I'm still doing something that's just for him and me. And it actually _is_ quality time. I'll get over this... I do need to have me in one of those 9 boxes. (By the way, I _love_ that concept of the 9 boxes.) -- Anita -- Andrea wrote: Oh Anita it must be hard. My munchie man is 11 weeks old, and leaving him would be hard for me if I had to. I think you are very brave, but it's great that you are doing this for you and your baby. If you think about the situation you have an advantage, the time that you do spend will be very high quality time. I am at home right now with my 5 kids, and am contemplating starting up my photography business again part time, as I realise the need I have to be me, and to do something other than being a mommy. I read somewhere that some moms live for their children (me), and if you drew a grid with 9 boxes for what you do in your life what would be in the boxes? Well I had my children in one box, and my husband in another, but had no hobbies, no time for friends, no job no nothing that was just for me. I had 2 boxes filled and 7 empty, so now i'm making changes. Yes the nanny is sharing the good times with Pillbug, she is feeding him his bottle but you are the one who nurses him at night, and he will always know your special smell. The nanny isn't a second mom, he only has one mommy and that's you. Could you not go back to work on a part time basis initially? That way you could have time at work and at home with Pillbug. You will miss him, but you are doing your best for him, and if anything your bond will grow stronger. All the best, -- Andrea mom of 5 - latest addition Kamron David 11 weeks old weighing 15 pounds 10 ozs. Fave quote "Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children" from the film "The Crow". "Irrational Number" wrote in message ... So, we hired a nanny and today is her first day. Since I don't know for sure how much milk Pillbug is taking in a day, I'm pumping all day and she's feeding Pillbug with the bottle. By the end of this week, I should know how much I need to pump at work. All this is fine and good... BUT, I'm feeling very sad. The nanny is very good... she's the one picking up Pillbug when he cries; she's the one feeding him when he's hungry; she's the one changing him when he poops... I'm here in my room feeling sad. She's taking over my job... Which is what I intended in the first place, since I'm going back to work in 3 weeks... (Finally, after 6 months bed rest plus 3 months leave!) I'm looking forward to going back to work, but I'm sad that I'm no longer going to do my _primary_ job in the daytime... I'm kind of hoping Pillbug doesn't sleep through the night for awhile just so I get that time with him... (I may regret saying this. ) -- Anita -- Mommy to Pillbug, 10 weeks -- SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS. |
#3
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sad about nanny
OK, this might make you feel better.
I was a nanny for a year (actually an au-pair which is how I came to be in the US...v long story!). When I went to the family, the baby was 10 weeks old. He was an absolute doll and in no-time we were best friends. I adored him and he adored me. I watched as the mama went back to work, clearly needing it, but also hating that she had to leave her little one. I was v worried that she would begin to resent me. One day she put it all in perspective. She said she is not resentful of the time I get to spend with her baby boy, only envious, but she was v happy to know that he loved me and was happy in my care and that she couldn't hope for better. She said that he now had three people to love him, comfort him and look out for him. I was a consistent part of his life and was always there for him (I lived in their home also). But he clearly ALWAYS knew who his mama was. Each night when she came home from work he was so excited to see her, even at a v young age he would kick his little arms and legs when she came home. Babys just know their mamas. The fact that they can be comfortable with someone else is a sign of your good judgement in choosing the right alternate person to care for your baby when you cannot be there. That said, if there is any way you can work as few hours as possible, that would be better. This mama worked incredibly long hours (was gone 12 hrs a day) and she missed so much and many of his firsts. That's what was sad for this mama (and me - I felt guilty). Having said that, if you have a good nanny, one who is understanding and you can talk to, this makes everything that much easier. Now that I am a mama myself I can better see what she was going through. Good luck! CY "Irrational Number" wrote in message ... So, we hired a nanny and today is her first day. Since I don't know for sure how much milk Pillbug is taking in a day, I'm pumping all day and she's feeding Pillbug with the bottle. By the end of this week, I should know how much I need to pump at work. All this is fine and good... BUT, I'm feeling very sad. The nanny is very good... she's the one picking up Pillbug when he cries; she's the one feeding him when he's hungry; she's the one changing him when he poops... I'm here in my room feeling sad. She's taking over my job... Which is what I intended in the first place, since I'm going back to work in 3 weeks... (Finally, after 6 months bed rest plus 3 months leave!) I'm looking forward to going back to work, but I'm sad that I'm no longer going to do my _primary_ job in the daytime... I'm kind of hoping Pillbug doesn't sleep through the night for awhile just so I get that time with him... (I may regret saying this. ) -- Anita -- Mommy to Pillbug, 10 weeks -- SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS. |
#4
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sad about nanny
"Irrational Number" wrote in message
... All this is fine and good... BUT, I'm feeling very sad. The nanny is very good... she's the one picking up Pillbug when he cries; she's the one feeding him when he's hungry; she's the one changing him when he poops... I'm here in my room feeling sad. She's taking over my job... I can easily feel what you feel - I had a nanny myself. It changed though. I got so fond of the nanny that she now is considered family. I ended up thinking: How wonderful Niels has three adults doting on him in stead of only two. Such an amount of LOVE!!! The more the better. Tine, Denmark |
#5
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sad about nanny
Anita, I'm the working mom of three - now 12, 9 and 5, and someone who
has had nannies for years (the current one has been with our family 5 years). I know it is a tough adjustment, but believe me, your children will never love anyone the way they love you. You are not supplanted by the nanny - she is just one more positive, loving adult in their lives. As a mother, the reality is you can't be all things, all the time to your children - nor should you want to, since you want them attached in a healthy way, but not totally dependent and stuck to you like glue all the time - not good for you, not good for them as time goes on. There is room in their hearts and lives for others - whether that be grandparents, teachers, sitters, nannies - love expands - and part of parenthood is realizing that you will be part of their lives but not their whole lives. It is GOOD if children have positive relationships with people other than yourself - I'm happy that my kids love our nanny. They know who their mom and dad are, and believe me, no matter how much they like the nanny - I walk in the door and there is a stampede to be the first to hug me. Even as babies, I'd come home and pow, even though baby had been happy and contented and well cared for all day, baby wanted mummy. There was no need to be jealous of the nanny. Mary G. |
#6
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sad about nanny
Thank you all for your words and especially
to CY for sharing your experiences as a nanny! That does help put things in perspective. I do need to work, and for now, I need to work full time. But, I'm not going to do 12-hour days and I know that this is the best decision all around. We interviewed a lot of people and this nanny was the best person we found, so I feel confident in that. Pillbug seems to like her; heck, he seems to take the bottle a bit more easily from her than from my husband! And she seems to like him very much, which is important. I was just feeling a little jealous as the nanny worked around the kitchen, talking to Pillbug (in his bouncy seat) the whole time and Pillbug was happily cooing back at her. I was also happy that he was doing that. Anyway, we're fine. I know this is the right decision. -- Anita -- -- SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS. |
#7
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sad about nanny
In message , Andrea
writes Andrea mom of 5 - latest addition Kamron David 11 weeks old weighing 15 pounds 10 ozs. Andrea, your sig always makes me smile because my seven & a half month daughter weighs 15 lb 10 also and I always think what good milk you must have to got where mine is in eleven weeks :-) -- Mogget, the Churl in the Puce Greatcoat |
#8
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sad about nanny
Andrea mom of 5 - latest addition Kamron David 11 weeks old weighing 15
pounds 10 ozs. Andrea, your sig always makes me smile because my seven & a half month daughter weighs 15 lb 10 also and I always think what good milk you must have to got where mine is in eleven weeks :-) it makes me jealous, my son is 13 weeks old today, the doc saw us this morning and should know roughly how old he is but thought he was only 9 weeks, and last week my husband took him on to the postnatal ward to pick up some formula when I was in hospital, as he was leaving he was told he couldn't take the baby of the ward, at 12 weeks he had been mistaken for a newborn who was on the ward, they do say smaller one are cuter, but sometimes (and I know this is really silly) I feel a failure as a woman, bad at growing babies inside and not much good at getting them to put on weight outside. |
#9
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sad about nanny
Anne Rogers wrote:
Andrea mom of 5 - latest addition Kamron David 11 weeks old weighing 15 pounds 10 ozs. Andrea, your sig always makes me smile because my seven & a half month daughter weighs 15 lb 10 also and I always think what good milk you must have to got where mine is in eleven weeks :-) it makes me jealous, my son is 13 weeks old today, the doc saw us this morning and should know roughly how old he is but thought he was only 9 weeks, and last week my husband took him on to the postnatal ward to pick up some formula when I was in hospital, as he was leaving he was told he couldn't take the baby of the ward, at 12 weeks he had been mistaken for a newborn who was on the ward, they do say smaller one are cuter, but sometimes (and I know this is really silly) I feel a failure as a woman, bad at growing babies inside and not much good at getting them to put on weight outside. I firget how much my daughter weighed at 13 weeks, but at 1 year she weighed 17 lbs. She's now almost 15 and a beautiful girl and weighs a lot more than that! babies grow at their own rate. My daughter for the first three years was always the smallest and now she is one of the taller girls in her class. Marion Baumgarten |
#10
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sad about nanny
In message ,
Anne Rogers writes it makes me jealous, my son is 13 weeks old today, the doc saw us this morning and should know roughly how old he is but thought he was only 9 weeks, and last week my husband took him on to the postnatal ward to pick up some formula when I was in hospital, as he was leaving he was told he couldn't take the baby of the ward, at 12 weeks he had been mistaken for a newborn who was on the ward, they do say smaller one are cuter, but sometimes (and I know this is really silly) I feel a failure as a woman, bad at growing babies inside and not much good at getting them to put on weight outside. I believe there's nothing wrong with small babies. I think it might be an advantage in some ways - eg easier for the mum to heft, and when the baby begins to toddle, a small light baby won't hurt himself so much when he falls over. -- Mogget, the Churl in the Puce Greatcoat |
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