upset at nanny -- vent

Dawn Lawson wrote:

Emily wrote:

Sorry gotta jump in here. The inference wasn't "reads Chinese therefore
doesn't speak English fluently" but rather "reads only Chinese therefore
probably doesn't speak English fluently". I suspect it's very rare for
someone who is literate in one language (esp. one that requires learning
3000+ individual characters for literacy) to speak another language
very fluently without being able to read it (esp. one that has a
[roughly] sound-based writing system).

I don't suspect it's rare at all, but YMMV. However, I don't think
there's been anything to say that the nanny DOES speak English fluently,
since Anita speaks Chinese fluently. (which seems to be escaping some
in this thread)

Because Anita posts here in English and her nanny reads only Chinese
needn't mean there must be a language barrier between them. [...]

Yeah, what Dawn said. I hired this nanny not just
because she spoke (Mandarin) Chinese, but also because
she had the same accent (pseudo-Beijing) I have, and
also for the very reason that her English is so poor
that Pillbug (once he starts speaking) won't be able
to get away with using English. I really want him to
know how to speak Chinese, but because DH (who is
white -- Irish-American) doesn't speak Chinese and
he and I communicate only in English, it would be very
difficult for Pillbug to pick up Chinese (since my parents
are far away). (Whew, how about those two run-on
sentences in a row!)

Dawn (who'd be screwed if Anita posted here in Chinese ;-) My Cantonese
is at least as bad as my Mandarin, which is to say...non-existant.)

I tried, but my news reader doesn't have the proper
font.

-- Anita --
--
SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST
TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE
POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE
MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS.

(Elizabeth Reid) wrote in message

Nikki, have I ever formally thanked you for how much hope your
posts about Hunter's early habits have given me over the
last 18 months? :-)

Beth (thanks! really!)

Nope but I'm glad they do :-) Hunter was my first so I accepted his
behavior as fairly normal but he was really an outlyer on the bell
curve to say the least ;-) With him I really just gave in and did
what he needed for the most part (with a couple rough patches - such
is life ;-) and didn't worry about it, and it worked. I think you'll
know if you are just meeting his needs as an individual or if you are
creating a not so great kid. It was hard for me to trust that
judgement in myself at first but now I do and Hunter is only 4 so you
will find that place too. What we have discovered though is that when
we see something differently about the kids it really does help to
discuss it. Often times he neglects to teach Hunter appropriate
behavior because he views it as scolding and sometimes I am to
impatient with Luke or have expectations he can't meet and he helps me
see that giving in to thing xyz is really the best route to go. It
took us a long time to get to this spot but it is much nicer now that
we are here.

--

Nikki

Emily wrote in message news:MtNXb.39969

are the happy, together households as happy and together
if the mom has a hard pregnancy? Does the community help out
in that case? What about with a newborn in the house? ... although
actually I'm thinking that newborns have got to be easier than
toddlers in many ways!)

This is an interesting discussion. The differences between the two
are very complex IMO. As far as the above, some personality types
react to a change in routine differently. My dh and I are good
examples. If some unforseen thing happens I immediately try to figure
out how to deal with it, how to make it better, fix it, whatever. I
try to plan my life so that if something unexpecyted happens...I'll
have some sort of net or cushion. Dh never thinks of the future ever,
and if something happens he basically just starts moving in circles
completely mired down and unable to do anything constructive. If both
parents are like that, there is trouble :-) I know some couples where
both people are like that. It isn't always pretty ;-)

--

Nikki

"Marie" wrote in message
|
| My best friend started graduate school last semester, taking one
| class, and this semester she has 3 or 4. Her son is 14 months old. She
says it's hard to get the time to study and do homework because of the baby.
Her mother also watches him for her, though I will start watching him
occasionally in a couple of months.

Wow, I can't imagine doing grad school with a little one. Thankfully the
time I get up there, he'll be older, in school, probably able to not have to
sit in my lap all day :-)

| That is tough! I got pregnant my senior year and my due date was the day
of graduation (I lasted two more weeks ;o) When that daughter was 6 weeks
old, I went back to work at McD's (making $5.50 which back then was pretty
good for fast food) and also started college. I didn't make it to the end of
that first semester, I quit when my daughter was about 5.5 months old, I had
failed every class but medical terminology. Everyone was telling me it was
the best thing for me to do but it was horrible! I think the reason it was
so much better the second time I went, even with an extra kid, was because I
matured, I wanted to go, and I had a husband. I think if I were to do it
over I'd have either only done college, or only worked, but not both. It was
too much *for me*.

I apparently got pregnant right before graduation. Thankfully I was
graduating a year early or I'd have been going to highschool with a baby...
and that would have been the worst for me. We don't have the privledge of
having schools that allow for moms to do what they need to for their
children (IE Pump if they're nursing). Went to college through my pregnancy
though. I was able to do school adn work when I wasn't 'mommy' but not
afterwards. Course, the only way I get away with not working is because I
have a baby and I'm going to school LOL. I know if I had waited any longer
to go back to school, I probably would never have done it... wouldnt' have
been able to get back in the groove of things.

|
| Well good luck keeping it there ;o) It's hard work going to school! You
only have about 3 years to go for your RN, right? I think the RN program at
our tech college here is 2 years, and depending on how many prerequisites
you have it can be an extra year.
| Marie

Amazing how little you can get done in 2 days. LOL. Still behind, but not
as much so. The RN program is 2 years, I've been doing pre-reqs for 4
semesters now (spread out) So I'll get a 2 year degree after 4 years. LOL
Thanks for the luck!

Cadie and Aries

"Nina" wrote in message
...
| i got a degree in computer science
| i was a single mother of a toddler and an autistic
| grade school child
| it was hard,nearky killed me
| my sister became an rn with 3 kids,one born while she was in
| her last year and then she became single again
| its hard, but possible eve in some realllllly hard situations
| good luck and best wishes!


Thank you :-) Always nice to hear success stories.

--
Cadie and Aries
"XOR" wrote in message
om...
| "Mom2Aries" wrote in message
news:HeSWb.17094$uV3.36334@attbi_s51...
|
| At my college, most of the people are just out of highschool, but then
| again, so am I. Only difference is, tehre biggest problem is if Johnny
will
| call them again... mine is whether or not I'm spending enough time with
my
| son and enough time on school work, and will I have money for diapers
this
| week? I'm 18, and get told I could just put it off until he's older,
and
| even got chastized for choosing to better myself (like you I did bad in
| highschool, only I barely passed with a 2.0... but I have a 3.4 in
college)
| told I was a bad mother for leaving him to go to school. I didn't leave
him
| until he was a little over 6 months old, and was nver gone for him for
| longer than 4 hours at a time, and got to play with him for an hour or 4
| between classes.
|
|
| Cadie,
|
| I've not been in your situation and I don't envy you, school is hard
| enough without having a child in the mix. But just want to say hats
| off to you! Stick with it. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for
| doing it. You ARE bettering yourself and as a result doing something
| for your child and he will be the better for it. I'm so impressed by
| people such as yourself, it takes a lot of courage and energy to do
| what you're doing. In the long run, it'll pay off - not just in income
| but in personal satisfaction, and your child will be happier if you're
| happy with your life too.
|
| FWIW a very dear friend of mine had 2 kids by 22, was divorced, no
| help from the father but family was nearby and decided to go to
| university (in Australia where older students were very much not the
| norm). She eventually finished her first degree and worked for 10
| years, then decided to do a PhD in her late 30s. She is absolutely
| amazing. It *was* very hard for her, and people often told her not to
| bother, but she stuck it out and is doing very well. Her sons are
| incredibly proud of her and she is one of the most devoted mothers I
| know...and she just became a grandmother .
|
| btw - if medical school is your goal, you don't *need* to become an RN
| first. Not that it's not a good idea if you *want* to be an RN and
| that will provide you with some income for awhile. But you can also
| consider working your degree towards pre-medical requirements and
| applying to medical school sooner. Being an RN isn't really a step
| towards becoming an MD, it IS an end in itself and very worthwhile
| one, but you needn't do one to do the other, esp if you know NOW.
|
| Good luck. I love to hear of people like you.


:-) Thank you. Energy... I have none of that. Personal satisfaction is a
definite goal. This is something I wanted since I was like... 4 :-)

Oh I know I don't need to become an RN first. But I know I can't afford
school on my own, and bigger schools cost more than what the community
college does. So since I will have to transfer and get my Bachelors, I
figure I'll get my RN, work for a while, then get my bachelors... paying for
it with money I've saved from working... then probably continuing to work
some more, then pay for med school with that money. LOL. Did that make
sense? That and becoming and RN may possibly help me a lot in medical
school, I can get through what I'm doing now... but hands on work is a lot
easier for me to get to understanding things.

Cadie and Aries

| I personally was done with school long before I had kids. Dh was in
| school though. He feels like it was harder to be in school then to
| work. As a family it was harder to have him in school then work.
| Financially of course it was much much harder because all the money
| goes out and none comes in ;-).
|
| --
|
| Nikki

Oh I love that, don't you? My fiancee just makes enough to cover the bills
and every now and then have a few bucks left over for a treat. Thankfully
nurses are in high demand here, so when I get my degree, I can make a bit of
money... more than what we're getting now.

Although we are planning a family vacation... gonna spend those tax dollars.

Cadie and Aries

Sorry it took me a while to get back to this, I'm always worse
at replying to posts when they take thought. :-)

Dawn Lawson wrote in message news:FFhXb.493078$X%5.387805@pd7tw2no...

Why do you think he gets so upset? Does anything work to calm him? Can
you gradually build up the time you can have him calm (or even just
slightly pouty ;-) )?

He actually was handling being thwarted much better this weekend,
so it seems to sort of go in phases that have a lot to do with
how well he's sleeping/eating etc. As to why he gets so upset, I
think that's a big part of it - just his general level of well-being
at any time. If he's feeling okay and I don't pick him up the
second he wants, he'll complain for a minute but then get diverted
onto something else. When he's not feeling okay (and by that I
don't necessarily mean sick, when I of course cut him a lot of
slack) he has much less buffer space between satisfaction and
screaming fits. What I don't know is what exactly is going
into these 'not okay' periods.

But I recognize that this completely has the
potential to get ugly down the road. I feel exactly the
way I did when I was trying to use the No Cry Sleep Solution
to help him to sleep. I don't know if he's the one for whom
gentle transitions don't work well or if I am.

how did you feel then? what worked instead?

Well, honestly, what worked was cold turkey CIO. I know
that's very unpopular here and that there are reasons for
that, but in my son's case it seemed to me (and I really do mean
'seemed') that the more gradual transition wasn't gently
extinguishing his need to have me there while he slept, but
actually exaggerating it because it was drawing out the
process of putting him down to sleep. When I started just
putting him down, saying "Night-night, sleepy time now" and
leaving, he gave every indication that he got it almost
immediately, whereas during my attempt at NCSS it seemed
like it was mostly making him confused and anxious about when
exactly I was going to try to detach from him.

Again, though, this is sort of how *my* personality tends to
work, so I don't know if I'm seeing inherited tendencies here
or if I'm just projecting.

I have to admire that you are looking at it this way, actually. I do
find it is kind of a weird time around here, where one hour is infant
and the next young child. I *do* know one Type 1 family that had two
difficult children (the middle one was and is extremely
placid)...perhaps I will ask the mum what worked for her. They are the
best behaved kids I know, and I hugely admire their parenting style,
which is the quietest, calmest I have ever seen. (*and* their house is
spotless ;-) )

If you could arrange to have the parents give some sort of
seminar, I'd go. :-) No, really, I'd love to know what works
for her.

I think at least in my case as a Type 2 (I agree that these
designations are kinda silly but there they are) part of the
problem is my general level of distractibility. I have no
idea if there's anything clinically wrong with me, but I
do know that I'm on the high end of the scale when it comes
to distractibility and disorganization. This has all kinds
of ramifications (such as a generally, er, non-spotless house)
but it may be harder for people like me to do two things at
once, such as attend to a child and do another task at the
same time. I think I also tend to a lot of wasted effort at
some tasks, which also increases the difficulty level of
everything.

So I think part of it may actually be parental personality
types. However, given your comments about some *communities*
having certain tendencies it seems as though there's more
going on.

I guess for me, that sort of thing was never an option, since if I
didn't cook I went hungry and as soon as DS was eating solids more than
nursing, so would he if I didn't cook.

Well, I went hungry if I didn't cook too, but I tended (and
still tend) to 'cook' convenience food way more than I'd
like. It's not all that hard to toast bread and put cheese
on it, and I can eat that kind of thing almost indefinitely,
but it's not the kind of cooking I wish I were doing.

Like we were saying at some point, there's also the idea of tasks as
part of the pattern of life, and tasks as separate and distinct things.
(I'm really not writing well tonight, bear with me) Obviously for
you, supper is a task that doesn't mesh well with your pattern, at least
not right now.

I'm not completely sure I follow the idea that the Type 1 families are
committed to things other than child care, maybe because the idea of a
pattern of life fits so well with how I see things in the families that
I can't quite tease out what they do that isn't just all part of child
and/or family care, iykwim.

Hmm. Maybe it's not so much that they're committed to things
other than child care, but that for them doing these other things
is a much more important feature of child care?

Things are not always sunshine and light in the Type 1 families, but
I've known several of them long enough to go through some troubles and
tragedies with them, and the general tone stays very constant. There is
an extremely strong sense of community too, which probably helps and
which I think a lot of Type 2 families are lacking (myself included in
*that* part of it, I'm afraid, and I miss it very much from when I was
more like a part of the Type 1 family community)

I'm sure that makes a huge difference. It's kind of a cause
and effect thing though, because it may be that Type 1 families
put a much higher premium on community building.

Beth

In article ,
(Elizabeth Reid) wrote:

He actually was handling being thwarted much better this weekend,
so it seems to sort of go in phases that have a lot to do with
how well he's sleeping/eating etc.

I think the amount of food and sleep toddlers get affects their temper
substantially. I am lucky in that DS still has a sleep every afternoon,
though he's about to turn 3. And I invariably notice a deterioration in
behaviour if he's not fed on time! Try increasing the size of his morning and
afternoon teas and see if he's less annoying as a result.

snip

I think at least in my case as a Type 2 (I agree that these
designations are kinda silly but there they are) part of the
problem is my general level of distractibility. I have no
idea if there's anything clinically wrong with me, but I
do know that I'm on the high end of the scale when it comes
to distractibility and disorganization. This has all kinds
of ramifications (such as a generally, er, non-spotless house)
but it may be harder for people like me to do two things at
once, such as attend to a child and do another task at the
same time. I think I also tend to a lot of wasted effort at
some tasks, which also increases the difficulty level of
everything.

Well, Flylady.net is working for me. When DS was about 6 months old I
realised that I was just wandering randomly from one task to another, leaving
half of them undone, because I had total mummy brain. Hit the net, found
Flylady, and am now a lot closer to the Type 1 parents than I thought
possible! Going to work part-time hasn't changed that, either. Because my
mind has been freed from making mental notes about having to do various tasks,
I can concentrate more on enjoying my time with DS, and so perhaps I can be
more creative about involving him with necessary activities.

I also have a reading enthusiast, and limit story-reading to brackets of
three, and also limit the number of times I reread a book in a day. Then we
get up and do something together. If you like, post about particular
activities you're finding difficult -- someone here is bound to have a way of
involving their children in it.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the astonishing
creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider one*
grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc

In article MtNXb.39969$jk2.88777@attbi_s53, Emily
wrote:

(One of the messiest things about my house these days are those
tupperwares... They're never truly clean because they're always
being played with, but we just use them anyway. *sigh*)

They can't be THAT dirty from just being played with on the floor!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the astonishing
creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider one*
grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc