Toddler qs - daycare, new baby, et.c - long!

This is going to encompass several different issues/questions, so
please bear with me!

Some background: DS is 2.75, and I just had baby #2 last week, so
everything I post is influenced by that.

Dayca DS had been going to the same small home-based dcp since he
was 10 weeks old. I like her for a lot of stuff, but lately have been
wanting to make a change, largely to get a little more structure for
ds. The idea was that we would make the switch after my maternity
leave is over. We still haven't figured out exactly what we want to
do, since I want something a little more structured for ds, but also
want to put dd at the same place, which might not need the same
characteristics. Ideally, I'd like dd to get more personal attention
than she'd get at a center, (which is why I picked home-based for ds
in the first place), so I'd probably want to do another home-based one
for dd. One thought is to put ds at the same place, but supplement
with preschool. I'm also not sure if I'll be going back PT or FT,
which complicates matters as well.

My plan for maternity leave was that I would pull ds from daycare, and
signed up for story time at the library (once a week for 6 weeks). I
also planned to sign up for a Mommy & me once a week thing at the park
district, but the chance to register for out of district was late, and
I got busy and haven't been able to sign up. (I can't remember if it
has started yet - I might still be able to get in). I have to admit,
I got a little distracted from some of these issues because we
suddenly had to replace both of our junior level staff at our mom &
pop architecture firm, and we were busy freaking/hiring on that issue!

Getting to the stuff going on...

DS usually liked going to daycare, but sometimes protested. However,
9 times out of 10, as soon as we got there, he would go find something
to do and be fine. However, since dd was born, he has not wanted to
go there at all. My MIL brought hime there while I was in the
hospital (so she could go to work) and he didn't want to go. Then,
today, the plan was to go to story time, and then he would go to
daycare for a while so I could get a little bit of time just with the
baby. (That part was a later addition to the original plan.) If that
worked out, we were thinking of doing a little bit of more daycare
during my leave.

Anyhow, we went to storytime. (Originally, that was going to be the
focus of this post, but I realized there are a lot more issues going
on.) He was excited to go, but didn't want to settle down. I kind of
expected that - he's not very good about following directions. The
other kids (18-36 months, IIRC) mainly were sitting still and
following directions, though of course, not entirely. Part of my
original question is: what shoud my expectations be for that? I'm
not sure if the kids were more cooperative because that was
self-selected (i.e., the parents signed them up because they though
they had the right attitude or whatever) or whether I need to get more
on the ball about getting ds to follow directions.

Ds will sometimes do what you ask - bring a dishcloth to wipe up
spills, for instance, but OTOH, he is very headstrong and I probably
let him get away with too much because I can only deal with so many
things at one time. So, for instance, I can occassionally get him to
help put away toys, but I have to be helping him.

So, anyhow, I'm trying to figure out a bunch of things.

What are reasonable expectations for cooperation from a 2.75 yr old?

What is the best sort of daycare/preschool for a kid like mine?

How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house, and having to share
mommy's attention? (Fortunately, dd sleeps a lot, so I've been able
to give ds a lot of attention, but sometimes he does have to wait.
Also, it's been a bit chaotic, with people visiting like my MIL, my
sister and mom, etc, so he's getting a lot of attention, but also
feels very needy for mom.)

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to talk about what happened after storytime.
The whole time, he had been complaining - he didn't want to sit, he
didn't want to stay, he didn't want to go to daycare afterwards. We
did find a few videos to check out, but when I got to the checkout, I
realized my library card wasn't in my purse. That prompted a meltdown
like I haven't seen in months, mainly about not wanting to go to
daycare. I finally got him calmed down, and we went to the car. I
took him to daycare, largely because he doesn't get things from
tantrums is a big policy of ours, and also not to change the plan.

Anyhow, dd is waking up. So - help!!

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
& Gwendolyn 4/8/04

I'm not sure if the kids were more cooperative because that was
self-selected (i.e., the parents signed them up because they though
they had the right attitude or whatever)

Possibly. I know my boys wouldn't sit still for storytime so they don't go.
My daughter would so she did.

or whether I need to get more
on the ball about getting ds to follow directions.

Tough one. My boys aren't so good at that. They have to be told several
times, but so does my daughter lately. You can work on it but I wouldn't
stress over it.

What are reasonable expectations for cooperation from a 2.75 yr old?

I think at that age they're better when you do it with them, or show them.
I personally think at his age he can help pick up toys. Luckily I don't have
to help him, his brother and sister do that - lol. They also sing a clean
up song, that goes over well with the 2.4 yr old.


What is the best sort of daycare/preschool for a kid like mine?

I don't know what the *best* is but my kids started at 2.2 yrs and 2.9 yrs
(whenever they were right for the cut-off - #3 will go this Fall at 2.8 yrs
old) at a 2 morning a week (8:30 to 11:30) drop-off toddler group. They
need to be around other kids, away from me, listen to a teacher, and I need
the break from them honestly.

How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house, and having to share
mommy's attention?

I would have done it before the baby was born. I would just do it. To an
extent I'm a big beleiver in "they'll get over it".

(Fortunately, dd sleeps a lot, so I've been able
to give ds a lot of attention, but sometimes he does have to wait.

Well, patience and waiting are good things to learn

Also, it's been a bit chaotic, with people visiting like my MIL, my
sister and mom, etc, so he's getting a lot of attention, but also
feels very needy for mom.)

Natural.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to talk about what happened after storytime.
The whole time, he had been complaining - he didn't want to sit, he
didn't want to stay, he didn't want to go to daycare afterwards. We
did find a few videos to check out, but when I got to the checkout, I
realized my library card wasn't in my purse. That prompted a meltdown
like I haven't seen in months, mainly about not wanting to go to
daycare. I finally got him calmed down, and we went to the car.

Is he tired? Or was it just a good old tantrum?

I
took him to daycare, largely because he doesn't get things from
tantrums is a big policy of ours, and also not to change the plan.

Good for you!


Anyhow, dd is waking up. So - help!!

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
& Gwendolyn 4/8/04

{{hugs}} It gets better

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

"Irene" wrote in message
om...
This is going to encompass several different issues/questions, so
please bear with me!

Some background: DS is 2.75, and I just had baby #2 last week, so
everything I post is influenced by that.

Dayca DS had been going to the same small home-based dcp since he
was 10 weeks old. I like her for a lot of stuff, but lately have been
wanting to make a change, largely to get a little more structure for
ds. The idea was that we would make the switch after my maternity
leave is over. We still haven't figured out exactly what we want to
do, since I want something a little more structured for ds, but also
want to put dd at the same place, which might not need the same
characteristics. Ideally, I'd like dd to get more personal attention
than she'd get at a center, (which is why I picked home-based for ds
in the first place), so I'd probably want to do another home-based one
for dd. One thought is to put ds at the same place, but supplement
with preschool. I'm also not sure if I'll be going back PT or FT,
which complicates matters as well.

My plan for maternity leave was that I would pull ds from daycare, and
signed up for story time at the library (once a week for 6 weeks). I
also planned to sign up for a Mommy & me once a week thing at the park
district, but the chance to register for out of district was late, and
I got busy and haven't been able to sign up. (I can't remember if it
has started yet - I might still be able to get in). I have to admit,
I got a little distracted from some of these issues because we
suddenly had to replace both of our junior level staff at our mom &
pop architecture firm, and we were busy freaking/hiring on that issue!

Getting to the stuff going on...

DS usually liked going to daycare, but sometimes protested. However,
9 times out of 10, as soon as we got there, he would go find something
to do and be fine. However, since dd was born, he has not wanted to
go there at all. My MIL brought hime there while I was in the
hospital (so she could go to work) and he didn't want to go. Then,
today, the plan was to go to story time, and then he would go to
daycare for a while so I could get a little bit of time just with the
baby. (That part was a later addition to the original plan.) If that
worked out, we were thinking of doing a little bit of more daycare
during my leave.

Anyhow, we went to storytime. (Originally, that was going to be the
focus of this post, but I realized there are a lot more issues going
on.) He was excited to go, but didn't want to settle down. I kind of
expected that - he's not very good about following directions. The
other kids (18-36 months, IIRC) mainly were sitting still and
following directions, though of course, not entirely. Part of my
original question is: what shoud my expectations be for that? I'm
not sure if the kids were more cooperative because that was
self-selected (i.e., the parents signed them up because they though
they had the right attitude or whatever) or whether I need to get more
on the ball about getting ds to follow directions.

Ds will sometimes do what you ask - bring a dishcloth to wipe up
spills, for instance, but OTOH, he is very headstrong and I probably
let him get away with too much because I can only deal with so many
things at one time. So, for instance, I can occassionally get him to
help put away toys, but I have to be helping him.

So, anyhow, I'm trying to figure out a bunch of things.

What are reasonable expectations for cooperation from a 2.75 yr old?

What is the best sort of daycare/preschool for a kid like mine?

How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house, and having to share
mommy's attention?

YOu shouldn't push it..but don't be more realxed about it either. He needs
to know you are still paying attention to him and that he still needs to
clean up ( more so now that you have a baby to look after). Yes it is an
adjustment but just because it is an adjustment doesn't mean he gets to
slack off to adjust. He has to understand that you are not going to let him
use that against you...( without telling him in those words)...keep doing
what you have always done, don't push more....just the same as before.


(Fortunately, dd sleeps a lot, so I've been able
to give ds a lot of attention, but sometimes he does have to wait.
Also, it's been a bit chaotic, with people visiting like my MIL, my
sister and mom, etc, so he's getting a lot of attention, but also
feels very needy for mom.)

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to talk about what happened after storytime.
The whole time, he had been complaining - he didn't want to sit, he
didn't want to stay, he didn't want to go to daycare afterwards. We
did find a few videos to check out, but when I got to the checkout, I
realized my library card wasn't in my purse. That prompted a meltdown
like I haven't seen in months, mainly about not wanting to go to
daycare. I finally got him calmed down, and we went to the car. I
took him to daycare, largely because he doesn't get things from
tantrums is a big policy of ours, and also not to change the plan.

Anyhow, dd is waking up. So - help!!

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
& Gwendolyn 4/8/04

(Irene) wrote in message . com...
This is going to encompass several different issues/questions, so
please bear with me!

Some background: DS is 2.75, and I just had baby #2 last week, so
everything I post is influenced by that.

Dayca DS had been going to the same small home-based dcp since he
was 10 weeks old. I like her for a lot of stuff, but lately have been
wanting to make a change, largely to get a little more structure for
ds. The idea was that we would make the switch after my maternity
leave is over. We still haven't figured out exactly what we want to
do, since I want something a little more structured for ds, but also
want to put dd at the same place, which might not need the same
characteristics. Ideally, I'd like dd to get more personal attention
than she'd get at a center, (which is why I picked home-based for ds
in the first place), so I'd probably want to do another home-based one
for dd. One thought is to put ds at the same place, but supplement
with preschool. I'm also not sure if I'll be going back PT or FT,
which complicates matters as well.

Given your desire to have both kids attend the same daycare and the
fact that the baby needs the kind of care you know the current
provider gives well (I assume you're happy with her), plus the fact
that your son is having some adjustment issues, sounds to me like
staying with the current provider but supplementing with preschool
might be a good way to go. However, how will he get to and from the
preschool? Could the provider take care of that?

DS usually liked going to daycare, but sometimes protested. However,
9 times out of 10, as soon as we got there, he would go find something
to do and be fine. However, since dd was born, he has not wanted to
go there at all.

It's really normal for kids that age to get their backs up when a new
baby arrives. What a radical change in his life, one over which he has
no control. I think most kids that age, and especially those who just
got new competition in the house, would say they wanted to stay home
with mom rather than be away from her all day if they felt they had a
choice. From what you describe, he does have a choice right now
(during your leave) and he probably intuits that.

So, anyhow, I'm trying to figure out a bunch of things.

What are reasonable expectations for cooperation from a 2.75 yr old?

I think most kids that age can sit still for storytime (and he'll need
to be able to if he goes to preschool), BUT it needs to be done right
(i.e., the right book, the right-size book so all can see it well, the
right reader, the right number of kids) and they need to not be
stressed out and feeling needy. I wouldn't expect much voluntary
cleaning up, except what gets done on a whim, from kids in that age
group. Pick one small task you really will make him do, e.g., "put
those 10 books into a pile for me" or "put all the matchbox cars in
that one area back into the box".

How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house, and having to share
mommy's attention?

I would avoid pushing *new* things, but I also would not backslide on
existing behavior standards. However, I would be a bit kinder and
gentler in my discipline, as he is clearly, and quite understandably,
going through a major and somewhat tough change.

I would pick a course of action about daycare and stick with it. I
don't think it's fair to him to one day have him stay home but one day
send him to daycare -- unless that had been planned out in advance and
he knew about it, like, "You'll go to daycare Tuesdays and Thursdays
but stay home MWFs."

He doesn't want to go right now, and you don't need him to go, so why
not indulge him for, say, 2 weeks, if not the entire leave? Tell him
you're going to keep him home entirely for x weeks and plan to make
that time fun for you guys. Go to the playground, the zoo, the nat.
history museum, etc. -- places he doesn't need to sit still. Think of
it as a little mommy-and-son vacation, which it really is. Make it
clear to him that you're going to be returning to work soon and that
then, of course, he'll be going back to daycare. Maybe mention how he
could start preschool in the fall -- won't that be fun?! (But if this
will stress him out rather than excite him, don't tell him until this
adjustment period is over.)

You pick the date on which he goes back part time or full time, weeks
or months from now, but try to take his desire into account for the
intervening time, since you can. Once the plan is made, tell him what
it is. Then, let him know as the time for him to return approaches, so
he is prepared. The fewer surprises the better; the more control he
feels he has, the better (given that he actually has very little
control over anything -- I'm not advocating you letting your toddler
rule the house or make daycare decisions for you).

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to talk about what happened after storytime.
The whole time, he had been complaining - he didn't want to sit, he
didn't want to stay, he didn't want to go to daycare afterwards. We
did find a few videos to check out, but when I got to the checkout, I
realized my library card wasn't in my purse. That prompted a meltdown
like I haven't seen in months, mainly about not wanting to go to
daycare. I finally got him calmed down, and we went to the car. I
took him to daycare, largely because he doesn't get things from
tantrums is a big policy of ours, and also not to change the plan.

Sure, sounds fine. But, like I said, a little extra TLC is also in
order right now, IMO. He is trying to tell you something with the
tantrums. Are you listening and making sure he knows you're listening?
(Maybe not on the spot, since tantrums are obnoxious and should not be
rewarded, but later.)

My son was 3.25 when his sister was born, and he was so angry at me
for about a month. But then it passed and I really forgot that he'd
ever been like that until I met a woman with a newborn about a year
later who lamented that her son had acted like he hated her ever since
the baby was born. The moral of this story is that these tough early
times really do generally pass, and pretty fast, if handled right (and
probably even if not handled right!). Again, I would try to make your
time home together special. The baby can probably mostly just come
along with whatever you two do. After all, under normal circumstances,
you two don't see each other all day during the week. He doesn't need
structured activity like storytimes right now if it's not fun for him.
Let this time when he got a new sister be a good time for him to
remember (for as long as the memory lasts). Good luck!

Irene wrote:

Dayca DS had been going to the same small home-based dcp since he
was 10 weeks old. I like her for a lot of stuff, but lately have been
wanting to make a change, largely to get a little more structure for
ds.

If structure is the only concern you have, your son liked it there, and you
think she provides good baby care I'd probably try the idea of staying with
her and adding preschool. It never hurts to look around though. You might
find a really good alternative.

DS usually liked going to daycare, but sometimes protested. However,
9 times out of 10, as soon as we got there, he would go find something
to do and be fine. However, since dd was born, he has not wanted to
go there at all.

I think that is fairly normal. Also, if Luke had less then 3 days a week of
daycare he'd fall apart on daycare days so he may need daycare to be a
consistent and predictable part of his routine to feel OK with it. By the
time Luke was a little over 2 he'd sometimes say he wanted to go to daycare,
Hunter never does. He'd *always* choose to stay home so I never ever ask
him.

Part of my
original question is: what should my expectations be for that? (snipped
story time explanation)

Neither of mine would have been still for story time at that age, especially
not Luke. Hunter might have been because he was to shy to move, lol. We've
taken Luke to Hunter's story time and he is all over the place.

So, for instance, I can occasionally get him to
help put away toys, but I have to be helping him.

This sounds very normal to me for a less then 3yo.

How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house,

I wouldn't loosen up on my expectations at home necessarily but if he isn't
enjoying story time I'd quit it. Actually we even did that for Hunter who
was much older. Unless you need him to go to daycare I wouldn't worry about
it and let him stay home until you go back to work. If you do need him to
go I might have him go 3 mornings a week or something so it is consistent
and predictable for him.

That prompted a meltdown
like I haven't seen in months, mainly about not wanting to go to
daycare.

Some kids can go from zero to 100 in two seconds can't they! Hunter was so
sleep deprived when Luke was a newborn it wasn't even funny. Could that be
an issue? That could lead to inability to be still and attentive,
meltdowns, cranky, whiny etc. Luke was tired tonight and he had a fit
because I laid the toast down in an incorrect position.

It will get better. In the mean time I wouldn't ask anything new and
unusual from him and continue on with reasonable expectations for behavior
at home. I did a swimming class with Hunter on my maternity leave because I
thought it would be some extra attention for just him. It was but in
hindsight I think he'd have rather I just laid around on the bed with him or
went for a walk or something. They aren't really into activities or events
at that age. He'll likely have more *moments* and just try to be patient
and maybe an extra hug when it is all over.
--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

"Nikki" wrote in message ...
Irene wrote:

Dayca DS had been going to the same small home-based dcp since he
was 10 weeks old. I like her for a lot of stuff, but lately have been
wanting to make a change, largely to get a little more structure for
ds.

If structure is the only concern you have, your son liked it there, and you
think she provides good baby care I'd probably try the idea of staying with
her and adding preschool. It never hurts to look around though. You might
find a really good alternative.

Part of the problem is that there are a few things I'm starting to not
like as much anymore. Mainly, a little too much tv, and dcp's son
(age 23, with mild learning disorders) lets him roughouse a little too
much, which is encouraging more aggressive behavior than I would like.
Not that our household is perfect in that regard - dh is a bad
influence. g Ok, and I've let more tv be on since dd was born, too.
So, anyhow, I'm not sure if I want ds to stay there. Otherwise, this
would be so much simpler!

I've been thinking about everything that everyone poted, and I'm still
not sure what I'm going to do. By the time I picked him up, he was
fine, and was happy to go back the next day.

How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house,

I wouldn't loosen up on my expectations at home necessarily but if he isn't
enjoying story time I'd quit it. Actually we even did that for Hunter who
was much older. Unless you need him to go to daycare I wouldn't worry about
it and let him stay home until you go back to work. If you do need him to
go I might have him go 3 mornings a week or something so it is consistent
and predictable for him.

On storytime, I haven't brought it up yet, but am considering asking
him if he wants to go back. If he wants to, we'll try it again, and
if not, we'll let it go.

Obviously, I don't *need* him to go to daycare while I'm on leave, but
dh had sugested it as a way to get a break. For instance, Friday I
went to the outlet mall & got a bunch of new clothes for ds, which he
desperately needed. That would have been a hugely exhausting trip
with both dd & ds, but easy with just dd. He also approved of my
choices, btw! Back to the point, Dcp thinks it is good for him to have
some continuity, tho of course, she also wants the money, so it's not
a completely unbiased opinion. ;-)


That prompted a meltdown
like I haven't seen in months, mainly about not wanting to go to
daycare.

Some kids can go from zero to 100 in two seconds can't they! Hunter was so
sleep deprived when Luke was a newborn it wasn't even funny. Could that be
an issue?

Amazingly enough, I think he's getting enough sleep. He isn't always
napping, but some days he is, and he's sleeping well at night (except
the first night we came home, and last night when we had a
thunderstorm with hail).

That could lead to inability to be still and attentive,
meltdowns, cranky, whiny etc. Luke was tired tonight and he had a fit
because I laid the toast down in an incorrect position.

I think part of the reason is that it's hard to get him active in the
morning with the new baby. I had wanted a later storytime, but the
latest available slot was9:30 - just barely time to get us all dressed
& fed & out of the house.

It will get better. In the mean time I wouldn't ask anything new and
unusual from him and continue on with reasonable expectations for behavior
at home. I did a swimming class with Hunter on my maternity leave because I
thought it would be some extra attention for just him. It was but in
hindsight I think he'd have rather I just laid around on the bed with him or
went for a walk or something. They aren't really into activities or events
at that age. He'll likely have more *moments* and just try to be patient
and maybe an extra hug when it is all over.

Yeah - we've only had one more meltdown since then, and this weekend
has been better.

Sigh...I just wish the right answer would get clearer. No matter
what, someone is going to make me feel guilty about it. I had meant
to really investigate my other options over the past few months, but
then we had to hire all new staff, and that took all the time I had
meant for that. :-( And of course, I always procrastinate on the
hard decisions...

Anyhow, thanks to everyone who responded, especially the hugs from
Sophie - I really needed that!

Irene the indecisive

"Irene" wrote in message
om...
"Nikki" wrote in message
...
Irene wrote:
..

Part of the problem is that there are a few things I'm starting to not
like as much anymore. Mainly, a little too much tv, and dcp's son
(age 23, with mild learning disorders) lets him roughouse a little too
much, which is encouraging more aggressive behavior than I would like.


Hmm. I say follow your instincts. Can you describe the rough-housing? I
have an almost-8 year old son, and I had to continually keep myself from
hovering over him when it comes to things like that, probably because I'm
female and just not used to it (although some are, which is perfectly fine).
I found that as my son grew from baby/toddler hood into "boy" mode he did
alot of things that I wasn't used to or expecting and it made me nervous at
times. I don't see anything wrong with a little rough-housing as boys tend
to be motor inclined and girls verbal. However, things can always be too
excessive or just "over the top", so I would just try to use my common sense
in that regard. Is the dcp's son mildly-retarded or just has mild learning
disorders such as, for example, dyslexia or something like that? I say go
with your mommy instinct. If things are looking iffy then don't send him
back.


Not that our household is perfect in that regard - dh is a bad
influence. g Ok, and I've let more tv be on since dd was born, too.
So, anyhow, I'm not sure if I want ds to stay there. Otherwise, this
would be so much simpler!

Honestly, I say go with the tv while you're all adjusting and dd is so small
and the dust is trying to settle after the new arrival. Kind of like
everyone taking a deep breath after a big change. I'm not saying plop him
in front of it every chance you get, but if he's watching more while you're
on mat. leave, then don't stress about it.



I've been thinking about everything that everyone poted, and I'm still
not sure what I'm going to do. By the time I picked him up, he was
fine, and was happy to go back the next day.

I don't know the perfect answer for this, but if it were me, then I would
not have made him go the day he had a meltdown. I can of course see his
point of view, you are home with new baby and you are new baby's mommy too
and he feels like he's missing out which is understandable from his POV. I
guess I am a sucker because I would have let him stay home, I think it was
his two year old way of trying to tell you something. It sounds more like
he was panicking then throwing a temper tantrum to get his way. I think
there is a difference.



How much should I push things right now, since he is in the middle of
the huge adjustment of a new baby in the house,

I wouldn't push anything at all. I would just go with the flow and probably
let alot of things slide for the time being.



Obviously, I don't *need* him to go to daycare while I'm on leave, but
dh had sugested it as a way to get a break. For instance, Friday I
went to the outlet mall & got a bunch of new clothes for ds, which he
desperately needed. That would have been a hugely exhausting trip
with both dd & ds, but easy with just dd.

Would there be any way you could go shopping for clothes after DH gets home?
The big outlet mall where I live doesn't close until 9.


He also approved of my
choices, btw! Back to the point, Dcp thinks it is good for him to have
some continuity, tho of course, she also wants the money, so it's not
a completely unbiased opinion. ;-)


I still say go with your gut instinct and your son's comfort level.




I think part of the reason is that it's hard to get him active in the
morning with the new baby. I had wanted a later storytime, but the
latest available slot was9:30 - just barely time to get us all dressed
& fed & out of the house.

Oh I would totally ditch storytime. I would let things like this slide
while you're on leave. Just relax, enjoy your new baby, try not to worry
about structure for right now. You could spend that 9:30 in your pj's with
DS and DD and read them stories yourself.





Yeah - we've only had one more meltdown since then, and this weekend
has been better.

He'll come around, he may be feeding off of you if you're feeling worried
about him or guilty about his structure. I would just try to be really lax
right now. Of course reasonably so, no hitting or being mean, etc.




Sigh...I just wish the right answer would get clearer. No matter
what, someone is going to make me feel guilty about it. I had meant
to really investigate my other options over the past few months, but
then we had to hire all new staff, and that took all the time I had
meant for that. :-( And of course, I always procrastinate on the
hard decisions...

I know it's tough, but don't be so hard on yourself. Just the fact that
you're so concerned shows what a good mommy you are, but I think the more
you worry about everything the more stressed everyone will get. Just relax,
let DS watch tv if it helps for the time being, make sure he's feeling
included in the new family structure. I don't think he probably cares so
much what you're doing with him when he's home but the fact that he's
included in being home with the new baby may be a good thing for him. My
ped always told me a happy mom = happy baby(babies). Now, of course, if you
are having one of those days where you feel like you're about to lose it
then of course do what you need to do to get a break. But if he's screaming
to not go, and you let him stay home, I wouldn't be worried about tv and
things like that. He gets to be home, he's occupied for the time being, and
everyone's calm.

Don't know if that helps any, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Good
luck!!

Heather





Anyhow, thanks to everyone who responded, especially the hugs from
Sophie - I really needed that!

Irene the indecisive

Irene wrote:

Part of the problem is that there are a few things I'm starting to not
like as much anymore.

All I can say is that when I was in a similar situation (starting to have
doubts about a provider I previously loved) in the end my only regret was
not switching sooner.

By the time I picked him up, he was
fine, and was happy to go back the next day.

That's the rub -- they pretty much always end up fine, lol. It just
depends on what kind of stress you'd rather have. :-) The stress of not
having the break, or the stress of taking a crying toddler to daycare!

Sigh...I just wish the right answer would get clearer. No matter
what, someone is going to make me feel guilty about it.

I know that feeling and you are probably your own worst enemy!


I had meant
to really investigate my other options over the past few months, but
then we had to hire all new staff, and that took all the time I had
meant for that. :-(

I'm always putting things off. I can't decide what I want when dh goes back
to work and so I haven't decided anything yet. He starts on May 1st. I'll
either be working till 4am every morning or taking a heck of a lot of leave
if I don't get moving!!

Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. It will all work out, it
always does. I've noticed that the toddlers only notice the way major bumps
:-)

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

(Irene) wrote in message . com...
"Nikki" wrote in message ...
Irene wrote:

Dayca DS had been going to the same small home-based dcp since he
was 10 weeks old. I like her for a lot of stuff, but lately have been
wanting to make a change, largely to get a little more structure for
ds.

If structure is the only concern you have, your son liked it there, and you
think she provides good baby care I'd probably try the idea of staying with
her and adding preschool. It never hurts to look around though. You might
find a really good alternative.

Part of the problem is that there are a few things I'm starting to not
like as much anymore. Mainly, a little too much tv,

I'm not an anti-TV fanatic by any means, but one thing I cannot abide
is paying someone to sit my son down in front of their TV. I can do
that here, for free!

Obviously, I don't *need* him to go to daycare while I'm on leave, but
dh had sugested it as a way to get a break. For instance, Friday I
went to the outlet mall & got a bunch of new clothes for ds, which he
desperately needed. That would have been a hugely exhausting trip
with both dd & ds, but easy with just dd. He also approved of my
choices, btw! Back to the point, Dcp thinks it is good for him to have
some continuity, tho of course, she also wants the money, so it's not
a completely unbiased opinion. ;-)

Continuity is a good point, as is you being able to do little things
without both a baby and a toddler in tow. Maybe you should go ahead
and schedule him for one or even two days per week -- even short days.
Just tell him about it up front and remind him the day before and the
night before etc. I was just sort of thinking, from his perspective:
The baby gets to stay home with Mommy but I have to go away from her.
WHY? And I have just heard too many moms insist on using daycare
throughout their maternity leaves as if you have to do so, which you
don't.

No wonder you're indecisive -- these are hard decisions for most of
us! I always put off the longest those decisions that are hardest to
make. Not a good practice, but emotionally unavoidable, apparently.

"Nikki" wrote in message ...
Irene wrote:

By the time I picked him up, he was
fine, and was happy to go back the next day.

That's the rub -- they pretty much always end up fine, lol. It just
depends on what kind of stress you'd rather have. :-) The stress of not
having the break, or the stress of taking a crying toddler to daycare!

Exactly!

Sigh...I just wish the right answer would get clearer. No matter
what, someone is going to make me feel guilty about it.

I know that feeling and you are probably your own worst enemy!


Ain't that the truth...;-)

I had meant
to really investigate my other options over the past few months, but
then we had to hire all new staff, and that took all the time I had
meant for that. :-(

I'm always putting things off. I can't decide what I want when dh goes back
to work and so I haven't decided anything yet. He starts on May 1st. I'll
either be working till 4am every morning or taking a heck of a lot of leave
if I don't get moving!!

I think I'm missing something - is your dh watching the kids now?

Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. It will all work out, it
always does. I've noticed that the toddlers only notice the way major bumps
:-)

One way or another...

Irene