Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

On Tue, 02 Dec 2003 08:13:45 GMT, "Jim Beaver"
wrote:

I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of you
(even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the form I
did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want to
start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that
unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of the
respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on:

My two-year-old (+ 3 mos.) has been an incredible child, mellow, outgoing,
extremely compliant yet lively and assertive. Suddenly last week, she began
having periods of near- or total hysteria--wanting to be picked up but
immediately wanting to be put down if we picked her up, asking for all kinds
of things and activities yet instantly reversing course the moment we made
any attempt to act on her request, saying "no" to everything offered or
suggested, yet also saying "no" to the withdrawal of those offers and
suggestions, asking for a bottle then pushing it away the moment it was
handed to her, all at a rising level of hysteria. None of it seemed to be
deliberately oppositional behavior. Rather it just seemed that she suddenly
had no idea whatsoever what she wanted and was asking for everything she
thought of and then rejecting it if she got it. Trying to hold her and calm
her escalated the situation immensely until she was screaming and crying
uncontrollably. Yet leaving her to her own devices or even completely
ignoring her led to similar escalation.

This certainly doesn't sound age related..

Has her caregiver changed? Could something have happened that
frightened her when you were not around?

The worst part was that she began waking up once or twice a night,
going instantly from a dead sleep to this same hysteria, and keeping
it up sometimes for a couple of hours.

Two is a common age for the beginning of nightmares. Night
Terrors is also a possibility if you think she is not really waking
up fully when you try to comfort her.


She always used to wake up at least once a night and have a bottle,
but always went quickly back to sleep, calmly. This sudden new turn
of events is not calm, nor does it include a bottle, which she now
rejects and asks for in rapid succession, but never takes. She
eventually conks out after a couple of hours, but sometimes starts
the same routine over again an hour or two later. In the past six days,
I've averaged 3.5-to 4.5 hours sleep a night, NONE of it consecutive.
I'm at my physical and mental rope's end.

((((((((((((((((((Jim)))))))))))))))))))))))

I can see why.

She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to which
she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her
normal life for a long time. When I first described the hysterics and the
"no's", a lot of people told me, "Oh, it's the terrible twos." But after
reading your many responses describing, without knowing the details of MY
situation, what YOUR idea of the TT's is, it seems to me this is something
different. Particularly the part about the sudden hysterics upon waking in
the middle of the night.

Has the dosage of the medication changed? Has anything in her diet
changed? Is her routine the same?

Have you spoken to your pediatrician about this? Perhaps there has
been a change in her body chemistry that causes a reaction to the
medication. I wouldn't presume to know if this is even possible, but
your doctor might be able to help.


Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help
me during the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly
insane from exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter.
I cannot possibly continue in the current state of affairs until she's
three or four! I'm not sure I can make Saturday.

This is a tough situation all around.

How verbal is she? Can you sit down with her when she is not
hysterical and see if you can talk to her about her feelings?

Can you ask her to draw a picture of what is making her scared?
or angry? It's awfully hard to know what to do.

Jim Beaver


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Wow. I'd say speak with her pediatrician about her behavior.
You say you're a 53-year old man with no one to help you at night. Where is
her mother? Did the mother take any drugs or alcohol while pregnant?
I ask that because we adopted our niece whose birthmother drank while
pregnant and although the child looks normal, we've had some serious
behavior problems as a result of brain damage caused by the alcohol.
One thing that our pediatrician recommended and you'll probably think I'm
crazy for recommending it to you (because I thought our ped. was crazy too)
but it really helps is caffeine. We give our daughter a half cup of coffee
in the morning and she's better for it most of the day. We started off with
cold coffee with added milk (no sugar!) and now she prefers it black.
Apparently it works somewhat like ritalin, a stimulant in adults, but has a
calming effect in prepubescent children. But you should check with your
pediatrician before doing this.
Also, you might want to check her diet. I hear processed foods can make
problems worse.
If you need respite, try to find a 24-hour daycare or a free service that
provides respite to parents. In my city, there's such a place, run by the
Salvation Army, that will take in children, no questions asked, for up to
three days for parents who need a break or can't, for whatever reason (many
are on a drug and/or alcohol binge), take care of their children.
Also, I know it's frustrating, but try to stay calm. If you're frantic,
your daughter probably senses this and in turn, becomes more frantic
herself. Put her in her crib, leave the room (she won't hurt herself), take
deep breaths and count to 10 (or higher), then go back.
Finally, my own personal experiences and thoughts on the "terrible twos"...
It's a misnomer. Most children go through such a stage, but it starts
around 2½ to nearly three and can last well until the child is 5. My oldest
(the adopted one) hit the "terrible twos" at almost age 3 and lasted until
she was about 4. My second child is a parent's dream come true. She
asserts herself, but I have yet to see a real tantrum from her and she's
nearly 3½. She was an easy-going baby and is a silly child.
Well, I hope anything I've written here helps. Good luck, I feel for you.
~Peggy



I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of
you
(even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the form
I
did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want to
start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that
unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of
the
respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on:

My two-year-old (+ 3 mos.) has been an incredible child, mellow, outgoing,
extremely compliant yet lively and assertive. Suddenly last week, she
began
having periods of near- or total hysteria--wanting to be picked up but
immediately wanting to be put down if we picked her up, asking for all
kinds
of things and activities yet instantly reversing course the moment we made
any attempt to act on her request, saying "no" to everything offered or
suggested, yet also saying "no" to the withdrawal of those offers and
suggestions, asking for a bottle then pushing it away the moment it was
handed to her, all at a rising level of hysteria. None of it seemed to be
deliberately oppositional behavior. Rather it just seemed that she
suddenly
had no idea whatsoever what she wanted and was asking for everything she
thought of and then rejecting it if she got it. Trying to hold her and
calm
her escalated the situation immensely until she was screaming and crying
uncontrollably. Yet leaving her to her own devices or even completely
ignoring her led to similar escalation. The worst part was that she began
waking up once or twice a night, going instantly from a dead sleep to this
same hysteria, and keeping it up sometimes for a couple of hours. She
always used to wake up at least once a night and have a bottle, but always
went quickly back to sleep, calmly. This sudden new turn of events is not
calm, nor does it include a bottle, which she now rejects and asks for in
rapid succession, but never takes. She eventually conks out after a
couple
of hours, but sometimes starts the same routine over again an hour or two
later. In the past six days, I've averaged 3.5-to 4.5 hours sleep a
night,
NONE of it consecutive. I'm at my physical and mental rope's end.

She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to
which
she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her
normal life for a long time. When I first described the hysterics and the
"no's", a lot of people told me, "Oh, it's the terrible twos." But after
reading your many responses describing, without knowing the details of MY
situation, what YOUR idea of the TT's is, it seems to me this is something
different. Particularly the part about the sudden hysterics upon waking
in
the middle of the night.

Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help me
during
the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly insane from
exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter. I cannot possibly
continue in the current state of affairs until she's three or four! I'm
not
sure I can make Saturday.

Jim Beaver

I replied to this and it hasn't shown up yet...? weird. Anyway, here's
what I wrote:

Wow. I'd say speak with her pediatrician about her behavior.
You say you're a 53-year old man with no one to help you at night. Where is
her mother? Did the mother take any drugs or alcohol while pregnant?
I ask that because we adopted our niece whose birthmother drank while
pregnant and although the child looks normal, we've had some serious
behavior problems as a result of brain damage caused by the alcohol.
One thing that our pediatrician recommended and you'll probably think I'm
crazy for recommending it to you (because I thought our ped. was crazy too)
but it really helps is caffeine. We give our daughter a half cup of coffee
in the morning and she's better for it most of the day. We started off with
cold coffee with added milk (no sugar!) and now she prefers it black.
Apparently it works somewhat like ritalin, a stimulant in adults, but has a
calming effect in prepubescent children. But you should check with your
pediatrician before doing this.
Also, you might want to check her diet. I hear processed foods can make
problems worse.
If you need respite, try to find a 24-hour daycare or a free service that
provides respite to parents. In my city, there's such a place, run by the
Salvation Army, that will take in children, no questions asked, for up to
three days for parents who need a break or can't, for whatever reason (many
are on a drug and/or alcohol binge), take care of their children.
Also, I know it's frustrating, but try to stay calm. If you're frantic,
your daughter probably senses this and in turn, becomes more frantic
herself. Put her in her crib, leave the room (she won't hurt herself), take
deep breaths and count to 10 (or higher), then go back.
Finally, my own personal experiences and thoughts on the "terrible twos"...
It's a misnomer. Most children go through such a stage, but it starts
around 2½ to nearly three and can last well until the child is 5. My oldest
(the adopted one) hit the "terrible twos" at almost age 3 and lasted until
she was about 4. My second child is a parent's dream come true. She
asserts herself, but I have yet to see a real tantrum from her and she's
nearly 3½. She was an easy-going baby and is a silly child.
Well, I hope anything I've written here helps. Good luck, I feel for you.
~Peggy

"Jim Beaver" wrote in message news:

I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of
you
(even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the form
I
did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want to
start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that
unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of
the
respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on:

My two-year-old (+ 3 mos.) has been an incredible child, mellow, outgoing,
extremely compliant yet lively and assertive. Suddenly last week, she
began
having periods of near- or total hysteria--wanting to be picked up but
immediately wanting to be put down if we picked her up, asking for all
kinds
of things and activities yet instantly reversing course the moment we made
any attempt to act on her request, saying "no" to everything offered or
suggested, yet also saying "no" to the withdrawal of those offers and
suggestions, asking for a bottle then pushing it away the moment it was
handed to her, all at a rising level of hysteria. None of it seemed to be
deliberately oppositional behavior. Rather it just seemed that she
suddenly
had no idea whatsoever what she wanted and was asking for everything she
thought of and then rejecting it if she got it. Trying to hold her and
calm
her escalated the situation immensely until she was screaming and crying
uncontrollably. Yet leaving her to her own devices or even completely
ignoring her led to similar escalation. The worst part was that she began
waking up once or twice a night, going instantly from a dead sleep to this
same hysteria, and keeping it up sometimes for a couple of hours. She
always used to wake up at least once a night and have a bottle, but always
went quickly back to sleep, calmly. This sudden new turn of events is not
calm, nor does it include a bottle, which she now rejects and asks for in
rapid succession, but never takes. She eventually conks out after a
couple
of hours, but sometimes starts the same routine over again an hour or two
later. In the past six days, I've averaged 3.5-to 4.5 hours sleep a
night,
NONE of it consecutive. I'm at my physical and mental rope's end.

She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to
which
she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her
normal life for a long time. When I first described the hysterics and the
"no's", a lot of people told me, "Oh, it's the terrible twos." But after
reading your many responses describing, without knowing the details of MY
situation, what YOUR idea of the TT's is, it seems to me this is something
different. Particularly the part about the sudden hysterics upon waking
in
the middle of the night.

Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help me
during
the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly insane from
exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter. I cannot possibly
continue in the current state of affairs until she's three or four! I'm
not
sure I can make Saturday.

Jim Beaver

tell me about it leslie... as soon as ds hit three it was like
whooooooooooosh here comes the independance.... at least before that it
was just he would get frustrated scream then ask for help... turned three
and then there was no asking for nor taking help... oh well maybe soon
lol

Caroline

"~Leslie~" spam.com wrote in message
...
If they think 2 is bad wait till the child hits 3~! I think the 3's are
worse! I love the 2's!
JMHO
Leslie

--
http://www.leslieshomedaycare.providerpages.net
"Joanie" wrote in message
...
I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I just
read something about terrible twos this week....

I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the
terrible
twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it is
my
absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who
suddenly
starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are
some
tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to
smack.
And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they
are
happy and floating on a cloud.

You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most parents
do
not have it so easy.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than
you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"Ignoramus15011" wrote in message
...
Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted to
share my personal observations.

As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such
as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or
tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc,
which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional
breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants.

As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could be
real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at
talking so that has not been an issue.

Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is
terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they
require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just
more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he wants
by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider children's
requests, and give in to tantrums.

i

I love two's and ever threes... It's 4's and 5's that drive me batty! They
know it ALL by 5 years old and they drive me nutts!

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"*Debbie*" wrote in message
...
I'm with you on that one Leslie. The time when they start to actually
work
things out for themselves and test the boundaries.

Debbie

"~Leslie~" spam.com wrote in message
...
If they think 2 is bad wait till the child hits 3~! I think the 3's are
worse! I love the 2's!
JMHO
Leslie

--
http://www.leslieshomedaycare.providerpages.net
"Joanie" wrote in message
...
I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I
just
read something about terrible twos this week....

I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the
terrible
twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it
is
my
absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who
suddenly
starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are
some
tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to
smack.
And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they
are
happy and floating on a cloud.

You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most
parents
do
not have it so easy.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver
than
you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"Ignoramus15011" wrote in
message
...
Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted
to
share my personal observations.

As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems
such
as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents),
or
tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc,
which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional
breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants.

As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could
be
real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at
talking so that has not been an issue.

Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is
terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they
require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just
more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he
wants
by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider
children's
requests, and give in to tantrums.

i

take her to the dr. Better to find out it is nothing than it be something
serious and you didn't take her.. as for the medication it could be that
een though it has been a part of her life for a while.... people's
chemistry changes as their body changes and this medication could be causing
this .... I don't know that it is... that's where the dr comes in but
better safe than sorry

Caroline

"Jim Beaver" wrote in message
...

"toto" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 01 Dec 2003 16:59:26 GMT, "Jim Beaver"
wrote:

Jim take her to her pediatrician. She may have a sudden reaction to her
meds or may need a change in dose or change in medication. Some medications
cause "mood" problems as well. Ask your doctor if this is one of them.
Also if you've recently got a new prescription check to make sure it is the
correcty dose... pharmacies have made mistakes and have given wrong doses
and even the wrong meds.

Have there been any changes in her life recently? This could cause this
sudden change in temperment as well.

Best of luck to you - please let us know how you make out.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"Jim Beaver" wrote in message
...

"toto" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 01 Dec 2003 16:59:26 GMT, "Jim Beaver"
wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell
the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver

I think the terrible twos is all in your perspective. I call them the
*terrific twos*

Two year olds are independent:
You will hear:
*me do it.*
*I wanna*
*no help*

Two year olds are frustrated because they can't
always tell you what they want and *they* know, so
you should know too.

Two year olds are creative. They want to choose their
own outfits and they mix and match in ways you never
thought of. If you see a child in the summer wearing
his winter hat and mittens, it's probably a two year old.
If you see a child in the winter wearing a summer dress
over her shirt and pants, it's most likely a two year old
too.

Two year olds are explorers. They are eager to learn
everything about the world. They will get into anything
that they see. They can handle delicate things carefully
with supervision, but they get excited and things will
break.

Two year olds are like teenagers, awkward in their growing
bodies and learning to coordinate new skills. They will
spill and they will break things, but they can learn to help
clean up their messes.

Two year olds often love to *help* you clean. Take advantage
of this one, the stage doesn't last long. Twos want to sweep,
vaccuum, mop, help do laundry, etc. They can learn to sort
and put away their toys if you make it a game too.

Twos are like teens in their ambivalence about growing up.
Sometimes they want to be cuddled and babied and at other
times they want to be *all growed up* He has to be sure you
will still love him even when he is asserting himself.

Remember how much twos are learning at this stage:

Over the next couple of years, she has to learn to do as
kids do and babies don't, which means changing from
diapers to underwear and out of a crib into a bed. She has
to be able to eat and drink without special baby stuff like
bottles and sippy cups. And she has to know enough
playground rules to get along with other kids. Wow! It's a
lot to learn.

At this age, he needs many choices so he can learn to
make decisions well and she knows a lot, but often that
learning doesn't transfer from one situation to another.

Patience is your biggest asset. Leave lots of time so
that he can do things himself. Give her a choice between
two acceptable alternatives. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Only say *no* when it is absolutely necessary for safety.
Children learn what they live, so you have to hold yourself
to a high standard. Model empathy and compassion
and cooperation and twos will learn from you.

Two (which really lasts from about 15 to 18 months to
four years of age) is actually the time when kids are
learning the most important things about the world - how
to get along and cooperate with other humans and the
use of language as a tool for communication and for
expressing emotions.

I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of
you
(even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the form
I
did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want to
start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that
unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of
the
respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on:

My two-year-old (+ 3 mos.) has been an incredible child, mellow, outgoing,
extremely compliant yet lively and assertive. Suddenly last week, she
began
having periods of near- or total hysteria--wanting to be picked up but
immediately wanting to be put down if we picked her up, asking for all
kinds
of things and activities yet instantly reversing course the moment we made
any attempt to act on her request, saying "no" to everything offered or
suggested, yet also saying "no" to the withdrawal of those offers and
suggestions, asking for a bottle then pushing it away the moment it was
handed to her, all at a rising level of hysteria. None of it seemed to be
deliberately oppositional behavior. Rather it just seemed that she
suddenly
had no idea whatsoever what she wanted and was asking for everything she
thought of and then rejecting it if she got it. Trying to hold her and
calm
her escalated the situation immensely until she was screaming and crying
uncontrollably. Yet leaving her to her own devices or even completely
ignoring her led to similar escalation. The worst part was that she began
waking up once or twice a night, going instantly from a dead sleep to this
same hysteria, and keeping it up sometimes for a couple of hours. She
always used to wake up at least once a night and have a bottle, but always
went quickly back to sleep, calmly. This sudden new turn of events is not
calm, nor does it include a bottle, which she now rejects and asks for in
rapid succession, but never takes. She eventually conks out after a
couple
of hours, but sometimes starts the same routine over again an hour or two
later. In the past six days, I've averaged 3.5-to 4.5 hours sleep a
night,
NONE of it consecutive. I'm at my physical and mental rope's end.

She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to
which
she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her
normal life for a long time. When I first described the hysterics and the
"no's", a lot of people told me, "Oh, it's the terrible twos." But after
reading your many responses describing, without knowing the details of MY
situation, what YOUR idea of the TT's is, it seems to me this is something
different. Particularly the part about the sudden hysterics upon waking
in
the middle of the night.

Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help me
during
the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly insane from
exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter. I cannot possibly
continue in the current state of affairs until she's three or four! I'm
not
sure I can make Saturday.

Jim Beaver

I have a book on medicine (called pdr guide to prescription drugs) and in it
they say that under the age of 6 the daily dose SHOULD NOT exceed 35 mg per
2.2 lbs...... just thought you might want to know that

Caroline

"Joanie" wrote in message
...
Jim take her to her pediatrician. She may have a sudden reaction to her
meds or may need a change in dose or change in medication. Some
medications
cause "mood" problems as well. Ask your doctor if this is one of them.
Also if you've recently got a new prescription check to make sure it is
the
correcty dose... pharmacies have made mistakes and have given wrong doses
and even the wrong meds.

Have there been any changes in her life recently? This could cause this
sudden change in temperment as well.

Best of luck to you - please let us know how you make out.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than
you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"Jim Beaver" wrote in message
...

"toto" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 01 Dec 2003 16:59:26 GMT, "Jim Beaver"
wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of
the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell
the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver

I think the terrible twos is all in your perspective. I call them the
*terrific twos*

Two year olds are independent:
You will hear:
*me do it.*
*I wanna*
*no help*

Two year olds are frustrated because they can't
always tell you what they want and *they* know, so
you should know too.

Two year olds are creative. They want to choose their
own outfits and they mix and match in ways you never
thought of. If you see a child in the summer wearing
his winter hat and mittens, it's probably a two year old.
If you see a child in the winter wearing a summer dress
over her shirt and pants, it's most likely a two year old
too.

Two year olds are explorers. They are eager to learn
everything about the world. They will get into anything
that they see. They can handle delicate things carefully
with supervision, but they get excited and things will
break.

Two year olds are like teenagers, awkward in their growing
bodies and learning to coordinate new skills. They will
spill and they will break things, but they can learn to help
clean up their messes.

Two year olds often love to *help* you clean. Take advantage
of this one, the stage doesn't last long. Twos want to sweep,
vaccuum, mop, help do laundry, etc. They can learn to sort
and put away their toys if you make it a game too.

Twos are like teens in their ambivalence about growing up.
Sometimes they want to be cuddled and babied and at other
times they want to be *all growed up* He has to be sure you
will still love him even when he is asserting himself.

Remember how much twos are learning at this stage:

Over the next couple of years, she has to learn to do as
kids do and babies don't, which means changing from
diapers to underwear and out of a crib into a bed. She has
to be able to eat and drink without special baby stuff like
bottles and sippy cups. And she has to know enough
playground rules to get along with other kids. Wow! It's a
lot to learn.

At this age, he needs many choices so he can learn to
make decisions well and she knows a lot, but often that
learning doesn't transfer from one situation to another.

Patience is your biggest asset. Leave lots of time so
that he can do things himself. Give her a choice between
two acceptable alternatives. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Only say *no* when it is absolutely necessary for safety.
Children learn what they live, so you have to hold yourself
to a high standard. Model empathy and compassion
and cooperation and twos will learn from you.

Two (which really lasts from about 15 to 18 months to
four years of age) is actually the time when kids are
learning the most important things about the world - how
to get along and cooperate with other humans and the
use of language as a tool for communication and for
expressing emotions.

I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of
you
(even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the
form
I
did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want
to
start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that
unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of
the
respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on:

My two-year-old (+ 3 mos.) has been an incredible child, mellow,
outgoing,
extremely compliant yet lively and assertive. Suddenly last week, she
began
having periods of near- or total hysteria--wanting to be picked up but
immediately wanting to be put down if we picked her up, asking for all
kinds
of things and activities yet instantly reversing course the moment we
made
any attempt to act on her request, saying "no" to everything offered or
suggested, yet also saying "no" to the withdrawal of those offers and
suggestions, asking for a bottle then pushing it away the moment it was
handed to her, all at a rising level of hysteria. None of it seemed to
be
deliberately oppositional behavior. Rather it just seemed that she
suddenly
had no idea whatsoever what she wanted and was asking for everything she
thought of and then rejecting it if she got it. Trying to hold her and
calm
her escalated the situation immensely until she was screaming and crying
uncontrollably. Yet leaving her to her own devices or even completely
ignoring her led to similar escalation. The worst part was that she
began
waking up once or twice a night, going instantly from a dead sleep to
this
same hysteria, and keeping it up sometimes for a couple of hours. She
always used to wake up at least once a night and have a bottle, but
always
went quickly back to sleep, calmly. This sudden new turn of events is
not
calm, nor does it include a bottle, which she now rejects and asks for
in
rapid succession, but never takes. She eventually conks out after a
couple
of hours, but sometimes starts the same routine over again an hour or
two
later. In the past six days, I've averaged 3.5-to 4.5 hours sleep a
night,
NONE of it consecutive. I'm at my physical and mental rope's end.

She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to
which
she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her
normal life for a long time. When I first described the hysterics and
the
"no's", a lot of people told me, "Oh, it's the terrible twos." But
after
reading your many responses describing, without knowing the details of
MY
situation, what YOUR idea of the TT's is, it seems to me this is
something
different. Particularly the part about the sudden hysterics upon waking
in
the middle of the night.

Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help me
during
the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly insane from
exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter. I cannot possibly
continue in the current state of affairs until she's three or four! I'm
not
sure I can make Saturday.

Jim Beaver

Jim Beaver wrote:

I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of you
(even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the form I
did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want to
start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that
unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of the
respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on:


She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to which
she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her
normal life for a long time.

Sometimes you need to change seizure medication - I don't know why, but
it happens. Usually it's because of some development, the obvious
example being puberty. I would talk to your pediatrician and pediatric
neurologist to get a reading on her dosage levels and her behavior. It
doesn't sound like the TTs to me.

That said, I had (and still prone to) seizures as a young child and I do
remember my parents saying my behavior (as a 5 year old, not 2) would
escalate like that into anger and hysteria where they would have to
leave me alone to cry it out. Nothing they did would help. After
about 5 to 15 minutes of crying, I would fall into a deep sleep and wake
up somewhat refreshed and no longer hysterical.

I'm not saying you should leave your 2-year-old alone, but that her
behavior is not a reflection of you or your parenting.


Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help me during
the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly insane from
exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter. I cannot possibly
continue in the current state of affairs until she's three or four! I'm not
sure I can make Saturday.

Good luck,
Jeanne

"Ignoramus29143" wrote in message
...
In article , Nikki wrote:
H Schinske wrote:

I think for us the worst behaviors peaked at 1.5 and again at 2.5.
Since all my kids were summer babies, this corresponds to the time of
year that they were also most cooped up inside.


Ugh...winter is 6 months of parental punishment IMO. I use outdoor time
as
a solution for darn near everything and it works fabulously in decent
weather.


Are you saying that you do not walk with your kids during winter???

i

We throw our kids in the back yard so long as it's not raining or wet out
(even if it hasn't rained in days, it'll still be flooded). We just wrap
them up good. They love wearing hats and gloves and stuff.