If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
A case of the I don't knows
All,
I have a 3 year old son. He is great, loves to talk about his day, "read" books, do puzzles, run around etc. We have found that his first response to any question is "I don't know." Even though he very well does know. We have tried to joke him out of this habit by saying something totally ridiculous as the answer and he always corrects us with the correct information right away. Last night I was doing a story walk with him. (having him telling us the story by looking at the pictures and memory from when we read it to him). Every prompting question I asked him was answered with "I don't know". Then we threatened to stop the story time and get on to bedtime. After that he was literally catching himself when the phrase was halfway out of his mouth. It wasn't until that moment that I thought of this as a habit rather then something else. (I don't know what exactly, but annoying comes to mind) Any good ideas on how I can get him to be self aware enough that we can stop this habit? thanks! Allie |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Maybe he needs time to think before giving the answer. I think it might help if you give a ritual response to his "I don't know", the same response every time. That will make it boring, discouraging him from saying that (as opposed to trying out a whole lot of different responses, which he might find interesting and would positively reinforce the "I don't know" response.) Suggestions for possible responses you can give to his "I don't know": -- Silence. Just wait patiently for him to think of the real answer and give it. If he asks you to continue reading or something you can say "I'm waiting for you to answer:" and then repeat the question in abbreviated form. -- "Hmm." This models an alternative response he can give when he needs time to think. -- "You need time to think." (then silence.) Again, modelling: he might possibly switch to saying "I need time to think" instead of "I don't know." -- "I know you know." This is more of a joke, but might help. -- Just repeat the original question, in abbreviated form, i.e. using pronouns. Even though I've listed a number of possibilities here, note that I'm suggesting you choose one and use the same one every time. Each of the above suggestions involves expecting him to give a real answer to the question. Of course, sometimes he really won't know, so he'll have to say "I really don't know!" I just hope he won't develop the habit of saying "I really don't know!" to all your questions!! Oh -- you could also try asking him fewer questions. Maybe he's telling you indirectly that he doesn't want to answer all these questions. You could also introduce your questions, so that he'll be ready for them: "I'm going to ask you a question, OK?" Or introduce the question more specifically: "I'm wondering why there's a blue mark on your shirt. Maybe you were playing with a blue marker. Were you playing with a blue marker?" This would give him time to think about the subject of the specific question for a few seconds before he's expected to answer. Also, you could think of what you'd prefer he say instead, perhaps "Hmm" or "I need time to think" or just holding up one finger for a period of silence or something. Then, whenever he asks you a question, you could do that before answering, to show him how it's done. I noticed that if someone asks me a question when I'm about to blow my nose, I always say "I don't know". In a sense I don't: my conscious mind doesn't know the answer because I haven't gone to the trouble of searching my memory for the answer. Even if it's something I know well. It's a way of making the questioner leave me alone. I wasn't doing that on purpose -- it just came out that way. After I blow my nose I usually remember to give a real answer. -- Cathy Woodgold A *much* better world is possible. |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
|
#4
|
|||
|
|||
wrote in message oups.com... All, I have a 3 year old son. He is great, loves to talk about his day, "read" books, do puzzles, run around etc. We have found that his first response to any question is "I don't know." Even though he very well does know. Why are you asking him questions about something that you "know he knows"? He knows it, isn't that good enough? Are you asking him questions like "Are you eating those cookies?" when you catch him with his hand in the jar and crumbs on his face? We have tried to joke him out of this habit by saying something totally ridiculous as the answer and he always corrects us with the correct information right away. Last night I was doing a story walk with him. (having him telling us the story by looking at the pictures and memory from when we read it to him). Every prompting question I asked him was answered with "I don't know". Then we threatened to stop the story time and get on to bedtime. :-((((( That is going to take all the joy and fun away from reading. Just read the story, and if he offers a comment, fine, if not, fine! It's supposed to be fun and relaxing, not a quiz show every time. He might just want to look at the pictures, listen to you, and absorb the story. He is only three, he's a long way off from having to do book reports! I googled "story walk" (never having heard that term), and that seems to be a technique more suited to school-age children , in fact I witnessed our principal doing this with first graders on RIF day. I didn't know what it was called, I thought she was just being "teacherly". After that he was literally catching himself when the phrase was halfway out of his mouth. It wasn't until that moment that I thought of this as a habit rather then something else. (I don't know what exactly, but annoying comes to mind) Any good ideas on how I can get him to be self aware enough that we can stop this habit? Relax! Stop asking him so many questions. Read for fun. Let him talk first, and respond to what he says . If he's gabbing about something and you get excited and say "Oh! and then what?!?" , I bet he'll answer appropriately. |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
wrote in message oups.com... All, I have a 3 year old son. He is great, loves to talk about his day, "read" books, do puzzles, run around etc. We have found that his first response to any question is "I don't know." Even though he very well does know. We have tried to joke him out of this habit by saying something totally ridiculous as the answer and he always corrects us with the correct information right away. Last night I was doing a story walk with him. (having him telling us the story by looking at the pictures and memory from when we read it to him). Every prompting question I asked him was answered with "I don't know". Then we threatened to stop the story time and get on to bedtime. After that he was literally catching himself when the phrase was halfway out of his mouth. It wasn't until that moment that I thought of this as a habit rather then something else. (I don't know what exactly, but annoying comes to mind) Any good ideas on how I can get him to be self aware enough that we can stop this habit? Sometimes for #1 you have to ask more detailed questions to get an answer. If you ask "what did you do at preschool today?" she may well say "I don't know". If you ask "who did you sit next to?" or "did you sing today?" or that sort of question you'll get a detailed answer. (like "I sat next to this person on the mat and this person when i painted and I did this with someone else") She is also more likely to say "I don't know" if she's tired. With the story walk I would think that either you need to give him questions with a one word answer (like "what colour is the skirt") and if he says "I don't know" point to it and tell him to look and tell you. Or do it when he is not tired (if that's an issue). Keep the questions simple, don't push it if he may not know/can't remember and certainly don't get cross/frustrated if he's wrong. At bedtime, I think that reading a story would be better than a lot of questions for him to do, even if he seems to enjoy it. Save the story walk for earlier in the day. I use the ridiculous answer as a way of getting #1 to think too. I don't think it's a bad method. Debbie |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
I guess I wasn't clear in that he asked to "read" to us, and it turned
into more of a "what is happening on this page?" type of exercise, since I was trained as a teacher, that was the easiest way for me to explain it. We had already read his books to him for the night and this was something extra he wanted to do. At any rate, this was just when I noticed how habitual it was for him, because he was literally stopping himself in mid sentance as he tried to avoid it. But he does it all the time. he goes to daycare so at the end of the day there is a certain amount of, Did you have fun today, what did you play with, who did you play with etc. It isn't like rapid fire questioning, just as we are getting ready for dinner or even during dinner. About the only thing he doesn't say I don't know to is "What would you like to eat? And he does typically get 2 choices to chose from. Maybe we do ask him a lot of questions, but that is how i find out what he wants to do or how he is today. he can have rather engaging and facinating stories to tell once he gets going.... thanks all, Allie |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Okay those are open-ended questions that is very typical for the age of your
son to not answer. Find out from the daycare provider what he did do, ate and played wtih then ask questions like did you enjoy the cheese and crackers you had for snack or what was your favorite part of the book you read. If you just ask what did you do all day, very typical answer is I don't know. You will have to do more specific questioning about his day. -- Sue (mom to three girls) wrote in message ups.com... I guess I wasn't clear in that he asked to "read" to us, and it turned into more of a "what is happening on this page?" type of exercise, since I was trained as a teacher, that was the easiest way for me to explain it. We had already read his books to him for the night and this was something extra he wanted to do. At any rate, this was just when I noticed how habitual it was for him, because he was literally stopping himself in mid sentance as he tried to avoid it. But he does it all the time. he goes to daycare so at the end of the day there is a certain amount of, Did you have fun today, what did you play with, who did you play with etc. It isn't like rapid fire questioning, just as we are getting ready for dinner or even during dinner. About the only thing he doesn't say I don't know to is "What would you like to eat? And he does typically get 2 choices to chose from. Maybe we do ask him a lot of questions, but that is how i find out what he wants to do or how he is today. he can have rather engaging and facinating stories to tell once he gets going.... thanks all, Allie |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
In article , Stephanie says...
"Tai" wrote in message ... wrote: All, I have a 3 year old son. He is great, loves to talk about his day, "read" books, do puzzles, run around etc. We have found that his first response to any question is "I don't know." Even though he very well does know. We have tried to joke him out of this habit by saying something totally ridiculous as the answer and he always corrects us with the correct information right away. Last night I was doing a story walk with him. (having him telling us the story by looking at the pictures and memory from when we read it to him). Every prompting question I asked him was answered with "I don't know". In each of my children I would understand that to mean, "I'm not really enjoying the high level of participation you are requiring from me, can you just read the story, please", and turn the story time into a more passive experience for him that time. "I don't know" often means "I don't wanna", when a little child has had enough of an activity. This is the same for my son. Mine, too. I think even adults to do this from time to time. Mine also hated to be put on the spot by a question. It's a request for a little perfomance, really, and I think kids can be sensitive to it. Banty |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Stephanie says... "Tai" wrote in message ... wrote: All, I have a 3 year old son. He is great, loves to talk about his day, "read" books, do puzzles, run around etc. We have found that his first response to any question is "I don't know." Even though he very well does know. We have tried to joke him out of this habit by saying something totally ridiculous as the answer and he always corrects us with the correct information right away. Last night I was doing a story walk with him. (having him telling us the story by looking at the pictures and memory from when we read it to him). Every prompting question I asked him was answered with "I don't know". In each of my children I would understand that to mean, "I'm not really enjoying the high level of participation you are requiring from me, can you just read the story, please", and turn the story time into a more passive experience for him that time. "I don't know" often means "I don't wanna", when a little child has had enough of an activity. This is the same for my son. Mine, too. I think even adults to do this from time to time. Mine also hated to be put on the spot by a question. It's a request for a little perfomance, really, and I think kids can be sensitive to it. My MIL does this all the time. Makes me nuts. About the how your day went... I used to ask my son how was his day blah, blah and he always said I don't know. I asked him one day if he did not know, or does he just not want to talk about it. He said he did not want to talk about it. I said Ok. He was releived. It was apparently a medium sized deal for him, and I did not even realize. Now he will ask me what *I* did, and I tell him. I will just say How about you? And he will ramble a bit. I usually can only understand about 1/4 of what he says as it relates to specific activities. But it is also fun to hear his thoughts, as seemingly disconnected as they are, about the events of the day. Now, if I ask him something and he does not want to talk about it, he says "Mom, I dont' really want to talk about it, Ok?" So far I have never had to ask him to talk about it anyway, like for something really important. |
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Witness in Rilya Wilson case may also testify in "Lollipops" case | wexwimpy | Foster Parents | 0 | March 22nd 05 05:18 PM |
<----------- KANE | nineballgirl | Spanking | 2 | September 30th 04 07:26 PM |
Judge: Child's Removal Was Unnecessary | wexwimpy | Foster Parents | 2 | August 6th 04 09:20 PM |
DCF wrkrs & perjury Judge writes DCF wrong. U trust them? | Fern5827 | Spanking | 0 | August 6th 04 03:04 PM |
Delvoye case: Habitual residence (Hague Conv.) of newborn | Lieffrens | Child Support | 0 | September 13th 03 07:36 AM |