Sleeping throught the night.

I'm trying to get my almost 18 month old to sleep through the night. 2.5
weeks ago I started her on a strict nap schedule (for a couple months before
that I mostly just let her sleep in the car while cause we were always out,
now we stay home more). And for the last 2-3 months she has been on a
strict bedtime schedule. I was hoping the structure would help, but
there's not been much change. She still wakes on most nights.

A friend suggested that when putting her down for a nap or at night, I stay
15 minutes and no more, and don't go back. I've started do that this week.
I understand that consistency is key, but sometimes she falls asleep before
the 15 minutes is up, and sometimes within just a few minutes, esp at
naptime. Doesn't that interfere with the consistency of letting her sooth
herself to sleep? But at the same time I don't want to just dump her and
run! Of course, some nights she's still wide awake after the 15 minutes and
I just let her cry it out.

It's becoming more important for me to have her stop waking at night because
she hasn't slept in a crib since 13.5 months. We moved and and didn't have
a crib for a while, and after that she couldn't be convinced to use it
again. Pretty soon she'll be tall enough to use the door knobs, and then,
even if I want to, I can't ignore her and let her cry it out, because she
will be able to open the door. So....

Should I just dump her in bed and thats it?
Should I reduce the time I spend putting her to bed to 5 or 10 minutes?

And also... When should I start ignoring her cries at night? Right now, or
wait until she has more practice soothing herself to sleep at night?

I am very willing to be consistent, I just and not sure what I should do.
Thanks!

It's becoming more important for me to have her stop waking at night
because
she hasn't slept in a crib since 13.5 months.

Not sure what those 2 things have to do with each other.

We moved and and didn't have
a crib for a while, and after that she couldn't be convinced to use it
again. Pretty soon she'll be tall enough to use the door knobs, and then,
even if I want to, I can't ignore her and let her cry it out, because she
will be able to open the door. So....

As long as her room is baby-proofed, put a child proof doorknob cover inside
her door. Or a gate in her doorway.

Should I just dump her in bed and thats it?

Well I wouldn't call it *dumping* but why not? You put her to bed, kiss
goodnight, turn off the light, close the door. Or spend a few minutes
reading a story, whatever your thing is.

Should I reduce the time I spend putting her to bed to 5 or 10 minutes?

I would. But I don't do long drawn out bedtime routines.

And also... When should I start ignoring her cries at night?

If/When she wakes siblings - lol.

Right now, or
wait until she has more practice soothing herself to sleep at night?

Well I still get up if my youngest cries out and he'll be 2 this month.


I am very willing to be consistent, I just and not sure what I should do.
Thanks!

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

On Tue, 02 Dec 2003 21:34:43 GMT, "esther323" wrote:

I'm trying to get my almost 18 month old to sleep through the night. 2.5
weeks ago I started her on a strict nap schedule (for a couple months before
that I mostly just let her sleep in the car while cause we were always out,
now we stay home more). And for the last 2-3 months she has been on a
strict bedtime schedule. I was hoping the structure would help, but
there's not been much change. She still wakes on most nights.

I found that the best sleep schedule for my kids was the one that
coincided with their tiredness, rather than the one that suited my
schedule. Naps and bedtime go a lot smoother if the child is actually
tired when you put them down, but not yet overtired. Other than that
strict routines, rather than strict schedules, helped my daughters get
in the mood for sleep.

A friend suggested that when putting her down for a nap or at night, I stay
15 minutes and no more, and don't go back. I've started do that this week.
I understand that consistency is key, but sometimes she falls asleep before
the 15 minutes is up, and sometimes within just a few minutes, esp at
naptime. Doesn't that interfere with the consistency of letting her sooth
herself to sleep? But at the same time I don't want to just dump her and
run! Of course, some nights she's still wide awake after the 15 minutes and
I just let her cry it out.

I disagree with the whole crying it out philosophy and see nothing to
be gained from leaving a miserable child to cry alone. I'd worry less
about how long you spend in your daughter's room and work more on
developing a regular routine, say bath, into bed, story/singing,
goodnight kiss and then leave. If she falls asleep immediately or
shortly after - great, if not, you respond to her cries, soothe and
comfort quietly without lights, taking her out of bed, or lots of
activity (keep it boring) and when she is calm again, say goodnight
and leave again.

You may have to comfort your daughter multiple times, and it may take
many weeks for a routine to sink in. Even when it does it is no
guarantee that she will sleep through the night at 18 months, as not
all (most?) kids do. I have one who slept through from about 12 months
and another who didn't consistently sleep without waking at least once
(and calling for us) until around age three.

It's becoming more important for me to have her stop waking at night because
she hasn't slept in a crib since 13.5 months. We moved and and didn't have
a crib for a while, and after that she couldn't be convinced to use it
again. Pretty soon she'll be tall enough to use the door knobs, and then,
even if I want to, I can't ignore her and let her cry it out, because she
will be able to open the door. So....

Should I just dump her in bed and thats it?
Should I reduce the time I spend putting her to bed to 5 or 10 minutes?

And also... When should I start ignoring her cries at night? Right now, or
wait until she has more practice soothing herself to sleep at night?

Never IMHO. The way I see it a child cries because they need you.
Sometimes it is hunger, thirst or pain and sometimes s/he's just
miserable and needs your comfort. She'll stop crying out for you when
she has fewer physical needs and feels secure and comfortable in bed
alone. Unless you are rocking, patting, or otherwise inducing her
sleep when you come in, your visit will not interfere with her
learning to self soothe to sleep, and ignoring her cries is more
likely to make her feel more insecure and abandoned.


--Lisabell

"esther323" wrote in message
link.net...
I'm trying to get my almost 18 month old to sleep through the night. 2.5
weeks ago I started her on a strict nap schedule (for a couple months
before

Hi Esther

With my youngest two, i have used the controlled crying technique.

It works.. really well at this age.

basically, you put them to bed, following all the normal rituals, kisses,
cuddles etc... lay them down, cover them, and say time for sleep, good
night, walk out and shut the door. after 2 mins of crying, return, do *not*
pick them up, lay them down, say time for sleep, good night, and walk out.

this time the interval is 4 mins... then 6, then 8 then 10.... if they are
still crying at the end of the 10 minute mark, offer a drink, and continue
with the 10 minutes.

You use the same routine for day and night.... the middle of the night as
well.

Whilst it is frowned upon, in many peoples minds, it does work, with 2
weeks, as quick as 3 nights.

"esther323" wrote in message
link.net...
I'm trying to get my almost 18 month old to sleep through the night. 2.5
weeks ago I started her on a strict nap schedule (for a couple months
before
that I mostly just let her sleep in the car while cause we were always
out,
now we stay home more). And for the last 2-3 months she has been on a
strict bedtime schedule. I was hoping the structure would help, but
there's not been much change. She still wakes on most nights.

A friend suggested that when putting her down for a nap or at night, I
stay
15 minutes and no more, and don't go back. I've started do that this
week.
I understand that consistency is key, but sometimes she falls asleep
before
the 15 minutes is up, and sometimes within just a few minutes, esp at
naptime. Doesn't that interfere with the consistency of letting her sooth
herself to sleep? But at the same time I don't want to just dump her and
run! Of course, some nights she's still wide awake after the 15 minutes
and
I just let her cry it out.

It's becoming more important for me to have her stop waking at night
because
she hasn't slept in a crib since 13.5 months. We moved and and didn't
have
a crib for a while, and after that she couldn't be convinced to use it
again. Pretty soon she'll be tall enough to use the door knobs, and then,
even if I want to, I can't ignore her and let her cry it out, because she
will be able to open the door. So....

Should I just dump her in bed and thats it?
Should I reduce the time I spend putting her to bed to 5 or 10 minutes?

And also... When should I start ignoring her cries at night? Right now,
or
wait until she has more practice soothing herself to sleep at night?

I am very willing to be consistent, I just and not sure what I should do.
Thanks!


there's a book we had alot of success with - "no cry sleep solution" by
elizabeth pantley. see http://tinyurl.com/xgya
lots of gentle ways of helping them sleep through the night. i know alot of
others who found this book useful too.
--
elizabeth (in australia)
DS - born 20-aug-02

"LisaBell" wrote in message
...
I found that the best sleep schedule for my kids was the one that
coincided with their tiredness, rather than the one that suited my
schedule. Naps and bedtime go a lot smoother if the child is actually
tired when you put them down, but not yet overtired. Other than that
strict routines, rather than strict schedules, helped my daughters get
in the mood for sleep.

Yes, two days ago I adjusted her nap so that is earlier in the day and seems
to help her be more in the mood for sleep at bedtime. For the past week
she has been going down for her nap very easily. The routine seems to
definitely be working out. Up at 6 or 6:30, nap at 12:30, bed at 7:30.
These seem to be good times for her. Before when her nap was too late in
the day she wasn't tired at all when 7:30 hit. With an earlier nap she is.
Whew. We are getting the hang of the routine.




I disagree with the whole crying it out philosophy and see nothing to
be gained from leaving a miserable child to cry alone. I'd worry less
about how long you spend in your daughter's room and work more on
developing a regular routine, say bath, into bed, story/singing,
goodnight kiss and then leave. If she falls asleep immediately or
shortly after - great, if not, you respond to her cries, soothe and
comfort quietly without lights, taking her out of bed, or lots of
activity (keep it boring) and when she is calm again, say goodnight
and leave again.

You may have to comfort your daughter multiple times, and it may take
many weeks for a routine to sink in. Even when it does it is no
guarantee that she will sleep through the night at 18 months, as not
all (most?) kids do. I have one who slept through from about 12 months
and another who didn't consistently sleep without waking at least once
(and calling for us) until around age three.

Never IMHO. The way I see it a child cries because they need you.
Sometimes it is hunger, thirst or pain and sometimes s/he's just
miserable and needs your comfort. She'll stop crying out for you when
she has fewer physical needs and feels secure and comfortable in bed
alone. Unless you are rocking, patting, or otherwise inducing her
sleep when you come in, your visit will not interfere with her
learning to self soothe to sleep, and ignoring her cries is more
likely to make her feel more insecure and abandoned.


I do for the most part agree with you about crying it out being cruel to the
child. We've tried if before but never for more than a couple of nights
before deciding it was insane. Especially when she was younger, DS had a
very very had time settling down for the night.

The only thing that has changed now is that my husband is in Iraq. So yes,
this change is actually about me. When the day is over I want to be able to
put her to bed and just relax until morning.

But now that I am finding out what schedule fits her need better, there is
less crying. At naptime there has been none because she is always out
before the 15 minutes is up. At bedtime, now that she is actually tired,
there is still crying, but it for a much shorter time. I have decided for
the time being to just go with crying it out at night (I don't go back at
all). But in the middle of the night I will go right away and sooth her.
That seems to be the least stress inducing combination.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I agree with both sides, that is cruel to
let a baby cry and that it is okay. Paradoxical, but it is keeping me sane.

How do all you military mom do it? This is my first deployment (or my
husband's anyhow). I hate it but we are keeping very busy.

How do all you military mom do it? This is my first deployment (or my
husband's anyhow). I hate it but we are keeping very busy.


You just said it - keep busy. Luckily my parents are only a 5 hr drive
away, so they visit often when my husband's deployed, especially on boring,
long, lonely weekends. We also met up with my parents for a weekend at the
beach once. Anything to waste time. It's also important for my kids to
keep their routine - school, playdates, bedtime, etc...

Iraq was our 2nd 6 month deployment. We do lots and lots of little 1 and 2
month ones all the time.

Which branch are you guys?

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

We're army. You guys sound like either SF or maybe Airforce?

My family and my in-laws are on the other side of the country. We'll see
my family over the holidays, but other than that it's YMCA, childrens
museums, etc. The weekdays are fine but the weekends are so long. But I
figure if so many other women are doing, I've got nothing to complain about.
:-)




"Sophie" wrote in message
...

How do all you military mom do it? This is my first deployment (or my
husband's anyhow). I hate it but we are keeping very busy.


You just said it - keep busy. Luckily my parents are only a 5 hr drive
away, so they visit often when my husband's deployed, especially on
boring,
long, lonely weekends. We also met up with my parents for a weekend at
the
beach once. Anything to waste time. It's also important for my kids to
keep their routine - school, playdates, bedtime, etc...

Iraq was our 2nd 6 month deployment. We do lots and lots of little 1 and 2
month ones all the time.

Which branch are you guys?

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

I remember those sleepless nights and
going into work the next day.... ugh.

My son is now 14 and the problem is
getting him up in the morning. It sort
of has gone full circle.

"esther323" wrote in message
hlink.net...
We're army. You guys sound like either SF or maybe Airforce?

Marines.



My family and my in-laws are on the other side of the country. We'll see
my family over the holidays, but other than that it's YMCA, childrens
museums, etc. The weekdays are fine but the weekends are so long. But
I
figure if so many other women are doing, I've got nothing to complain
about.
:-)


Weekends really are the worst. Do you have any friends who are on their own
too?