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#51
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
On Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:24:03 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote: toypup wrote: It just occurs to me that if it can be traumatic for a grown man, it can be traumatic to a young child who doesn't quite comprehend everything that is going on. Yes, it could be that it is not a traumatic but a very enriching experience; but if it is a traumatic experience, that experience cannot be erased. But it's very rare that the situation flips instantaneously from fine to traumatic. There's usually plenty of warning for the responsible adult to take the child off somewhere else. Also, people self-select into this situation. The parent of a child likely to struggle with a normal birth isn't likely to look into this option. I'm not toypup and I could be wrong, but I'm reading her post to say that even a "normal" birth can be a traumatic experience for the child. In my situation I knew E was pretty sensitive so we decided not to include her. To this day she still says she has no intention of ever having a baby and she didn't see the birth. Although she knew what happened to me a week later when my wound eviscerated and she's afraid of that. Nan |
#52
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
"Nan" wrote in message ... On Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:24:03 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote: toypup wrote: It just occurs to me that if it can be traumatic for a grown man, it can be traumatic to a young child who doesn't quite comprehend everything that is going on. Yes, it could be that it is not a traumatic but a very enriching experience; but if it is a traumatic experience, that experience cannot be erased. But it's very rare that the situation flips instantaneously from fine to traumatic. There's usually plenty of warning for the responsible adult to take the child off somewhere else. Also, people self-select into this situation. The parent of a child likely to struggle with a normal birth isn't likely to look into this option. I'm not toypup and I could be wrong, but I'm reading her post to say that even a "normal" birth can be a traumatic experience for the child. In my situation I knew E was pretty sensitive so we decided not to include her. To this day she still says she has no intention of ever having a baby and she didn't see the birth. Although she knew what happened to me a week later when my wound eviscerated and she's afraid of that. That's how I read it too. I know I'm not good on the sight of blood, and images can play back in my head for years. I certainly think the amount of blood I produced during birth (and I didn't produce much last time round) would have caused me problems as an observer now, and worse when I was a child. Debbie |
#53
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
On Mar 24, 3:01�pm, Puester wrote:
Birth is a messy medical procedure no matter how much we women choose to glorify it. �My husband was present for both my births but I suspect he, an engineer, would have been much less at ease if he didn't have the fetal monitor display to play with. �I watched my daughter give birth and it was difficult for me to watch, emotionally. There we'll have to differ. I don't consider birth to be inherently a medical procedure any more than sexual intercourse is. I'm actually very jealous of my husband that he saw our babies born and I didn't. --Helen |
#54
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
Nan wrote:
On Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:24:03 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote: toypup wrote: It just occurs to me that if it can be traumatic for a grown man, it can be traumatic to a young child who doesn't quite comprehend everything that is going on. Yes, it could be that it is not a traumatic but a very enriching experience; but if it is a traumatic experience, that experience cannot be erased. But it's very rare that the situation flips instantaneously from fine to traumatic. There's usually plenty of warning for the responsible adult to take the child off somewhere else. Also, people self-select into this situation. The parent of a child likely to struggle with a normal birth isn't likely to look into this option. I'm not toypup and I could be wrong, but I'm reading her post to say that even a "normal" birth can be a traumatic experience for the child. In my situation I knew E was pretty sensitive so we decided not to include her. To this day she still says she has no intention of ever having a baby and she didn't see the birth. Although she knew what happened to me a week later when my wound eviscerated and she's afraid of that. My point was that a child was only likely to be traumatized by a normal birth if there was inadequate planning/preparation (something under the parents' control) or if the mother or child was uncomfortable with it (typically ascertained in advance, and easily dealt with in the moment via the assigned adult caretaker removing the child if things start getting uncomfortable, which they would long before they reached the traumatic stage). Again, I wasn't arguing that everyone should choose this option or that it's a good option for every mother or every child. I'm arguing that it's not inappropriate in all cases (as some would have it). Best wishes, Ericka |
#55
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
" wrote:
There we'll have to differ. I don't consider birth to be inherently a medical procedure any more than sexual intercourse is. I'm actually very jealous of my husband that he saw our babies born and I didn't. --Helen I agree. Birth is not a medical procedure unless a c-section is necessary. |
#56
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
On Mar 25, 9:53*am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Nan wrote: On Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:24:03 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote: toypup wrote: *It just occurs to me that if it can be traumatic for a grown man, it can be traumatic to a young child who doesn't quite comprehend everything that is going on. *Yes, it could be that it is not a traumatic but a very enriching experience; but if it is a traumatic experience, that experience cannot be erased. * * * *But it's very rare that the situation flips instantaneously from fine to traumatic. *There's usually plenty of warning for the responsible adult to take the child off somewhere else. *Also, people self-select into this situation. *The parent of a child likely to struggle with a normal birth isn't likely to look into this option. I'm not toypup and I could be wrong, but I'm reading her post to say that even a "normal" birth can be a traumatic experience for the child. *In my situation I knew E was pretty sensitive so we decided not to include her. *To this day she still says she has no intention of ever having a baby and she didn't see the birth. *Although she knew what happened to me a week later when my wound eviscerated and she's afraid of that. * * * * My point was that a child was only likely to be traumatized by a normal birth if there was inadequate planning/preparation (something under the parents' control) or if the mother or child was uncomfortable with it (typically ascertained in advance, and easily dealt with in the moment via the assigned adult caretaker removing the child if things start getting uncomfortable, which they would long before they reached the traumatic stage). * * * * Again, I wasn't arguing that everyone should choose this option or that it's a good option for every mother or every child. I'm arguing that it's not inappropriate in all cases (as some would have it). Agreed. It's probably not a good option for most families. Many adults are very uneasy themselves about birth, and particularly about the accompanying blood and pain. The child would pick up on that unease and it wouldn't go well. Many children are too sensitive, or too needy, or too whatever for their presence to even be discussed as an option. But it's all about the right family, the right kid, and the right presentation and preparation. I presented to the Bug in a matter of fact way that there would probably be blood, but it's extra for the baby that I won't need anymore. I don't think she sees blood as something inherently scary. I might be hooting and hollering (though in the end I did more grunting) but that's OK too, as it's a lot of hard work that can hurt but in a different way than most owies. Had she reacted to any of this news with any apprehension I would have cut things off right there. But she didn't. And I would have had complete confidence in my mom to get her out and smooth things over if she started to react badly. It's amazing what little kids can understand and accept if it's presented at their level without giving them a lot of emotional overtones. Her understanding of why Little Dude has to stay at the hospital is every bit as medically accurate as an adult's, it's just expressed in the language of a 4 year old. I'll never know how she would have handled it if she were actually there, and in the end I liked having it be just me and DH, but I really don't worry that she would have been traumatized. Kate, ignorant foot soldier of the medical cartel and the Bug, four and a half and three quarters and Little Dude, 3/19/08 |
#57
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
Akuvikate wrote:
Agreed. It's probably not a good option for most families. Many adults are very uneasy themselves about birth, and particularly about the accompanying blood and pain. The child would pick up on that unease and it wouldn't go well. Totally agree. In fact, I think that's the biggest factor. Kids are so very sensitive to their parents' emotions! If the mother and father are calm and comfortable (emotionally), the child is very likely to cope very well even with the effort involved. If the parents are uncomfortable, it almost doesn't matter the objective circumstances because the kids will be traumatized by picking up on the parents' discomfort with the situation. Now, I'd say that as a society we generally have such weird notions about birth that there are a whole lot of folks who would find it a very uphill struggle to be comfortable enough with birth to make it a good place for their children. That's ok--I doubt many of those folks are even asking themselves whether they should have their kids at the birth ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#58
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
I agree. Birth is not a medical procedure unless a c-section is necessary. well not quite, you can have complications that turn birth into a medical procedure and are necessary, but ultimately baby still comes out the right hole! Far more of the time though, we turn birth into a medical procedure when it isn't. Anne |
#59
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
"Nan" wrote in message ... On Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:24:03 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote: toypup wrote: It just occurs to me that if it can be traumatic for a grown man, it can be traumatic to a young child who doesn't quite comprehend everything that is going on. Yes, it could be that it is not a traumatic but a very enriching experience; but if it is a traumatic experience, that experience cannot be erased. But it's very rare that the situation flips instantaneously from fine to traumatic. There's usually plenty of warning for the responsible adult to take the child off somewhere else. Also, people self-select into this situation. The parent of a child likely to struggle with a normal birth isn't likely to look into this option. I'm not toypup and I could be wrong, but I'm reading her post to say that even a "normal" birth can be a traumatic experience for the child. In my situation I knew E was pretty sensitive so we decided not to include her. To this day she still says she has no intention of ever having a baby and she didn't see the birth. Although she knew what happened to me a week later when my wound eviscerated and she's afraid of that. Yes. That's what I meant. |
#60
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
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