playdates for 4yo

Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS
is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a
playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as
one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to
have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't
really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see
the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have
energy for ATM, lol.

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now,
DS is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over
for a playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much
conversation as one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him
that we'd love to have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days.
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could
invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a
playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.

I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no. Offer
to take her home from pre-school and have them pick her up later.
That way there won't be any confusion about whether they are
expected to stay, and you won't have to try to find a nice way
to tell them they aren't welcome.

Bizby

"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could
invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a
playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.

I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference.

Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know,
either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I
could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only
because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I
guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to
be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking
the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him.

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay
with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like
testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about
sometimes pop up that way.

In article ,
"toypup" wrote:

"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could
invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a
playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.

I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference.

Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know,
either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I
could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only
because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I
guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to
be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking
the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him.

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo?

I'm not sure there IS a "common age", as in one that is generally agreed
upon. I have known parents of children in 3rd or 4th grade who would
not allow their children at anyone else's house unless they were with
them. On the other hand, when my oldest was 3, she was invited to the
home of someone I didn't know well, and I was surprised to find out that
I was expected to just drop her off and pick her up 2 hours later. (I
had wrongly assumed that the invitation was for all of us -- it was
quite disheartening, as I was fairly new in the area and had looked
forward to spending some time around another adult; plus, it was over a
1/2 hour drive, so the babies (the twins would have been about 6 months
old) and I had to spend over 2 hours in the car (over an hour for each
leg) for her to have a 2 hour play date -- and one of them HATED being
in the car!

So just make sure you are clear.

If you aren't comfortable with the dad coming into your home, you could
ask about meeting at some public place.

That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay
with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like
testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about
sometimes pop up that way.


I was always fine with the kids talking on the phone as long as they had
learned decent telephone manners. I taught my kids to identify
themselves first, and then ask to "please speak to so and so" -- and
also to just leave a message if they were told that the person wasn't
available. (I hated it when kids called here and demanded to know WHY
so and so couldn't come to the phone, or where they were.)
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
I'm not sure there IS a "common age", as in one that is generally agreed
upon. I have known parents of children in 3rd or 4th grade who would
not allow their children at anyone else's house unless they were with
them.

Ack! Do these kids have many friends? I can't imagine too many
parents putting up with this at that age. I know I wouldn't!!!

Bizby

In article ,
"bizby40" wrote:

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
I'm not sure there IS a "common age", as in one that is generally agreed
upon. I have known parents of children in 3rd or 4th grade who would
not allow their children at anyone else's house unless they were with
them.

Ack! Do these kids have many friends? I can't imagine too many
parents putting up with this at that age. I know I wouldn't!!!

Bizby



They seemed to be popular enough. It seemed to be more common where I
lived in Massachusetts, and I thought it was odd -- but I ran into
several families that were like that. The kids were simply not allowed
out of the parents' company, except to go to school.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

toypup wrote:
"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I
could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to
just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.

I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that
age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference.

Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't
know, either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure
I could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them
to say yes, only because DS loves this friend so much. They're
really cute together. I guess we could work on a time when we could
all meet up. It would have to be the families meeting, since I admit
to not being comfortable only asking the dad and having me be the
only one home with the kids to meet him.
So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far
away. I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change
when I get there.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's
okay with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I
like testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't
think about sometimes pop up that way.

My son turned 4 in January and pre-school started in February so we have had
that situation all year when he has been invited on playdates. For the first
visit in each other's homes the parent has always stayed and socialised with
the other parent. After that, if everyone is happy and the kids get on well,
we go to solo playdates.

As a bonus one of the mothers is really great and we get on like a house on
fire so in that case the playdates have become primarily for the adults!

I wouldn't leave a young child with another adult unless I'd spent some time
in their company and I expect other parents to 'evaluate' me in the same
way.

In your situation could you have the first playdate at a park or somewhere
that involves less work than your own home? I, too, would be a little
uncomfortable having a father who I didn't already have a family-friend
relationship with come to my house when my older children (teens) or my
husband wasn't home.

As for the phone calls, I think that would be sweet but you might want to
start off with a few rules first so they don't become phone addicts!

Tai

"Tai" ) writes:
As for the phone calls, I think that would be sweet but you might want to
start off with a few rules first so they don't become phone addicts!

Having the kids phone each other could also be used as
a tactful way to get the phone number so you can talk
to the mother.

Consider also the possibility that the parents are busy
and would prefer to drop their kid off rather than come
over. Just a possibility. Or that they're even too
busy for that and would appreciate it if you bring their
kid home.
--
Cathy Woodgold
http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html
We are all Iraqis now.

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.

Yes, around here it's after they start kindergarten. When my kids
were in kindergarten I always asked if the parent would rather
bring the kid over (to check out the place first), but I don't think
anyone ever took me up on it. Their child would ride the bus
home with my child, and the first time the parents would meet
me or see the house would be when they came to pick up after
the playdate.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay
with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like
testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think
about sometimes pop up that way.

Unless you are sure that your 4 year old will speak loudly and
clearly enough to be understood, I'd make the call for him and
hand it off to him when his friend is on the phone. Alternatively,
you can have him do the talking with you there to prompt if
necessary. And practice ahead of time.

Bizby

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know,
either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I
could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only
because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I
guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to
be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only
asking the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet
him.

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.


Just speaking for myself: My DD turns 9 this week. I STILL would not drop
her off at a friends house to play if I did not know the parents.

Tracey in CT