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Another homework responsibility question



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 1st 05, 04:36 PM
beeswing
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Default Another homework responsibility question

My 5th grade daughter just started private middle school (5th through
8th), and the teacher is assigning what she calls a "weekly." It comes
out every Thursday and the work on it needs to be done by the following
Thursday. There's probably up to an hour of work a day, if it were
evenly spread out over the week. At this point, the parent signs it to
prove that they've seen it, but this will be phased out as the kid
gains more responsibility for herself.

Here's the trouble. In the past, we've monitored her homework and made
sure she did it. It's been a real pain; she's basically had to be
badgered about half the time. This year, since the homework is assigned
by the week, there's been even greater resistance: "I don't feel like
it today." "I'll work on it on the weekend." (and doesn't). "Can't I do
it later?"(and doesn't)."I'll work on it in the morning." And in the
morning, "I'll work on it tonight."

I've allowed myself to be put in the position of chief nag. I want out.
At what age is it reasonable to totally hand over responsibility for
homework completion to the kid?

More specifically: Given my daughter's age, would it be better to lay
down a few rules (such as "an hour a day," you choose the
hour...repercussions next day if hour not spent), or would it be better
to just lay out suggestions (i.e., an hour a day and if you don't do
it, it's on your shoulders), or would it be better simply to completely
hand off the responsibility and wash my hands of it ("YOU are
responsible for getting your homework done and you figure out how you
are going to do it.")?

She's in a private school that expects a lot of her. The teachers there
will not put up with stuff like homework not getting in, but since this
is a new school to us, I don't know what will happen if she doesn't.
(That would be a good question for me to ask the teacher.)

Thanks.

beeswing

  #2  
Old November 1st 05, 05:08 PM
Lesley
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Default Another homework responsibility question

beeswing wrote:


She's in a private school that expects a lot of her. The teachers there
will not put up with stuff like homework not getting in, but since this
is a new school to us, I don't know what will happen if she doesn't.
(That would be a good question for me to ask the teacher.)

Thanks.

beeswing


I'd be inclined to talk to the teacher, tell her about the situation,
and pretty much announce that this week, DD is on her own and you
suspect there will be a problem turning in the work.

Then, I'd back off, and when DD hits panic mode on Wednesday, let her.
No staying up late, no special accommodations. She then has to deal
with the repercussions at school on her own.

With luck, after falling on her face once (or twice??) she might be more
welcoming of input or a schedule in the future.

Good luck - this is why I hate projects.

Lesley

  #3  
Old November 1st 05, 08:57 PM
Scott
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Default Another homework responsibility question

beeswing wrote:
My 5th grade daughter just started private middle school (5th through
8th), and the teacher is assigning what she calls a "weekly." It comes
out every Thursday and the work on it needs to be done by the following
Thursday. There's probably up to an hour of work a day, if it were
evenly spread out over the week. At this point, the parent signs it to
prove that they've seen it, but this will be phased out as the kid
gains more responsibility for herself.

Here's the trouble. In the past, we've monitored her homework and made
sure she did it. It's been a real pain; she's basically had to be
badgered about half the time. This year, since the homework is assigned
by the week, there's been even greater resistance: "I don't feel like
it today." "I'll work on it on the weekend." (and doesn't). "Can't I do
it later?"(and doesn't)."I'll work on it in the morning." And in the
morning, "I'll work on it tonight."

I've allowed myself to be put in the position of chief nag. I want out.
At what age is it reasonable to totally hand over responsibility for
homework completion to the kid?

More specifically: Given my daughter's age, would it be better to lay
down a few rules (such as "an hour a day," you choose the
hour...repercussions next day if hour not spent), or would it be better
to just lay out suggestions (i.e., an hour a day and if you don't do
it, it's on your shoulders), or would it be better simply to completely
hand off the responsibility and wash my hands of it ("YOU are
responsible for getting your homework done and you figure out how you
are going to do it.")?

She's in a private school that expects a lot of her. The teachers there
will not put up with stuff like homework not getting in, but since this
is a new school to us, I don't know what will happen if she doesn't.
(That would be a good question for me to ask the teacher.)


I think some communication with the teacher here is definitely
warranted, especially if you are changing strategies about
getting homework done, *especially* if it means there's a
chance that the homework won't get done.

If you want to opt out of being the nagger, then you need to
talk to your daughter so she knows what you're doing and what
your expectations are. Tell her you won't be nagging her,
but that you expect (demand) that her work get done, and if
it doesn't, there will be consequences, which you then list
and enforce as necessary. Doing this should not mean that
you can't ask in a I'm-just-curious mode about homework,
but you can't then ask about the time schedule your daughter
has to finish things, or tell her she can't do things
because her homework isn't finished (unless it's a
consequence of earlier homework not being done in a timely
manner).

Alternatively, you might give her, say, two passes per homework,
where she can say "I'll do it later". Use up the passes,
and she has to do the homework now. I agree the "I'll do
it later" thing is maddening. You're still the chief nag,
but at least there's a limit. Agree with your daughter on
how many passes are acceptable.

Fifth grade to me seems just a bit too young for some kids
to have full responsibility for getting homework done. YMMV


Scott DD 12 and DS 9

  #4  
Old November 1st 05, 08:57 PM
Sue
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Posts: n/a
Default Another homework responsibility question

"beeswing" wrote in message
oups.com...
My 5th grade daughter just started private middle school (5th through
8th), and the teacher is assigning what she calls a "weekly." It comes
out every Thursday and the work on it needs to be done by the following
Thursday. There's probably up to an hour of work a day, if it were
evenly spread out over the week. At this point, the parent signs it to
prove that they've seen it, but this will be phased out as the kid
gains more responsibility for herself.

Here's the trouble. In the past, we've monitored her homework and made
sure she did it. It's been a real pain; she's basically had to be
badgered about half the time. This year, since the homework is assigned
by the week, there's been even greater resistance: "I don't feel like
it today." "I'll work on it on the weekend." (and doesn't). "Can't I do
it later?"(and doesn't)."I'll work on it in the morning." And in the
morning, "I'll work on it tonight."

I've allowed myself to be put in the position of chief nag. I want out.
At what age is it reasonable to totally hand over responsibility for
homework completion to the kid?

More specifically: Given my daughter's age, would it be better to lay
down a few rules (such as "an hour a day," you choose the
hour...repercussions next day if hour not spent), or would it be better
to just lay out suggestions (i.e., an hour a day and if you don't do
it, it's on your shoulders), or would it be better simply to completely
hand off the responsibility and wash my hands of it ("YOU are
responsible for getting your homework done and you figure out how you
are going to do it.")?

She's in a private school that expects a lot of her. The teachers there
will not put up with stuff like homework not getting in, but since this
is a new school to us, I don't know what will happen if she doesn't.
(That would be a good question for me to ask the teacher.)

Thanks.

beeswing


I have homework struggles with my 3rd grader and I have completely washed my
hands of it. I spoke to the teacher about the problems we have and I have
asked her to be the "bad guy" and if the homework is not done, then dd3 gets
recess or something else taken away at school. I have way too many struggles
with this child, so I have to let something go and homework is going to be
one of those things. It seems to be working, as dd3 is doing her homework. I
do remind her once about it and I do tell her that she cannot go play until
it is done, but if she throws a tantrum, I just let the responsibility be in
her hands. By 5th grade, IMO it is certainly up to the child to have this
kind of responsibility. I have a 7th grader also and I can assure you that
they don't hold the parents responsible for the kids homework.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)



  #5  
Old November 2nd 05, 04:51 AM
Cathy Kearns
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Default Another homework responsibility question


"Scott" wrote in message
...
Fifth grade to me seems just a bit too young for some kids
to have full responsibility for getting homework done. YMMV


My oldest daughter had a 2nd grade teacher that insisted the student have
full responsibility for getting homework done. If they didn't do their
homework, or forgot it, they got to do it at the picnic benches during
recess, or lunch hour. In second grade they only had about 15 to 20 minutes
of homework a night, so they could finish it during recess if they tried.
My daughter and her class became very responsible, and had little problem
with homework later. With my younger daughter they moved this to 5th grade.
Well, in 5th grade you can't finish your homework in 20 minutes, so recess
isn't long enough. Even adding their whole lunch period isn't long enough.
It became to harsh, and often the teacher has to let up on it. Her class is
in 6th grade now, and is still struggling with the responsibility thing. I
prefer they start younger.

  #6  
Old November 2nd 05, 04:23 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Default Another homework responsibility question

In article .com,
beeswing wrote:

At what age is it reasonable to totally hand over responsibility for
homework completion to the kid?


This varies considerably between kids. My 7th grader didn't have homework
in 4th or 5th. Last year in 6th he definitely considered it his
responsibility but I did need to have a little involvement in helping him
plan his time, as in, "What do you have for homework? How long is it going
to take? Are you going to be able to fit it in if we do Hebrew and Tae
Kwon Do today? (He can choose which days' TKD classes to attend.) etc..."

This year, it just gets done. He does not have rules surrounding
homework (such as, must be done before he plays) or anything, he just
does it and I don't need to know about it. He still has a planner that
he has to get signed every night, and one of the things I asked his
teacher at parent interviews was what my signature in that planner
signifies to her (because what it signifies to us is that my son
remembered to ask me to sign it, which he never does until he feels his
homework is completed). She said there were no issues with his
homework, so if that was working for us, to stick with it.

His homework is mostly the "due tomorrow" type, though, which is easier
to manage. Weekly assignments require a lot more discipline. We do
get some of those, but not on a regular basis.

More specifically: Given my daughter's age, would it be better to lay
down a few rules (such as "an hour a day," you choose the
hour...repercussions next day if hour not spent), or would it be better
to just lay out suggestions (i.e., an hour a day and if you don't do
it, it's on your shoulders), or would it be better simply to completely
hand off the responsibility and wash my hands of it ("YOU are
responsible for getting your homework done and you figure out how you
are going to do it.")?


Ask her what she thinks the rules should be and how much help/support
she thinks she needs from you. Then, give that a try. You should
definitely be moving toward "homework is your responsibility" even if
she's not totally ready for that right now. If she says she thinks
there should be no rules, ask her how she plans to avoid being
overwhelmed on Thursday night. And, as others have suggested, do keep
the teacher in the loop as you let her experiment with various
approaches.

Good luck!

--Robyn

..

  #7  
Old November 6th 05, 05:52 PM
beeswing
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Default Another homework responsibility question

Thanks, everyone, for the comments and good advice. As it turns out,
The Kid did get her homework packet done last week, although it took
some badgering early on and she did "forget" to answer one question. On
the other hand, she'd wrapped up her homework earlier in the week than
was truly necessary, so she might have a slightly better handle on it
than I thought. On the third hand , I haven't seen her spending time
on this week's homework packet this weekend.... I'm gonna sit back a
little more this week and see what happens, though I will "suggest" she
spends some time on homework today...for starters. No badgering though.
I'm out of the badgering business. (I hope.)

beeswing

  #8  
Old November 17th 05, 09:12 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Another homework responsibility question

A followup on the homework situtation.

The week I didn't badger my daughter was the week things didn't get
done. And so this week, she still has half of the previous week's
homework to turn in, plus a whole new week of assignments, and is
developing severe writer's block and anxiety. She hates to fail, but
she clearly feels overwhelmed.

This school has much more demanding homework than her previous school,
and their expectations far are higher. My daughter is a perfectionist
who tends to shut down when she feels she can't do well enough. She's
smart enough to do the work, but she's not used to this level of
challenge; she's used to most things coming to her easily. She's also
not used to work being assigned on weekly insteady of a daily basis,
and the combination of the two isn't good.

In short, we have a letter into her teacher/advisor to meet with her to
discuss what our alternatives are and what suggestions she might have
to offer.

My daughter really wants to succeed at her new school, but the pressure
to want to do so is making things even worse for her. She told me she
was waking up at 3 a.m. (I assume from the stress.) Has anyone here had
a kid who had to negotiate through this kind of transition? How did you
(and your kid) handle it? Do you have any suggestions of alternatives I
might want to discuss or approaches I might take with the teacher? They
really *do* have a lot of homework at this school, even if my kid
wasn't currently frozen like a dear in the headlights at this point.

Thanks.

beeswing

  #9  
Old November 17th 05, 09:54 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Another homework responsibility question

I wrote:

even if my kid
wasn't currently frozen like a dear in the headlights at this point.


Or a deer, even. Though I kind of like it the way I wrote it.

beeswing

  #10  
Old November 17th 05, 10:26 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Another homework responsibility question

I wrote:

In short, we have a letter into her teacher/advisor to meet with her to
discuss what our alternatives are and what suggestions she might have
to offer.


To follow up my followup, the teacher wrote back and it was clear that
she just thought my daughter needed organizational skills and a bigger
carrot. She totally missed the boat. My daughter isn't undermotivated,
she's overwhelmed to a point she can't function. I see a conference on
the horizon, and it may not be a comfortable one.

Again...any ideas? Thanks.

beeswing

 




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