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#1
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6 yo nervous about music program
Tonight there is a music program at dd (6 yo) school. Apparently it
is to be similar to last year, in which the K-1-2 grade kids sang holiday songs. The last couple of days dd had been saying she doesn't want to participate, that she's afraid, nervous... that sort of thing. This morning she got pretty upset and was adamant she does *not* want to sing. She's participated in programs before (last year and at preschool) without such trepidation so this is sort of surprising to me. I'm guessing this is typical stage-fright and nothing deeper. On the one hand I want her to participate, as I think she'll be okay once she gets involved, and I used to get stage-fright before ballet recitals and plays and know it isn't that big of a deal. However, I don't want to push her to do something that is pretty upsetting for her. It's not like this is a team sport or group that her absence will have an effect on. The kids weren't really given the opportunity to opt-out of the program unless there were cultural or religious objections. So she didn't choose to sign up for the program, thus making it necessary for me to see she follows through. I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? Thanks! Nan |
#2
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6 yo nervous about music program
"Nan" wrote in message ... Tonight there is a music program at dd (6 yo) school. Apparently it is to be similar to last year, in which the K-1-2 grade kids sang holiday songs. The last couple of days dd had been saying she doesn't want to participate, that she's afraid, nervous... that sort of thing. This morning she got pretty upset and was adamant she does *not* want to sing. She's participated in programs before (last year and at preschool) without such trepidation so this is sort of surprising to me. I'm guessing this is typical stage-fright and nothing deeper. On the one hand I want her to participate, as I think she'll be okay once she gets involved, and I used to get stage-fright before ballet recitals and plays and know it isn't that big of a deal. However, I don't want to push her to do something that is pretty upsetting for her. It's not like this is a team sport or group that her absence will have an effect on. The kids weren't really given the opportunity to opt-out of the program unless there were cultural or religious objections. So she didn't choose to sign up for the program, thus making it necessary for me to see she follows through. I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? I used to help with my daughter's dance school's preschool show. At before age six I'd say there's a 20% chance your child will not go out onto the stage, so don't bring in Grama and Grampa from 400 miles away, it just makes the kids more nervous. But at age 6, singing in a big group, I think it's something more than stage fright. You might try talking with the teacher, to see if there was something during practice that made her nervous. Perhaps she has a solo or small number of singers part. Perhaps she once hit a note that the music teacher singled her out for. Perhaps friends around her have been teasing her about her singing. If you could find out what it was, then you could talk to that point. But if you don't have time to narrow it down I'd say take her to go watch with you. After a year of watching, and seeing how you can't see individual kids, and seeing how much the audience loves the group, she'll be back up there next year. |
#3
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6 yo nervous about music program
Nan wrote:
Tonight there is a music program at dd (6 yo) school. Apparently it is to be similar to last year, in which the K-1-2 grade kids sang holiday songs. The last couple of days dd had been saying she doesn't want to participate, that she's afraid, nervous... that sort of thing. This morning she got pretty upset and was adamant she does *not* want to sing. She's participated in programs before (last year and at preschool) without such trepidation so this is sort of surprising to me. I'm guessing this is typical stage-fright and nothing deeper. On the one hand I want her to participate, as I think she'll be okay once she gets involved, and I used to get stage-fright before ballet recitals and plays and know it isn't that big of a deal. However, I don't want to push her to do something that is pretty upsetting for her. It's not like this is a team sport or group that her absence will have an effect on. The kids weren't really given the opportunity to opt-out of the program unless there were cultural or religious objections. So she didn't choose to sign up for the program, thus making it necessary for me to see she follows through. I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? If I were you, I would absolutely insist she go on. There's no reason why she can't (unless you turn up some good reason). You can negotiate with her to find some ways to make it more comfortable for her, and you might be able to involve the teacher (who might know something you don't about what's causing the trouble). Can she stand next to her best friend? Will she feel better wearing a favorite outfit? Would a "lucky charm" help? It might be one thing if somehow you'd put her in a position where she was being asked to do something unusually difficult, but this is just a garden-variety school music program. She's done it before, and she'll be doing it again. If you let her off the hook to face her fears tonight, she'll likely be even more afraid next time. This is a perfect opportunity for her to face her fears and realize that she can do that. That said, are you sure something else isn't going on? What's different this year? Does she have a solo? Is one of the kids picking on her? Has the teacher been going on and on about how everything has to be perfect or somehow raising the bar? Is there something about the physical setup? Has someone been playing up how there'll be huge crowds of people and the kids won't want to embarrass themselves? (That seems to happen sometimes when the kids haven't been paying attention and working at rehearsals, so the teacher snaps and tells them they're going to embarrass themselves in front of all their family and friends.) Are they playing up someone important in the audience? I'll bet you find there's *something* going on. She should still go on, unless it's something really weird or serious, but if you know what it is, maybe you can help her cope better. Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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6 yo nervous about music program
Nan wrote: I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? You've failed as a parent. Thanks! Welcome! -L. |
#5
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6 yo nervous about music program
On Thu, 07 Dec 2006 15:39:30 GMT, "Cathy Kearns"
wrote: I used to help with my daughter's dance school's preschool show. At before age six I'd say there's a 20% chance your child will not go out onto the stage, so don't bring in Grama and Grampa from 400 miles away, it just makes the kids more nervous. But at age 6, singing in a big group, I think it's something more than stage fright. You might try talking with the teacher, to see if there was something during practice that made her nervous. Perhaps she has a solo or small number of singers part. Perhaps she once hit a note that the music teacher singled her out for. Perhaps friends around her have been teasing her about her singing. If you could find out what it was, then you could talk to that point. But if you don't have time to narrow it down I'd say take her to go watch with you. After a year of watching, and seeing how you can't see individual kids, and seeing how much the audience loves the group, she'll be back up there next year. Thanks for responding Cathy. The thought of a solo occurred to me, but neither the music teacher nor the classroom teacher mentioned anything to me. I hope I'm right in thinking someone would inform me so I could make sure she'd be there, or help her work on her part at home. The teasing.... I don't know that that would have happened, as my dd sings... all the time. In class. In stores. In the car. All the time, lol. But, I do agree this is different than being on stage and actually being aware of people that are paying attention to you. Nan |
#6
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6 yo nervous about music program
On Thu, 07 Dec 2006 12:23:34 -0500, Ericka Kammerer
wrote: Nan wrote: Tonight there is a music program at dd (6 yo) school. Apparently it is to be similar to last year, in which the K-1-2 grade kids sang holiday songs. The last couple of days dd had been saying she doesn't want to participate, that she's afraid, nervous... that sort of thing. This morning she got pretty upset and was adamant she does *not* want to sing. She's participated in programs before (last year and at preschool) without such trepidation so this is sort of surprising to me. I'm guessing this is typical stage-fright and nothing deeper. On the one hand I want her to participate, as I think she'll be okay once she gets involved, and I used to get stage-fright before ballet recitals and plays and know it isn't that big of a deal. However, I don't want to push her to do something that is pretty upsetting for her. It's not like this is a team sport or group that her absence will have an effect on. The kids weren't really given the opportunity to opt-out of the program unless there were cultural or religious objections. So she didn't choose to sign up for the program, thus making it necessary for me to see she follows through. I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? If I were you, I would absolutely insist she go on. There's no reason why she can't (unless you turn up some good reason). You can negotiate with her to find some ways to make it more comfortable for her, and you might be able to involve the teacher (who might know something you don't about what's causing the trouble). Can she stand next to her best friend? Will she feel better wearing a favorite outfit? Would a "lucky charm" help? She has a kitty-lovey that goes everywhere with her. If she's *really* having a bad time I can ask the teacher if she can hold the kitty. It's small enough not to cause distraction. We got a nice dress and new shoes that she's excited about wearing. It might be one thing if somehow you'd put her in a position where she was being asked to do something unusually difficult, but this is just a garden-variety school music program. She's done it before, and she'll be doing it again. If you let her off the hook to face her fears tonight, she'll likely be even more afraid next time. This is a perfect opportunity for her to face her fears and realize that she can do that. True. That said, are you sure something else isn't going on? What's different this year? Does she have a solo? Is one of the kids picking on her? Has the teacher been going on and on about how everything has to be perfect or somehow raising the bar? Is there something about the physical setup? Has someone been playing up how there'll be huge crowds of people and the kids won't want to embarrass themselves? (That seems to happen sometimes when the kids haven't been paying attention and working at rehearsals, so the teacher snaps and tells them they're going to embarrass themselves in front of all their family and friends.) Are they playing up someone important in the audience? I'll bet you find there's *something* going on. She should still go on, unless it's something really weird or serious, but if you know what it is, maybe you can help her cope better. I'll talk to her when she comes home and see if I can find anything out. I *hope* the music teacher didn't apply too much pressure to them, but one never knows. It could be that she's simply heard talk about a lot of family members being there and that is what is bothering her. Thanks for your thoughts! Nan |
#7
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6 yo nervous about music program
On 7 Dec 2006 09:24:04 -0800, "-L." wrote:
Nan wrote: I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? You've failed as a parent. Thanks! Welcome! -L. Thanks for your thoughts! Nan |
#8
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6 yo nervous about music program
Nan wrote:
Tonight there is a music program at dd (6 yo) school. Apparently it is to be similar to last year, in which the K-1-2 grade kids sang holiday songs. The last couple of days dd had been saying she doesn't want to participate, that she's afraid, nervous... that sort of thing. This morning she got pretty upset and was adamant she does *not* want to sing. My mom used to have to force me to do any performances. I just didn't like them. (My sister really loved them.) She's participated in programs before (last year and at preschool) without such trepidation so this is sort of surprising to me. I'm guessing this is typical stage-fright and nothing deeper. On the one hand I want her to participate, as I think she'll be okay once she gets involved, and I used to get stage-fright before ballet recitals and plays and know it isn't that big of a deal. However, I don't want to push her to do something that is pretty upsetting for her. It's not like this is a team sport or group that her absence will have an effect on. The kids weren't really given the opportunity to opt-out of the program unless there were cultural or religious objections. So she didn't choose to sign up for the program, thus making it necessary for me to see she follows through. I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? Thanks! Nan I agree with Erika at least in part. I think she must participate. But you don't have to disregard her feelings altogether. You can tell her that most people get nervous before a performance and that it makes them do it better in a lot of cases. And if she's not singing a solo and is adamant that she isn't going to sing, I'd tell her that she has to go and be in the group, and at least fake singing. My thinking is that once she gets up there, it will be easier to go ahead and sing. |
#9
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6 yo nervous about music program
On Thu, 07 Dec 2006 18:22:07 GMT, Rosalie B.
wrote: Nan wrote: Tonight there is a music program at dd (6 yo) school. Apparently it is to be similar to last year, in which the K-1-2 grade kids sang holiday songs. The last couple of days dd had been saying she doesn't want to participate, that she's afraid, nervous... that sort of thing. This morning she got pretty upset and was adamant she does *not* want to sing. My mom used to have to force me to do any performances. I just didn't like them. (My sister really loved them.) She's participated in programs before (last year and at preschool) without such trepidation so this is sort of surprising to me. I'm guessing this is typical stage-fright and nothing deeper. On the one hand I want her to participate, as I think she'll be okay once she gets involved, and I used to get stage-fright before ballet recitals and plays and know it isn't that big of a deal. However, I don't want to push her to do something that is pretty upsetting for her. It's not like this is a team sport or group that her absence will have an effect on. The kids weren't really given the opportunity to opt-out of the program unless there were cultural or religious objections. So she didn't choose to sign up for the program, thus making it necessary for me to see she follows through. I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? Thanks! Nan I agree with Erika at least in part. I think she must participate. But you don't have to disregard her feelings altogether. You can tell her that most people get nervous before a performance and that it makes them do it better in a lot of cases. And if she's not singing a solo and is adamant that she isn't going to sing, I'd tell her that she has to go and be in the group, and at least fake singing. My thinking is that once she gets up there, it will be easier to go ahead and sing. Thanks Rosalie. Nan |
#10
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6 yo nervous about music program
Ha ha ha.
She told you, moo. "Nan" wrote in message ... On 7 Dec 2006 09:24:04 -0800, "-L." wrote: Nan wrote: I'm waffling... any thoughts from you guys? You've failed as a parent. Thanks! Welcome! -L. Thanks for your thoughts! Nan |
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