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Parental Kidnapping Help (was What do do when wife seizes child)
28. Print this email out & look it over
If you reply back to a specific #, cut the rest o' the stuff OUT. Pare down the tome in that #, too =) If you add to it, create a new number. When this expires from the newsgroup, repost it. I went through a 2 month parental kidnapping; so much for 10 months of marriage counseling. I learned more after the fact, of what I could do. 1. First & foremost TYPE UP 2 separate documents. a. everything that has happened & b. what is pertinent that lead up to the kidnapping. 2. Remove the vitriol from them; have friends help edit it OUT. Police & the courts see this & more vicious crap everyday. They are emotionally tired. Being polite & being calmly "emotionally worn out& beaten into the dust" HUMBLED anger is what you need to work yourself into. -take a Traditional JAPANESE or Chinese martial arts class or ANYTHING to start burning off the anger & learn to control your outward condition. Even running! Watch a comedy with violence & justice- Jackie Chan, westerns, etc. Laugh! Find SOMETHING that can make you laugh, or you'll become a husk that friends will NOT want to be around. Watch dry British humour- PBS & www.NPR.org on the radio- esp on the weekends ( www.phc.mpr.org http://www.tavistalks.com A car show CAN be fun for non-gearheads... www.cartalk.com ) 60 mpg http://www.cartalk.com/content/testd...rius-2004.html http://www.cartalk.com/content/features/hybrid/ Koan: A boisterous student approached a Zen master- how do I find God & Enlightenment? The master walked the student to a stream, then grabbed him by the hair & pulled him, thrashing under for a minute "What did you want while underwater?", he asked "Air!" "When you want to find God & Enlightenment as much as you just wanted air, come back & talk with me." Stay serious & humble. 3. Do not let your attorney keep any evidence as "surprise" for later down the road. Use it NOW. 4. Also learn how to fill out a subpoena & research the contact information for the firm that you'll be filing to. Find your state's subpoena PDF or spreadsheet on the web, or call your State printing office, or State attorney general's office. Phone records only exist for 2-3 months- don't let your attorney be lazy, or play games & file things 6 months later. Once attorneys get your deposit, it's hard to get it back... Read through this about picking an attorney. 5. If the spouse- (esp. if there hasn't been a filing for divorce yet) is a danger to the child, & you have proof, you may file for an emergency mental inquest (usually where there are EPO's in the police dept.) -The scary thing about such a situation , is that there is so much happening to you, that you forget facts like these. I had an inkling of this when the kidnapping stated, but for some reason didn't feel it was appropriate to have my quite-definetly-about-to-become ex/ mother of my li'l girl arrested in such a fashion. I then literally forgot this option- by week 3, if I'd remembered this, I'd've used it in a heartbeat. Hoo boy, was I an idiot {grin} Did I mention that a drug test is common with this? 6. Lawyer 1 was wrong. Lawyer 2 told me that my original idea was correct; if in a public setting (mall, etc) I allowed my daughter to run over to me, the ball would be in my court. I've had this agreed upon by various police officers, police detectives & attorneys. Possession's 9/10 of the law, is true. I've also been told that a mildly more forward method may be used, but make certain you have a birth certificate, photos from birth onward with you & your child, anything that connects your with your wee one! 7. You may consider filing an EPO yourself, requesting temp. emergency custody. 7B. You may file an EPO upon your child's behalf, showing they are being emotionally & psychologically hurt; if any physical medical concerns are to be addressed, you WILL need a Dr's testimony. You don't run across many interested or intelligent judges. Too many of them are lawyers that couldn't cut it in the real world. 8. The police do not step in on these issues, unless there is a court-sanctioned (ie not necessarily a judge's order, but a document of both parties filed with the court) When such a document is in place & the parental kidnapping is obvious, you can check with your state's law, through your local legislators- hit your state & federal congressional offices- they can be made to do work FOR you. 9. ie the police will still probably be stand-offiish, but can be made to do their job (this is one facet they are not informed of). Correct that by having legislators's depts CONTACT the precinct. 10. If the child has been taken across state lines, the FBI will intercede, but ONLY to return the child. 11. She strong-armed me though her attorney for a god-awfull "temporary arrangement" & set an aggressive child-support payment that Laywer 1 never even questioned. 12. Use Missouri's child-support model at ALL times. 13. Talk to your local police officers (that are in the courthouses). Learn what they know of cases like this. 14. RECORD all conversations. Buy a digital audio recorder (under $100) Otherwise you run through tapes like mad. It also allows you to organize well. A video camera works well; mini tapes can be copied to VHS. 15. Phone conversations are best ran though something like modem spy 3.2. www.modemspy.com When getting thing "in the wild" or even sometimes from pay-sites, always wait a few days after DL & keep checking the prg with a virus scanner. Recording a 2 person conversation is Federally legal. You will find that even in most phone books. It's illegal when recording 3+ persons -it gets sticky 7 obfusicated, but for the most part , in 3+ kinda legal if all but 1 knows its being recorded. Video taping a speakerphone reduces "it's been doctored' allegations. Keep angry facial expressions off the tape; point the camera elsewhere after initially filming yourself. Keep yourself CALM. 16. A warning: If your ex gets you arrested on EPO charges, you CANNOT call a cell phone from jail. Thankfully, for my home business, I have my land-line set to auto-forward to my cell after 4 rings or busy. You can ask the phone co to set the above 2 (two) features to roll to the cell. Check the from of your white/yellow pages for features. You can use 1172, 10 digit # for semi-perm & 1173 to turn off. 17. Also, call-block for no ID usually screens out from-jail-calls. You may have close family turn that off, until you get a solid arrangement. 18. Picking an EFFECTIVE lawyer; ask your police, esp child support detectives, or police that deal with family issues, check around court rooms & legal filing rooms. Gyms, martial arts schools are 2ndary ways to meet offices, but on-the-job is best. 19. learn how to do the job yourself, to maximize your attorney's time & save as much of your retainer as you can Find out who in the family are attorneys & are in pertinent State jobs- you'll be surprised. 20. NEVER try to do the job pro-se as I did, in parts; you are not entitled to the side-bar conversations, or pre-court meeting before court. (atty-atty) or (atty-court aide/worker) or (both attys(2+) & judge) These are where most of the case decisions are actually done- the court-room is a mere formality. 21. Look into buying a book: Win your child custody war www.custodywar.com $80 +8 Again, do NOT do this yourself, pro-se. But get prepped, to cut down your lawyer bills. 22. You just got of mail from her attorney: It has what looks like a judges order in it. Don't panic ! All attorneys file their motions with papers all-ready-filled-out the way THEY want a judge to sign them. It's not official until a judge signs it, or both parties (& their lawyers) sign it. 23. If you both sign something without lawyers, go to your bank & have it notarized for free. 24. Learn about clock & dropping, etc. Hang around the clerk's office & just listen to the attorneys talk for a bit. Shut up & listen. Also around EPO records rooms, where attorney have to wait; stay POLITE & concise. Do the same around the court rooms. Talk when you have pertinent & legal questions. I over-heard that polygraph tests are usable in family court (KY) when there may be SERIOUS harm to the child. I politely waited until the lawyer was done speaking to their lady client & politely asked about THAT alone. Don't unload your story- just ask about THAT fact. 25. Perjury is a felony with 1 year prison terms. 26. Push to get a GAL (Guardian ad litem) lawyer; this is a lawyer appointed by the court & paid for via the State to look out for the best interest of the children. 27. As Bill Cosby jokes, if you have only 1 kid, you're not really a parent =) http://www.tavistalks.com 27. God only helps those who help themselves; I'm not religious, agnostic really & still occasionally go to church; I take my daughter because it's a good moral foundation. On that note, everyone on both sides of a divorce has my best wishes for getting to a sane life.. for the child's sake. 28. Print this email out & look it over If you reply back to a specific #, cut the rest o' the stuff OUT. Pare down the tome in that #, too =) If you add to it, create a new number. When this expires from the newsgroup, repost it. |
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