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Discipline Without Spanking



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 16th 08, 01:17 AM posted to alt.parenting.spanking
Ivan Gowch
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Posts: 28
Default Discipline Without Spanking

How to Discipline a Child Effectively Without Spanking

Parenting is both a challenging and rewarding experience. As with any
job, it requires a complete set of "tools" to be effective. Choosing
not to spank your child can be especially difficult if you were raised
otherwise (as most people were). Follow these steps to discover
various techniques that you can use alone or combine in order to
become a more effective parent.


Steps:

-Choose not to spank. This may seem obvious, but there is a world of
difference between choosing to spank under certain circumstances and
declaring to yourself and others that you will never spank your
children.

-Forgive yourself if you have spanked in the past. You can only rely
on what you know. Now that you are learning a different technique, it
is time to move forward instead of dwelling in the past.

-Let your immediate family know about your decision. Apologize to your
children if you feel the need.

-Learn about childhood development. If you know what your child can
feasibly understand at any given age, you will be better prepared to
know when discipline is necessary and when it's best to just ignore
certain behaviors.

Research the diverse techniques:

-Natural and Logical Consequences. The basic concept behind these
twinned methods is to let nature run its course in most cases (natural
consequences) or provide a logical consequence when there is no
natural consequence (as in the case of sibling A breaking sibling B's
toy when sibling B is far younger) or when the natural consequence can
be too dangerous (such as the case of a child trying to run out in the
middle of the road).

-Positive Discipline. A technique that sees misbehavior as an
opportunity for teaching new behaviors. Also includes setting positive
examples in the way you, the parent, act, and eliminating negative
language (such as "don't do that" and changing it to "Why don't you do
this instead).

-The Reward System. Intended as a supplement for other methods of
discipline, the reward system focuses on ignoring any 'non-harmful'
misbehaviors (such as when your child insists upon your immediate
attention whenever you are on an important phone call) and going out
of your way to praise positive behavior (for example, the child is
cleaning his or her room with little or no prompting).

-Combine the techniques as situations warrant. For example: You may
"catch your child being good" (reward system) when he or she plays
nicely with a sibling. Later that day, you could let him or her leave
a toy out when you know it's going to rain (natural consequences).
After the child has learned the toy is ruined, you could show him or
her how you organize your things (positive discipline).
Keep at it. As with learning anything new, no-spank techniques can be
difficult to master.

Tips:

-If you are a parent who has previously spanked, you may notice a
worsening of behavior before it gets better. This is normal as your
children are simply testing whether or not you will spank them. When
they realize you won't, their behavior will improve in about a week or
so.

Some examples of natural and logical consequences:

@Natural Consequence: If a child leaves his toy outside it will get
lost or ruined.

@Logical Consequence: If a child A breaks child B's toy, then child B
gets one of child A's toys.

@Natural Consequence: A child leaves his or her umbrella at school.
The child will get wet the next time it rains.

@Logical Consequence: A child keeps running into the road. The child
will not be allowed to play outside.

Recognize that you will slip up. Forgive yourself and move on.
Everyone has a bad day and no one is perfect.

Children learn by parents' examples. If they do not get spanked by
parents, the child will not hit when upset with their peers. A child
will relate spanking to hitting.

Spanking one sibling because they refuse to relinquish their toy to
the other sibling can cause resentment between the two siblings. Teach
them to take turns, but also understand and allow more time if the one
still wants to play with it, by agreeing that they can wait a few
minutes, and then it's the other's turn. You will find that they will
gladly turn it over willingly by waiting a little bit longer.

Warnings

Your spouse may think you're insane or completely disagree with you
regarding your decision. If this is the case, say something along the
lines of "Why don't we try it out for a month, just to see what
happens?"

Don't expect these techniques to work on their own. You need to be an
active participant in your child's discipline. Sometimes this means
getting off your tookus and turning off the TV if your child won't
listen.

Be wary of online discussion groups and forums as they easily turn
into debate sessions.

--
People who insist that they must have the
option of hurting their children are, in
fact, admitting that they are too
stupid to raise children without brute
force and not fit to be parents. -Ivan Gowch

















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  #2  
Old November 22nd 08, 09:59 AM
jackie0109 jackie0109 is offline
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Posts: 7
Default

I spank Kimi before but when I've learned the effects of spanking to her, I try to discipline her in a diplomatic but strict way without spanking.
 




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