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Enforcing Parental Rights - The Right Way
http://mensnewsdaily.com/2009/10/27/...the-right-way/
Enforcing Parental Rights - The Right Way Tuesday, October 27, 2009 By Dean M. Schreyer Parental rights are enforced through either: (a) negotiating agreements with your co-parent; or, (2) acquiring appropriate court orders. Here are the secrets for maximizing your success, in both arenas: 1. Know your parental rights. You don't have any. Nor does any other parent. Parental rights belong to the child, not to the parent. You have parental responsibilities, and the powers and authorities essential for discharging those responsibilities. These are not "rights," in the conventional sense, in that you are not "allowed" to use these powers and authorities, if and when you so choose. You are required to use them, on behalf of our child, at all times. 2. Know your child's parental rights. Your child's parental rights include your best efforts to enforce those rights. That includes, among other things, putting your child's needs and interests first. Not yours. Your child's parental rights also include liberal access to, and quality parenting from, both parents. Unless you or your co-parent is unfit, your parental responsibilities include your best efforts to enforce these parental rights, as zealously as you would any other. 3. Know how to discuss parental rights. Similarly, your purpose for discussing your child, with your co-parent, with the Court, or with your lawyer, is to protect and to promote your child's rights and interests. Not yours. Discussing your own needs and interests, rather than those of your child, suggests that you assign little or no importance to your child's welfare whenever it is inconvenient for you to do so. Check your needs and interests at the door. Do not discuss them. Do not refer to them. Do not even mention them. 4. Know who "owns" your child. You do not own your child. Lincoln freed the slaves. Since then, human beings may not "own" other human beings. Even if they are parent and child. Indeed, if anyone owns anyone, your responsibilities to your child suggest that your child owns you, not vice versa. 5. Know the relationship between your child's welfare and yours. Your welfare is crucial to your child's welfare. That means you have a duty to your child to be as strong, happy and healthy as is possible. To do otherwise will decrease your ability to show up as a parent, and will set the wrong example for your child to follow later. Hence, protecting your child's parental rights absolutely requires protecting your health and welfare, to the wall. You cannot put your child's interests first, unless your health and welfare allow you to do so. 6. Know your options for acquiring and enforcing parental rights. You have two options: Negotiation and litigation. Here is the answer to many of your most complicated questions: There are two ways, and only two ways, to get anything done for your child. They a (a) You attempt to convince your co-parent agree to it; or, (b) You attempt to convince the court to order it. There are no other options. Ever. 7. Know the Eight Magic Words essential for acquiring and enforcing parental rights. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember to use these eight magic words, religiously: "This is in our child's best interests, because . . ." Every argument, suggestion, position or perspective that you and your lawyer advance, either to the court or to your co-parent, must begin with these magic words. Arguments that do not begin with these words will have zero merit or relevance. They will also kill your credibility as a concerned parent. Throw them out now, save everyone else the trouble, and save yourself the embarrassment. 8. Know how to label your child. You should refer to your child in only the following ways: (a) "Our child;" (b) "Our son" (c) "Our daughter;" and, (d) By your child's first name. Let's make very sure that we clearly understand the following, key concepts: (a) "Children" are "persons," not "property;" (b) "Persons" have rights and interests. "Property" does not; and, (c) "Children" need constant access to, and parenting from, both parents. "Property" does not. If you refer to your child as "my" anything, it will suggest the following: (1) You believe that your child is an item of mere property, that you somehow own, rather than a sovereign human being for whom you are responsible; or, (2) You are unable or unwilling to recognize how essential it is to the child to have constant access to, and parenting from, the other parent; or, (3) Both of the above. When referring to your child, always use the options suggested above to avoid this problem. 9. Know how to choose the right attorney. You owe it to your child to choose an attorney that thoroughly understands and adheres to these concepts. Your job is to protect and to promote your child's rights and interests. Your attorney's job is to help you to do that. If your attorney is not helping you to put your child first, find another attorney who does. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Attorney Dean M. Schreyer is licensed to practice in California, and serves as a staff attorney at Men's Legal Center in San Diego. To find out more about either Mr. Schreyer or Men's Legal Center, please go to: www.menslegal.com. The material on this document is intended for informational purposes only, and does not constitute legal or other professional advice for any purpose. No attorney/client relationship, and no confidential relationship of any kind, is formed by reviewing or using this material in any way, or from any direct or indirect contact with any attorney arising from that review or use. If you need legal or other professional services, consult with the appropriate, competent attorney or other professional. |
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