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intro and question attachment parenting



 
 
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  #21  
Old October 16th 03, 11:39 AM
Alicia
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Default intro and question attachment parenting

Hello Robyn, you had some really good tips here, like only doing one calming
thing at a time to avoid overstimulation. I will keep that in mind. As for
the milk thing, I am allergic to milk myself, so I don't have any dairy at
all in my diet. Including things like whey, casein, butteroil etc. I am
very careful to avoid it. But I will try to keep track of other things that
may be affecting him. I also really appreciate what you said about him
knowing who is nursing and loving him, even if I have to let him cry on his
own now and then. As for the rest: I walk each day for about an hour or
so. I sleep with the baby in the afternoon and sometimes in the morning,
and my hubby does all the chores (bless his heart). We have found that
running the water in the tub works really well to calm him down. We just
sit with him in the bathroom and let him space out while he listens to the
water. He also likes to be carried on his stomach like you mentioned, under
the arm. I just wish that I could put my baby down for a nap without having
him suckling. He always wakes up as soon as I take him off the breast.
Unless we are sleeping together for a nap, or overnight, then he's fine.
But during the day he's always got to be in the Snugli or at my breast. I
guess things are getting better now that I look back on it though because he
used to have to be on my breast all night too, and now he's much more
independent. Yay! So, things are progressing. I'll post again in a week
or two and see how things are going then. Thanks again,
Alicia



"Robin" wrote in message
om...
Alicia,

Your experience rings a lot of bells for me. I didn't label my
baby-handling approach, but I used a lot of AP techniques, including
co-sleeping, for the first few months. But my first baby was colicky
and, like yours, "sucky" -- always wanting the breast or (when he was
able) his hand. And he spent most of his waking hours crying. I looked
at my friends whose babies woke up calm and spent most of their waking
hours with their eyes open and their mouths shut (the opposite of
mine) and could NOT figure out what I was doing wrong, and they
couldn't figure out why I was always so stressed out and couldn't
"manage" my baby. The point was, I wasn't doing anything wrong. In
fact, many of my friends with "easy" first babies had a much "harder"
second baby, whereas I had an "easy" second baby! So it's not the
parent ... some babies are just like that.

You've already gotten some very good advice on this thread: Take care
of yourself (or you won't be able to care for your baby). Get
assistance --remember that AP is built on a model in which parents
didn't do everything alone. And you'll bond just fine -- that baby
knows who's nursing him and loving him, and a little crying alone when
you need a few minutes' sanity break won't damage that bond.

Here are some other tips, in no particular order, that really helped
me.

1. I couldn't use a sling, despite trying several brands. I'm too
busty and short-waisted for any of them to fit, and I couldn't wear my
baby safely or comfortably in one. My salvation was a Baby Bjorn front
carrier, which was better than any other carrier I tried, and is
adaptable for both very young babies and older ones. Since my kids
didn't walk till 17 months, I got a lot of use out of my Bjorn!

2. Some of my baby's colic, it turned out, was allergy to some things
that were coming through my breastmilk. The big one was milk protein.
I'm lactose intolerant and so take in very little dairy, but even the
lactose-free products and the aged cheese I used carried enough milk
protein to trigger my child's crying jags. When I cut out ALL dairy
products from my diet, the crying cut way down. This takes a lot of
label reading -- watch out for breads, margarines, and prepared foods,
and ingredients such as whey or "milk solids." But it was well worth
the trouble, and I wish it hadn't taken me so long to discover this.
It also helped when I eliminated garlic. My lactation consultant says
that some babies love garlic-flavored milk, but mine was apparently
sensitive to it.

3. My son often settled down when I held him on my shoulder -- "right
the way over," as our wonderful NP described it, balancing on his
tummy with his head partway down my back. I remember one night I spent
mopping the kitchen floor one-handed with him over my shoulder,
because in any other position he'd cry, and he also seemed to like it
when I was in motion. Or I held him at my side, under my curled arm,
with his tummy balanced on my wrist and him facing the floor. It looks
really funny, but it worked for us. He also liked when I held him up
in the air, over my head, with my hand on either side of his torso,
but you can't walk around that way ;-)

4. It helped to get outside as much as possible -- walking, strolling,
or just stepping out the front door with the baby for a "porch break."
This helped my frame of mind, too.

5. Sleep when the baby sleeps. When people told me this, I said,
"Yeah, right." But really -- whatever you were planning on doing
during that nap is not so important as falling over. Learning to nurse
lying down was a real help, since my all-day sucker could go for an
hour on a single breast, and I could just doze off with him attached.

6. One of the best tips I got for calming a colicky baby is that
whatever strategy you use -- patting, singing, stroking, humming,
rocking, walking, etc. -- use only one at a time. That is, don't rock
and sing, but do one or the other for a little while, then switch to
something new if that didn't work. Sometimes too many "calming"
activities just overstimulates a sensitive baby.

Good luck, and let us know how you do.

--Robin


  #22  
Old October 16th 03, 03:05 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Posts: n/a
Default intro and question attachment parenting

In article uJpjb.103761$9l5.97586@pd7tw2no,
Alicia wrote:
I just wish that I could put my baby down for a nap without having
him suckling. He always wakes up as soon as I take him off the breast.
Unless we are sleeping together for a nap, or overnight, then he's fine.
But during the day he's always got to be in the Snugli or at my breast.


You might want to pick up Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Sleep Solution".
It offers advice on changing your baby's sleep habits without making them
"cry it out" (a la Ferber). In particular, she does address the issue
of the baby always needing to fall asleep at the breast. (I believe she
might recommend slipping in a pacifier to replace it though, which I know
you currently don't want to try.) It's probably worth the time to scan
through it, at least so you understand the sleep patterns that are getting
set up.

Good luck!
--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01) who is, btw,
friends with but a different person from the Robin you were responding to
who gave you all the advice on using one method at a time, etc....

  #23  
Old October 16th 03, 04:46 PM
Rosalie B.
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Posts: n/a
Default intro and question attachment parenting

Alicia wrote:

Hello Sue, thanks for not being redundant. : ) I agree that I have been
given some great advice here, and I have taken it to heart. As for
answering your questions:
1. Baby cries mostly in the evening, or during the day if he's tired or
hungry.


I don't know if you've considered that some babies apparently just cry
at the end of the day. In my day that was called colic. We never
found a good solution for that. I myself considered that perhaps
because *I* was more tired or tense or that I might have less milk at
that time.

I didn't call it attachment parenting when I was doing it - I bf and
picked the kids up when they cried although I didn't co-sleep.

I think that while a lot of what goes under the umbrella of attachment
parenting is good, but I think there's a lot of unnecessary guilt
attached to it when parents are made to feel that a crying baby means
failure as a parent or a failure at doing attachment parenting. That
just isn't so.

There are going to be a LOT of times that you won't be able to help
your child, and/or will have to do things (like give shots, have blood
drawn, or leave them in the care of someone else) that he will object
to and will result in crying. To think otherwise, IMHO is
unrealistic.

And some babies just cry more than others do. All mine were very
placid babies and rarely cried. But I did have one that insisted on
waking up and refusing to be put back to sleep around 3 am, and it
took quite a bit of effort to get her to the point where she was awake
during the dat and asleep at night.

I also feel that if he will take a pacifier (and at this point he may
not), that it would be good to give him that to give you a break from
having to have your breast in his mouth all the time.

grandma Rosalie

  #24  
Old October 16th 03, 10:02 PM
Sue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default intro and question attachment parenting

It sounds like you're doing a great job Alicia. The only thing that I would
suggest if you think you are more abnormally tired than a new mom should be,
is to have your thyroid checked. Sometimes after birth things go haywire and
being extremely tired is a sign of the thyroid not working properly. It
seems to me that you are getting plenty of opportunities to sleep ( I know
broken up sleep is not that great), so I would suspect that something is
amiss. Also, I wouldn't feel bad about using a pacifer. Babies have a strong
desire to suck and if it looks like he is getting mad at getting milk when
he doesn't want it, is actually listening to what your baby wants and is
within the realms of AP.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Alicia wrote in message
news:ZApjb.103704$9l5.62292@pd7tw2no...
Hello Sue, thanks for not being redundant. : ) I agree that I have been
given some great advice here, and I have taken it to heart. As for
answering your questions:
1. Baby cries mostly in the evening, or during the day if he's tired or
hungry.
2. He sleeps very well during the night, and naps with me during the day
for 1-3 hours as well as a number of smaller naps after feeding.
3. I don't think I am eating anything that bothers him because he doesn't
have the signs of allergies or colic, and his fussyness is usually at the
same time each day for the most part.
4. I drink some decaf coffee each day, but I am not a coffee/tea/cola
drinker. I do have a bit of chocolate each day, but again, only a small
amount.
5. I do give him a finger or thumb to suck on if we're walking, otherwise
he won't take one.
6. I think you are right that he may not want to drink, but likes the
comfort of the breast and that might be why he fusses sometimes. I think

I
will look into alternatives for pacifiers. I don't like the idea of

giving
him one, but he may benefit from it at this point.
7. I always sleep and nurse him. I barely wake up at all to feed him.

And
we have great naps together during the day.
8. My husband is really good about taking the baby when he's here thank
goodness.

My main problem is when he won't sleep and I am really tired. On a normal
basis, he's a really easy baby (aside from my exhaustion and desire to do
what I want to do instead of what I have to do....). I think I've got

some
new ideas now that have helped. I will give them a try and then see how
things go for the next week or two.
Thanks a lot for your ideas,
-Alicia


"Sue" wrote in message
...
You have gotten some good advice, but instead of me telling you to take

care
of yourself (which I agree with whole heartedly), lets try and figure

out
if
there is a cause for the crying. Does he seem to cry at night more than
during the day? Is he sleeping well? If the baby isn't sleeping enough,

then
that will make him over stimulated and too tired to sleep. Do you think
anything your eating could cause an upset tummy in him? Are you drinking

any
caffeine? If you don't want to use a pacifier, then most AP parents

suggest
giving a pinky finger to suck on. However, having the baby being two

months
means your supply is pretty well established and giving a pacifier at

this
point would not be a horrible thing. It might take care of his sucking
needs. He perhaps is getting mad at getting milk when all he wants to do

is
suck. Get better with using the sling. Using a sling saved my sanity

with
my
three girls. Can you lay down and nurse so you can sleep when he sleeps?
This takes practice, but worthwhile in the long run. Don't rule out

another
growth spurt, sometimes they can come right on top of each other. Don't

feel
bad at putting the baby down. Do you have a husband or SO that can take

the
baby for a little while so you can take a bath or for a walk? If you can
answer some of my questions, perhaps I can help more. Oh, one more

thing,
if
you think he is gassy or upset tummy, then try to burp more often or try
smithecone drops. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...




  #25  
Old October 17th 03, 01:27 AM
James Espejo
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Posts: n/a
Default intro and question attachment parenting

Alicia, I am a father of 2, both were colic, one is 3 months and
mid-colic. All the input in this tread is coping practices. They are
not right or wrong, but the only thing a human being can mentally do
to cope. My wife, god bless her, has to deal with the days (while I
work). I try my best to come home and provide relief duties. I have a
rambunctious 3.5 yr old, awsome boy, but a deathly colic (6 months).
My daughter, is a duplicate of him and a joy for the 30 min a day that
she smiles, carries you to the next.

You can't call what your doing as 'attachment' but sometimes the only
remedy that is left after you exhaust all avenues. My daughter refuses
the pacifier, the nipple and laying on her back, so putting her to
sleep is nothing more than a treat.

This note is merely my point and 'hope' to let you know that 3-6
months sounds long but it will end. Then the joy that you (we) all
hoped for in having children is at the end of the storm.

Helpful Note for the guys: Come home from work play with the kids,
take the colic child at 8:30pm (force the wife to sleep, in a closed
room, on seperate side of house, or you go to the basement) and tend
to the long colic nite (the screaming usually ends around 10:30-11:00.
You stay up til 12-1am though! Do not go to sleep, because it will
irrate you more if the colic baby wakes you up. Between 12-1 if the
baby wakes now pass on to your wife and switch locations, now she has
about 4 hours sleep. The best we hope for is that she gets an
additional 3 during the waking hours. Overall, my wife feels caught up
on 7 hours one interuption, you get 6 straight. That will allow me to
go to work clear.



Alicia wrote in message news:6ZXhb.71133$pl3.4700@pd7tw3no...
Hi there, my name is Alicia, I'm 29 and just had my first baby two months
ago. He's a wonderful baby, very alert, gorgeous and full of life. His
name is Raine. Anyway, Raine has been crying quite a lot lately, not due to
a growth spurt as he just got over one. I have elected an attachment
parenting lifestyle with him. We co-sleep, I don't give him a pacifier, so
I end up suckling him a lot because he is a very 'sucky' baby. I don't
believe in letting him cry himself out, BUT, a few times lately I have found
myself so exhausted that I can barely keep myself on two feet, nevermind
take care of a baby. I do my best to hold him, comfort him, check all his
needs are taken care of. What I've had to do a few times is just put him
down in a safe place and leave him to cry. I feel terrible and guilty about
it, but when I need to make myself something to eat, I have to do something
to get away from his crying. The most I have left him is about ten minutes,
and I usually end up crying too I feel so badly.
What do you other parents do to cope with this? I have tried a sling (I
think I'll try again), but if he won't take my nipple he cries anyway. Do
you think he'll still develop a trusting relationship with me if I do this
from time to time?

My birth experience was terrible (45 hours of labour with a planned home
birth ending in a c-section), following a very unhappy pregnancy (sick the
whole time, pubis symphisis pain, and so on) so that's why I am still so
tired. I love my baby immensely, we have definitely bonded, but sometimes I
just feel so helpless to comfort him properly. So, any tips on coping would
be great. I don't have anyone I can call on to help me at times like that.
Thanks for your input, Alicia


 




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