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Daycare provider issues- child not happy
My kids go to daycare very infrequently- about once a week for 3-5 hours.
Mostly, it's been for me to get stuff done (3 hours) but now, my hours have changed at work and they'll have to be there about 5- just the one day. The problem- Jessica always cries and cries when I drop her off, insists she "doesn't like" the babysitter, says she's yucky and has pee pee and poopy on her- what she says when she doesn't like things. Christopher cries too but I expect that at his age. Now, they've been in daycare before at our old house and Jessica *adored* her daycare provider and rarely complained when I dropped her off (except when she was a baby). I don't know what's going on- if she just misses her old babysitter, who was basically perfect, or what. The new lady is fine- very nice. Not perfect, not the old babysitter who we all adored, but she's very capable and treats the kids well. Jess always seems happy when we pick her up and seems to have had a good time. She's also fine when I call to check on her. When I ask her to tell me why she doesn't like the babysitter, she isn't able to say anything other than that she's yucky, etc. However, it still concerns me, and I don't know what to do. There just isn't anyone else in the area. Would this concern you with a 3 year old? She hates it when I leave her, even with daddy (who she adores), so it's likely just that, but it's bugging me! I feel really guilty. laurie mommy to Jessica, 3 years Christopher, one year old! |
#2
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Daycare provider issues- child not happy
laurie wrote:
When I ask her to tell me why she doesn't like the babysitter, she isn't able to say anything other than that she's yucky, etc. However, it still concerns me, and I don't know what to do. There just isn't anyone else in the area. Would this concern you with a 3 year old? She hates it when I leave her, even with daddy (who she adores), so it's likely just that, but it's bugging me! I feel really guilty. While I think you have to listen to your instincts and follow up if you think there's a possibility that it's anything more, I do think this is fairly common behavior in this situation. Going only once a week just isn't often enough to routinize things at that age, so it's almost like starting over every time, at least for a very long time. Even twice a week is rough. Best wishes, Ericka |
#3
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Daycare provider issues- child not happy
"laurie" wrote in message ... My kids go to daycare very infrequently- about once a week for 3-5 hours. Mostly, it's been for me to get stuff done (3 hours) but now, my hours have changed at work and they'll have to be there about 5- just the one day. The problem- Jessica always cries and cries when I drop her off, insists she "doesn't like" the babysitter, says she's yucky and has pee pee and poopy on her- what she says when she doesn't like things. Christopher cries too but I expect that at his age. Now, they've been in daycare before at our old house and Jessica *adored* her daycare provider and rarely complained when I dropped her off (except when she was a baby). I don't know what's going on- if she just misses her old babysitter, who was basically perfect, or what. The new lady is fine- very nice. Not perfect, not the old babysitter who we all adored, but she's very capable and treats the kids well. Jess always seems happy when we pick her up and seems to have had a good time. She's also fine when I call to check on her. When I ask her to tell me why she doesn't like the babysitter, she isn't able to say anything other than that she's yucky, etc. However, it still concerns me, and I don't know what to do. There just isn't anyone else in the area. Would this concern you with a 3 year old? She hates it when I leave her, even with daddy (who she adores), so it's likely just that, but it's bugging me! I feel really guilty. laurie mommy to Jessica, 3 years Christopher, one year old! My dd hated daycare, In the end she never wanted to go and never could express why. I pulled her out of this centre. I suspect with the centre, she didn't like the new teacher they had for 4 yo kinder. I also suspect that some of the other children were picking on her each time. I have no proof that anything did or didn't happen but only the way my daughter acted and felt. My daughter did go once a week each Wednesday. And after week after week or crying, tempers, being upset, refusing to go etc, I thought easier to drop her out. Her new centre (not daycare) in another suburb is much much better. She is loving it, Staff are nicer, children are nicer. They do more interesting things and she seems to be thriving. I think she has become more settled and happier within her self. She now does this 2 mornings a week. My son on the other hand still goes to the same centre that my daughter went to. He goes once a week also. He complains but only for the first 3 minutes. After that he is fine and no problem for the rest of the day. I think he is going thou a phase at the moment called "making mum feel bad and guilty". I have seen him do this week after week for the last month. Before that there was never any problems and the staff are all the same. (have been since my daughter was in the baby room) My son has come to realise that we are two different people and I'm not always going to be around. Sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling, Other times you have no choice but to put up with it. Sometimes kids get things confused. (Or can't say what they want to say so it comes out wrong and we think the worst) It would concern me (unfairness in attention between children, doing something that upsets the child, etc as examples ) but in some ways it wouldn't, especially if she is like this with daddy minding her. Whom is her flesh and blood. Maybe she is just trying to get you to give up your life to her demands?. My child even now tries to do that sometimes by telling me to stop working as she misses me. I feel guilty sometimes when she says this but I remind myself that I need to see adults and to have time out from my children. I work part time (less then 15 hours a week) a few mornings a week. Hope this helps. Nic Daughter 4 yo Son 16 mo |
#4
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Daycare provider issues- child not happy
How about having your husband drop her off at the daycare. Routinely if possible, or if not, then just once as an experiment (even if you have to arrange to put her there for an hour on a weekend, or he has to take a day off work). It would be interesting to see how she reacts in that case. That would tell you something about whether she really hates the daycare, or just has normal instincts about wanting to stay with her mother all the time. If it's "just" that she is bothered by separating from you, I suggest it may help to make the goodbye very cheerful, routine, and brief. A special kind of hug, a few rhyming goodbye words, etc. and then quickly leave. It may also help to casually warn her a few hours ahead of time, and again 10 minutes ahead, when she's going to be going to daycare. Some parents benefit a lot from phoning the daycare a few minutes after they've left. Often as soon as the parent is out of earshot the child just starts playing happily. The child doesn't know it's the parent phoning. The parent hears that there's no crying, and the daycare provider's reassurance that the child seems fine. If you're lucky maybe you even hear the child talking happily in the background. You can also consider re-arranging your schedule. You can decide how important it is to you not to leave your daughter, and how important it is to be able to work etc. You can try to think calmly, "I decided to do this, and we get the benefits as well as the disadvantages of this decision" and try not to feel guilty. A guilty feeling is an urge to do something differently. You can either do it differently -- quit work or whatever -- or make a decision that it's really best to do it as you are already doing it, and stop feeling guilty about it. (The book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns is good for getting rid of inappropriate feelings. Only works if the feelings really are inappropriate, e.g. stronger than the situation warrants.) -- Cathy |
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