Experts Top Ten ESSENTIALS List For Newborns?

On 18 Jul 2003 23:33:52 +0100, Sidheag McCormack
wrote:

What *would* you want the OP to do with an unwanted gift, then?

How about she ask for the receipt and returns it for something
more useful? That would probably offend some people, but not me.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

On 18 Jul 2003 23:08:25 GMT, (Zucca4) wrote:

How would you ever know?

Well, you just stated your intentions. If it isn't exactly what
I want or I get 2, I am giving it away. I would not buy your
baby a gift under those circumstances.

I plan to register for exactly what I need and then politley request that the
people who INSIST on giving a gift make a donation to a charity in the baby's
name if they so desire.

Well, that is rude too. I mean, you can make the suggestion, but
ultimately it is up to the gift giver.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:

The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
about what happened to a gift once given.

Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
her intentions.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

"Larry McMahan" wrote in message
...
Zucca4 writes:
: Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st
week and
: I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby
to
: remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and
I'd
: like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as
the only
: child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like
to
: register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
: people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an
ESL
: teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always
tell me
: how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet
how
: happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as
their
: teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of
anything I
: also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't
need (as
: in the case of my bridal shower )

: What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

: Thanks,
: Lisa

At least two slings. A ring sling like the Nolo or OTSBH for when they
are
older, and a sling like the Maya Wrap for a newborn.

We have Newborn Snugli, Maya Wrap, Baby Bjorn and a Baby Trekker. Complete
waste of money. DS didn't like any of them.

A lot of mothers swear by the boppy pillow.

We have one but only used it to prop DS on his side on the floor. If not
for that, it was also a waste of money.

About 3 dozen cloth diapers (but I would go with a service for the first
3 to 4 months)

A sheepskin to put the baby on the floor for "tummy time."

Never used that.

Things NOT to buy: Cribs, playpens, exersaucers.

Used a crib and exersaucer. Those are my essentials. DS loved the
exersaucer. The playpen gathered dust.

"==Daye==" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:

The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
about what happened to a gift once given.

Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
her intentions.

Yeah. If I wanted someone to give my gift to charity, I'd have done it
myself. They should at least try out my gift first to see if they like it.

"==Daye==" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:

The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
about what happened to a gift once given.

Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
her intentions.

I'm afraid you've just contradicted yourself: if you give without strings,
then you will not use *her* criteria to decide whether you will give or not.

But to play devil's advocate: suppose for a moment that you bought her an
exersaucer, or a swing, or a bouncy chair. And 2 other people also bought
that same identical item. Where exactly do you think she will store the
extras? If she doesn't store them, what do you propose she do with them?
Suppose she gets 30 lovely little 'newborn' size onesies, and her baby is
born weighing 10 lbs and outgrows the onesies in a week, having worn only 10
of them?

Every giver is, of course, allowed to use her own criteria on whether she
will give someone a gift. If yours don't allow for her to choose what to do
with gifts once received, then of course you shouldn't give such a person
anything.

--angela

of course it is, but they's be pretty darn stoooopid to give me a gift when
they full well how I feel.... I'd rather not get a gift than crap I don't want
or need. Blessings and prayers and love toward my child are more important to
me than anything I could possibly receive that costs money.

But back to my original point: if someone gave me a gift I didn't want or need
I'd graciously accept it with a hug and a kiss and a warm thank you and then
pass it on to someone who could use it. I'd have no problem with you or anyone
else choosing not to give me a gift if you found that way of thinking
problematic. No one in my family's ego is so attached to a gift that they's
refrain based on anger toward my not keeping it. That's the problem. Our
realtives give ridiculously lavish presents, and while I'm touched, honored,
thankful etc. I consider it wasteful. Half of my students were born near rice
paddies and strapped to their mom's backs a few days after birth when they
returned to their jobs. Something tells me I don't neeeeeeeed a lotion-warmer
dispenser. This is precisely what I wanted to avoid.

And also the people in my family would never know. They give gifts from their
heart and and once given, like myself, don't "track" them.

Wasting things, and not making my feelings known, would be way ruder as far as
I'm concerned.

In NY where I live there are alot of needy people who are in dire need of
things some of the "polite" people here might allow to collect dust on a top
shelf of a closet somewhere.

Not me

A few years ago at our wedding as my husband was recovering from chemotherapy,
we made a donation to the Make A Wish foundation and personally sent a dying
child to Disney World in lieu of giving out the cheesy candles, Godiva
chocolate boxes, bottles of wine etc that are so common here. No one
complained. People thought it was a beautiful idea and strangely enough many of
our friends who married later followed yet. Better yet, when we decided to
donate a very large amount of our cash wedding gifts to a Hodgkins Research
group and proceeded to mention this in the appropriate "Thank You" notes,
there was not one person who said " You know Lisa, that $500 we gave you was
inetended for your Viking Stove or Sub Zero Fridge or garage restoration etc."
The gift was given to us with love, became "ours" and was used as we saw fit.

Sorry to harp on this, but it's so annoying to constantly be brought away from
the original query which was "essential" newborn items and not "Ms. Manners"
critiques.

Many thanks, btw, to the fantastic souls who responded with their lists. My
husband and I have really learned alot from your suggestions and will be taking
them into consideration.

thanks, Lisa
I

"Nina" wrote in message
.. .

"toypup" wrote in message
et...

"Nina" wrote in message
.. .

"toypup" wrote in message
et...

"==Daye==" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:

The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
about what happened to a gift once given.

Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
her intentions.

Yeah. If I wanted someone to give my gift to charity, I'd have done
it
myself. They should at least try out my gift first to see if they
like
it.


I wouldnt get her anything either, but I wouldn't have a negative
attitude
about it. I know there are LOTS of times when I just dont need
anything,
dont have anywhere to put anything and dont want people wasting their
money
getting me something I dont intend to use. ost baby gifts tend to
fall
into
the useless category, hecka lot of stuff parents buy never get used,
or
are
used for such a short time that it really isnt worth spending a lot of
money.

I don't think wanting people to at least try out your gift first is
asking
too much or being too negative. Of course, I never ask someone what
happened to a gift once I give it, but I would like them to at least
have
tried it out before giving it away. If it's a gift which simply doesn't
fit
or they have duplicates of, then I understand. I apply the principle to
all
gifts I've received for DS, even having him wear outfits I don't
particularly care for. Who knows? I might like it on him. If I give
it
away afterwards, charity will still want it.

I suppose it depends on the type of gift. What do you mean try out? If I
gave someone something and the child only wore it once adn the mother
didnt
like it, I would feel I had wasted a gift. I'd rather give them soemthing
they truly need, or else all I did was buy a gift for MY purposes not
theirs.

I only give what I think they want or need. If they happen to not want it,
then I'd like them to try it to see if they like it (sometimes you might
change your mind). If they don't like it, then oh well. I tried, they
tried. No need for anyone to feel bad.

"Zucca4" wrote in message
...
A few years ago at our wedding as my husband was recovering from
chemotherapy,
we made a donation to the Make A Wish foundation and personally sent a
dying
child to Disney World in lieu of giving out the cheesy candles, Godiva
chocolate boxes, bottles of wine etc that are so common here. No one
complained. People thought it was a beautiful idea and strangely enough
many of
our friends who married later followed yet.

The idea of giving to Make A Wish is very generous, but if you did that and
announced it to the guests that in lieu of favors, you made a donation, I
think it's cheesy. I mean, you should donate from the goodness of your
heart, not so you can announce it and have everyone applaud you for it. Of
course no one complained. That would be rude. They shouldn't expect favors
at a wedding and they shouldn't complain if they don't get one.

Better yet, when we decided to
donate a very large amount of our cash wedding gifts to a Hodgkins
Research
group and proceeded to mention this in the appropriate "Thank You" notes,
there was not one person who said " You know Lisa, that $500 we gave you
was
inetended for your Viking Stove or Sub Zero Fridge or garage restoration
etc."
The gift was given to us with love, became "ours" and was used as we saw
fit.

No one I know gives cash gifts with strings attached. If what you wanted to
do was donate it to charity, so be it. I don't think donating to charity is
something that should be announced. That's just me. I think it should be
something from the heart, not done to get applause. You could always thank
the person for money and not say what it was used for. I just put money in
an account and use it. Where it goes, I don't know, it's all in a big pot.
When I give money, I don't expect someone to go out and buy something with
it and say it was from me, that would be silly. I know people who do it,
but the gift really wasn't from me, the money was. I expect the money will
go in their pot and someday, it will be used.

toypup wrote in message
news:XepSa.104047$H17.32017@sccrnsc02...

"Zucca4" wrote in message
...
Better yet, when we decided to donate a very
large amount of our cash wedding gifts to a Hodgkins
Research group and proceeded to mention this in the
appropriate "Thank You" notes, there was not one person
who said " You know Lisa, that $500 we gave you was
inetended for your Viking Stove or Sub Zero Fridge or
garage restoration etc."

No one I know gives cash gifts with strings attached. If what
you wanted to do was donate it to charity, so be it. I don't
think donating to charity is something that should be announced.

I don't think the OP mentioned the charity donation in her thank you
notes in order to gain personal recognition for her generosity. IME it
is customary to say in the thank you note what gifts of money were, or
are going to be, used for. I had thought the general format for a thank
you note for money went along the lines of, "Thank you for your generous
gift of money [always "generous" there - never listing the amount or
using any other adjective]. We used it/plan to use it for X. We will
enjoy X and use it often. We look forward to seeing you soon
[mentioning a specific occasion if possible]."
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 3 mo.
And a boy, EDD 4.Sept

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.