My concerns

I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives & health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her. The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently you
just get put on the community nurses's list.

I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the
best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever
I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what
belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when
the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when
we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and
about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him
to look after Jessica.

I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll
get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as
last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I
had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how
I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to
having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby
again.

Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on.

Lucy x