Newbie to child support

teachrmama wrote:
"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:7s9Kf.4346$lR2.2624@trndny01...
Believe me, I know about the health insurance issue. As stated, I've
already consulted an attnorney, so I know exactly what I'm responsible
for. What I meant about the insurance was that, if I bit the bullet and
married her, I wouldn't be able to afford the family coverage. My company
offers three types of coverage, individual, 2 person or family. I would
barely be able to afford the 2 person insurance. My attorney told me that
in NYS, both parents are forced to insure the child unless the parents
sign a court approved agreement that only one will. I'm hoping she'll
agree to that with me because her current health insurance is much cheaper
than mine would be.

The other insane thing I found out about NYS law is that the father for
some reason is 100% responsible for the health costs incurred as a result
of the birthing. It's called costs of "care and confinement". That's 100%
responsible for both the baby and the mother's care. Excuse me, but WTF!?
100%!? Is the mother not an adult? I can kinda see maybe 50%, but 100%?
Who came up with this nonsense? Luckily, she has health insurance and I'm
hoping that she keeps it until the baby is born.

I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did. I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to have
a family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this
situation. Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time.
Having kids is not the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor
does it have to be.

I'm completely incapable of being a father emotionally, financially or
otherwise. There's no way for me to get full or partial custody of this
child. Nor do I want full or partial custody. I happen to think she'd be
inept as a mother, too, but I'd never be able to convince her and\or a
judge of that. I don't even have a place of my own. I still live with my
parents. And with what's on the horizon, I can't get a place of my own. I
have no idea how I'd afford it. I understand this and wanted to make a
wise decision by allowing an able and stable family adopt the child. Now,
my hands are tied. I don't know what she's going to do. Aside from
screwing with me, she hasn't really been doing anything to prepare either.

Have you talked to your parents about this, Gerrick? Sometimes grandparents
are willing to help in such situations. And, quite frankly, it sounds as if
you need to talk face to face with someone you know and trust. You can't
make sane choices when you are running on emotion as you seem to be. Why
would your girlfriend purposely drop her insurance? Do you think she wants
to harm you financially? Not that it is any of my business, but how old are
you and your girlfriend? It sounds as if both of you could use some sound
and serious counsel, for the sake of the coming child as well as for
yourselves.

Good advice. You might want to talk to your lawyer if you think she is
going to drop the health insurance. You might be able to get a judge to
let you pay the health insurance premiums for her instead of her
dropping it, that makes a hell of a lot more sense than allowing her to
drop it.

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:ehTIf.10897$C02.285@trndny02...
How many kids do you have? Did you have to pay alimony, too?

-GP

[rant removed]

I have two, and no, I don't pay alimony (thank the Gods for that!).

"Dream" wrote in message
oups.com...
2. Buy stock in Vaseline, you're gonna need it when the courts screw
you
for everything you own.

WHAT IS THE RATIONALE FOR BUYING STOCK IN VASELINE ?
I DONT GET IT
PLEASE HELP

You're joking, right?

I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did. I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to have a
family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this situation.
Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time. Having kids is not
the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor does it have to be.

Don't be looking for support on this newsgroup. I think there is only woman
on this newsgroup who doesn't abuse the system. She knows who she is. The
others, well....typical. I know personally 2 women that don't abuse the
system. I work with one and live with the other. For the rest of the
world...it's a lottery and you are the ticket! You need to watch more
television. There is an antacid.......

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:TY%Jf.2336$Em2.1248@trndny05...
Oh, I can tell you that if I ever decided to marry her, I'd get a prenup
in advance. My trust in women has all run out. I can't marry her,
though. She's self righteous and lazy. I have really expensive health
insurance. For family, it would be around $550 per month. I only make
about $2200 per month.

You do realize that, if you are ordered to pay child support, you may be
ordered to pay health insurance for the child, too? I don't know where
you are but I can tell you that both in the state we live in and in the
state where my husband's child resides, health insurance is not a part of
the child support payment, but in addition to the child support payment.

She's been in and out of work ever since I met. She never really
holds down jobs and now that she's preggo, forget it. I know that if I
married her and\or let her live with me, her ass would be out of work as
soon as the kid is born, if not earlier. She'd stay out of work, too. It
would be like pulling teeth trying to get her back to work. Then, I'd be
supporting 3 people instead of 2 and I probably wouldn't be able to even
do that because of the medical insurance cost. I don't know. A part of
me thinks that living with her is a big mistake. I have no ill will
towards the poor child, but I think I might go nuts with her, knowing
how she pushed me into this and in effect, dragged an innocent child
into this mess-my child!.

Yes--your child. As much as you hate this whole mess, you need to
remember that the child is even more innocent than you are, and needs
his/her father. I absolutely understand your anger at the system. But
you need to think about your child, too.

I also think because of how pushy she is, that making any kind of
progress with her in regards to parenting and living together would be
impossible. I'd be totally whipped and miserable.

You don't have to live together, but you can try to get either full or
part custody. If she refuses to work, perhaps the child would be better
off with you.


I wish people knew how the US child support law creates such an unfair
and ultimately hostile environment for people in our situation. If men
could make the same choices that women are able to make after an
accidental conception, women would have to think like adults. If a man
had the same rights of a woman and could relinquish his parental rights
and responsibilities after conception, women would be left to either
raise the child themselves, place it up for adoption or abort it.
Instead, women aren't forced to think like adults. They can make a
decision that greatly effects someone else's life just to get money and
without any detriment to themselves. Women are treated like children in
this country. Women are not equal to men under the law. Until men have
the same right to plan their families as women do, ladies, stop bitching
about lower pay. You deserve lower pay because you can ultimately force
a dude to pay for you. I'm not going to take you seriously, until that
lame, unfair, "safety net" or as I like to call it, male-noose is
removed from your disposal.

Do you feel that way about women who have never used tha "safety net"?
About women who have shouldered the entire burden of raising their
children after their husbands have abandoned them? About women who are
the bread winners of the family because their men refuse to work? Are
all women condemned in your eyes because some milk the system to get for
themselves what they in no way deserve? Is just being a woman enough to
condemn a person in your eyes?

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER" wrote in
message ...
I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did. I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to have
a
family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this situation.
Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time. Having kids is
not
the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor does it have to
be.

Don't be looking for support on this newsgroup. I think there is only
woman on this newsgroup who doesn't abuse the system. She knows who she
is. The others, well....typical.

Why do you say that? There are a number of women on this group that don't
abuse the system. Some are wives of men who are caught up in the system.
And some are custodial moms who do not believe that the system is fair to
non custodial parents or to their children.

There are two personalities of the female persuasion on this newsgroup. Or
should I say two females who consistantly respond to posts. You being one
of them, the one that doesn't abuse the system and Moonpie the one that
does. If there are others out there, I apologize.



"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER" wrote in
message ...
I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did. I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to
have a
family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this situation.
Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time. Having kids is
not
the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor does it have to
be.

Don't be looking for support on this newsgroup. I think there is only
woman on this newsgroup who doesn't abuse the system. She knows who she
is. The others, well....typical.

Why do you say that? There are a number of women on this group that don't
abuse the system. Some are wives of men who are caught up in the system.
And some are custodial moms who do not believe that the system is fair to
non custodial parents or to their children.

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER" wrote in message
...
There are two personalities of the female persuasion on this newsgroup. Or should I say two females who consistantly
respond to posts. You being one of them, the one that doesn't abuse the system and Moonpie the one that does. If
there are others out there, I apologize.

I abuse the system? Why, because I receive child support?
I work full time, free lance on a part time basis, and pay far more than 50% of the children's actual expenses.

So tell me, just how am I abusing the system?




"teachrmama" wrote in message ...

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER" wrote in message
...
I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did. I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to have a
family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this situation.
Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time. Having kids is not
the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor does it have to be.

Don't be looking for support on this newsgroup. I think there is only woman on this newsgroup who doesn't abuse the
system. She knows who she is. The others, well....typical.

Why do you say that? There are a number of women on this group that don't abuse the system. Some are wives of men
who are caught up in the system. And some are custodial moms who do not believe that the system is fair to non
custodial parents or to their children.

I said Moon Pie

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER" wrote in
message ...
There are two personalities of the female persuasion on this newsgroup.
Or should I say two females who consistantly respond to posts. You being
one of them, the one that doesn't abuse the system and Moonpie the one
that does. If there are others out there, I apologize.

I abuse the system? Why, because I receive child support?
I work full time, free lance on a part time basis, and pay far more than
50% of the children's actual expenses.

So tell me, just how am I abusing the system?




"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER" wrote
in message ...
I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did.
I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to
have a
family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this
situation.
Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time. Having kids
is not
the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor does it have to
be.

Don't be looking for support on this newsgroup. I think there is only
woman on this newsgroup who doesn't abuse the system. She knows who she
is. The others, well....typical.

Why do you say that? There are a number of women on this group that
don't abuse the system. Some are wives of men who are caught up in the
system. And some are custodial moms who do not believe that the system
is fair to non custodial parents or to their children.

"OPPRESSED SERVANT OF SATANS DAUGHTER"
wrote
..............................................
Don't be looking for support on this newsgroup. I think there is only
woman on this newsgroup who doesn't abuse the system. She knows who she
is. The others, well....typical.
===
You are obviously clueless about this group. Perhaps you
should hang around a while before giving out advise.
==

GerrickPeters wrote:
: My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
: relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
: that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she doesn't
: care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this point,
: it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's not putting
: the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she will seek child
: support from me. This whole situation has created a big rift between us. She
: knows that I don't want to make this life choice, but she just doesn't
: care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm staring down 21 years
: of paying child support. Can anyone give me any advice about the whole child
: support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd appreciate any tips from
: non-custodial fathers in similar situations. Thanks.

Been in the identical situation. Be prepared to pay CS. You haven't mentioned
whether or not you wish to be part of the child's life. There's no way around
the situation outside of leaving the country to another country that doesn't
extradite nonpayment of CS folks. I'd advise being part of the child's life
unless you cannot honestly do it. In that case, you'll have an attachment
to your wallet until the child becomes an adult (and then some if you'll have
to pay until age 21.

b.